I think the Stool is taking tomorrow off or at least a half day so if you’re gone for the weekend already have a great 4th everybody!

Congrats to Jenna this weeks winner.    We’re not doing a new girl today because of the shortened week so today is really Friday.  Yes, that means she may have an asterix next to her title but who cares?   Domination is still domination.   This is how a body is supposed to look.  You can’t teach this type of sex appeal.   You got to be born with it.

Do you know any smokeshows or girls with awesome bodies?  Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com.  As a reminder we give away 100 bucks every week to the best bikini body and at the end of the summer a trip for 2 to the Caribbean.

LYNN - A wild party on Arlington Street resulted in five arrests Sunday when police discovered an out of control group reportedly throwing a going away party for a relative leaving for jail. According to a police report, Archibald approached police and said she knew that the music was too loud and that she would turn it down. After police told her that it was after 2 a.m. and that she was in violation of a noise ordinance, she turned around and walked away. While following her, Archibald, turned to police and said, “You can’t (expletive) come in here you (expletive) don’t have a warrant!” At that point, police said they could see at least 50 people in the yard, drinking alcohol from clear plastic cups, while Archibald continued to scream and yell expletives at the police. Junior Charles then approached the police, who told him that the party was over and he needed to shut the music off. He in turn yelled, “I don’t give a (expletive) what time it is, this is my house!” Officers were standing in an entrance to a gate while Archibald continued to yell. Police told her that she would be arrested for disorderly conduct if she continued to carry on on and she said, “Good, then get the (expletive) out of here” and slammed the gate shut, hitting one of the officers in the leg. At that point, more officers arrived and told the unruly crowd to disperse, but Junior and Archibald both yelled, “Nobody has to leave, these racist pigs don’t have a warrant.” William and Wesner were also placed in custody at the time, while Tamara yelled out, “I’m going to sue you, you (expletive) pigs” and was also arrested.

Listen I understand that the police have a job to do. And I understand you can’t be blasting your music at 2am in a nice quiet town like Lynn. But give me a fucking break. This wasn’t like a graduation party or some birthday party we’re talking about. This was a going off to jail party. That’s like the mother of all fucking parties. So as if Lynn doesn’t have enough problems already it looks like their police department is about to get the shit sued out of them. I mean if you’re going to let the police break up going off to jail parties you might as well just rip up the constitution and throw it out the window while you’re at it.

That’s right folks!  For the first time this summer the McGillicaddy is here.    What is the McGillicaddy?  Just a pimped out ambulance with like 9 zillion flatscreens, a Wii and about a million other gadgets.    The McGillicaddy will be taking the McGillicuddy Nurses to the Purple Shamrock and Jose Macs tonight.   Yeah the weather sucks, but the fact nobody has to work tomorrow more than makes up for it.  So come by and have a drink and join us for McGillicaddy Confessions!

Purple Shamrock 8-10pm

Jose Macs - 10-12

And to follow the McGillicaddy every week don’t forget to check out the Dr. McGillicuddy Caddy Confessions website.   Last week’s pics from Waterclub and The Tap are now up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did I hear this lawyer correctly? The light on the dashboard camera wasn’t functioning properly and possible tampered with when these two made out? In other words they thought they weren’t being recorded and hence wouldn’t get caught? Well case fucking closed then. I mean everybody know if you’re going to tape somebody committing a crime or doing something dumb they have to agree to be taped beforehand or else it’s inadmissible in a court of law. It’s the first thing they teach you in Law School.

PS - No way that criminal was really asleep in the back of the squad car. This guy was just hoping these two lovebirds would start fucking and I don’t blame him. That chick cop was pretty cute.

The Globe - The city went on high alert last Saturday. More than a dozen police officers fanned out around Fenway Park to direct traffic and shoo away photographers who got too close. Twenty-four meters were bagged so no one would park. Another 75 spaces along four streets, including popular Yawkey Way, were closed to the public. An unscheduled makeup game? A poorly advertised concert? No, it was a wedding reception, specifically Red Sox principal owner John Henry’s wedding reception, and city officials took unusual measures to give him space and privacy. By closing off all the typically congested roads around Fenway to unvetted parkers, the city essentially allowed guests of Henry and new bride Linda Pizzuti to park at the door of the reception and valets to zip down cleared streets. “Does this mean when I have my Christmas party in the winter, I can call the city and ask them to block off parking on my street?’’ asked Bill Richardson, president of the Fenway Civic Association.

