Soccer Player Punts The Ball Boy Right In The Stomach

 

Internet is going crazy about this video. I don’t get it? The ball boy fell on the ball and was slowing up the play so he got kicked in the stomach a bit. What’s the big deal? It was a little nudge to roll over. There has to be something in the air which genetically turns you into a pussy when you set foot on a soccer field.

PS – yes I said “punts” in the headline just so you watched the video. You just got GOT!

By feitelberg posted January 23rd, 2013 at 6:55 PM

Reader Email – Does This Treadmill Workout Get This St. Michael’s Kid Laid?

Reader Email

Saw this guy running on the treadmill for ten minutes carrying this weighted barbell. This is typical Saint Michael’s College weight room actions. Does this get this guy laid?

Love,

Huge Stoolie!

Ronny DiMasi

Viva La Stool!

First of all nothing from St. Michael’s College could ever surprise me. Not after seeing intern Musky in action who was from there. By far one of the weirdest birds ever to walk through Barstool HQ’s. I mean the kid stabbed my air conditioner with a scissors for god sakes. Anyway back to the question. Does this move get this kid laid? I’m going to have to say no. I mean look at his form. He looks like he is struggling big time with this shit. Like there is no way this isn’t causing some major damage to his internal organs.  Just not impressive looking in the least. Rule #1 of being a hardo. Look good doing it.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 2:05 PM

Tyler Seguin Making Moves On Boomer Eisasan’s Daughter

 

In case people didn’t know Sydney Esiason (Aka – Boomer’s daugher) is a certified smokeshow that goes to BC.   In fact she turned down being officially recognized as a smokeshow for obvious reasons, but that hasn’t stop Tyler Seguin’s from trying to work his magic.   And yes the “I’ll leave ya tickets” line works on every level on every playing field in every country in the world.   Doesn’t matter whether it’s a hockey game or Blackout show.  Leaving tickets is a game changer.   Even if your dad is Boomer Esiason.

PS – How long before Syndey shows up to a B’s game in Black n Gold?   I give it a month.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 10:41 AM

The T Might Start Running Until 2 am On Weekends…Who Cares, Lets Get The Bars Open Later Already

Bostinno – If lawmakers take the bait and decide to implement Governor Deval Patrick’s proposed transportation plan, pumping $1 billion into the state annually through higher taxes and fare hikes, bar crawlers could find themselves skipping the cab rides home, and using the MBTA until 2 a.m. on weekends. “The MBTA is investigating providing service beyond our current 1 a.m. schedule on a pilot basis where there is ridership demand,” according to a statement from MassDOT officials. “If additional operating funds are identified, major bus routes and the most heavily traveled portions of the subway and light rail systems will be considered for extra service.” The pilot program would be in response to the state-wide “Your Vision, Our Future” public meetings with riders, calling for extended hours, and could happen only with adequate funding through Patrick and MassDOT’s recent transportation reform proposal. Officials said on Tuesday that the cost of service will be determined once operating schedules and frequencies are identified.

 

Typical Beacon Hill talk right here. “The MBTA is investigating providing service beyond our current 1 a.m. schedule on a pilot basis where there is ridership demand.” Hey bro you ever tried getting a cab at 2 am in Faneuil Hall? Yeah, there’s fucking demand for public transportation on Friday and Saturday nights. Don’t need to investigate it. Just look out your window one night. Pretty obvious we need a few more rides home. Either keep the T running or let a couple hundred more cab permits go so I don’t have to almost get in a fight on Union St every weekend.

But transportation is secondary to the real concern. Can we get the bars open later already? Can I drink until 4 am like god intended? Pump some more money into the local establishments, get our bartenders pockets fatter, really bulk up Boston’s nightlife? Maybe get a few more restaurants besides South Street Diner open late so I don’t have to meet every other hungry person in Boston at the same place? Honestly what do we have to do? Start a petition or something? Go to these Your Vision, Our Future meetings? I’ll do it. My vision for the future is to get shellacked at the bars until the wee hours of the morning and hurriedly shuffle a girl home before the sun comes up. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

Seriously this is Barstool. Most popular website in the city. We’re the coveted 18-35 demographic. We run shit. How do we get the bars open later? What are the steps? They can’t ignore all of us. If we want to drop our rent money at the bars all night then god dammit that’s exactly what we’ll do. Help me out political science majors. Stoolies unite!

