Around Barstool

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Got Busted For His Assault Warrant When He Went To Get A Flu Shot?

(HuffPo)Nathaniel Chambers is feeling a little under the weather. The 27-year-old Connecticut man was busted one week after allegedly committing a violent assault and robbery at an auto shop, when he visited Veterans Hospital in West Haven for a flu shot. “Once staff learned he was wanted on our arrest warrant, the VA police held him until he was medically released at 1 p.m. today,” South Windsor Police Sgt. Scott Custer said in an e-mail to Patch.

What the fuck is up with everybody getting flu shots? This is insane. It’s the must have winter item of the season. We got criminals risking their freedom to get a vaccination? I don’t understand it one bit. I didn’t even know people besides children and old people got flu shots. Didn’t know they kept enough in stock for people with normal immune systems to go get one. Not only do I not want a flu shot, I want the flu. Sick days are the fucking best and I never get sick. People who get flu shots are one small step below the Asians in the SARS masks. A few days on the couch with a fever and the chills is literally a vacation. Don’t see why people are so against it. At the very least it’s better than whatever the sentencing for a violent assault and robbery is.

By feitelberg posted January 16th, 2013 at 4:20 PM

Adam Schefter Pretends Like He Is Happy that Chris Mortenson Cuckholded Him On the Chip Kelly To Philly Story

 

 

 

It’s the little things in life right?    Like this tweet shouldn’t make me this happy but it does.  I just picture Adam Scheffeter grinding his teeth at his computer pretending he doesn’t care that he just got mollywhopped by Chris Mortenson as he wrote this.  Trying to act like he just didn’t get cuckholed by the Mort Report.   Simple pleasures for simple minds I suppose.

PS – How did Sal Paolantonio not break this?   I feel like that dude sleeps in the Eagles equipment room Rudy style.  Only guy who spends more time with one team is Ed Werder with the Cowboys.

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 3:15 PM

And the Pussification of America Continues: Girls Hockey Team Forced To Cancel Season When 17 Players Are Suspended For Rookie Hazing Incident Which Wasn’t Even Hazing

NationalPost – Laura Brooks plays for the Dalhousie University women’s hockey team, a team that doesn’t actually play any games, because it only has five players. All five are rookies. There used to be 22 players, a mix of rookies and seniors, and of second- and third-years, but then 17 of them were suspended by university administrators this month, and the season forfeited, after details emerged that the five rookies, Ms. Brooks among them, were subjected to “hazing” at a team party last fall. Ms. Brooks recounted the details of the event, a team tradition, in a recent interview with CBC radio. She said the rookies were made to “dress up” in a blazer and tie, put Vaseline in their hair and answer “questions.” There was a scavenger hunt, drinking games and a gross snack — sardines, piled high with hot peppers and slathered in whip cream — to gobble down. Rookies who wanted to leave the party early were escorted home. Rookies too drunk to leave were provided with pajamas, a place to sleep and breakfast the next morning.“It was not awful,” Ms. Brooks told CBC. “It was not a big deal.”

Brenda Morrison is the director of the Centre for Restorative Justice at Simon Fraser University. She says the folly of zero tolerance policies is well documented in schools, and in our criminal justice system, where the contest is between the state and the criminal and the victim impact often discounted as collateral damage. “Zero tolerance policies are blind to the realities of social life, they are a one-size fits all model and they don’t build understanding, don’t necessarily deter others from participating in the same behaviour and they definitely don’t address the issues at the heart of the indiscretion,”

Last week the players wrote Mr. Traves a letter, signed by all 22 team members, including the rookie who informed her parents about the team party, who in turn told the coach who in turn told the university administration and got the puck bouncing, bringing us to where we are today. Says Dalhousie spokesperson Charles Crosby: “The university has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to hazing or initiation rituals.

Thank God for Brenda Morrison! She’s the first rational person I’ve ever heard that works at a college. If this was a Bat Mitzvah I’d throw her in a chair and be hoisting her to the rafters right now.

