DM – A tattooist has inked his name across his girlfriend’s face less than 24 hours after they first met. Lesya Toumaniantz from Saransk, Russia, allowed Rouslan Toumaniantz to sign ‘Ruslan’ over her face in giant Gothic script on the day they met The pair – who’d met on an online chat room – say they quickly fell ‘head over heels in love’ and soon after met in Moscow, Russia, where they decided to get married. ’It’s a symbol of our eternal devotion. I’d like him to tattoo every inch of my body,” she said.
OK so obviously this girl is a nutjob. Nothing crazier than face tattoos and to get one of a guy’s name 24 hours after you meet him is one of the most psychotic tattoo-related thing you could ever do. But at the same time, there’s definitely no bigger power move for a guy than having a girl tattoo his name on herself. That’s my goal in life. To get some chick to get a “JMac” tattoo. Doesn’t have to be on the face. Ass or right above the vagina is fine with me. I just don’t think there’s anything that can boost your ego more than that. Permanent placement on a female. So if any girls out there are thinking about getting a tattoo it would really make my day if you chose my name to be forever inked on your skin. You won’t regret it, I promise.
PS – Speaking of tattoos, I found the girl with the worst tattoo in history. Even worse than this face one. For a while my buddy was banging a chick with “Grandpa” tattooed on her lower back, tramp stamp style. It was to commemorate her dead grandfather. Worst tattoo ever right? Fucking a chick doggy style and you gotta shoot your nut onto her grandfather? Totally ruins the mood.
So Lebron went to the Bruins game on Saturday Night and this is what he wore. For real. This was his first hockey game ever and this is what this douchebag wore. What the fuck do you even call that hat? It’s like a beret with a pompom. It looks like he should be in France eating cheese and dicks or something. Such a cumface.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 9:30 AM
I promise this is my final blog on Ray Lewis till he unretires next year. I just want to clarify that the reason I hate him isn’t because he’s a murderer or obstructed justice or did whatever he did that faithful night when he murdered two people. It’s the fact he has never admitted to doing anything wrong and now won’t shut up about God. Again I’m not saying convicts can’t be forgiven or reborn or whatever. But Ray Lewis has never taken a shred of accountability for what happened that night. He has never admitted he made a mistake on any level. He has always refused to talk about it or address it. That’s not my opinion. That’s a fact. That’s what the families of the two kids who he murdered have said. Ray Lewis has never apologized or explained what happened even though he knows the truth. Ray Lewis committed the most heinous crime a human can commit and not only acts like it never happened, but has the audacity to lecture people on the virtues of faith. That’s my problem. Like I actually like Tebow. His god routine doesn’t bother me in the least. That’s because it’s genuine. Same can’t be said for White Suit. Either come clean and talk about how it changed you as a person or keep your mouth shut and just play football. But you can’t be a murdering fool and a man of god. It doesn’t work that way. Not in any religion.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 4:22 PM
TMZ – Here’s What Tom Brady Did Yesterday …Can’t win ‘em all.
Brady is many things. Quarterback. Legend. Seducer of beautiful women. Incredibly handsome Uggs model. Real estate mogul. Philanthropist. Moat owner. But two things he is NOT: 1) Really good at understanding symbolism. 2) A student of Boston sports history.
We’ve got to give him this, though: He wears the SHIT out of stylish golf apparel. @JerryThornton1
By Jerry Thornton posted February 4th, 2013 at 1:19 PM
Youtube – Ho Hey by the Lumineers performed by JC from N*S*Y*N*C and USC Delta Tau Delta Fraternity, Andi Inadomi on guitar.
If you don’t respect this move by this frat (Delta Tau Delta) than you have a big dump in your pants. I mean this is some cold blooded shit right here boys and girls. Seriously even I leaked a little pre cum listening to JC Chartez serenade this sorority. Just JC Chartez all up in pussy. Orgy mothefucking city.
PS – How big of a hardo move is it to list the kid playing the guitar in the youtube description. Hey Andi Inadomi nobody cares bro.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Introducing Monique from Burlington. We needed a fire smoke to start the week and kickoff the return of the Blackout Tour and that’s exactly what we did. Lupos Wednesday, Toads Thurs, Springfield Friday and Philly on Saturday. Smokes and foam everywhere. I think Lupos has like 50 tickets left so if you want to go buy now or forever hold your peace.
Do you know any smokes who need to party for free? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
WSJ – With half as many neurons in their cerebral cortex as cats—and half the attitude, some would say—dogs are often taken to be the less intelligent domestic partner. While dogs drink out of the toilet, slavishly follow their master and need a chaperone to relieve themselves, cats hunt self-sufficiently and survey their empire with a regal gaze. But cats beware. Research in recent years has finally revealed the genius of dogs. Even the dog’s closest relative, the wolf, beat its cousin when food was placed on the opposite side of a fence, as shown in a 1982 study by Harry and Martha Frank of the University of Michigan. When the experimenters showed dogs a human rounding the fence first, the dogs could solve the problem immediately. This is the secret to the genius of dogs: It’s when dogs join forces with us that they become special. Nowhere is this clearer than when dogs are reading our gestures. Every dog owner has helped her dog find a lost ball or treat by pointing in the right direction. No other animal—not even our closest relatives, bonobos and chimpanzees—can interpret our gestures as flexibly as dogs. So are dogs smarter than cats? Species are designed by nature to be good at different things.
