Barstool Sports

Laughing is better than crying right now.

Action News 5 – Memphis, Tennessee

It doesn’t get any sadder than what’s going on in Oklahoma right now. Elementary schools ripped apart, kids missing, houses getting destroyed, cities totally decimated. All happening in blink of the eye. Only 8-12 minutes of warning before the tornado hit. Monumentally sad stuff.

Whenever tragedies like these hit it obviously puts life in perspective. A cruel reminder of how fast things can change. How petty most of our everyday problems truly are. How you should never take a day for granted because anything can happen at any moment whether it be natural disasters, terrorist attacks or basic health. How you got to do your best to enjoy every second of living because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. To constantly appreciate just how fragile life really is. Not just when tragedy strikes, but everyday. That’s the trick.

PS – Not to make light of the situation but I keep waiting for Anderson Cooper to surf onto the scene riding the Tornado

Introducing Caroline from RIC. You don’t get too many married smokes but we got one here.  A victory for 1 dude and a loss for everybody else I suppose?

Do you know any smokes? Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com

Hey lady how about you stop filming and call the police? I mean could she have been any more casual about that whole thing? There’s a dude  holding on for dear life while the maniac who hit him keeps driving and this broad is asking for his life story. Who cares how it happened? It’s happening. Maybe do something about it?

PS – I love how he snuck in that “baby” near the end. Like yeah I might die here but if I die I’m going out smooth.

DM –Beauty is usually seen as a blessing. But for some, it would seem, it can be a curse. Laura Fernee says her good looks are so powerful they are ruining her life – and have forced her to quit her job. The 33-year-old science graduate says her slim figure and pretty face attracted unwanted attention from her male colleagues. She also claims she has been ostracised by other women in the workplace who are jealous of her beauty. Miss Fernee now lives off her wealthy parents after quitting her £30,000 job in scientific research two years ago. She said her appearance meant she was constantly harassed and bullied, and has decided work ‘just isn’t for her’. Yesterday, she said: ‘I’m not lazy and I’m no bimbo. The truth is my good looks have caused massive problems for me when it comes to employment, so I’ve made the decision that employment just isn’t for me at the moment. It’s not my fault … I can’t help the way I look. ‘Male colleagues were only interested in me for how I looked. I wanted them to recognise my achievements and my  professionalism but all they saw was my face and body.’ She said men left ‘romantic gifts’ on her desk and she was ‘constantly asked out’, which she found ‘sleazy’. ‘Even when I was in a laboratory in scrubs with no make-up they still came on to me because of my natural attractiveness. There was nothing I could do to stop it,’ she added.

Well this might be the most definitive case of “office hot” in history. Is Laura Fernee attractive? Sure she’s plenty attractive for a lady who’s clearly 45 but pretending to be 33. But what does everyone else in the office look like? How is she the one getting romantic gifts and constantly asked out? Gotta be a gross group if this is the chick whose panties everyone is trying to sniff. I mean yea pop her in Barstool HQ where it’s just me, Pres and Sales Guy staring at asses and making Blackout videos all day and she’ll probably file a complaint in 5 minutes. But a regular office where there’s at least one person with a XX genetic makeup? Then she’s just another brick in the wall.

But I guess some people just have all the luck. It would be really unfortunate if Laura Fernee wasn’t ridiculously loaded and her “too hot to work disorder” meant she had to live in a homeless shelter. Just a happy coincidence that she can fall back on mommy and daddy’s wealth until her looks go and it’s safe for her to punch a time clock again.

North Carolina – An Army wife who lost more than 150 pounds in weight while her husband was away in Afghanistan gave him a huge surprise upon his return. Misty Shaffer, who once weighed more than 300 pounds, hadn’t seen husband for over a year. She managed to keep her slimming a secret surprise from her husband, Larry, until he arrived back at his hometown airport in Wilmington, North Carolina… The first glimpse Larry Shaffer had of his slimmer spouse was as he turned the corner and walked out of baggage claim at Wilmington, North Carolina airport. At first, it appeared Shaffer didn’t appear to recognise his new-look wife.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not seeing where Misty lost the 150 pounds.  Like I watched that video three times and if they didn’t tell us what picture was what, I wouldn’t have known “Before” from “After.”  But I’m not going to turd in the punchbowl.  Instead I’ll just take Misty at her word that she dropped the weight and say that there’s now something she has in common with husband: She is also an American hero.  Let Misty Shaffer’s example be an inspiration to all you military wives.  Your men are going out to the most godforsaken hellholes on Earth to keep our sorry asses safe from the worst people on the planet, and we all owe it to them to do our part.  Your part is to look as hot as possible and when they get home safe, to bang them until all the fluid is gone from their bodies.  Be supportive, stay loyal, do a good job raising their kids while they’re away.  But first and foremost, hit the gym.  Push yourself away from the table.  Swallow the diet pills like they’re Pez if you have to.  But follow Misty Shaffer’s example and be a sexy machine for your husband.  That’s how a wife… and by extension, a nation… honors the brave men who proudly serve.  Godspeed, Misty.  If Obama doesn’t pin a medal on her for this he’s no longer my Commander-in-Chief.  @JerryThornton1

This video works because it’s simple, straightforward and right to the point.  Dude climbs up a Bud truck.   Dude falls on his spine.   Game over.   My only question is how do you not pop up here?  Like I don’t care if you are literally paralyzed you need to brush this off and pretend like you’re okay.   Need to.

PS – I see you Yo Soy Fiesta shirt.

Huffpo – You might have seen this one coming, folks: Courtney Stodden has a sex tape. The barely legal reality star, who got famous for marrying 52-year-old actor Doug Hutchison when she was just 16 years old, confirmed to E! News that after she turned 18 years old she made a very personal home movie. Stodden confirmed to E! that she has a sex tape, that it features “just me” and that it was shot shortly after her 18th birthday last year. “I turned 18 in August, so you do the math.” Alas, inquiring minds are out of luck because Stodden says her sex tape is totally private and neither “out in the media” nor on her computer. “Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing,” she said. She added, “I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want.”

A lot of people sent me this story over the weekend. To be honest I’m not sure why? Don’t get me wrong I’d love to see a Courtney Stodden sex tape. Love to.  I didn’t give a shit about Teen Mom Farrah, but Stodden intrigues me. But are we really saying masturbating is a sex tape now? What is this the 1800’s? I mean if you’re not doing anal and getting pissed on I’m not even sure it counts. Especially when your name is Courtney Stodden. Like maybe Jessica Biel can get away with fingering herself and calling it a sex tape, but when your business is being a whore you better be doing things I didn’t even know existed to get me to pay attention.