“Zero tolerance policies are blind to the realities of social life, they are a one-size fits all model and they don’t build understanding, don’t necessarily deter others from participating in the same behaviour and they definitely don’t address the issues at the heart of the indiscretion,”

AMEN SISTA! Preach! Preach! Preach! I know I’ve pointed out this out before, but it never ceases to amaze me that the people charged with educating our kids are always at the center of these zero tolerance and pussification stories. Like the goal of teachers and administrators should be to teach kids to think for themselves. To use their brain and commons sense when making decisions. But how can we expect that to happen when moron administrators like Charles Crosby defend all their decisions by saying they have a “zero tolerance policy.” Seriously what’s the point of even having humans as teachers? Just program robots and you could do the same thing. It just makes no sense. Clearly this hazing was not a big deal. To suspend everybody and force them to cancel their season is the pussification of America at it’s finest and everything that is wrong with our educational system and country today.

PS – The girl whose mother tattled on the team must be wicked popular right now huh?

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Jerry Take on the ND Situation: Te’o Fell For the Old Fake Girlfriend Who Dies Scam

Notre Dame’s Statement via FacebookOn Dec. 26, Notre Dame coaches were informed by Manti Te’o and his parents that Manti had been the victim of what appears to be a hoax in which someone using the fictitious name Lennay Kekua apparently ingratiated herself with Manti and then conspired with others to lead him to believe she had tragically died of leukemia. The University immediately initiated an investigation to assist Manti and his family in discovering the motive for and nature of this hoax. While the proper authorities will continue to investigate this troubling matter, this appears to be, at a minimum, a sad and very cruel deception to entertain its perpetrators.

Dennis Brown University Spokesman | Assistant Vice President

So there you have it.  Manti Te’o, his parents, the school, the team, and the entire Notre Dame family were victims of a hoax.  Someone played the old “Fictional Girl on the Internet Who You Think Is Your Girlfriend Until She Fake Dies” on Manti and he fell for it.  As any trusting, caring soul like him would.  He’s not the perpetrator.  It’s whoever broke his heart by inventing a fake chick on Twitter that he thought was his girlfriend even though she never existed that’s to blame.  He’s just a victim.  That settles that.  Let’s move along folks.  Nothing to see here.  Please disburse.  Nothing to see here.

PS.  If it turns out Te’o is behind all this, fuck him.  But he’ll be Jacksonville or Buffalo’s problem next year, not mine.

PPS.  If it turns out Knute Rockne faked George Gipp’s death, I’m losing the will to live.  @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted January 16th, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Scal Is Charging For Autographs Now? BAHAHAHAH!

 

Wait is this an early April Fools joke?   Scal is charging 20 bucks for an autograph?   BAHHAHAAH!   Listen I love Scal.   I think he’s hilarious.  I like how he’s willing to play anybody in Boston in 1 on 1.    But charging for autographs?  What type of maniac would pay for a Brian Scalabrine autograph?   Please tell me the money is going to charity or something.  It has to be.  Because Brian Scalabrine profiting from signing autographs would have to go down as one of the great white collar crimes of our generation.  Oh and if you are buying a Scal autorgraph I got a box full of Ball Don’t Lie Shirts to sell you.   Now somebody do me a favor and cue the music!

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 1:00 PM

Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Talia

 

Introducing Talia from RIC.   We met Talia at the last Blackout at Lupos where she was just killing it.   Can’t wait to see her again when the Blackout Tour kicks off the 2nd semester once again at Lupos.   That’s when you know you are a HR location.   Lupos is now the inaugural kickoff location for our tour.    A few tickets are still available for Foam Wednesday Feb 6th.   It sells out every time.  It will sell out again.   URI, RIC, PC, Johnston and Wales etc all just murdering it.

Click for Tickets   (HERE Is A REMINDER OR WHAT LUPOS LOOKED LIKE LAST TIME IN CASE YOU FORGOT)

Barstool Blackout – Fckin Foam – Providence from Barstool Blackout Tour on Vimeo.

Lupos – Wed Feb 6th – Tickets on Sale Now

Toads BLACKOUT – Feb 7th  SOLD OUT

Springfield FOAM – Feb 8th (Tickets on Sale Now)

Philly FOAM – Feb 9th (Tickets on Sale Now)

Towson BLACKOUT – Feb 13th – Tickets On Sale Now 

Washington DC BLACKOUT – Fur Nightclub – 2/14 – BUY TICKETS 

ESU FOAM – Feb 15th SOLD OUT

Baltimore FOAM – Feb 16th SOLD OUT

Worcester FOAM – Feb 22nd (Tickets on Sale) 

Irving Plaza BLACKOUT Feb 23  SOLD OUT

Panama City BeachMARCH 11

Panama City BeachMARCH 18 

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 6:28 PM

Is Dustin Pedroia Not Sexy Enough For the Red Sox Ownership Group?

