Miltons Pimp My Look

        Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.         Today’s Contestant       Reader Email   [...]

 

 

 

 

Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.

 

 

 

 

Today’s Contestant

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Reader Email

 

Dear Milton’s,

Meet our boy EndaŠyes his name is Enda. This kids known around campus as “diapers” because he smells like absolute trash. He constantly wears his high school football warm up shirts, his Jamaal Charles jersey, and always goes “tits out for the boys” whenever the opportunity arises. The kid is pale as casper the ghost and somehow works as lifeguard, not to mention he drives a Subaru Outback and was born on 9/11. This kid needs some serious help with his fashion and we pray to Pageviews that Milton’s can help him out. Please Please help our boy “diapers” get laid!

Sincerely,
The Schiest Boys

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (6 votes, average: 4.00 out of 10)
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By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 4:22 PM

This Guy Wants South Carolina, Georgia and Florida To Secede And Form A New Country Named “Reagan” Because Gays Have Too Many Rights In America… Deal!

      (Source) – Douglas MacKinnon is a conservative columnist and former Reagan administration aide and he has written with a new book calling for Southern states to secede. In an interview with Janet Mefferd about his book, “The Secessionist States of America: The Blueprint for Creating a Traditional Values Country…Now,” MacKinnon described his [...]

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(Source) Douglas MacKinnon is a conservative columnist and former Reagan administration aide and he has written with a new book calling for Southern states to secede. In an interview with Janet Mefferd about his book, “The Secessionist States of America: The Blueprint for Creating a Traditional Values Country…Now,” MacKinnon described his vision for a new country that will consist of southern states breaking away and establishing the Religious Right’s political agenda as the law of the land. The states would be South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. Mackinnon explained that Texas would not be part of the bigoted, racist new country because “there have been a number of incursions into Texas and other places from some of the folks in Mexico.” MacKinnon said the “interim name” for the new racist, bigoted nation would be “Reagan,” and added that advances in gay rights are a good reason to secede.

 

 

 

Ever get in a fight with an ex-girlfriend that you knew sucked and was pretty much good for nothing where she screams that she’ll leave if you don’t change? She’ll throw this huge fit and scream “I’ll leave! I’ll walk right out this door right now! Watch me! I’ll do it!”? All the while you just stand there with your arms crossed thinking Do it! Come on, fucking do it! I hate breaking up with people. That’s me right now. Dougie MacKinnon, if you want to take South Carolina, Georgia and Florida and leave then be my guest. What does America lose in that exchange? Augusta National and oranges? Deal. All you. We’ll keep all the gay folk and all those Mexicans in Texas, you get Jacksonville and water parks. Divorce settled.

 

 

PS – Reagan is a horrible country name. Like people who name their dog a human name. It doesn’t work and makes you look like a weirdo.

By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Mayor Menino Suspending His Cancer Treatment Makes Me Sad

    BOSTON (CBS) — Former Boston Mayor Thomas Menino is suspending his cancer treatments and his book tour, he said in a statement released Thursday. “Today, I, along with my family, after talking with my medical team, have decided to suspend my book tour as well as my cancer treatments,” Menino said in the [...]

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BOSTON (CBS)Former Boston Mayor Thomas Menino is suspending his cancer treatments and his book tour, he said in a statement released Thursday. “Today, I, along with my family, after talking with my medical team, have decided to suspend my book tour as well as my cancer treatments,” Menino said in the statement. “While I continue to fight this terrible disease, I feel it is time for me to spend more time with my family, grandkids, and friends.”

 

 

 

Barstool and Mayor Menino were never mistaken for BFFs. We got after it. You know, we jabbered jaw, we went tit for tat. We had our little differences. He’d shut down blackout parties and take our paper stands in the middle of the night and ban Barstool in City Hall. But at the end of the day, he won some (all), we won some (pretty much none), and there’s a mutual respect left over between us. Love him or hate him, Menino is a Boston institution. He’s like an uncle who you’re pretty sure is involved in some shady business but you never ask, and you’re also never really sure if that uncle is drunk or maybe a little slow. Menino was just Menino. Couldn’t understand a word the guy said, he could barely stand on his own two feet, and he pronounced more names incorrectly than Pres. But he was always there. So yeah, I’m sad to hear about this. Never fun to see a respected foe cut down in a dishonorable way, especially by a disease as cowardly as cancer. Hope he enjoys his time with his family.

By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Seahawks Players are Complaining Russell Wilson Isn’t Black Enough. I Can Relate

    Seattle – If you want to understand, at least in some ways, the dynamics of the Seattle Seahawks locker room and why Percy Harvin was fitted to an ejector seat… Harvin was an accelerant in a locker room that was quickly dividing between Wilson and anti-Wilson. Again, people will deny this, but there’s [...]