By JMac posted January 23rd, 2013 at 3:12 PM

Breaking News: Condoms Don’t Take Away From Enjoyment of Sex

 

(MedXpress) Led by Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH and Michael Reece, PhD, MPH, of the School of Public Health-Bloomington, Indiana University, researchers reviewed a nationally representative study of men and women in the United States ages 18-59 to assess characteristics of condom and lubricant use during participants’ most recent sexual event, and the relationship of their condom and lubricant use to their ratings of sexual quality. Data were from the 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, which involved the administration of an online questionnaire to a nationally representative probability sample of the U.S. adults. Results showed that men and women consistently rate sex as highly arousing and pleasurable with few differences based on condom or lubricant use. More than twice as many women were unsure whether the condom was lubricated (26.6% vs. 11.4%) or from what material it was made (23.6% vs. 8.9%). Additionally, no significant differences were found in regard to men’s ratings of the ease of their erections based on condom and lubricant use.

 

Everybody is talking about this story today throwing out all sorts of facts to disprove this theory. Listen it’s real simple.   If condoms don’t take away from the pleasure of sex why do I last 7 seconds raw dog and 37 seconds with a condom on.   Case closed.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 12:15 PM

I Can’t Decide What Is Worse…Going On National TV To Talk About Your Fake Girlfriend Or What Manti Te’o Wore On National TV Talking About His Fake Girlfriend

 

NEW YORK (AP) Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o has told Katie Couric that he briefly lied about his online girlfriend after discovering she didn’t exist, while maintaining that he had no part in creating the hoax.  ‘‘Katie, put yourself in my situation. I, my whole world told me that she died on Sept. 12. Everybody knew that. This girl, who I committed myself to, died on Sept. 12,’’ ‘‘Now I get a phone call on Dec. 6, saying that she’s alive and then I’m going be put on national TV two days later. And to ask me about the same question. You know, what would you do?’’ Te’o said.

 

Hey asshole you’re on national TV.  Nice look.   No wonder you had a fake girlfriend.   No way you can have a real one with that look.   I’d catfish your ass too.

 

PS – Speaking of fashion.  Hey Kesha…Pageviews called.  He wants his starfishes back.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 11:13 AM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Tech Specialist Who Used A Spy Pen To Watch A Chick Pump Her Tits?

Huff – A Portland, Ore. man allegedly placed a pen camera on a co-worker’s desk to spy on her using a breast pump, Portland Police said. Russell Kent Gordon, a tech specialist at natural resources consulting firm Mason, Bruce & was arrested on Friday for second-degree burglary and invasion of privacy after the co-worker found the spy pen and notified her supervisor. Gordon, 44, was fired the next day. Sgt. Pete Simpson, a Portland Police spokesman, said the victim found the digital recording pen in a cup on her desk and realized a USB drive was attached to it, The Oregonian reported. Gordon pleaded not guilty to all charges in Multnomah County Circuit Court on Tuesday. His next hearing is scheduled Feb. 6. He was released from Multnomah County Jail on recognizance.

 

Dude gross. Of all things to watch a chick do, pumping milk out of her nipples has to be like third worst. Any act a woman does that is in any way related to birth or kids makes my dick go droopy. And I also have this weird thing where I don’t like drinking milk from anywhere except the fridge at my house. Don’t trust restaurant milk or milk from random fridges. So between my hatred for infants and my hatred of foreign milk, lactating tits are a certified cock softener.

But where do I get one of these spy pens though? Because don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting the use of a spy pen. Thing has potential. I don’t think I’d even use it so much for creeping on chicks as I would for hard-hitting investigations. Like, for instance, did my roommate open the clean dishwasher, take out what he needed, then close it back up like he was never there so he doesn’t have to unload it. Cause I know he fucking did…I just know it.

Anyway, open your eyes Russell Kent Gordon, tech specialist, and stop beating it to tit milking you weirdo.