 

NEW YORKTheo Epstein traded for Adrian Gonzalez and signed Carl Crawford following pressure from Boston Red Sox owners to build a “sexy team,” according to a book co-authored by former Red Sox manager Terry Francona. On Nov. 2, 2010, a group gathered at Fenway Park to review results of that $100,000 marketing research project the Red Sox had commissioned following declining ratings of NESN, the regional sports network partly owned by the team. The books stated the marketing report said: “(W)omen are definitely more drawn to the ‘soap opera’ and ‘reality-TV’ aspects of the game … They are interested in good-looking stars and sex symbols” — a reference to All-Star second baseman Dustin Pedroia.

 

I know I already talked about this yesterday, but this shit is hilarious. The Red Sox ownership paid 100K to a consulting group to find out that Dustin Pedroia wasn’t sexy enough to play in Boston. That the Red Sox needed had to have better looking players and more drama to get chicks to watch. How awesome is that? Seriously am I the only one that takes some sort of perverse pleasure in this? Yeah I love the Red Sox. Yeah I want them to win the World Series, but it’s literally amazing what a joke this franchise has turned…WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

Were they saying Dustin Pedroia was the ONLY sexy player on the team? Like using him as an example of what players need to look like? That’s what people are telling me now. Huh? Could that be right? Nobody is saying Pedroia is sexy are they? Jesus Christ. I’m so confused right now.

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Do These Look Like The Faces Of Three Kentucky Dudes Busted For Drinking Beer In A Post Office?

KY – Louisville Metro Police have arrested three men they said were trespassing on government property. According to a police report, 44-year-old James Tully, 43-year-old Gregory Parker and 61-year-old Earl Allen were all found inside the lobby of the United States Post Office on Highland Avenue drinking beer. This is not the first time the three men were asked to leave the building. The report states after several complaints from USPS staff and customers, the men have been told “numerous times that they are trespassing” and are not allowed in the building. Responding officers said one of the men had an open beer and there was a “bag” of beers being shared between the three. Officers said all three men smelled of alcohol. All three men are charged with criminal trespassing, drinking alcoholic beverage in a public place and alcohol intoxication in a public place.

 

The US post office is broke, letter sending is going extinct, they’re looking for a way to make more money…Umm guys I think the answer is staring you right in the face. Post office bars! Serve up some booze, let people hang out and relax, maybe put on some tunes. Next thing you know they’ll be drunk-mailing letters across the world, spending all their cash on stamps and saving your entire business. Not too complicated, government. Just look at what the people want and give it to them.

Now, let’s talk about the side of that dude’s face. What the FUCK is going on there? Is that a droopy cheek? A fat neck? A tumor? Seriously I’ve never been more disgusted and fascinated at the same time. I want answers. I need answers. We may very well be dealing with the deformity mystery of the century and I won’t rest until I know why I’m dry heaving.

By JMac posted January 16th, 2013 at 4:52 PM

Verizon Developer Outsources His Job To China So He Can Watch More Cat Videos Online

 

(Inquirer)A DEVELOPER in the US was caught outsourcing his own six figure job to China for one fifth the price so he could spend his time watching cat videos on the internet, reports a case study from Verizon. No, this isn’t a joke. A developer for an anonymous critical infrastructure company, referred to as ‘Bob,’ was actually caught outsourcing his own work to China so he could spend all day browsing the web, something that Verizon noticed after it was alerted to odd activity on the firm’s VPN logs. “We received a request from a US-based company asking for our help in understanding some anomalous activity that they were witnessing in their VPN logs,” Verizon explained. “Plainly stated, the VPN logs showed [Bob] logged in from China, yet the employee is right there, sitting at his desk, staring into his monitor.” Further investigation from Verizon revealed Bob’s web browsing history, which showed just how he spent his eight hours. A typical day for the lazy developer consisted of surfing Reddit for two hours, an hour on eBay and two hours of Facebook and Linkedin updates.

