Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Brianna from URI (Lupos Blackout Next Friday)

Introducing Brianna from URI. I’m running out of things to say about URI smokeshows. Hotness all over the place. I guess you gotta just sit back and enjoy the show. As a reminder Brianna just punched a free ticket to our Providence Blackout which is next Friday night. Send nominations to tips@barstoolsports.com 9/11 – New [...]

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Introducing Brianna from URI. I’m running out of things to say about URI smokeshows. Hotness all over the place. I guess you gotta just sit back and enjoy the show.

As a reminder Brianna just punched a free ticket to our Providence Blackout which is next Friday night. Send nominations to tips@barstoolsports.com

9/11 – New Haven (SOLD OUT)

9/12 – Providence  (Tickets on Sale NOW) 

 

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By elpresidente posted September 2nd, 2014 at 5:00 PM

#TheFappening Has Reminded Me How Much I Truly Despise Anyone Who Uses The Word “Fap”

          Easily the worst thing to come out of all the leaks this weekend (aside from me having to have a conversation with my dad about whether or not I have nudes on my phone) is the resurgence of the word “fap.” Hands down the worst word in history. It makes [...]

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Easily the worst thing to come out of all the leaks this weekend (aside from me having to have a conversation with my dad about whether or not I have nudes on my phone) is the resurgence of the word “fap.” Hands down the worst word in history. It makes my skin crawl just reading it. For the uninitiated, fap is nerd speak for masturbate. Why they can’t just be adults and say “jerk off,” I don’t know. I guess it’s in reference to the “noise” it makes when you beat your dick but as far as I’m concerned, if you’re making a ton of slapping noises while you masturbate then you’re probably doing it wrong. Anyway, I hate it. It’s a childish thing to call a sex act and calling sex acts something childish makes it really weird and creepy. Like when a girl calls her pussy a “vajayjay” or a “hooha.” It makes me kind of feel like a pedophile. So stop saying fap. That’s my message here: if you say fap then you’re the worst and I hope you die.

 

 

 

PS – I tweeted this thought and had people telling me “No dude it’s like the movie, The Happening. Get it? The Fappening?” Yeah, you fucking morons, I get it. I didn’t say I don’t understand the “joke,” I said I hate it.

By feitelberg posted September 2nd, 2014 at 4:53 PM

Rate Tom Brady’s New Uggs Commerical

    I’m on the fence on this one.  The only thing it did was make me want to call my parents to say hello.  Didn’t get me fired up like the last years when I was ready to run through a wall for him.  It’s a nice commercial.   I give it a B. [...]

 

 

I’m on the fence on this one.  The only thing it did was make me want to call my parents to say hello.  Didn’t get me fired up like the last years when I was ready to run through a wall for him.  It’s a nice commercial.   I give it a B.

 

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By elpresidente posted September 2nd, 2014 at 4:19 PM

PC Bro With The Sucker Punch Of the Year

      Sucker punch city.    What’s the protocol on a street fight like this though?  Like this wasn’t a 1 on 1 fight.   There seemed to be like 3 or 4 different brawls taking place on the street.   Is it still considered a sucker punch to coldcock somebody in this situation? [...]

 

 

 

Sucker punch city.    What’s the protocol on a street fight like this though?  Like this wasn’t a 1 on 1 fight.   There seemed to be like 3 or 4 different brawls taking place on the street.   Is it still considered a sucker punch to coldcock somebody in this situation?   Sort of a grey area right?  I mean definitly a scumbag punch but you got to keep your head on a swivel in a full fledged street brawl.  At least that’s what I’ve been told.

By elpresidente posted September 2nd, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Tom Brady Says He Throws Hissy Fits And Pouts and Whines And Acts Like An Immature Child To Get Gisele To Pay Attention to Him

    Page Six - Tom Brady may be known for his poise on the football field — but he acts “immature” at home with his supermodel wife, Gisele Bündchen, for attention. “I like attention from her, so when I’m not getting it, I let her know in immature ways, like a young, immature child would,” the Patriots’ leader admits in [...]

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Page Six - Tom Brady may be known for his poise on the football field — but he acts “immature” at home with his supermodel wife, Gisele Bündchen, for attention. “I like attention from her, so when I’m not getting it, I let her know in immature ways, like a young, immature child would,” the Patriots’ leader admits in a new Man of the World magazine cover story. “You throw fits…you pout and you whine until you get what you want,” he adds. But, “She’s on to me…So now I have to learn new tricks.”

 

 

I’ve been sitting here for an hour since KFC blogged this story trying to figure out a way to spin this in our favor. How Brady throwing temper tantrums and crying at home to get his wife’s attention somehow directly correlates into us winning the Super Bowl this year. I can’t do it. I can’t find an angle here. And I generally can find an angle with any story anywhere. But if we’re being totally honest with each other here I’m sick of Gisele. Deep down in places I don’t talk about at parties I think she’s made Tom soft. I know it makes no sense. I know that can’t be true. But I also know we won the Superbowl like every single year before she arrived on the scene and we haven’t won since.  I don’t believe in ghosts and goblins but I believe in the Curse of Gisele.  I know we’d have at least 2 more rings if he never met her. If he was still banging sluts down at Marina Bay. The old Brady wouldn’t brag about throwing hissy fits to get a chick’s attention.  He’d brag about putting babies in chicks bellies by blinking at them.  I want to slap him in the face and wake him up. YOUR TOM BRADY! YOU IMPREGNATE EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH! IF GISELE ISN’T WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT YOU DUMP HER ASS! I don’t want to hear anymore of this garbage about crying for attention and shit. That’s what marshmellows do. Not leaders of men. Not Superbowl MVP’s. Not Michigan Men. Remember your roots Tom. Remember your roots.