By JMac posted January 23rd, 2013 at 1:45 PM

Best Tinder Game Out There

 

Best Tinder game out there right now boys and girls.   Just using a Bradley Cooper lookalike/mogul to catfish the fuck out of bitches.  Fucking brilliant.   Chicks will be so wet they meet you they won’t even care you’re the guy on the left.   Don’t hate the playa hate the game.

 

PS – My hair is HUGE here.  Get a haircut bro.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 3:37 PM

Brady Apologizing to Ed Reed for the Play Ed Reed Had No Problem With Makes Me Wonder if the Pats are Too Goddamn Nice

HeraldThe NFL is reviewing an incident between Tom Brady and Ed Reed during Sunday’s AFC Championship Game, and the Patriots quarterback apparently thought enough of it to call the Ravens safety to apologize. Brady slid to the ground on the final offensive play before halftime and kicked his right leg into the air at Reed. Ravens safety Bernard Pollard took exception to the play Monday, telling reporters in Baltimore it was dirty… “We talked on the phone,” Reed said. “He actually reached out to me, texted me. I tried to text him back, but the message exploded after 12 seconds, so I had to call him. “I told him, ‘You know, it’s good, man.’ ” Reed didn’t appear to have a problem with the play, noting Brady was in a vulnerable position and was trying to protect himself. “It’s a tough spot the quarterback is in,” Reed said. “I understand Brady’s point. He’s protecting himself. I know he’s a great player. I respect Brady and his game for all it stands for, and I know he’s not a dirty player.”

This story begs the question:  Is it possible that the Patriots are too nice?  Could it be that maybe the reason there are now 3rd graders in New England not old enough to have ever seen them win a championship is because they’re too respectful of their opponents?  You look at the kind of guys they’ve drafted over the years and you see the profile of Bill Belichick’s “type” is the cerebral, highly coachable, team leader type.  Team captains.  Film room rats.  Quiet guys who prefer to lead by example as opposed to yapping all the time.  We can all cite examples of questionable character nutjobs he’s brought in and asked them to blend into the locker room with varying degrees of success.  But by and large the Patriots roster is made up of articulate, high football IQ players who respect the game, respect their opponents and keep their cake holes shut.

But look at the results.  Look at the teams that have ended the Patriots seasons and a pattern emerges.  They’ve all been mouthy, chest-thumping,  uber-confident shit-talkers who’ll not only kick you when you’re down, they’ll piss on your head for good measure.  As much as I hate the word “swagger,” the Ravens, Giants and Jets have all had swagger:

*2010 Jets – Bart Scott does his infamous “Can’t stop a nose bleed. Feels great, can’t wait” rant on the Gillette field

*2011 Giants – Brandon Jacobs says Gisele “needs to just be cute and shut up” and “We decapitated them. They can’t wear that crown no more, baby.”

*2012 Ravens – Terrell Suggs calls them “arrogant fuckers”

There are dozens of other examples.  Meanwhile I defy you to find one example of the Patriots shooting their mouths off after beating someone.  You have to go back to what?  The 2006 Divisional Playoff in San Diego when a handful of guys did the Shawn Merriman “Lights Out”? Willie McGinest taunting Pittsburgh fans “Cancel those reservations!” in 2001?  The difference between then and now is those teams earned the right to be cocky and arrogant.  They’d won championships and playoff games on the road when they were huge underdogs. I’ve always appreciated Belichick’s philosophy that running your mouth doesn’t help you win.  But maybe it does.  Football’s such an emotional game that maybe you can’t win without [sigh] “swagger.”  I mean, you don’t hear Bernard Pollard apologizing every time he ends some Patriot’s season.    That’s football.  It’s a violent game. And it’s time to see a little more Pollard attitude around here and a little less Anna Welker apologizing for speaking the truth.  More Ray Lewis insane screaming and less Vince Wilfork soft spokeness. A lot less apologizing for things they don’t need to apologize for and a little more “You’re goddamned right I kicked Ed Reed in the pills and I’d do it again.  We’re trying to win a championship and he can bite my ass if he doesn’t like it.”  A little less Patriots Way and a little more Cobra Kai No Mercy:

 

@JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted January 23rd, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Allie

 

 

Introducing Ally from Umass Lowell.  Got to love the Puck Bunny outfit.    The days and minutes are counting down till the Blackout Tour revs back into action.    Our friends at Buses 2 now have buses for all people needing rides from Umass to Springfield and from Westfield State to Springfield.   Don’t worry about cabs, driving etc.  Let them do the work for you.

