Whether you’re lounging in Miami, fucking hot models and being a millionaire, or blogging from your couch in a cold apartment because your heat is broken, nothing puts the icing on the cool-cake like an e-cigarette. Wonder if he’s trying to kick his pack-a-day habit like me? EIther way, couldn’t look anymore boss if we tried.
The Boulder Theater
March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
March 20th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
House Of Blues
Myrtle Beach, SC
April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 11th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 12th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
New York City, NY
April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
New Haven, CT
January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
East Stroudsburg, PA
March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
The Union Bar
Iowa City, IA
March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
Sports Grid – Oh, and you thought John David Booty and Ryan Perrilloux had disappeared from your lives forever. Sure, they’re out of football, but that doesn’t mean they can’t give baseball a shot. Next Wednesday at 9:00 p.m., Perrilloux, Booty, David Greene, Josh Booty (the tasered brother) and Doug Flutie will all appear on MLB Network’s “The Next Knuckler” to learn how to throw a knuckleball from Tim Wakefield. MLB Network analyst Kevin Millar will also be there to judge, because apparently retired first baseman know knuckleballs best. But here’s the kicker: the winner of the show will receive an invitation to Spring Training with the Arizona Diamondbacks, because apparently parading around burned out quarterbacks with NFL blips is a thing. Though Doug Flutie is involved, and he did have quite a long NFL career, so there’s that.
What a show! No question MLB Network has a hit on their hands with this one. How could they not? The Next Knuckler combines the thrill of learning how to throw a baseball with a host of exciting personalities. Doug Flutie: he seems like a fun guy… The other quarterbacks: oh yeah, I remember you… Kevin Millar: Always good to see you and hear you speak… And Wake holding it all down. “If you wanna win, you gotta lose the spin.” Great line, great delivery, Wake. And they’re competing for a chance to go to the ARIZONA DIAMONDBACK’S SPRING TRAINING!? Higher stakes, these eyes have not seen.
So if you like knuckle balls and also have a prescription for Prozac, strap on your seatbelt and fire up the DVRs for next Wednesday, folks. It’s gonna get intense.
Is This Guy Who Listed His Ex-Girlfriend’s Daughter On A Prostitution Site (Among Other Things) The Most Bitter Ex-Boyfriend In History?
Source – Soraida Hicks met Bruce Stimon on a flight from Boston to D.C. in late 2011. WJLA reports that over the course of several months, the two became friends, then more than friends, then Stimon, a tech worker living in New England, gave Hicks, who lives in Northern Virginia, an iPhone on his family plan: That’s when he got information on all her friends and contacts and things started going south. “He emailed all of them saying I had an STD,” said Hicks. The harassment did not stop there. After the STD incident, Hicks broke up with Stimon, who sent a video of the two having sex to Hicks’ daughter’s Twitter followers. He also listed Hicks — and sometimes Hicks’ daughter Pam, as well — on prostitution and pornography websites. “It was devastating,” Pam told WJLA. Stimon then took to slashing Hicks’ tires, and was finally arrested when Arlington police caught him with a “knife in his hand and with laptops full of evidence in his car,” WJLA reports. He was sentenced to seven years in prison at the end of January.
Yikes. Emailing all her friends saying she has an STD? Check. Sending a sex video to her daughter’s Twitter followers? Check. Listing both the ex-girlfriend and her daughter on hooker websites? Check. And just for good measure, slashing tires? Check. Yup, I’d say this dude might be the most bitter ex-boyfriend in history. The shit he did was fucking ruthless. Like he skipped right to the most emotionally damaging tactics possible. STD slander is something nobody wants to deal with. Having to defend yourself against those rumors will ruin anyone’s week. Sending a video to a daughter of you fucking her mother is another level of scarring. Oh cool, I got a Twitter DM, that’s always exciting. Then BAM, it’s your mom getting stuffed. Ouch. And who wants to have a bunch of creeps on a prostitution site calling you up for quickies all day? Unless you actually are a hooker, that’s probably gonna be a little annoying. Then, to put the icing on the cake, he slashes her tires so she can’t go anywhere, which is frustrating in a different sort of way. But still frustrating. So what’s the lesson here? Simple: never date guys with mustaches.
