New Haven, CT
January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
Sun National Bank Center
February 28th, 2014 9:00 PM
At first I was like, why doesn’t anyone else punch this kid in the face? But as the video wore on, I realized I wouldn’t do shit either. Kid is a maniac. I’d probably get my ass kicked by this kid, tuck my tail between my legs and run the other way. Because there are a few things in this world you don’t mess with: mama bear’s cub, homeless people sleeping, a guy who shaves his head but has a full grown beard, and e-Sporters when they’re in the zone. (I looked it up, they’re called e-Sporters.)
PS – also don’t mess with baby bird eggs. But that’s not so you don’t get hurt, it’s so the mama bird won’t smell a human on the baby bird and ignore it forever. My mom used to tell me that all the time when I was a kid, not sure if it’s true but just wanted to remind people.
Playoffs have started and I’m sure most people are eliminated and/or didn’t make it. Wondering how to keep making adult money while playing fantasy games on the computer? Sit up on Papa Feits’ lap and I’ll tell you. FanDuel. Easy as pie. Same as always: one weekend, huge money on the line. Only problem is that I actually tried with my line-up this weekend and I’m going to smash everybody.
1. $25,000 in prizes
2. $4,000 for 1st, $2,500 for 2nd, $1,500 for 3rd
3. Prizes down to 70th place
4. $50 entry
Imagine this happened in America? 100s of bees attacked some innocent little boy? The parents would be going bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Not Down Under though. “Gary, what was it like as you watched your flesh and blood get attacked at the hands of merciless insects, hellbent on killing him?” “Well, better him than me. What am I supposed to do, wrap him up in cotton balls?” Amazing. American parents would go on the news to find out what landscaper missed that nest so they could deport the guy and sue the city’s balls off, Gary just wants his pussy kid to rub some dirt on it so they can get back to boxing kangaroos. That’s the way fathering is done.
ESPN – Now, Peyton Manning gets a chance to rest. Big question: Does he really need a break? Philip Rivers and the San Diego Chargers kept Manning on the sideline most of the game and handed the Denver Broncos an unexpected and harmful 27-20 loss Thursday night… “We didn’t play well, didn’t stay on the field, didn’t have the ball much, and, when we did, we didn’t do much with it,” Manning said. The Broncos gained 13 yards on the 13 plays they ran after taking a 10-3 lead late in the first quarter. That covered four drives during which they went three-and-out three times and picked up a total of one first down…
As most veterans do, especially this time of year, Manning griped about the short turnaround between a Sunday and Thursday game, the likes of which have become more common since the NFL started scheduling midweek contests for almost every week. Adding to the fatigue: Denver ran 91 plays on offense while scoring 51 points Sunday in a blowout over Tennessee. “Did the (91) plays on offense take a toll? I can’t answer that,” Manning said… “A Thursday night game, second division game, you’re never sure what you’re going to get,” Manning said. “But it’s been that way all season for us. Teams play us different than they play other teams.”
Bwahahaha! I love it! This is amazing. As a long time student of the Peyton Manning Excuse Machine (TM), this is a towering achievement, even by the Worldwide Leader’s lofty standards. So Manning kicked away the No. 1 seed in the AFC because he was so tired from running up the score against Tennessee? and he says it’s because other teams try extra hard against Denver? I mean, I thought they’d go with the fact that Wes Welker was out or say “we had some protection problems” or blame the weather. You know, stick to the Manning Excuse Machine manual. But this? Saying he was tired from being so awesome four days earlier? This is perfecting the art of Alibi-Making.
With a chance to basically sew up home field throughout the playoffs, at home against a 6-7 warm weather team, Manning led the Broncos to 13 points in the last 57 minutes of the game. By contrast, with the Cleveland game on the line, Brady led the Pats to 14 points in 1:31 with no time outs. Anyone who hasn’t been tonguing Peyton’s prostate the last 13 years will admit it’s because he spits the bit when the weather turns bad and Brady thrives in it. It’s not opinion, it’s fact. In his career in December, Peyton is 44-20. With a win this weekend, Brady’s will improve to 44-6. But the national pundits can’t acknowledge it. Hell, the clowns on NFL Network called him “the best quarterback of our generation” like it’s not even open to debate. And if they’ve shown a replay of that terrible pick he threw in the 4th quarter yet, I haven’t seen it. It’s like we’re North Korea and he’s Dear Leader. He’s infallible and they have to find anything to explain his failures, no matter how ridiculous. Oh well. At least the short week will give him all weekend to clear space for his next hollow, meaningless MVP trophy. @JerryThornton1
PS. In case you didn’t hear, the fans in Denver got all stabby last night outside the stadium. I guess frustration boiled over because they’re still not used to Peyton gagging late in the year. But they’ll get it eventually. Just ask them in Indy.
(iTunes isn’t even bothering to put anything else in the featured bar, today is Beyonce’s day)
So unless you live under a rock, you woke up to find out that Beyoncé released a sneak album overnight. Well to say chicks are going fucking crazy would be an understatement. Girls LOVE Beyonce. More than Uggs, more than Scandal, more than Instagramming their cup when the Starbucks barista with a GED spells their name wrong… they love her. Like think of what you love the most in the world, girls love Beyonce a million times more. You’re going to get home from work tonight and your chick is going to be passed out on the couch naked with squirt everywhere because she fingered herself 1,000 times to this CD throughout the day. Heterosexual girls love her more than dick. That’s how strong their passion is for her, it overrules millions of years of basic instinct. So congratulations to the Lady Stoolies, today is your day. And my condolences to the normal Stoolies, because today is the day you realize if it came down to you or Beyonce, your girl is taking Jay-Z’s wife.
PS – Yes of course I’ve listened to it already. She has a song called “Blow” that is entirely about getting her pussy eaten. The chorus is like “Come eat my skittles, taste that pink, pop that cherry.” Pink isn’t even a flavor! She didn’t even try sticking with the euphemism, she was just like “Come eat my skittles and I hope you get that I’m talking about my pussy.”
Feitleberg beat me to this blog, but I need to make my feelings known on Beyonce. I hate this bitch. Hate Jay Z too. Keep trademarking your babies name assholes. Oh and apparently Blue Ivey is in a bunch of these videos. So fucking spare me when you complain about the paparazzi trying to get pictures of your kid. You brought it on yourself. Just such a hardo move dropping an album in the middle of the night like this. And how about this fucking statement from her?
“That the album is available on the day the world is learning about its release is an unprecedented strategic move by the artist to deliver music and visual content directly to her fans when she wants to and how she wants to, with no filter.’
SHUT UP. Don’t make this sound like you did this for any reason other than it to be a publicity stunt. Don’t get me wrong it’s working, but you didn’t do this for your fans. You did this so the internet would freak out and they did. But let’s call a spade a spade. Kayne, Beyonce, Jay Z, Kim Kardashian are basically all the same people. Top 10 most narcissistic people on the planet. Keep going on vacation to Cuba illegally. Keep lyp syncing the Superbowl. Keep inviting Destiny Child to do 1 second cameos and then booting them off stage. Keep having Jay Z lecture us how it’s wrong to use the word “bitch” now that he had a baby girl. Keep dropping albums in the middle of the night. Fuck you.
It’s just a rumor that Socrates drank Hemlock when he died, he actually just ripped a shot of VodQuila then immediately puked out his intestines and keeled over. Rough way to go.
PS – Yes, this is real. The only two liquor stores that sell it around Boston are in Southbridge and Warwick, RI. Have to get my hands on a bottle and have the most intense blackout night ever/probably die.