And there you have it. The most conclusive evidence in the history of mankind on why dogs are better than cats and every other animal on the planet for that matter. Sure by themselves dogs are just ordinary creatures cruising through life looking for meaning. But the second they team up with humans they become some sort of super geniuses. Connecting with humans on a real level that no other species can do. Reading our cues, understanding our feelings, basically dedicating their lives to make our lives better. Dogs were created for one reason and one reason only. To live with and bring joy to humans and vice versa. Man’s best friend indeed. Meanwhile cats were created to be smug assholes.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 1:55 PM
Growing up I think I went to the Beanpot like 5 years in a row with my dad. Like from ages 10-15 it was one of my favorite nights of the year. I loved it. I’d just root for whoever the underdog was. Well tonight is the 61st annual Beanpot and I haven’t heard a god damn peep about it. Do people give a shit about the Beanpot? Did people ever give a shit about the Beanpot? Or was I just little so everything seemed cool and awesome. I mean in a hockey crazed town I feel like the Beanpot has become an absolute afterthought. Hell I didn’t even know it was tonight till 5 seconds ago. I guess I’m curious where the Beanpot ranks in terms of significant Boston events. Like if Opening Day, Patriots Day, St Paddy’s Day are 10’s what is the Beanpot? A zero?
Quick Update – I just asked our intern who plays hockey at Curry whether he cares about the Beanpot. He said it would be better if teams from Colorado played in it. Umm worst answer ever given to anything bro.
(629 votes, average: 7.65 out of 10) Loading ...
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Well if you were looking for a way for Rick Reilly to become more insufferable I think we found it: treat the field of the Super Bowl like it’s a dimly lit coffee shop on Open Mic Night and act like a hipster pussy who just finished his first Into to Poetry class.
Put a ring on it. Jesus fucking Christ.
By feitelberg posted February 4th, 2013 at 5:20 PM
So this is rapidly becoming an annual tradition for Gronk. Getting injured, getting shitfaced and going bananas on the dancefoor with his brothers at the Superbowl. Seriously I’d hate to see what happens if we mixed in a Superbowl victory. I bet shit would really get wild then. Although maybe it wouldn’t even matter. Because I’m pretty sure win, lose or draw Gronk always goes as hard as he can possible go. That’s what makes Gronk Gronk. Partying is like air to him. He needs it to breathe and live.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 6:21 PM
So twitter basically exploded when the Superbowl blacked out last night. The two most popular jokes were Beyonce jokes and Ray Lewis killing somebody jokes. But for my money by far the best storyline was the Undertaker did it. Wrestling jokes win 1 million percent of the time. 1 million percent of the time.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 11:45 AM
So obviously Beyonce crushed it last night. Sex appeal personified. But the real question is would you rather fuck her one on one or both of the other no-names at the same time? Classic dilemma. I mean Beyonce is clearly the hottest one, but a threesome is a threesome. Pretty much the hardest Destiny’s Child sex question that’s ever been presented to the Stoolies. I know, and I’m sorry. But I think any sane guy is taking Beyonce. Gotta do it. Just gotta.
Vote 1 for Beyonce and 10 for Threesome
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It’s disgusting that John Maucere isn’t the most Googled phrase this morning. Guy was absolutely stunning. He was a trillion watts of electricity. I don’t know why someone didn’t just plug him in when the lights went out. John Maucere loves three things in this life: signing, America, and football. Last night we caught a perfect storm and it was beautiful.
By feitelberg posted February 4th, 2013 at 11:10 AM
This was taken in line outside of the pisser. The girls go to MIZZOU. Gronk being Gronk.
This is easily top five pictures/captions of Gronk in his illustrious career. Tonsil hockey outside the pisser FTW. And once again this is the beauty of Gronk. Despite his fame and fortune he”s still totally oblivious to the fact that everybody is snapping pictures of him at all times. He’ll still suck face anytime anywhere at the drop of a hat.
By elpresidente posted February 4th, 2013 at 8:16 PM
(Fresno) — A Pacific Gas & Electric worker rammed by a driver from Washington state has a broken leg and will need to remain in Community Regional Medical Center for a couple more days. The 37-year-old worker, who has been with PG&E for five years, asked not to be identified. But he was talking to family members and in good spirits Saturday, said Denny Boyles, PG&E spokesman. “It’s not his belief that anyone should be angry with the driver,” Boyles said. “He just hopes the man gets the help he needs.” Fresno County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Jett Simmons McBride, 54, of Tacoma, Wash., for ramming his car into the worker. McBride was booked into Fresno County Jail early Saturday on suspicion of attempted murder. His bail was set at $1 million. About 2 p.m. Friday, McBride drove his car toward a PG&E work crew and their truck, wedging workers between the two vehicles along McKinley Avenue near Marks Avenue west of Highway 99. McBride had picked up a hitchhiker who said McBride was making racist remarks when he came upon the PG&E workers, one of whom was black. McBride lodged the black worker between his car and the work truck, got out of his car and began beating the worker and attacking others who tried to stop him. The hitchhiker then got out of the car and started hitting McBride with a hatchet, officials said. The hitchhiker eventually knocked out McBride, who is 6 feet 4 inches tall and weighs 290 pounds, according to jail records.
Instant classic for top 100 videos of 2013. Probably looking at a top 10 video in fact. I mean it’s not often that you’ll get me to watch an entire YouTube if it’s longer than 30 seconds, but this was 5 minutes and 47 of liquid gold. Just a bro who happened to save the day by smashing a hatchet to the back of a 300 pound rapists head. Wildest rave Kai has ever ridden. If anyone has a Mini Mal and a wetsuit laying around and they don’t let Kai test it out they’re a terrible American.
PS – The third smash at the smash, smash, smash at the 1:40 mark is the reason God invented the internet.
Double PS – When Kai says he is from Dogstown what does that even mean? Like is he referring to the skateboarding movie?
By feitelberg posted February 4th, 2013 at 10:00 AM