Barstool Sports Instagram Smokeshow of the Day

I see you Michigan State. Do you know an Instagram smokeshow? Follow the Barstool Instagram and DM us nominations @Barstool_Sports

Screen Shot 2014-07-23 at 2.36.32 PM

I see you Michigan State. Do you know an Instagram smokeshow? Follow the Barstool Instagram and DM us nominations @Barstool_Sports

By elpresidente posted July 24th, 2014 at 9:00 PM

Barstool Rundown July 24

Part 2 Rundown Aftershow Today’s Topics: Roger Goodell, Ray Rice and the NFL Are A Disgrace To Men So Apparently Democracy In Ukraine Is Just Punching Each Other In The Face Until Things Get Resolved Giraffe Escapes From A Carnival In Mexico  Enormous Fat Black Guy Rolling Around On Drugs At A Concert Drunk Dude [...]

Part 2

Rundown Aftershow

Today’s Topics:

Roger Goodell, Ray Rice and the NFL Are A Disgrace To Men

So Apparently Democracy In Ukraine Is Just Punching Each Other In The Face Until Things Get Resolved

Giraffe Escapes From A Carnival In Mexico 

Enormous Fat Black Guy Rolling Around On Drugs At A Concert

Drunk Dude At Coors Field Absolutely Schools These Cops On Constitutional Rights

 

 

By handsomehank posted July 24th, 2014 at 7:47 PM

Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Lindsey

  Introducing Lindsey from Mass Art.  Not often do we get smokes from Mass Art but when we do they are always super hot like Lindsey.   Got a smokeshow that should be featured? Send nominations to tips@barstoolsports.com

 

Introducing Lindsey from Mass Art.  Not often do we get smokes from Mass Art but when we do they are always super hot like Lindsey.

 

Got a smokeshow that should be featured? Send nominations to tips@barstoolsports.com

By elpresidente posted July 24th, 2014 at 5:46 PM

Here Are 40 Versions Of “Shameful Eating” That Show You’ve Given Up On Life… And My Response

I do all of these things in my sweatpants

 

list via Thrillist

 

I pretty much do all of these things in my sweatpants…I’m the first answer.  Pres is obviously 2nd

 

Becoming visibly delighted at the discovery of cold fries at the bottom of an old fast-food bag

Depends where they’re from. Wendy’s fries go bad before you even get home from the Drive Thru, McDonald’s fries are like a cockroach and can survive anything. I’ll eat McD’s fries anytime, anywhere.

Pres – Acceptable

Being unable to make your own sandwiches

I might be too lazy to make my own sandwiches and I may not own the products to do so, but I do have the physical capabilities. Does that count?

Pres – Guys don’t make sandwiches

Eating a spoonful of breadcrumbs/other types of crumbs

Not guilty of this. Where does one even find a large enough amount of bread crumbs to get a spoonful?

Pres – Nope

Microwaving week-old pizza extra long to make it soft

I’ll eat week-old pizza and don’t even need to waste time on microwaving it.

Pres – If a pizza is more than 24 hours old I order a new one.  Respect the game

Using the wrong utensils because you won’t wash the damn dishes

For breakfast yesterday I had peanut butter and jelly, which I spread on the bread using a spoon.

Pres – No problem with it

Ordering macaroni & cheese as your entree at a restaurant. By yourself.

Haven’t done that. I’m too nervous to eat alone at a restaurant. Like in high school when you’d just skip lunch if your friends didn’t have the same lunch period that day. Can’t risk the social stigma of being caught eating alone.

Pres – No problem with it.  I was a salesman.

Eating queso with your fingers because you ran out of chips

Definitely not, unless I have Purell nearby. Then it’s whatever. Quick squirt and your hands are pretty much a brand new fork.

Pres – Nope

Knowingly eating way more than your fair share of a family-style meal without apologizing or even making a self-deprecating joke about it

Can’t say that I have a lot of family style meals, but I have no problem eating more than my share of a pizza.

Pres – Eat till you’re full

Microwaving coffee

Don’t drink coffee.

Pres – If you make a pot of coffee you have to do this cause it gets cold

Drinking coffee black, even though you hate black coffee

Still don’t drink coffee.

Pres – Beats not having any coffee

Your typical grocery list consists of bread

I go to the market like 4 times a year, but when I do I ball out. Buy all kinds of healthy shit, fruits, vegetables, lean meats. Superfoods like kale and spinach. Then I throw it all away when it goes bad and starts to make my fridge stink.

Pres – Don’t even get this.  Who goes to the supermarket and only gets bread?

Eating bread that’s gone so stale it could be used as a weapon

Yes. I like my bread toasted anyway, saves me a step.

Pres – Eating stale food is poor people shit

Accounting for a nap when planning big meals

Planning a nap is just going to bed. Gotta let a good nap just come to you.

Pres – ditto what Feits said

Cutting the moldy part off of fruit/veggies/cheese…

Don’t eat fruits or veggies, but I’ll rip it off the cheese.

Pres – Pure poor people shit

Eating deli meat sans bread

Wrap cheese in ham. No carbs. That’s how you stay fit.

Pres – No problem with it. 

Eating wilted greens

Yes but I’ll put them in a pan with olive oil first so I don’t notice.

Pres – What’s a wilted green?  Rotten?  If so that’s poor people shit

Devouring peanut butter straight out of the jar

Yeah, but I usually leave Oreos to get the peanut butter out. So it’s kinda like a fancy dessert, actually.

Pres – If you don’t do this you’re psycho

Eating cereal for a meal that isn’t breakfast

A box of cereal has a lifetime of about 3 hours in my apartment. Just sit in front of the TV with a gallon of milk and the box of cereal and tell the bartender to keep em coming.

Pres – Already said anybody who eats Breakfast for dinner is psycho

Drinking the watery remains of a fountain soda

That’s pretty much my first drink of every morning. Whatever beverage is still on the table from my delivery the night before.

Pres – What’s the difference between that and water?

Using hot pasta straight from the pot to heat up cold sauce straight from the jar

Yeah, obviously. I’m not an Italian mother making her own pasta sauce. I cook the spaghetti then dump the Ragu on it.

Pres – Pretty sure everybody does this

Reusing a pot to boil pasta multiple times without washing it

Believe it or not, I actually rinse it out first. Won’t use soap, I’m not a germ freak. But I’ll give it a quick run under the sink.

Pres – Pasta doesn’t make pots dirty. That’s a scientific fact so you’re a sucker to wash it

Buying day-old pastries…

Never really see it offered, but wouldn’t hesitate.

Pres – Pure poor people shit. I’m Captain Fresh

Eating at a strip club, not during lunch special

Legs and Eggs at the Foxy.

Pres – Pure poor people shit. Might as well eat on the Orange line

Getting extra fast-food to microwave later

Won’t microwave it, will eat it.

Pres – I do this at nice restaurants not fast food

Eating a fast-food burger two days in a row

Two meals in a row.

Pres – Gives me grease zits so I can’t

Eating expired frozen meals

If something is in the freezer it can’t expire, idiot.

Pres – If you sniff 2 days before the expiration date I throw you out. Captain Fresh

Putting a half-finished beer in the fridge for later

What am I going to come home and drink a warm half-finished beer?

Pres – What type of pussy drinks half a beer?

Eating over the sink to conserve dishes

Don’t worry about dishes because all my delivers comes in styrofoam.

Pres – I just make a mess and live with it. Live on the edge motherfucker

Downing more than one tray of Milanos in a single sitting

Down a bag and won’t blink. Ben and Jerry’s and Milano’s are kidding me with their “serving sizes.” Everyone knows those two things are gone in one serving.

Pres – You don’t have a bathtub full of Brussels cookies sent to you from Peppridge Farm by eating 1 tray at a time. I eat one bag at a time

Using condiments that aren’t spaghetti sauce as spaghetti sauce

Not really. Just butter and olive oil, but I think that makes it healthier.

Pres – Gross

Eating a “ramen bar”

No I break up the Reman in the bag then eat them like chips. I’m not an animal.

Pres – Poor people shit

Considering it acceptable to eat a whole frozen pizza

On what sick planet is a frozen pizza supposed to be broken up into multiple meals?

Pres – Ditto what Feits said. Dumbest one on here. I need 2 Stouffers (4 pieces) to even begin to get full

Having a “regular” meal you get at 7-Eleven

The buffalo chicken taquitos are delectable.

Pres – Yuke. Pure poor people shit

Making a giant bowl of spaghetti and eating it five meals in a row

No. I don’t like to plan my meals. I’m an impulse eater. Planning 5 meals is nuts.

Pres – I’ll cook it 5 days in a row but new every night.

Perfecting the condiment sandwich/taco

No that one grosses me out.

Pres – Poor People shit

Eating stale Chinese takeout fortune cookies for breakfast

Not the cookies, but a cold pork dumpling for breakfast is up there with cold pizza. Truly delicious.

Pres – Whatever

Systematically eliminating all the lonely bobbing pickled whatevers out of their jars on the fridge door while you watch TV

I actually think whoever made this list watches me. When I get home from work the first thing I do is stand by my open fridge and wolf down Bread and Butter pickles while I watch Seinfeld.

Pres – I don’t eat pickles as snacks. Need a sandwich

Getting anything you’ve thrown away out of the trash can

Yes, but only if it’s bagged. I have no problem eating trash chips. I wouldn’t throw them away until they’re gone, but if someone else does, I’ll stake my claim.

Pres – Poor people shit

By feitelberg posted July 24th, 2014 at 5:09 PM

Dude Goes In For A Circumcision And, Oopsie Daisy, They Cut His Whole Dick Off Instead

Why are you getting circumcised?

Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 4.08.11 PM

 

 

 

(Source) An Alabama man awoke from a routine circumcision to find doctors had mistakenly amputated his penis, according to a lawsuit. Johnny Lee Banks Jr., 56, and his wife, Zelda Banks, 55, filed the lawsuit against Princeton Baptist Medical Center in Jefferson County Circuit Court in Birmingham on Tuesday. ‘My client is devastated,’ their attorney, John P. Graves, said.

 

 

 

You know what? I don’t have any sympathy for Johnny Lee here. Dude, what are you doing getting a circumcision at age 55? You’re old and have a wife. The difficult part of your uncircumcised life is long over. You made it through high school gym class and the post-practice showers, you made it through everyone throwing their shirt over their head and hissing at you in the corridors while they call you the Conestoga Wagon, you made it through all the girls who were weirded out the first time they saw it and finally found someone to settle down with. What’s the point of a circumcision now? Best case scenario you have a better looking dick for your wife to touch even though she legally has to anyway, worst case scenario the doctors lop your cock off. Doesn’t seem like a great risk/reward scenario to me.

By feitelberg posted July 24th, 2014 at 4:46 PM

Ohio State Fires Their Band Director As Band Hazing Controversy Tears The Campus Apart

      Dispatch - Ohio State University has fired the director of its marching band and is expanding an internal investigation that uncovered a deep culture of sexual harassment among students that reportedly has existed for years. The two-month investigation , triggered by the complaint of a parent, revealed a cascade of evidence that [...]

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ohiostateband

 

Dispatch - Ohio State University has fired the director of its marching band and is expanding an internal investigation that uncovered a deep culture of sexual harassment among students that reportedly has existed for years. The two-month investigation , triggered by the complaint of a parent, revealed a cascade of evidence that students routinely harassed one another –– often directed at new band members by older students –– and that director Jonathan Waters knew about it or should have known.

Examples of abuse include an annual midnight band practice at Ohio Stadium in which men and women were expected to march wearing only their underwear. Some other traditions: All new band members, or “rookies,” were given nicknames, many of which were sexually explicit. Rookies were forced to perform “tricks” on command. In one case, a female student was told to imitate a sexual act on the laps of other band members, including her brother.

Several witnesses said that students performed a “flying 69” on tour buses, in which band members hung from the luggage racks and posed in a sexual position. An “unofficial” songbook was part of the evidence that investigators provided to university leaders, with raunchy lyrics set to school songs at other colleges.

 

I wish I could say I’m surprised by this but I’m not.  I mean it seems like we can’t go 2 days without a story of institutional chaos at Ohio State. If it’s not the football team it’s the band. If it’s not the band it’s the dean. The entire school is a joke and it starts at the top with Urban Meyer.  Seriously nothing at Ohio State surprises me anymore.  Even the band has no rules or laws or sense of decorum.  Per usual it’s great to be a Michigan Wolverine. A place where class and leadership still matter. A place where future presidents, MVP Quarterbacks and titans of blogging get their start.  Bottomline is if you want to be a leader you go to UM. If you want to be a Twinkle Dick and give your brother or sister  lap dances you go to Ohio State.

By elpresidente posted July 24th, 2014 at 4:09 PM

Good News Everybody: The One Eyed Bandit And NESN Are Both Reporting That Jon Lester Just Doesn’t Want To Talk About His Contract Because He Doesn’t Want To Break Up His Momentum (Sidenote – Lucchino and the Red Sox Own NESN)

    NESN/John Henry- Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester has a good thing going, and it sounds like he doesn’t want it to end. Lester and the Sox have tabled contract extension talks until after the season, and Red Sox president and CEO Larry Lucchino reiterated that Lester wants to stay in Boston.   This [...]

 

 

NESN/John Henry- Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester has a good thing going, and it sounds like he doesn’t want it to end. Lester and the Sox have tabled contract extension talks until after the season, and Red Sox president and CEO Larry Lucchino reiterated that Lester wants to stay in Boston.

 

This is one of my favorite moves that Dr. Creepy and the One Eyed Bandit pull. When they have NESN or the Globe report their pro management agendas. It’s almost like they think people forget that they own NESN and the Globe and they are nothing more than mouthpieces for their agenda now. Like everybody knows they fucked up the Lester negotiations. Unlike Feitleberg I still think they’re gonna resign Lester because they’ll spend more than everybody else, but it’s comical that the One Eyed Bandit forced NESN to write this article for them. Yeah Lester doesn’t want to negotiate because he’s in the zone. Yeah that’s it. Or he doesn’t want to negotiate because you fucked up, he’s been dominant and now he’s gonna break your back and make you humble in the off-season. It’s one or the other. Nice try Bandit. Nice try.

 

lucchino

By elpresidente posted July 24th, 2014 at 3:31 PM

Drunk Dude At Coors Field Absolutely Schools These Cops On Constitutional Rights

Love this kid. Clearly has absolutely no knowledge of the law but he's not going to let that get in the way of a good argument.

 

 

 

Love this kid. Clearly has absolutely no knowledge of the law but he’s not going to let that get in the way of a good argument. Usually I hate these guys who start citing constitutional rights and shit with cops while filming it, but those ones know what they’re talking about. This kid is fucking clueless so it’s hilarious. He’s like a real life version of Charlie Kelly shouting lawyer talk. Objection! Hearsay! Just jabbering jaw and going tit for tat with some cops on his constitutional right to be shitfaced at Coors Field, which is in the United States of America and he’s an American citizen and did nothing to offend the Constitution of the United States. Sounds like a pretty airtight case if you ask me.

 

 

PS – How about his friends agreeing with him and egging him on? “‘Scuse me Officer but Alex did take a pre-law class freshamn year when he thought he wanted to be a lawyer so I think he knows what he’s talking about.”

By feitelberg posted July 24th, 2014 at 2:39 PM
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