Buses from Umass to Springfield

Buses from Westfield State to Springfield

(Also I believe there will be buses from Boston to DCU as well since that’s as close as we get to Boston schools.  If you are in a frat or go to a Boston school and want to put together a bus let us know and we’ll pass it along.  Or be smart and split a hotel room.)

Lupos – Wed Feb 6th – Tickets on Sale Now

Toads BLACKOUT – Feb 7th  SOLD OUT

Springfield FOAM – Feb 8th (Tickets on Sale Now)

Philly FOAM – Feb 9th (Tickets on Sale Now)

Towson BLACKOUT – Feb 13th – Tickets On Sale Now 

Washington DC BLACKOUT – Fur Nightclub – 2/14 – BUY TICKETS 

ESU FOAM – Feb 15th SOLD OUT

Baltimore FOAM – Feb 16th SOLD OUT

Worcester FOAM – Feb 22nd (Tickets on Sale) 

Irving Plaza BLACKOUT Feb 23  SOLD OUT

Panama City BeachMARCH 11

Panama City BeachMARCH 18 

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 6:13 PM

So Tiger Woods Is Nailing Lindsey Vonn Now?

 

DM – Three years ago he hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons as a string of affairs were revealed, but it appears that disgraced golf star Tiger Woods may have been tamed by new love, champion skier Lindsey Vonn. The pair apparently began seeing each other in November last year, and the shamed golfer is pulling out all the stops to ensure this relationship goes the distance, unlike his marriage. Tiger, 38, appears to have learnt from his mistakes and is making every effort to go the distance with his new love: ‘He wants to marry again and thinks Lindsey could be the woman,’ a source close to the golfer revealed to Star magazine. The blonde beauty was reportedly wary of getting involved with the golfing star because of his past, but it appears that Tiger has pulled out all the stops to prove he has learnt from his mistakes. The golfing star recently whisked 28-year-old Lindsey away to Antigua for a romantic break, and earlier this month he stopped off on his way to The Abu Dhabi HSBC Golf Championship to visit her in Austria, where she was competing in a World Cup Ski event.

First of all I don’t believe this story for a second. One second Tiger is trying to buy back Elin for 300 million and now he’s getting ready to wifey Lindsey Vonn. No chance. It just doesn’t feel right to me in my plums. But let me say this. If this is true than Lindsey Vonn is 100% certified batshit crazy. Like you go from chasing that virgin Tim Tebow to dating the King of Whores Tiger Woods? You can’t teach that type of insanity. Kind of makes me hard actually. I dig crazy.

As a sidenote this is kind of a great question for all the chick Stoolies. Would you marry Tiger Woods knowing he’s going to fuck every bitch that moves, but you get to live like a queen? And you couldn’t cheat either. You had to be faithful while he just ran train on hookers and shit? Tough call right?

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 4:22 PM

The NCAA Is Investigating Itself For Lying, Cheating, And Overall Scumbag Behavior

NCAA.org  – The NCAA national office has uncovered an issue of improper conduct within its enforcement program that occurred during the University of Miami investigation. Former NCAA enforcement staff members worked with the criminal defense attorney for Nevin Shapiro to improperly obtain information for the purposes of the NCAA investigation through a bankruptcy proceeding that did not involve the NCAA. As it does not have subpoena power, the NCAA does not have the authority to compel testimony through procedures outside of its enforcement program. Through bankruptcy proceedings, enforcement staff gained information for the investigation that would not have been accessible otherwise.