 

 

SeattleIf you want to understand, at least in some ways, the dynamics of the Seattle Seahawks locker room and why Percy Harvin was fitted to an ejector seat… Harvin was an accelerant in a locker room that was quickly dividing between Wilson and anti-Wilson. Again, people will deny this, but there’s truth to it. The main issue some players seem to have with Wilson is they think he’s too close to the front office… There is also an element of race that needs to be discussed. My feeling on this—and it’s backed up by several interviews with Seahawks players—is that some of the black players think Wilson isn’t black enough… This is an issue that extends outside of football, into African-American society—though it’s gotten better recently. Well-spoken blacks are seen by some other blacks as not completely black. Some of this is at play.

 

 

I have two reactions to this story.  First, welcome to NFL success, Pete Carroll.  You think it’s easy keeping a team together after winning a Super Bowl?  Well this is what it’s like.  Remember all Spring and Summer when everybody talked about the Seahawks like they were the next NFL dynasty?  Because they were young and talented and loved their coach who basically re-invented tackle football?  Yeah, well about that.  Now they’re sitting at 3-3, in 3rd place in their division and that defense that was going to dominate the game for a generation is now 10th in the league.  They’ve had contract squabbles (Richard Sherman, Marshawn Lynch) had to let go of some key contributors (Red Bryant, Chris Clemons, Golden Tate, Brandon Browner) for salary cap reasons.  And now they’ve got a circular firing squad forming in their locker room over the relative blackness of their black quarterback.  There’s an old expression (I forget where I heard it, but it’s might be from a beer commercial) that goes “The only thing harder than working your way to the top is staying there.”  And in today’s NFL – a league designed to prevent sustained success – there’s only been one team capable of staying there.  Their dynasty is in it’s 15th big year.  Seattle’s jumped on the ash heap of history after one.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

That said, I have to comment on this Russell Wilson blackish issue.  Maybe you’d think in 2014, we’re beyond talking about race in sports.  Perhaps you’d think that being a Super Bowl winning QB would earn you enough goodwill that you shouldn’t have to defend your ethnicity.  But you’d be wrong.  Personally I have no problem with anyone questioning Wilson’s racial authenticity because quite frankly I do the same thing with our own Super Bowl MVP franchise quarterback.

Yeah, I said it.  Tom Brady isn’t Irish enough for me.

A few St. Paddy’s ago I complained about the lack of true Irish athlete heroes in this town.  To the point where I decided to name Dustin Pedroia an honorary Irishman.  Well I got hammered by people who screamed “What about Brady???” at me.  And therein lies the issue.  What about Brady?  Yes, he’s got an Irish name.  But it’s one of those kind of dubious ones, that could go either way.  More of a  “Brady Bunch” Brady than a real Hibernian like a Sullivan or an O’Reilly, say.  And to me, he’s just too Anglo.  I mean, look at the way he carries himself.  He talks in perfect King’s English, without a hint of a brogue.  You’ve seen the way he dresses at the postgame pressers or walking the red carpet someplace.  He might as well be a Royal.  The next time I see him in a scally and a hoodie with a shamrock on the front will be the first.  We’ve seen him dance to Salsa music in Rio, but never once have I seen him at Mr. Dooley’s belting out “Wild Rover” at the top of his lungs like a real Mick.  And if you look up where he was on September 17th, he was at Gillette getting ready for the Oakland game instead of celebrating “Halfway to St. Patrick’s Day” over a bunch of Guinnesses at The Snug in Hingham like I was.  And the last time I checked, he married a Brazilian goddess, not a ginger with good child-bearing hips.  So yes, while no one appreciates all that Tom Brady has brought to New England as much as this lad, you can’t tell me I should be satisfied with his level of Irishness.  Whoever you are in Seattle that’s disappointed in Russell Wilson’s blackishness? I feel your pain.  @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted October 24th, 2014 at 2:19 PM

Taylor Swift Was On Kimmel Last Night And Whoa

First she did some talking and it was leggggg showwww           Then came the performances and just oozed sex all over Hollywood Boulevard. Sultry eyes, fire dance moves, hip swinging, boobs poppin, catchy tunes. She looked in her bag and decided to use ALL the clubs.       Dat ass [...]

First she did some talking and it was leggggg showwww

 

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Then came the performances and just oozed sex all over Hollywood Boulevard. Sultry eyes, fire dance moves, hip swinging, boobs poppin, catchy tunes. She looked in her bag and decided to use ALL the clubs.

 

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Dat ass tho

 

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And finally, we ended the night with her looking like a 100 while Tommy Lasorda tried to steal her. If you can make Tommy Lasorda smile in a pic then you know you’re killing life.

 

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By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Guess That Ass

   

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By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 12:42 PM
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