Katy Perry Brought Her DeflateGate/Big Tits Jokes To Today’s Press Conference

Not even mad about it.

 

 

 

Not even mad about it. Any time you can say “I have humungous and beautiful fucking breasts” in a way that gets you a laugh, you gotta do it. Look forward to seeing those pumped up bad boys at halftime, Katy. Let em fly.

 

 

 

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By feitelberg posted January 29th, 2015 at 5:05 PM

Driving With A Shit Ton Of Snow On Your Car Should Not Be A Crime

  This is BULLSHIT. Anybody who cleans their car off totally is a sucker and a loser. Time is money. Money is time. While you’re shoveling snow off your roof and your hood like a goody two shoes I’m closing deals. The internet moves fast. I need to move faster. If I have an inch [...]

whathappens

 
This is BULLSHIT. Anybody who cleans their car off totally is a sucker and a loser. Time is money. Money is time. While you’re shoveling snow off your roof and your hood like a goody two shoes I’m closing deals. The internet moves fast. I need to move faster. If I have an inch visibility I’m good to go and cracking skulls on my Iberry. The wind will clean it off on the highway and the wind works for free like a bitch. If the snow lands on the guy behind me so be it. Social Darwinism. Look it up.

By elpresidente posted January 29th, 2015 at 4:48 PM

The Seahawks Are Mad They They’re Getting Tested For Steroids Because It’s Such A Distraction

Oh noooo! You poor, poor babies!

 

 

 

 

 

Oh noooo! You poor, poor babies! The NFL gave you a little prick in the arm? That must be a horrible distraction. Far worse than a two week long witch hunt where you’re constantly bombarded by the media, must hold numerous press conferences and your entire legacy is called into question. That’s easy as pie compared to giving a little blood. And why should Seahawks guys even be getting tested? It’s not like they have a history of cheating. It’s not like they lead the league in PED suspensions since Pete Carroll came to town. There’s absolutely no reason to suspect them of foul play. So, NFL, please focus all your attention on talking about deflated footballs and creating new rules for ineligible receivers and stop treating these poor, innocent Seahawks like criminals. Just let them focus on preparing for the Super Bowl.

By feitelberg posted January 29th, 2015 at 4:10 PM

Barstool Pizza Review – Oregano’s

    This is a quick memo for all the Stoolies out there.  PGA golfer/Masshole Jim Renner came by the DraftKings house last night.  He was the guy in the green Viva shirt here. No joke he may be my favorite human alive.  He’s everything you want in an athlete.  Fat, humble, funny and just [...]

 

 

This is a quick memo for all the Stoolies out there.  PGA golfer/Masshole Jim Renner came by the DraftKings house last night.  He was the guy in the green Viva shirt here. No joke he may be my favorite human alive.  He’s everything you want in an athlete.  Fat, humble, funny and just swings the sticks.   I’ve never really had a PGA guy I root for religiously.  I do now.   I think I may need to sponsor this guy.  He’s like our own Tin Cup.   The People’s Golfer.

 

By elpresidente posted January 29th, 2015 at 3:35 PM

Tom Brady Gets Hyphy

As a white man I can tell you that nothing beats being called cool by a black guy.

 

 

WHAT? Hellll Yeah he get hyphy. He hyphy all the way. 100% hyphy.

 

Probably the coolest thing ever said about Tom Brady. Sure, winning all those Super Bowls and MVPs and Sportsman of the Year and other hugely important awards was probably pretty neat. But as a white man I can tell you that nothing beats being called cool by a black guy. Nothing at all. I’ll take a dude from Oakland calling me hyphy over a stupid NFL MVP every day of the week.

By feitelberg posted January 29th, 2015 at 3:00 PM

The NFL Created A Brand New Signal So The Refs Can Tell The Seahawks Which Patriots Players Are Ineligible

Carroll says the refs will point with two hands at the player in question, explaining whether he’s eligible. “Never done that before.” — Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) January 29, 2015   (Source) — Seahawks coach Pete Carroll says the referees will use hand signals to indicate clearly when normally eligible receivers check in the game as [...]