Can we have real talk for a minute. Why does the NCAA get away with having a .org email address? Isn’t .org’s for charity organizations and shit? The NCAA is the most money hungry, greedy, hypocritical company in the world. They are no different than any bank on Wall Street except a bank is straight forward about trying to make money. The NCAA hides behind some guise that they are all about protecting student athletes and shit. No you’re not. You exploit them for your personal gain. It’s the biggest scam going. Every decision they make is to maintain their absolute power, control and monopoly on college sports. And as this article proves they will break any law or rule to do it. Oh you’re going to investigate yourself? How big of you. Well let me ask you this. Who is investigating your guy who is investigating yourself? That’s what I want to know. What a joke.

 

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 4:51 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Chick Who Was Smuggling Cocaine And Heroin In Her “Coochie”


TSGThe 22-year-old was walking back into the United States last week from Tijuana, Mexico when a drug detection dog “alerted to a narcotic odor” emanating from her “groin area.” Kurdilla was walking arm-in-arm with James Perry, who announced, “I’m not with her” when the canine signaled interest in his female companion. Detained at a “pedestrian crossing facility” by Customs and Border Protection agents, Kurdilla was asked if she was “bringing anything from Mexico.” Despite Kurdilla’s denials, federal agents later determined that she had a condom filled with 100 grams of cocaine “within her vaginal cavity.” After being read her rights, Kurdilla admitted to drug smuggling “in exchange for compensation,” adding that the cocaine–worth several thousand dollars–belonged to Perry. In addition to the confessions, federal agents retrieved some particularly damning evidence during a search of Kurdilla’s cell phone. Text messages sent to an unknown individual left little doubt as to what Kurdilla was doing south of the border. “I’m smuggling cocaine and heroin in my coochie,” Kurdilla wrote.

This blog isn’t about the smuggling. Who cares about that? If I was a chick I’d smuggle drugs in my pussy everywhere I went. They probably catch like 1 out of every 100,000 of those. If God gave you a kangaroo pouch you’re kind of an idiot not to keep valuables in there. Pretty stupid that chicks don’t keep their cellphones and credit cards up there actually. It’s basically a built in fanny pack. Slap in the face to intelligent design if you don’t take advantage of it.

But what really irks me is this chick calling her pussy her “coochie.” It INFURIATES me when chicks do this. It’s on par with saying/spelling betch. Girls running around town calling their shit vajayjays and hoohas and coochies. Do they realize how fucking stupid and gross that is? I once had a girl tell me, I shit you not, that she “needs to shave her coslopus.” Puked on the spot. Sounds like a fucking sea creature that’s about to attack the Black Pearl. Plus I guess that’s  what Chelsea Handler calls her pussy which makes it even 10x more gross. Your pussy is your pussy. That’s it. I guess if you’re a doctor you can call it a vagina but don’t call it these “cute” names you think up. I’m not trying to feel like I’m hooking up with a 9 year old at recess while she waits for her turn with the Skip It! Guys don’t run around referring to our peepees so try and pay us the same respect will you?

By feitelberg posted January 23rd, 2013 at 1:15 PM

Pretty Much The Worst Tennis Serve Ever At The Australian Open

 

Chick athletes, man. Even when they’re the best at a sport they still suck at it. FAULT!

By JMac posted January 23rd, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Does This Look Like The Face Of The Chick Beiber Got High With And Fucked Before Selena Dumped Him?

(HL) – If these allegations prove to be true, we doubt Selena Gomez will ever want to get back together with Justin Bieber! The Biebs had a wild night with 22-year-old nursing student Milyn “Mimi” Jenson, according to a new report from Star, and things allegedly got pretty hot between the two of them. Lil Twist and Milyn reportedly picked up Justin from the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Dec. 21, and after grabbing some late-night noms at McDonald’s, the trio high-tailed it to Justin’s new $6.6 million manion in Calabasas, Calif. After the gang returned to the Four Seasons around 11 p.m., the source claims Justin and Milyn engaged in quite a bit of sexual activity — we’ll leave out the exact activity because, you know, it’s gross — but that Justin refused to kiss her on the mouth. (Just like in Pretty Woman!)