Is there ever a moment when a member of the Fenway Civic Association is moving his lips without complaining about something?  This Fenway cabal are the most miserable, self-important, sanctimonious collection of bitches in Massachusetts.  The city reserved a handful of parking spaces around the ballpark for a couple of hours on a Saturday, and that puts sand in Bill Richardson’s vagina?  What is it about living in the Fenway that gives these douchebags such an overinflated sense of entitlement?  They bitched about Fenway the way it used to be.  They shouted down the idea of building a new and improved Fenway.  They whined about the sound coming from two concert events a year.   Now they’ve got their panties in a bunch because John Henry… who’s done nothing but give the neighborhood activists foot massages since he bought the goddamned park… gets a few parking spots reserved to accommodate the hundreds of people at his wedding.  You just know that if the cops did nothing to prepare for this thing, Bill Richardson and his unmerry men would be in the Globe squawking about what an inconvenience it was and how it tied up traffic and ruined their weekend and they deserve reparations.  The thing that kills me about this is I’ll bet 95% of the people who live in the area rent.   And unless they signed their leases 97 years ago, the ballpark was there before them.  They’re worse than the people who buy houses next to an airport or railroad tracks then complain about the noise.  So sure, Bill, you can reserve spaces for your big Christmas party.  Because I doubt a miserable, self righteous wretch like you would get more than two people to come to it.

Denverpost - A 45-year-old Fort Collins mother is accused of having sex with a 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals. Richael L. Michels faces sexual assault on a child charges, according to the arrest affidavit the Fort Collins Coloradoan newspaper posted on its website. Her husband notified the Colorado Department of Human Services in May that his wife might be having an improper online relationship with a teen-aged boy, the affidavit says. He also told investigators she had “recently become involved with a group known as ‘Furries,’ who dress up like animals and have social gatherings online and in person.” Members of the group gave statements to police after the woman’s affectionate, sometimes intimate behavior with the teenager at Furries gatherings, called “furmeets.” According to the arrest affadavit, Michels is friends with the boy’s mother. The boy told investigators Michels “even made a comment about the irony of (his) mom trusting her as a mentor … and the whole time she was having sex with him.”

Over the course of the past 5 years here at the Stool we’ve talked about thousands of humiliating, degrading and embarrassing stories. But having said that none of them can hold a candle to what this poor fool of a husband had to do. I mean it’s one thing to admit that your wife is having an affair. It’s another thing to come to grips with the fact she’s cheating on you with a 16 year old boy. But to call the cops and say you’ve been cuckolded by a 16 year old furry and she cheats on you at “furmeets”?  Game, set, match.

PS - For some reason the part when this lady told investigators “the irony of (his) mom trusting her as a mentor … was that she having sex with him.” reminds me of when Homer Simpson thinks out loud by accident.

El Pres,

After recently moving in with my boyfriend we began sharing a computer which lead me to find these glorious pictures of his old beer pong table from college. Him and his buddies made it to look like an identical replica of Fenway. Now at first, it was unsettling to think the guy I had just moved in with had spent his college years trying to create a Fenway beer pong table instead of trying to get laid but after more thought and couple of beers, I was ready to add this to the apartment as a normal piece of furniture. Because let’s be honest, what Dad wouldn’t be proud to visit her daughter in her new apartment with her new boyfriend to see that she has a Fenway beer pong table instead of a classy dining room table.

The happy couple,

Leana and Andrew

Whipissh, whipisshh, whipsiiishh. In case you couldn’t tell that was me making whipping sounds via my keyboard.  Seriously how old is this couple? They can’t be older than 23 or 24 right? That’s pretty fucking young to me moving in with your girlfriend. But never mind that, how does Andrew let her write an email to the Stool and sign it. “The Happy Couple…..Leana and Andrew” I mean sirens and shit started going off at Stool HQ’s when we got this and that whipissh sound started blasting in the hallways and we don’t even have a speaker system. Seriously they had to know this was going to get made fun of right? Sure Leanna is better looking than Andy, but that’s not the point. If you let her get control this early you’re fucking doomed. That’s why I made the First Lady beg for years to live with me. Now as far as the Red Sox Beirut table goes, it’s okay but the bigger question is on a scale of 1-10 how whipped is poor Andrew.

Vote 1 for he’s making the right move because he’s already maxed out and 10 for Doug Christie doesn’t have anything on this mofo.

(1,311 votes, average: 3.69 out of 10)
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