 

(Source)Seahawks coach Pete Carroll says the referees will use hand signals to indicate clearly when normally eligible receivers check in the game as ineligible, a technique the Patriots have used heavily in the postseason. Carroll said he talked to NFL officials about the practice, which is particularly confusing for defenders when an eligible receiver reports as ineligible to catch a pass. Carroll said the referess in the Super Bowl will have new hand signals to clarify players’ eligibilty. When a player reports in as a different status, the number will be announced and referees will point to the player with two hands. If the player is normally eligible to catch a pass, but has reported as ineligible, the referees will lean down and make an X with their hands. Although Carroll said the signals were new, league officials said referees have been using the signals, including in the AFC Championship game.

 

 

 

 

What? What?! WHAT?!?! You can’t just create new fucking rules the week before the Super Bowl. Are you fucking kidding me?! That’s BULLSHIT. I don’t even recognize this game as football anymore. I’m flabbergasted. The Patriots utilize a formation that is well within the rules but it’s too confusing for simpleton coaches so now we have to alter the rules one week before the Super Bowl? Incredible. If Brady comes out on fire are they going to outlaw the forward pass at halftime? It’s a legal play. You can’t just change that on the fly and offer the refs time to draw up the exact play for the defense. The ineligible players are already announced over the sound system. Now we’ve got refs pointing to them and making a gigantic X with their hands. What’s next, the ref taps him on the head and makes him sit indian style for the duration of the play? Absolutely fucking pathetic. Goodell’s going to make the Patriots win the Super Bowl with a brand new rule and a hand tied behind their back. Integrity of the game my dick.

By feitelberg posted January 29th, 2015 at 2:23 PM

The Boy Becomes A Man: Bieber Makes Heartfelt Apology To His Fans

    I wouldn’t want to be in the same zip code as Selena right now.  Typhoon conditions.  Dams breaking and water leaking everywhere.    Nothing sexier than a bad boy with a heart.  Bieber’s softer side.  So hot right now.  Bieber’s softer side.  

 

 

I wouldn’t want to be in the same zip code as Selena right now.  Typhoon conditions.  Dams breaking and water leaking everywhere.    Nothing sexier than a bad boy with a heart.  Bieber’s softer side.  So hot right now.  Bieber’s softer side.

 

By elpresidente posted January 29th, 2015 at 1:46 PM

Aaron Hernandez Really Sucks At Being A Murderer: Part 1,435,596

We're like 20 minutes into the Hernandez trial and it's already even more clear that Aaron Hernandez is the worst murderer in history.

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We’re like 20 minutes into the Hernandez trial and it’s already even more clear that Aaron Hernandez is the worst murderer in history. First, we saw that Hernandez texted his girlfriend basically saying “I got fucked up and told Odin about my flophouse. He’s gotta go.” Then, we learned that he left an unlit joint with his spit all over it right by Odin Lloyd’s body. I can’t even comprehend that. If I killed someone I’d spend like 2 weeks going over every inch of the area making sure I didn’t leave anything behind. Hernandez took a joint out of his mouth and said “Eh, I don’t feel like getting high. I’ll just leave this here. Not like there are DNA tests or anything, this isn’t the future.” It’s incredible. There’s so much evidence that it’s like Hernandez wanted to leave a calling card but couldn’t decide what he wanted it to be so he just left everything except his social security card and a selfie of him pulling the trigger. I still think he’s getting off though.

 

 

PS – As bad as Hernandez is at murdering, that’s how bad I’d be at juroring. I’m embarrassingly impressionable. Five minutes into his lawyer’s opening statement I was already convinced he’s innocent and wanted to buy him the next flight to Arizona.

By feitelberg posted January 29th, 2015 at 1:09 PM
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