And I thought putting pictures on Facebook of you hanging out with an ex’s best friend was good revenge…
Daily Caller – Students at Brown University who decide they want to change genders will now be covered under the school’s generous student health insurance plan. Beginning in August, Brown’s student health insurance plan will pay for more than a dozen different sexual reassignment surgery procedures, including scrotoplasty, labiaplasty, clitoroplasty and placement of testicular prostheses, reports The Brown Daily Herald. The plan as currently configured will cover only students, not staff. “We identified this as an important benefit for students to have access to,” Director of Insurance and Purchasing Services Jeanne Hebert wrote in an email to the school’s student newspaper. She added that the new health care benefit is part of a broader effort “to support all students” at Brown. The total cost for a single sexual reassignment surgery, including hormone therapy and various other physical alterations, can be as much as $50,000.
Ivy League doing it big! And who says college is overpriced these days? If it includes a free scrotoplasty then I think it’s well worth the tuition cost. These students need cocks and vaginas and what kind of world would we live in if they had to pay for those things themselves? In a perfect life any organization you join would pay for you to have balls installed. Looks like we’re on our way. Once again, academia is way ahead of the curve.
Seriously though, are there really more than a dozen students waiting for this shit? Aren’t there only like 2,000 students there? That seems like a high percentage of gender-benders in one school. Looks like Brown’s admissions department is gonna have a huge influx of applicants who could be either “sir” or “m’am.” What do they check under the gender question? Male…for now.
Do These Look Like The Faces Of A Mother And Son Who Sloppily Made Out So They Could Exchange Drugs In Prison?
Source – A mother passed drugs to her son in prison by giving him a French kiss, it was alleged today. Kimberly Margeson, 54, transferred two strong painkiller pills from her mouth to William Partridge’s mouth while visiting him in a New York jail, prosecutors claim. Police did not indicate whether tongues were involved in the alleged exchange on Tuesday last week. According to a Yates County Sheriff’s Department report, Margeson put the Oxycodone pills into her mouth and brought them into the jail when she visited her son, who was being held after a weapons arrest. She then passed two pills ‘from her mouth to her son’s mouth when she kissed him,’ the report said.
This is one of those weird situations where you have to makeout with your mom to get pain killers because you need to kill the pain of making out with your mom. This guy was basically like “hey mom, I need you to french kiss me over some Oxycodone so I can forget it ever happened.” I think that’s a Catch-22? Not sure. Either way, it’s fucking disgusting, mostly because it’s his mother but also just because she’s gross. If she was a hot mom that’d be one thing, but old and butch is not what you wanna suck face with.
The real question is what’s worse: making out with your mom or being on the receiving end of brutal sodomy in jail? I’m not even joking when I say that I’d probably choose the sodomy. Yeah prison rape is never any fun but hey, at least I’m not swapping spit with my mom. I’ll take Nasty Nate in the showers over touching tongues with the woman who birthed me all day, every day.
PS – This story immediately reminded me of the Fratellis from The Goonies.
SAN DIEGO— A 70-year-old driver escaped injury Wednesday after crashing into a medical building near Sharp Memorial Hospital, leaving his car suspended over a stairwell. Witness Jody Taylor said she had just come out of one building and saw the man stopped at the parking lot entry gate.“He was revving the engine like he couldn’t get control of it,” Taylor said. As she was looking at the car, she tripped and seconds later it came barrelling past her, It was about ten feet away. Taylor said that if she had not tripped she would’ve been right in the car’s path. Luque said the driver went through the lowered gate arm. The car zoomed into the parking lot, jumped a curb and hit the building. Luque said he had to be traveling very fast for it to have ended up across the divide rather than going nose first into it. “He was in midair,” Taylor said. “What was scary was he was trying to get out of the car.”