The person who sent this story put “pussification of America” in the subject line which absolutely BAFFLES me. How is this pussification? This is old school America right here. It’s about as far from pussification as you can get. Making a forerigner do all your work for you for practically free? Does that sound familiar to anybody? It’s getting back to the roots of what made this country the great country that it is. Its foundation is built on the backs of foreigners and minorities while fat white guys kicked their feet up and watched cat videos. Is that kind of racist? Sure, it’s racist as hell. But it’s not wrong. America is about working smarter and with some bigotry, not working harder. So I commend “Bob.” He may have gotten caught but at least he chased the dream.

By feitelberg posted January 16th, 2013 at 11:06 AM

Notre Dame and Te’o Explain Everything

Yahoo! - Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick said he believes Manti Te’o was victim of a hoax and he thinks just as highly of the linebacker as he always did. Swarbrick, who held a press conference [called] it a “very elaborate, very sophisticated hoax,” said he met with Te’o and trusts what he heard from him… Swarbrick said Te’o's personality left him open to this hoax. In many ways, Manti was the perfect mark, because he is a guy who is so willing to believe in others and so ready to help, that as this hoax played out in a way that called upon those tendencies of Manti, it roped him more and more into the trap,” Swarbrick said. “He was not a person who would have a second thought about offering his assistance and help.” Swarbrick said Te’o got call when he was at a college football awards show in Orlando, which was Dec. 6, from a number he knew to be Kekua. The voice on the other end was the one he knew as Kekua, Swarbrick said, and she told Te’o he was not dead. “Manti was very unnerved by that, as you might imagine,” Swarbrick said. Te’o called Notre Dame’s coaches early in the morning on Dec. 26 to tell them what happened… Swarbrick said he was comfortable with the consistencies in Te’o's story. Swarbrick said it was exclusively an online relationship.

 Manti Te’o's statement - This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with a woman I met online. We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about her. To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone’s sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating.

So there’s your explanation.  There but for the grace of God go I.  Let ye who never met a fake girl online and talked to her on the phone every night then said she was the most beautiful girl you ever met only to have her die in your metaphorical cyber arms cast the first stone.  Needless to say the internet is going wild with conspiracy theories:

*Te’o invented Lennay Kekua because he wanted the publicity.

*He thought a good sob story would help him win the Heisman. 

*He got tired of being the middle child and his older sister Marcia being really popular with boys so he said he had a girlfriend too and her name is “um, Lennay” and when mom and dad asked what her last name is he looked around the room and saw a glass and said “Glass.  Yes, that’s it.  Lennay Glass…” but later changed it to Kekua.

*Te’o made her up so he could pretend there’s a charity in her name and then at Christmas get out of buying gifts and just give people a card that says “A donation in your name has been given to the Lennay Kekua Memorial Human Fund.”

*Lennay Kekua is Te’o's Randall Stevens.  A phantom.  Someone he invented to set up a series of dummy accounts so he could launder kickback money for an evil prison warden.  And if they trace any accounts, they´ll wind up chasing a figment of Te’o's imagination.

*El Pres invented the whole thing to discredit Notre Dame, cost us them the National Championship and sell t-shirts.

*Lennay was concocted by the Democrats to elect the first woman president because they know in Hawaii you can get any fake identity document you need.

But I’m going with this one because it makes the most sense:

*Bill Belichick is behind the whole thing because he knows Te’o is a once-in-a-generation player who’d never fall to the end of the 1st round of the draft unless he was in a major scandal that threw up all sorts of character issues.