Ha! Sure thing, gossip mongers. Beiber fucked this chick. Don’t be fucking morons. The only part of this story that is 100% true is that Beiber refuses to kiss girls on the mouth. Everybody who is anybody knows that kissing chicks is disgusting. But the rest of it? Asinine. At first glance I was kind of pumped for Beibs. She has kind of a Gabrielle Union thing going on in that first pic. Glad the kid got his black belt. Then I got to the midriff. Beiber doesn’t fuck girls with abs like Ronnie Coleman. Actually, this chick doesn’t even have “abs” she has a “trunk.” Has sex for the exercise and not the pleasure of it. So no Beiber obviously didn’t fuck this girl because when he cheats he bangs Victoria’s Secret models, not pseduo dudes. Beiber has been called a lot of things in this life but no one has ever called him gay.

PS – is that a penis in the middle pic?

By feitelberg posted January 23rd, 2013 at 5:40 PM

How Long Will This New Panera Bread Store In Gov Center With The “Pay What You Can Honor System” Last?

 

Boston -The Panera Bread Foundation said its Panera Cares cafe in Boston is now officially open. A recent Globe story described how this cafe differs from most others in a chain of more than 1,600 restaurants: “There is no cash register at the Panera cafe near Government Center in Boston. There are no prices either — just suggested donations and bins to leave money, if you can afford to.”At the cafe at 3 Center Plaza, the idea is to provide a place where everyone can eat with dignity, regardless of their ability to pay. Now that the site is open, it’s up to the community to sustain it. All consumers have to do is cover its direct operating costs. They do so by donating for their meals and leaving a little bit more if they’re able to help cover the costs of the meals of customers who cannot contribute. This is a pay-it-forward model and will only work if the community supports it and one another.”

So let me get this straight? Panera wants me to pay extra for my chicken caesar salad, onion soup and full baguette so some homeless dude can eat on my dime? Haha. No chance bro. I already got enough freeloaders mooching off me. My wife, sales guy, Neil etc. I’ve paid my debt to society. I’m not looking to give anybody any handouts. Hey broke dude, you want to eat at Panera? How about you get a job like everybody else. Not to mention the fact that there is no way everybody is going to follow this honor system. There are going to be some Gordon Gecko’s out there eating for free. I’d rather starve 10,0000 homeless people than let one rich guy take advantage of my good naturedness.

PS – One last question.   Panera Cares must divide the restaurant into two eating sections right?  One for homeless people and one for not homeless people?  Like let’s assume that “Johnny Save The World” wants to feel good so he goes to this store and pays double.   I still don’t care how nice you are nobody wants to rub elbows with bums while eating lunch right?

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Amazing Footage of A Diver Helping Unsnare A Wild Dolphin Caught In A Fishing Line

 

DMA dolphin tangled in fishing line sought help from a diver in the waters of Hawaii. The amazing encounter on January 11 was captured on video and the diver, Keller Laros, spent the better part of eight minutes tending to the needy mammal who readily accepted the help. Mr Laros was leading a group of snorkelers for a manta ray dive experience off the Big Island’s Kona International Airport when the dolphin squealed out.The diver explained, ‘The way he came right up and pushed himself into me there was no question this dolphin was there for help. The diver said that the animal patiently and calmly allowed him to work to remove the fishing line.

Awesome video. I love the fucking ocean. I love fucking Dolphins. I wanted to jump through my computer screen and into the ocean and help this guy unsnarl this magnificent creature. Cut that fishing line off him and then go hunt down whoever ensnared him in the first place and hook that person by the mouth and drag him around town center for everybody to see. Nobody fucks with Dolphins. Not on my watch.  The only surprising part of this video was that a dog didn’t doggie paddle onto the scene wearing a snorkel mask and lend a hand.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 3:53 PM

Torrey Smith Calls Pats Fans Classless For Making Fun Of His Dead Brother…I Guess That Makes Sense

 

NFL.com - Sunday’s AFC Championship Game loss to the Baltimore Ravens has brought out the worst in a handful of New England Patriots fans. Torrey Smith claims he was the subject of angry tweets from Patriots supporters taunting the Ravens wideout for the death of his younger brother. Tevin Jones passed away after a motorcycle accident in September, an event that united Baltimore’s locker room. “Played a lot of games since my brothers death and I never received as many rude tweets after a win than Sunday…yet NE fans cry about class,” Smith tweeted Tuesday.