By elpresidente posted September 2nd, 2014 at 3:15 PM

If I Were A Journalist I Probably Wouldn’t Be Asking ISIS For Interviews Nowadays

      You know, since they’re brutally beheading journalists and all. Maybe not the smartest move to raise your hand and volunteer for this assignment, Adrianne.   And if you do feel really passionate about getting the cowards’ side of the story for their indefensible acts, try 2 seconds of research. Realize that @isis [...]

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You know, since they’re brutally beheading journalists and all. Maybe not the smartest move to raise your hand and volunteer for this assignment, Adrianne.

 

And if you do feel really passionate about getting the cowards’ side of the story for their indefensible acts, try 2 seconds of research. Realize that @isis is some random Latina chick who hasn’t tweeted in 3 years, and not the world’s largest terrorist organization.

 

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By feitelberg posted September 2nd, 2014 at 2:47 PM

Under Armour Has Signed Gisele for Their Women’s Campaign. Nike Might As Well Be Dead.

SOURCE – Under Armour has signed a model to be part of its new women’s campaign. And not just any model — Mrs. Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen. On Tuesday morning, the shoe and apparel brand posted a teaser video on YouTube featuring the world’s top-earning model. In the video, Bundchen is seen wearing the brand’s [...]

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SOURCE – Under Armour has signed a model to be part of its new women’s campaign. And not just any model — Mrs. Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen. On Tuesday morning, the shoe and apparel brand posted a teaser video on YouTube featuring the world’s top-earning model. In the video, Bundchen is seen wearing the brand’s gear and heading into an empty loft with a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling. It ends with the promise of more to come about the relationship Thursday. In 2010, Brady joined Under Armour, receiving an undisclosed piece of the company for his endorsement. Bundchen will be part of Under Armour’s women’s campaign, which kicked off last month with the signing of ballerina Misty Copeland, another nontraditional endorsement deal for the brand. The campaign, with its I Will What I Want slogan, also includes skier Lindsey Vonn, soccer player Kelley O’Hara and tennis player Sloane Stephens. Under Armour’s women’s business does about $500 million in sales and makes up roughly 30 percent of the company’s overall apparel sales annually.

 

This is the kind of business maneuvering that makes me think Nike and Adidas and Reebok won’t even exist five or ten years down the road. Under Armour is just too smart for anyone else to try to compete on the same level. Do you think Under Armour actually wanted to pay Kevin Durant like $260 million? Of course they didn’t. What’s another basketball player to their brand in the grand scheme of things? Not a whole lot. But it is a nice little distraction to throw Nike’s way.

While those idiots in Oregon were panicking about losing KD, Under Armour just went and turned the entire sportswear landscape on its head. Good for Nike getting that guy who got blown out in the NBA Finals that one time he actually made it, but UA just locked down the second half of the greatest power couple the world has ever seen. Brady and Gisele. Gisele and Brady. With just two people (Gods) Under Armour owns the entire athletic apparel world. The women’s market is rapidly expanding and they’ve got a spokesperson who’s the perfect embodiment of grace, beauty, and the strength of femininity. Now they’re adding Gisele to that, too? Unstoppable. I’m no expert, but if you’re holding Nike stock, I’d advise you to sell while it’s still worth something.

By ericpops posted September 2nd, 2014 at 2:17 PM

Mark Wahlberg Skipped Donnie’s Wedding To Jenny McCarthy Because It Was His Daughter’s 11th Birthday?

    Buzzfeed Junior - One member of the Wahlberg family skipped out on Donnie’s wedding to TV personality Jenny McCarthy Saturday. Mark Wahlberg missed the wedding, which took place in New York, because it fell on the same day as his daughter Ella’s 11th birthday party. However, there doesn’t seem to be any hard [...]

 

 

Buzzfeed Junior - One member of the Wahlberg family skipped out on Donnie’s wedding to TV personality Jenny McCarthy Saturday. Mark Wahlberg missed the wedding, which took place in New York, because it fell on the same day as his daughter Ella’s 11th birthday party. However, there doesn’t seem to be any hard feeling between the two. Mark Wahlberg tweeted his congratulations and posted a video on Instagram.

This has to be the undisputed worst excuse to miss your brothers wedding in the history of excuses right? It’s your daughter’s 11th birthday? What does that even mean? What do you mean “you wish you could be there”?   Why can’t you?  You’re just sitting there doing nothing. You can’t celebrate it in NY?  Isn’t a wedding kind of a big deal? Like give me something better than this Marky Mark? Tell me you’re shooting a movie in Guatemala or something. Tell me your kid broke her leg. Tell me you don’t like my necktie, but don’t tell me you’re not coming to your brothers wedding cause it’s your daughter’s 11th birthday. Worst excuse ever. And I don’t care how close the Whalberg’s claim to be if you skip your brothers wedding with that piss poor of an excuse you ain’t that close.

PS – I sincerely hope Mark Wahlberg doesn’t beat me up for this blog.

Double PS – Poor Donnie

By elpresidente posted September 2nd, 2014 at 1:45 PM
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