Perfect.  It worked with Aaron Hernandez positive drug test in 2010.  It worked with Alfonzo Dennard slugging a cop last year.  And it’ll work here.  Te’o is toxic right now.  But once he’s on his way to winning the 2013 Defensive Rookie of the Year, all will be forgiven.  Besides, his grandmother was real.  So he’s 1-for-2 on the Loved One Credibility Front.  I’ll take those odds.  @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted January 16th, 2013 at 9:18 PM

Notre Dame’s Manti Te’o Made Up the Entire Story About His Dead Girlfriend For Publicity…..So ND

DeadspinNotre Dame’s Manti Te’o, the stories said, played this season under a terrible burden. A Mormon linebacker who led his Catholic school’s football program back to glory, Te’o was whipsawed between personal tragedies along the way. In the span of six hours in September, as Sports Illustrated told it, Te’o learned first of the death of his grandmother, Annette Santiago, and then of the death of his girlfriend, Lennay Kekua. Kekua, 22 years old, had been in a serious car accident in California, and then had been diagnosed with leukemia. SI’s Pete Thamel described how Te’o would phone her in her hospital room and stay on the line with her as he slept through the night. “Her relatives told him that at her lowest points, as she fought to emerge from a coma, her breathing rate would increase at the sound of his voice,” Thamel wrote.

There was no Lennay Kekua. Lennay Kekua did not meet Manti Te’o after the Stanford game in 2009. Lennay Kekua did not attend Stanford. Lennay Kekua never visited Manti Te’o in Hawaii. Lennay Kekua was not in a car accident. Lennay Kekua did not talk to Manti Te’o every night on the telephone. She was not diagnosed with cancer, did not spend time in the hospital, did not engage in a lengthy battle with leukemia. She never had a bone marrow transplant. She was not released from the hospital on Sept. 10, nor did Brian Te’o congratulate her for this over the telephone. She did not insist that Manti Te’o play in the Michigan State or Michigan games, and did not request he send white flowers to her funeral. Her favorite color was not white. Her brother, Koa, did not inform Manti Te’o that she was dead. Koa did not exist. Her funeral did not take place in Carson, Calif., and her casket was not closed at 9 a.m. exactly. She was not laid to rest.Lennay Kekua’s last words to Manti Te’o were not “I love you.”

So Deadspin just broke this story. It’s long. It’s confusing and it’s unbelievable. Long story short Manti Te’o rickrolled all off college football and the national media by concocting a story about how his girlfriend died in a car accident 6 hours after his grandmother died to garner publicity for himself.  Only problem.  His girlfriend never existed.  Absolutely one of the most bizarre stories I can ever remember in my life.  Seriously what type of lunatic does this? Oh right. A ND guy does that’s who. The most fake righteous college in the world. As KFC said on twitter the only school where they sweep real, actual deaths under the rug and glorify fake ones. And the sad part is this still isn’t half as embarrassing to what happened to them against Alabama. God it’s great to be a Michigan Wolverine.

PS – Deadspin deserves huge credit here on breaking this story. This is what they should do. This is what they are good at. This is what their site started as. Leave the smut and being funny to us. That’s what we do. That’s why I call them Junior. But we don’t do this.   We don’t pay for stories.  We don’t chase stories. I couldn’t research and write this in my best day. Not my bag and not my skillset. At some point they got away from this type of stuff and started doing exactly what we’ve been doing for the past decade only not nearly as good. That’s why I call them Junior. But I tip my cap for this story. This stuff is great work by them.  Anything that makes ND look like dickheads is okay in my book.

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 5:15 PM

Notre Dame Claims Manti Te’o Was The Victim of A Hoax By Getting Tricked Into Falling In Love With His Girlfriend Who Apparently He Never Met And Who Didn’t Exist Even Though He Claims He Talked To Her Every Night On the Phone

 

ND Statement

On Dec. 26, Notre Dame coaches were informed by Manti Te’o and his parents that Manti had been the victim of what appears to be a hoax in which someone using the fictitious name Lennay Kekua apparently ingratiated herself with Manti and then conspired with others to lead him to believe she had tragically died of leukemia. The University immediately initiated an investigation to assist Manti and his family in discovering the motive for and nature of this hoax. While the proper authorities will continue to investigate this troubling matter, this appears to be, at a minimum, a sad and very cruel deception to entertain its perpetrators.

Dennis Brown
University Spokesman | Assistant Vice President

 

I fucking hate when that happens. Nothing worse than getting tricked into having a serious long term relationship with somebody who doesn’t exist. That’s the worst. I mean Manti dated this non existent slut for a full year. Imagine all those fake hours he spent on the fake phone fake listening to her fake breathing and shit? He’s not going to get those fake days back. Those fake moments are lost forever. Almost like they never even happened. Poor Manti.