This picture made me laugh. It’s the combination of a car suspended over a stairwell and the “I dunno what’s going on” look on the old Asian’s face. Dude has no idea where he is. Was just out for a nice drive down to the acupuncturist or wherever it is Asian’s drive and next thing you know, bam. Parked on some stairs. Tokyo drifted right into those motherfuckers. And not to get too political or anything, but how much money would local governments save if they didn’t have to rescue Asians, the elderly, and women from car crashes every 15 seconds? They’re the deadly trifecta of the road.
PS – There’s a very good chance that someone was really pissed off when their Chinese delivery never showed up.
BOSTON (CBS) — Bill Belichick is revered as a legend in the Boston sports landscape. Kobe Bryant is regarded as one of the biggest sports enemies in the city. So it’s odd, then, to try to picture the scene that Bryant painted in a recent interview regarding a conversation the Lakers star had with the Patriots’ head coach during Game 6 of the 2008 NBA Finals. “I’m sitting there on the bench, just beside myself, burning with frustration, and I look over and Bill Belichick is walking toward me,” Kobe told ESPN’s Jackie MacMullan of the night the Celtics won the championship in Boston. “I had never met him. Never spoken to him. He had courtside seats across from our bench, and with 20 seconds left in the game, he came over and said, ‘Don’t you worry about this. I know what you are going through. We just lost a tough one ourselves. Just bounce back. Be ready next year.’” Bryant said that since then, he and Belichick have continued a sort of professional friendship, with Belichick visiting the Lakers’ locker room last year and offering some of his coaching advice.
How dumb can people be? Because Belichick said “hey don’t worry about it, get ‘em next time” after Kobe lost the NBA Championship all of a sudden they’re BFF’s? Bill + Kobe 4eva? Please. Belichick isn’t friends with his own mother. He’s on this earth to compete, not make friends. Ever heard of getting in someone’s head? Fucking with them from their own kitchen while you eat their lunch? Belichick obviously snickered after he said “good game dude” like you do after you win a game of playground ball. Obviously gave him advice like “Hey Kobe you should shoot the ball more. Maybe pressure ownership to trade for a physical giant but mental midget.” when he was in the Lakers locker room. And because he’s Belichick, Kobe listened. He wasn’t trying to help the Lakers, if he was the Lakers would be dominant (in regular season games, at least). He was infiltrating from the inside and now we’re seeing the fruits.
Befriending villains is John Henry’s bag, not this guy’s
Reader Email – If Your Friend Does A Jack And Jill Bachelor/Bachelorette Party You Have To End The Friendship
(if you agree to this you’re as gay as that kid’s strut)
This from a friend of a friends fiancé – she wants a jack and jill – he doesn’t. She sent this to all the guys going to his bach party – Please blog on this so this poor kid mans up and doesn’t marry this wack job -
I just wanted to address some stuff because apparently there is now huge issue regarding what Anderson & I had decided we wanted to do for our bachelor/bachelorette party before our wedding.
From what I understand, my words about what I said about the event got totally misconstrued. I never said I was planning the whole thing, never said that it was a my way or the highway situation. We had not even set a date, we were actually planning on sending and email to everyone to get their thoughts & input on the situation & choose the best time. So all you boys on the East Coast – no one was ever trying to screw you out of the situation ever – and frankly im not even sure who told you that. My comment about “then they just dont have to come” was in regards to the fact that Anderson said the same thing when he said he didn’t want to have it in AC (when he has being pressured to change his mind) & really wants to do it in Vegas because he has never partied there before.
Just to get this clear, Anderson told me he wanted to do this. It was not just me, I did not by any means twist his arm for this situation. So i’d appreciate if you all would lay off of the accusing when you know none of the facts. This was never put in plan to “baby sit” you guys. Why would I want to do that on my one night alone? Please, the last thing i want to do is you guys around all night – I’m not like that and I don’t care. We just thought it would be fun for everyone to party/get to know each other (for one night) before we are all in one house together in Hawaii – yes, it was an innocent as that. We weren’t even planning on staying in the same room, we were going to get two suites to stay separate. We were both planning on having our boys/girls plan our one big night & then having Amber & Dallis plan the night together.