I got to be honest.  My first reaction when I read this story was that Torrey Smith had to be exaggerating.  Like I tried to find some examples of tweets people sent him and I couldn’t find any.   So I was guessing that it was 1 or 2 dickbags  and now he’s trying to make it seem like all Pats fans were doing it.  But then I asked our readers if they had examples of it and I got sent a bunch instantly.    Fucking gross.

Yeah I know it’s unfair to pin what a couple knuckleheads do on twitter as representative of all Pats fans, but still this is disgusting.  .I mean making fun of a guy’s dead brother?  Way over the line.   There are so many things you can say about the Ravens that are fair game.  I mean Ray Lewis is a god damn murderer.  But tweeting about a dead guy’s brother?  Way out of bounds.   Kind of like when B’s fans flooded twitter calling Joel Ward a nigger after he knocked the Bruins out of the playoffs.   I guess that’s sort of becoming our thing now?  The worst massholes amongst us just acting like total dickbags after a big loss.   Granted I think every city has the same group of assholes (see the Alabama kid who teabagged the LSU fan or every Eagles fan on the planet)  The difference is everybody hates us and we’re always in big games so any chance we give people to tear us down they’re going to take it. That’s why we need to be better than everybody else.  Because our indefensible douchebags makes us all look bad.

By elpresidente posted January 23rd, 2013 at 10:05 AM

If You Don’t Sleep Naked You’re A Moron

So USA Today had a sex survey and discussed that one way for couples to spark up their sex life would be to sleep naked together. However, a majority of couples don’t do it. So I asked around a bit and it turns out everyone I know basically sleeps in fatigues. Makes no sense to me at all.

What is the point of wearing clothes in bed? No one can give me a legitimate answer. Under the sheets being in the buff is the only move. It’s the most natural and masculine. Kmarko says he wears boxers because “he likes clean sheets and doesn’t want his dick rubbing all over them.” Probably the gayest answer I’ve ever heard. No chance Kmarko has ever had sex with the lights on.  Plus boxers bunch up 100% of the time and you roll out of bed looking like a sumo wrestler. But what about boxer briefs, you ask? You ever woken up with morning wood in boxer briefs? It’s basically the scene in Gulliver’s Travels where Gulliver is tied down by a bunch of little people. Wriggling and writhing trying to get free, all the while strangling itself more. And if you were unfortunate enough to have your dick come out the crotch hole in the middle of the night you’re basically starting your morning doing a Chinese finger trap. Wearing either of those things I simply can’t understand. But at least they’re not nearly as crazy as wearing any for of upper body clothing. There are three things you can count on from people who wear tshirts to bed: 1. they’re fat. 2. they’re hairy. 3. at one point in the night their tshirt will mutiny and try to strangle them.

And I didn’t even bother addressing it but if you wear legitimate pajamas you’re INSANE. One cap away from a clatter startling you away from your long winter’s nap. Enjoy the sugar plums you fairy.

PS – Barstool sleep attire because I know everyone was wonering:

Smart/Confident/Alpha Males (sleep in the nude) : Me, Pres, Mo. Pretty telling that the 7 foot tall black guy is in this group, right?

Crazy (boxers or briefs) – KFC. Pretty big surprise here. I had Kev pegged as a tshirt and boxers guy for sure. No style in the streets, no style in the sheets. Also, Jmac. Unless he jerks off before bed and is too lazy to put boxers back on. So I guess Jmac should have been in the sleeps nude category.

Crazier (boxers and a tshirt) – Kmarko. I guess it’s good that he stopped at a tshirt and boxers. I mean what about his hands? They touched contaminated areas that day. WHAT IF A GERM GETS ON THE SHEETS? If Kmarko is sleeping in anything but a hazmat suit I count it as pseudo normal.

Craziest (a fucking wife beater) – Neil. Almost fell out of my chair when he told me that. Neil is like the kid in middle school who thought being super skinny meant that he was ripped so he walked around in beaters all day.

Too weird to sleep naked – BigCat. Apparently BigCat is the biggest sleep walker in history. Dude basically runs 5K’s and shit while in REM cycle. So he’s too scared to sleep naked.

By feitelberg posted January 23rd, 2013 at 2:41 PM
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