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Has anybody in the history of earth ever accomplished more with an uglier face than Seal?    I mean first he bags Heidi Klum and now he gets his mutilated face on a scratch ticket.   Like okay I give up?   What do people like about his face?  Because it makes me want to puke.   It’s not like he has one scar.   He’s flat out disfigured.     Since when did that become hot?

Like I said yesterday.  This shit never gets old.   And in other news 11 people showed up in Indy to greet the Colts.    BAHAAHA!   Life is good my friend.  Life is good.

You’ve got to give Steve Phillips a ton of credit here.   It takes a certain degree of bravado to look straight into a camera and say you realized you had a sex problem and were planning on entering sex rehab 2 days before the  scandal broke and the timing was just one big coincidence.   I mean a lot of lesser men wouldn’t even try to go there, but not Steve Phillips.  He don’t give a shit.   He’ll run game right in your face and not even blink an eye.

PS – For as long as I live, I will never get used to seeing pictures of Brooke Hundley.    It’s like going into a haunted house.   You know people are going to yell boo but you still flinch.   You just can’t simulate how gruesome her face is in real time.

LA Times - The ad that made former Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam, the unintended stars of Super Bowl XLIV was… a lighthearted take on a mother-son relationship… NOW president Terry O’Neill said it glorified violence against women. “I am blown away at the celebration of the violence against women in it,” she said. “That’s what comes across to me even more strongly than the anti-abortion message. I myself am a survivor of domestic violence, and I don’t find it charming. I think CBS should be ashamed of itself.”

OK, Ter. We get it. The Super Bowl is the embodiment of pure evil. It’s hell on Earth for women all over America. It’s Christmas Day for wife beaters and the 4th of July for drunks and Thanksgiving for misogynist, abusive a-holes, otherwise known as “men.” Cheerleaders are victims. Players trophy wives are slaves. And they all need angry, bitter, humorless shrews like you and the National Organization of (homely) Women to save them for our violent, oppressive male dominated patriarchy. Because of course Mrs. Tebow has a long history of abuse at the hands of her son. And like NOW says if someone doesn’t speak out against this behavior, it will lead to an epidemic of guys committing Roughing the Middle Aged Mother penalties all over the nation. The only thing I’m curious about is why Terry Baby didn’t have a problem with Betty White getting drilled into the ground in an ad that ran about 10 minutes later. I’m guessing it’s because she never saw it since she was watching Lifetime instead of the game.

(New York Post) – Shock jock Howard Stern is singing a new tune — admitting Monday that he’s considering leaving radio to become a judge on “American Idol” next season. Stern confirmed a NY Post Page Six report that Fox is interested in hiring him to replace Simon Cowell on the top-rated show. “There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that [expletive] karaoke contest,” Stern told listeners during his Sirius satellite radio show Monday morning, according to excerpts published on MTV.com. “It might be possible. We’ll see,” said Stern, adding that the network would “have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.” As for replacing the acid-tongued Cowell, Stern said, “If I do say do myself, I can’t imagine anyone else but me replacing him… How else are they going to make that show work? Who knows how to broadcast and who knows how to be interesting? And who’s not afraid to speak their mind?” A Fox spokesman did not immediately return a call seeking comment.

Listen I don’t want to get distracted for Hollywood Week which starts tonight, but even I got to admit this is very interesting news. I mean I’m not the biggest Stern fan of all time but I actually think he’d be a great fit. Obviously not as good as me, but unfortunately I don’t have the same cache as Stern does. At least not yet, but don’t sleep on the Power Hour. Anyway the big question is whether he’d be able to take it seriously. Because American Idol isn’t a joke. It’s about finding superstars. Sure we tune in to hear Simons acidic wit and to make fun of people, but in the end it’s a singing competition. It’s about the vocals. It’s about discovering the next Adam Lambert. As long as Howard Stern treats it as such, I think this is crazy enough where it just may work.    I just hope he doesn’t make a mockery of it.   Too many people put in too much blood, sweat and tears for that to happen.   And yes I may withdraw my retirement if he comes on board.

UB may be back Thursday or Friday. Until then I need wake up nominations. Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com

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Introducing Heather from Worcester. Just a straight blazing blonde to kick off the week. It will be a tough act to follow. Send nominations to tips@barstoolsports.com and help us make it a great week.