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 9:39 PM

Is This The Best Submission Hold of All Time?

 

Was that real?  It can’t be right?   Like it can’t be real for two reasons.  #1 nobody could ever put somebody in that hold unless they let themselves get put in it.  And #2 even if you could get somebody in that hold against their will a guy who wears a studded belt and is seemingly an emo wouldn’t be the guy to pull it off.  What do the Stoolies think?

 

Vote 1 for no chance this emo pulled this off and 10 for that’s one bad emo

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (868 votes, average: 7.66 out of 10)
Loading ... Loading ...

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 1:43 PM

The Week in Bulletin Board Fodder Rolls On: Houston CB Johnathan Joseph Says the Texans are Better Than the Patriots

CSN HoustonThe Texans faced the Patriots twice this season with similar results. They lost 42-14 in Week 14 and lost 41-28 in the Divisional round of the playoffs. They were outscored 83-42 and it wasn’t that close. But Pro Bowl cornerback Johnathan Joseph still thinks the Texans are the better team. “Obviously we had the right guys in here to win 13 ballgames to get up to that point,” Joseph said on Monday, the day the Texans cleaned out their lockers. “For whatever reason, we didn’t advance. I still can’t put that over because I think we were a better team. I think we just didn’t make the plays at the right time.”… In two games against the Texans, Brady passed for 640 yards and seven touchdowns with zero interceptions. “Not at all,” Joseph said when asked if the gap between the Texans and Patriots isn’t that big. “Just four or five plays. You take a few of those plays that they made and go the other way, it’s a different ballgame.”

Sure it would be easy to  dismiss Johnathan Joseph as just another NFL asshat who can’t except the fact that the Patriots are in their 13th year of dominating a league that no team is supposed to dominate.  But I won’t.  Because when you think about it, he’s got a good point.  Those two games really did come down to just a handful of plays.  If you take away Donte Stallworth walking out of his parole office to catch a 63 yard TD, Brandon Lloyd running wide open deep for a score, Vince Wilfork forcing a fumble, a perfect throw to Shane Vereen for 47, the best game of Jerod Mayo’s career, Rob Ninkovich’s interception from the nose tackle spot, Aaron Hernandez 2 touchdowns and Wes Welker shredding the secondary for 180 yards… all done without Rob Gronkowski… what have you got?  The Patriots would’ve only outscored Houston by 20 points. 30, tops.  So therefore the Texans are a better team.  It’s science. @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted January 16th, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Countdown To Ray’s Retirement Party On 93

 

If I was better at math I would update the time. But I’m not, so I won’t. Nonetheless, love this pic. I’m all about fighting fire with fire. Baltimore is one of the cockiest teams in the league. Flacco thinks he’s as good as Brady, Ray loves dancing all over the place, Terrell Suggs can’t keep his mouth shut for multiple reasons, Ayanbadejo is throwing out 18-1 tweets. That’s fine. We’ll just put up a billboard with a countdown to the execution of the only face your franchise has ever known. See ya Sunday.

By feitelberg posted January 16th, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Tiger Woods Is Trying To Buy Back Elin Nordegren With $200 Million Cash and A $350 Million Anti Cheating Clause

DM – Tigers Woods is attempting to win his ex-wife Elin Nordegren back with a $200 million deal, according to the National Enquirer. The shamed golfer, 37, is desperate to win his ex-wife back, according to the magazine and has offered the hefty cash deal as well as a stern pre-nup. Elin, 33, who won a $110 million divorce settlement from the sportsman, is believed to have told him she will consider the proposal – but only if he includes a $350 million anti-cheating clause into the wedding contract.  Swedish blonde Elin is the mother of Tiger’s two young children, Samantha, five, and Charlie, three. A source told the Enquirer the deal was worth more than half of Tiger’s $600 million fortune, adding Elin feels it’s enough to keep him from straying. The source claimed: ‘Tiger didn’t even balk at the demand. Even though his accountants think he’s crazy, he’s ready to sign the pre-nup and set a wedding date. ‘The guy has never recovered from being dumped by Elin. He’s dated lots of models and bimbos, but none of them were more than a one night stand.’

