Sex.com (link NSFW, duh) - February, 6th 2013 – In light of Bibi Jones’s return to performing in adult films, Sex.com would like to offer Rob Gronkowski a chance to perform with her in a scene once his forearm has healed. There is no question that Rob Gronkowski has what it takes to make an excellent male performer in today’s adult industry. He has proven both on and off the field that he has the body and the attitude to be a hugely popular male adult star. Football and adult entertainment fans have long speculated a romance between Gronkowski and Jones since racy photos appeared on Twitter. Sex.com believes that their controversial connection will give them a special chemistry on screen. Sex.com is prepared to match to Gronkowski’s 2014 base salary of $3.75 million if he agrees to perform with Jones in a sex scene exclusively hosted on Sex.com. Though Bibi Jones is on an exclusive contract with Digital Playground, Sex.com has contacted the production company to make an exception for this scene.
I think I speak for every red-blooded American Patriots fan in the world when I say I don’t want to see Gronk in a porn video. I NEED to see Gronk in a porn video. I need it done now. Not tomorrow. Not after breakfast. NOW. I knew if from the first time we laid eyes on him, holding up a Pats jersey at the draft. I said to myself “This kid has what it takes to make an excellent male performer in today’s adult industry.” And I was right. I mean, sure, Bibi Jones is cute and a real porn start’s porn star and all that. I’m happy to hear she’s unretiring while she still has a some prime left. But Gronk’s whole career he has proven both on and off the field that he has the body and the attitude to be a hugely popular male adult star. And he’s the one we really want to see. I can just picture it; Gronk pulling out, then doing the Buckingham Palace Guard around the bedroom before coming back to Bibi and leaving the map of Hawaii across her chest. Absolutely perfect. The only question would be who’d be first in the queue to download it, me or Dave. But we know for sure that they’d make back all $3.75 million within the first 20 minutes this thing is available. Bless you, Digital Playground and Sex.com for working together in the spirit of cooperation to get this done. You’re on the side of the angels.
On a semi-serious note, as what is surely about to be the Winter/Spring/Summer of Gronk gets underway, I can’t wait to hear chorus of people condemning him get louder and louder. All the self-righteous fun police are already at it, saying he’s got an obligation to the team to grow up and knock off his antics, blah, blah, blah. It’s not like he’s out shooting himself in the leg in a nightclub or caught on video fighting strip club bouncers. He’s a big happy kid, living life exactly the way any of us would if we were in his shoes, drinking domestics with coeds and rough housing with his brothers. In a world full of phonies who’s image is controlled by handlers and shoe company PR people, he’s the genuine article. And if he wants to bang Bibi on camera for $3.75 mil, more power to him. Newsflash: Great athletes have lots of sex with crazy women. Babe Ruth banged hookers four at a time. Ted Williams was a notorious babehound. Hell, Bobby Orr used to get drunk with his teammates every night at Mary Ann’s where they’d blindfold him and spin him around and any girl he wound up pointing at would go home with him. But 40 years later we’ve all become Puritans? Let Gronk be Gronk. And please, please, please, let’s get this video made. @JerryThornton1