With all that said, just wanted to let you know that you guys get your way. It will be separate. I will say that I am extremely disappointed & sad with the fact that multiple people pipped up & voiced their opinion. I’d like to remind you all that this is OUR wedding and no one gets an opinion in anything besides Anderson & I. There is no reason that Anderson & I have to fight & change our plans because his friends don’t agree with something that we both wanted to do. This is our one day where we are supposed to just be happy & enjoy everything – which has not be the case in this situation. Please in the future, just sit back and enjoy the ride or just dont come.
I am not writing this email to be agressive or mean or anything but to set the facts straight because no one even knew all of them.
Nicole could not be wrong in saying that the bachelor weekend is “OUR” day. The bachelor weekend has absolutely nothing to do with the bride and groom. It barely has anything to do with the groom other than the fact that he doesn’t have to pay for anything. The bachelor weekend is the weekend for the friends. Their buddy is going off to war and he’s never coming home. They know it and he knows it. It’s a way to say goodbye forever. The couple can have the wedding day and all that gay stuff, that can be their day. But at the bachelor party the last thing anyone wants to deal with is when Jill comes tumbling down after Jack falls over shitfaced and breaks his crown at the strip club. They know it’s the last time they’ll ever see their buddy without that annoying bitch who sent that awful email on his arm.
And if you’re invited to one of these parties? Don’t even RSVP to wedding and cease contact forever. A friend who won’t let you have fun at his bachelor party was never a friend to begin with.
PS – Love Nicole employing the Ricky Bobby method of being a dick. Like he would say “with all do respect” before cutting you off at the knees, Nicole is an aggressive Bridezilla before ending with “that wasn’t supposed to be aggressive.” Touche.
Double PS – GOOD FUCKING LUCK to the wedding party after Nicole gets wind of this.
Introducing Lydia from Bridgewater State. From now on before you use the term “celebrity hot,” use Lydia as a guide. Make sure you’re using it applicably.
Time to restock on smokes for next week. Send name and facebook link to email@example.com
So obviously there’s a murdering lunatic on the loose in LA right now, terrorizing the place. All in all it seems like a really awful situation. Apparently people are being warned to not drive pick up trucks and shit? I don’t even really know what that means. I guess this guy hates illegal immigrant laborers or something? But, you have to admit when some shit is funny. Like it kills me to say it because this guy is obviously a dickhead, but I’m legit lol’ing at his manifesto. For example:
Todd Phillips, don’t make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation.
Larry David, I agree. 72-82 degrees is way to hot in a residence. 68 degrees is perfect.
Charlie Sheen, you’re effin awesome
Gov. Chris Christie. What can I say? You’re the only person I would like to see in the White House in 2016 other than Hillary. You’re America’s no shit taking uncle. Do one thing for your wife, kids, and supporters. Start walking at night and eat a little less, not a lot less, just a little. We want to see you around for a long time. Your leadership is greatly needed.
Ellen Degeneres, continue your excellent contribution to entertaining America and bringing the human factor to entertainment. You changed the perception of your gay community and how we as Americans view the LGBT community.
Christopher Walz, you impressed me in Inglorious Basterds. After viewing Django Unchained, I was sold.
Tebow, I really wanted to see you take charge of an offense again and the game. You are not a good QB by todays standards, but you are a great football player who knows how to lead a team and WIN. You will be “Tebowing” when you reach your next team. I have faith in you. Get out of that circus they call the Jets and away from the reality TV star, Rex Ryan, and Mark Rapist Sanchez.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! I can’t make sense of it, guys. It makes no sense! But it’s nice to be able to level with the guy and see on some plain we are similar. Like yea it looks like we disagree a bit when it comes to murder and being an overall piece of shit. But, we’re not totally different people. 68 degrees is perfect room temp, they should have only done one Hangover, Christopher Walz is a great actor and Tebow needs to get the hell away from TV star Ryan and Rapist Sanchez. It’s called common ground and it appears Chris Dorner and I have found it.
PS – Giving Chris Christie health advice while you’re on the LAM for murder is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
Maybe one the girls here has some power play answers.
Thanks again to the stellar play of Tuukka Rask and four points in two minutes from David Krejci & Tyler Seguin, the undermanned Bruins eked out a nice 2-1 win in Montreal last night to grab hold of the Wales’ top spot. The lanky Finn held the Habs at bay in the first period as the Bs withstood an amped-up Canadiens squad and their 11-4 shot advantage. But halfway through the game, the newly-signed P.K. Subban gave the Habs a 1-0 lead when his shot changed direction after hitting Rich Peverley’s stick.
Between the second and third periods, Claude made the decision (or maybe he’s a closet Stoolie) to move Seguin up to the first line with Krejci so he could pair his best pure scorer with his best pure playmaker. The results were immediate.
Just 14 seconds into the final frame, Seguin knotted things up when he backhanded a sweet Krejci feed past a helpless Carey Price. Less than two minutes later, #19 returned the favor by assisting on Krejci’s third of the year and eventual game-winner (though it was Milan Lucic’s deft pass that earned the primary assist). Coming down on a 3-on-2, Seguin dished to the burly left-winger who then sent a perfect goal-mouth feed that 46 converted.
With the lead in hand, the Bs buckled down defensively, limiting the Habs to just five shots in the third period. On the few occasions when Montreal did threaten, Rask snuffed out the chance.
All in all, a pretty good night up north. The Bs were missing two of their best penalty killers in Brad Marchand and Dan Paille and, due to injuries, the fourth line was made up entirely of Providence Bruins (though they acquitted themselves fine in a limited role). But the Bs, as has become their trademark, just soldiered on. Rask kept them in the game early before they had their skating legs underneath them and were able to finally counter-punch Montreal in the third. He was the difference for the Bs tonight.
A few more buds for your “Blizzard of ‘13” bowl…
*The power play once again had another stellar night, this time going 0-for-4. This is certainly no knock on Ryan Spooner, who made his NHL debut last night and projects to be a fine NHL player some day, but it’s probably not a good sign for your PP when you’re putting an injury call-up immediately on the first unit in his first NHL game. I’m half-expecting a suggestion box at the Garden Saturday to solve this dilemma that now extends into three seasons. The Bs have scored three goals in 34 power plays, ‘good’ for a 8.8% clip. Only the Rangers’ 8.6 is worse in the league.
*On the other hand, the penalty killing remains stellar despite giving up a PPG to Subban last night. It was just the third goal surrendered in 39 times short-handed (with one shorty). The 92.3% is second to only the Chicago Blackhawks and their 94.9.
*The Bs are scheduled to take on Tampa Bay at 1 o’clock on Saturday. If you’re holding tickets, keep your eyes peeled for any potential time changes with this Nor’easter ready to pounce. Should the region get pounded in the manner expected by many, getting your ass to the Garden by Saturday afternoon at 1 could prove to be a major challenge. But with the Bs scheduled to be in Buffalo on Sunday night, a delayed start on Saturday is the only real option should the need for a change arise.
*Due to the unbalanced schedule, the Bs only meet the Habs three more times this season—twice here in March and then again in Montreal in April. Unless, of course, they want to dance again this spring.
First we have potentially the sassiest black lady in history fanning the shit out of herself:
mhmmm, mhmmmm whateva you say Deval. I don’t see no snow. Isss hot as fuck up in here
If you were deaf watching this you would have thought Deval was announcing one of those mid-February heatwaves. But luckily for those without the ability to hear the sign language lady more than picked up the slack…
She remembers how scared her grandkids were during the Blizzard of 78 and she will NOT let us be unprepared like that again. Giving 110% out there.
Menino, you just got #FACED.
Sure Mayor Menino may be dead. Sure we may have a Weekend at Bernies situation on our hands. But I’ll tell you what. I’ll be damned if that son of a bitch didn’t put together the best command team in all the land. I mean look at these motherfuckers! Those two grey haired bitches on his left? Not a day under 294 years old and ready to rock n roll. And don’t even think about dumping snow on the street with this guy on the streets. No chance in hell.