 

 

Jesus Christ!  Does Tiger Woods have any friends?  Any?  Because if you’re friends with him you need to sit him down and shake the shit out of him right now.  This is the WORST deal in the history of deals.  Like yeah I get it.  Tiger wants to fuck Elin again.   He wishes he had her back.  You never appreciate what you have till it’s gone.  That’s all true.  But guess what?  Once Tiger gets her back he’s going to want to cheat again.   That’s just how it goes.  The newness will be gone after 6 months and he’ll be right back where he started craving that foreign pussy.  Except this time he’s got a $350 million dollar anti cheating bounty on his head.  And as much money as that is there is still no way Tiger doesn’t cheat on her again.  He’ll think he can get away with it just like he did the first time.  So either he better have the tightest cheating game of all time or else he’s gonna end up broke and destitute on the side of the road one day.   Hell it wouldn’t shock me if Elin is setting him up still.   I hate Tiger and even I’m telling him to walk away.  Just walk away.

 

UPDATE – I notice alot of baffoons mentioning that the source is the National Enquirer so we should take this with a grain of salt.  Newsflash assholes.  The National Enquirer is right like 100% of the time now.  This isn’t the mid 80′s when they did alien stories.  They break real shit now.   Hell didn’t they break the Tiger Woods story in the first place?  I’m pretty sure they did.

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Notre Dame AD Cries At The Manti Te’o Press Conference

 

(Click to Buy Shirt)

 

Was he crying?  THERE IS NO CRYING IN FAKE GIRLFRIEND DYING CATFISH STORIES!   THERE IS NO CRYING IN FAKE GIRLFRIEND DYING CATFISH STORIES!

Seriously I can’t get enough of this shit.   The best part of this coverage is how serious everybody is.  They are talking and acting as though somebody really died of Leukemia.  Like all somber and shit.   Dramatic music.  Dramatic voices.   “Manti Te’o's girlfriend dead at age 21 of Leukemia………who did not exist”    It’s hilarious.    Even the scroll on ESPN makes me laugh everytime I look at it.  It’s so preposterous.  I can’t get enough.   I guess it’s true what they say. Rule 1 of having a serious girlfriend. Try to meet her first. Day 1 stuff really.

 

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 10:22 PM

Musberger’s Fuck ESPN Tour Rolls On

 

Pretty obvious now that Musberger doesn’t give a fuck what ESPN has to say. Every time they reprimand somebody they just go into hiding and stay off Twitter and take their punishment like a pussy. Not Musberger. He’s coming out swinging. First he calls Holly Rowe smoking hot and now he’s publicly stating he did nothing wrong and he’d love to get Katherine Webb’s number just to chat it up with her. Love it. Guy is well on his way to being the coolest old dude in town.

PS – Brent’s tits. Whoa! Wow!

Double PS – So ESPN blatantly lied that Brent knew he screwed up huh?  Not surprising.

By feitelberg posted January 16th, 2013 at 10:38 AM

This Blowjob Defense Video Is Definitely The Funniest Blowjob Defense Video I’ve Ever Seen

 

Hey who says the Stool is just a bunch of chauvinistic pigs? We’ve got plenty of great stuff for the ladies too. Like this blowjob defense lesson for example. If any of you girls ever find yourselves being forced to orally copulate a kung fu guy in his dojo, just bite off his penis which will be a cucumber. That will cause shock and definitely end any thoughts about rape. Although if you pull this move you’ll still end up with a dick in your mouth so don’t get angry when the guy tells all his friends you blew him. Technically it’s true.

PS – After watching this I’m not sure if I want to jerk off or go eat cucumbers and ranch dressing. Suppose I could do both.

By JMac posted January 16th, 2013 at 11:39 AM

“Play Like Your Fake Girlfriend Died Today” Shirts Now On Sale

 

Click to Buy

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times.  Whenever Manti Te’o makes up a story about having a dead girlfriend die in a car crash it’s becomes Jew christmas at the Stool.   I defy anybody to ever come up with a better ND hater shirt than this.  Cha-Ching!  Fake dead girlfriends FTW!   Deadspin breaks it.  Pageviews Makes it.

 

Click to Buy

By elpresidente posted January 16th, 2013 at 9:45 PM
© 2014 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit