That goal would be amazing if it was made dicking around in a post-practice shootout. In game? Absolutely bananas. Never seen anything like that. The goalie had absolutely no idea what to do. It was like when you pretend to throw a tennis ball and your dog just looks around all confused. Head spins then he looks back at you like, “Awww you got me dude. You got me so good.” Unreal.
Have a great weekend everybody!
TMZ – Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back at it again — eyewitnesses tell TMZ, the on-off-on-off-again couple has been canoodling all morning in Texas … hitting up a Starbucks together and a local breakfast joint. Selena Instagrammed the Starbucks photo about 15 minutes ago — and sources inside the Starbucks tell us Selena was there with Bieber in the last hour. Bieber and Selena were also spotted leaving a place called Royal Perfume. Sources inside the store tell us, Bieber bought 2 colognes (Obsession by CK and Pour Homme by Givenchy).
Uh oh. Looks like Selena is hooked on that dick juice again! All it took was a little comment that she looked good on Instagram, having the media talking about his dick, a little Obsession by CK, ripping some pushups in the clink and suddenly he’s balls deep yet again. Selena is so strung out on the Biebs she can’t even function right. You don’t quit Bieber. Bieber quits you. She’s totally heading back to Bieber rehab after he turns her out this weekend. Don’t hate the player hate the game.
I’ve never seen The Wire. I started watching it last week and had sent out a few tweets about it at night. The first night I said something along the lines of “Don’t see the high praise. Fine show but not among the greats.” By and large, people agreed with me. Some said it didn’t stand the test of time, others said it’s always been overrated and a lot said to wait until season 3 even though season 2 is apparently awful. And I stand by not loving it, when I’m watching The Wire it’s not must-see TV. I don’t turn out the lights and throw my phone to the other side of the room to avoid distractions. It’s a good show, I have no problem watching it, but I certainly don’t treat it like Breaking Bad, True Detective, The Sopranos, etc.
However, the next night I tweeted that the intro sucked, and while a majority people agreed that the show itself was overrated, people went BANANAS when I said the intro wasn’t good. Like it’s fine if you don’t like the show, but how dare I not like the intro filled with flip phones, pagers and dial-up modem tones. How DARE I! People were furious. It was the most “unfollowed” replies I’ve ever gotten from a tweet. If my address was public people would have stormed my apartment like Gaston and the mob going to kill The Beast. It was crazy. Look, that intro sucks. It’s WAY too long (it’s fucking 15 seconds longer than HOMELAND and that’s the longest/worst intro ever), the shots aren’t cool, the song isn’t very good, and I always expect to hear “You’ve got mail!” at some point in it. There’s nothing redeeming about it. It sucks. Sorry, the truth hurts.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This is my good buddy Tyler. He is “deep-fried” to what we consider, a real space cadet. His daily activities consist of going to class, and as soon as he’s out its straight to some sort of alcoholic beverage. He is known around friends of campus as a “cooked boy” and it is heard every single day. He dresses up more than any one that I know for classes, and this comes from a man who wears sweatpants on the reg. His personality is outgoing, but could use some advice for the ladies. For the love of God, please help this lost soul.
Your fans from Colby-Sawyer College, (NH)
Imgur - “This is the second of my political oriented figurines. As many of you guys know, Russia is bringing an all-out war against the civil rights of gay people in Russia. Leading the charge is Mr. Putin and his homophobic leadership. I wanted to ridicule Mr. Putin so I wanted to make a voodo[o]-like doll of him so people could do whatever they wanted to Mr. Putin in the privacy of their own home. However, what a better way to attack Mr. Putin’s shirtless bear wrestling reputation? Make him into the shape of a butt plug.”
How pissed is Putin that he got the butt plug treatment? Guy must be slamming his fists on every desk in Russia right now. “I AM NOT BUTT PLUG! I AM STRONG RUSSIAN MAN!” Just has to sit there thinking about a ton of gays shoving his likeness up their asses. Bet its absolutely eating him up inside. Just a crushing blow to his anti-gay stance. But that’s what happens when you try and impose archaic rules on sexual freedom bro. You get butt plugged.
This designer is probably gonna make so much money off this. It’s a must have item for gay rights people all around the world. Like if you don’t have the Putin butt plug then you’re not totally committed to the cause. Make great gifts too. “Oh my god, a Russian dictator I can shove up my balloon knot! It’s exactly what I wanted!”
The Globe – At first glance it seemed like a pipe dream, a pie-in-the-sky type of move cooked up by fantasy football general managers. Darrelle Revis to the Patriots? What, are you kidding? … There’s no way the Patriots could afford him under the salary cap, right? Well, I’ve had a few days to chew on it and crunch the numbers. And it’s pretty clear what the Patriots need to do. Go get Revis. Seriously…Revis is set to make $16 million per year — $13 million in base salary, plus a $1.5 million roster bonus due each March and a $1.5 million workout bonus for showing up each offseason. At that structure, Revis’s $16 million salary cap number would be the largest on the Patriots – higher than Tom Brady’s $14.8 million. But that contract comes with a big asterisk, as discovered by the Tampa Tribune. Per the contract, the team can convert Revis’s $13 million salary into a guaranteed bonus at any time… That would put Revis’s 2014 salary cap number at $8 million — $3 million in base salary, $2 million bonus proration, $1.5 million roster bonus and $1.5 million workout bonus — which the Patriots easily could handle. The Patriots currently sit with $12.7 million in cap space for 2014
The Herald – [T]there’s still no reason to believe the Darrelle Revis rumors have any credence, so forget that overly speculated trade.
Way to kill the buzz, Herald. Seriously, since all this Revis-to-the-Patriots talk started a week or so ago, I’ve taken a back seat to no man when it comes to shooting the idea down. It just made no sense on any level. The guy’s a terrific corner, there’s no question about it. Not at good as he’s made out to be. With the Jets he entered that BrettFavre, Derek Jeter, Ray Lewis realm where it’s perceived he can do no wrong and every time he gave up a completion it was the safety’s fault or whatever. And we’ve also seen him short arm some tackles rather than get run over. But Revis is unquestionably one of the top handful of cover guys in the league. My problem was always that you don’t eat a $16 million cap hit on any defensive back, even if it was Jesus in his prime. You pay one guy that kind of money only if he’ll make your unit one of the top five in the league all by himself. And the only guys capable of that are quarterbacks. People might think Revis is the best in the business, but Tampa’s defense was like 15th in the league and their pass D was like 17th. Oh, and they won 4 games. Not to mention he’s a holdout waiting to happen. The Jets had Revis so convinced he shits Nutella that he held out, got the deal he wanted, signed it, cashed the bonus check, then wiped his ass with the contract and said he’d hold out again. That’s why the traded a guy they were building shrines to. So it would be exactly the kind of stupid, PR-stunt moves the Patriots never make to bring him here.
Or so I thought, until I read that Globe article. That’s a game changer. Plus Jason LaConfora was on Toucher and Rich saying Revis could be pried from Tampa for a 3rd and possibly even a 4th rounder. Should they part with a Day 2 draft pick and take a paltry $8 million cap hit this year for Revis? And thereby be able to hang onto the Vince Wilfork, Tommy Kelly, Dan Connolly and still have room to add the mid-level free agents they love so much? And do it by handing him enough money up front it’ll even shut him up? You’re goddamned right they should. In a nanosecond so fast the Hadron Particle Collider couldn’t measure it. So let’s hope the Globe is right and the Herald is wrong. If they can swing this I’ll personally go to Tampa and drive him to Foxboro. @JerryThornton1