PS – What happens if you aren’t in a location by noon tomorrow? Are you just fucked?
(Source) - Arthur Staple reports that the Islanders have acquired Tim Thomas from the Bruins for a conditional second rounder in 2014 or 2015. Staple notes that the move is salary cap related as the Islanders needed to make sure that they are over the cap floor. The Bruins suspended Thomas because he did not want to play this season. Thomas, 38, is in the final year of his contract with a cap hit of $5 million.
Oh yeah! I remember that guy! From practically winning the Stanley Cup himself to being traded purely for salary cap reasons. Pretty significant downfall for old Tank. Can’t imagine that he predicted Boston would have forgot about him before he locked the door to his bunker. But after a 2-1 victory from Rask in a hostile Bell Centre, I don’t think anyone ever planned on missing the guy. But if the Islanders like stockpiling former Boston heroes in net then good for them.
UPDATE: We didn’t even send them the real Thomas! Byahahaha! Classic Islanders. Read the fine print, dummies.
Sex.com (link NSFW, duh) - February, 6th 2013 – In light of Bibi Jones’s return to performing in adult films, Sex.com would like to offer Rob Gronkowski a chance to perform with her in a scene once his forearm has healed. There is no question that Rob Gronkowski has what it takes to make an excellent male performer in today’s adult industry. He has proven both on and off the field that he has the body and the attitude to be a hugely popular male adult star. Football and adult entertainment fans have long speculated a romance between Gronkowski and Jones since racy photos appeared on Twitter. Sex.com believes that their controversial connection will give them a special chemistry on screen. Sex.com is prepared to match to Gronkowski’s 2014 base salary of $3.75 million if he agrees to perform with Jones in a sex scene exclusively hosted on Sex.com. Though Bibi Jones is on an exclusive contract with Digital Playground, Sex.com has contacted the production company to make an exception for this scene.
I think I speak for every red-blooded American Patriots fan in the world when I say I don’t want to see Gronk in a porn video. I NEED to see Gronk in a porn video. I need it done now. Not tomorrow. Not after breakfast. NOW. I knew if from the first time we laid eyes on him, holding up a Pats jersey at the draft. I said to myself “This kid has what it takes to make an excellent male performer in today’s adult industry.” And I was right. I mean, sure, Bibi Jones is cute and a real porn start’s porn star and all that. I’m happy to hear she’s unretiring while she still has a some prime left. But Gronk’s whole career he has proven both on and off the field that he has the body and the attitude to be a hugely popular male adult star. And he’s the one we really want to see. I can just picture it; Gronk pulling out, then doing the Buckingham Palace Guard around the bedroom before coming back to Bibi and leaving the map of Hawaii across her chest. Absolutely perfect. The only question would be who’d be first in the queue to download it, me or Dave. But we know for sure that they’d make back all $3.75 million within the first 20 minutes this thing is available. Bless you, Digital Playground and Sex.com for working together in the spirit of cooperation to get this done. You’re on the side of the angels.
On a semi-serious note, as what is surely about to be the Winter/Spring/Summer of Gronk gets underway, I can’t wait to hear chorus of people condemning him get louder and louder. All the self-righteous fun police are already at it, saying he’s got an obligation to the team to grow up and knock off his antics, blah, blah, blah. It’s not like he’s out shooting himself in the leg in a nightclub or caught on video fighting strip club bouncers. He’s a big happy kid, living life exactly the way any of us would if we were in his shoes, drinking domestics with coeds and rough housing with his brothers. In a world full of phonies who’s image is controlled by handlers and shoe company PR people, he’s the genuine article. And if he wants to bang Bibi on camera for $3.75 mil, more power to him. Newsflash: Great athletes have lots of sex with crazy women. Babe Ruth banged hookers four at a time. Ted Williams was a notorious babehound. Hell, Bobby Orr used to get drunk with his teammates every night at Mary Ann’s where they’d blindfold him and spin him around and any girl he wound up pointing at would go home with him. But 40 years later we’ve all become Puritans? Let Gronk be Gronk. And please, please, please, let’s get this video made. @JerryThornton1