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1 Day Till Worcester

 

Papi Likes…..Last call on DCU tickets

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 7:50 PM

People In LA Hotel Drank And Bathed In Water From Water Tower That Had A Dead Body In It For 3 Weeks

DM – Guests at the Cecil Hotel in downtown Los Angeles, drank, bathed in and brushed their teeth with water from a roof-top tank where a Canadian tourist’s body floated, decomposing, for nearly three weeks. Authorities have confirmed that the body found in a tank on Tuesday is Eliza Lam, a 21-year-old University of British Columbia who disappeared on February 1. Police still don’t know how Lam died or even how she ended up on the roof of the hotel – which is protected by locked doors and an alarm. Tourists staying at the run-down Skid Row hotel said they were shocked by the discovery of a body in the hotel’s water supply. ‘The water did have a funny taste,’ Sabrina Baugh, a British tourist who used the water in the hotel for eight days, told CNN. ‘We never thought anything of it. We thought it was just the way it was here.’ Ms Baugh and her husband Michael said they were disgusted by the revelation.

 

Imagine turning on the news in your room and seeing the hotel you’re staying at? “Oh look honey, our hotel is on TV.” Then the news anchor says that a dead body has been found in the drinking water supply just as you take a sip of your drinking water? Puke fucking city. This hotel has to refund everyone right? Give them their money back and free bottle of bleach to drink? It’s bad enough that you gotta sleep in semen covered sheets, but dead body juice from the faucet? That’s just too far. But I’m sure, as is the common practice in the hospitality and tourism industry, they’ll just give these people a free night stay or a voucher to get half price off next time they come.

Cecil Hotel…Now 100% dead body free!

By JMac posted February 21st, 2013 at 4:48 PM

I Can’t Decide What Shirt To Wear To Foam

Vs.

Vs.

(needs to be ironed)

Vs.

 

I’m leaning towards Razor or Macho.  But to be honest I just wanted to post these shirts again because I know they are straight fire and I need more people to buy them so I can get some quick cash for my vacation which begins in a week.   Because I’ll tell you one thing.  First Lady didn’t marry me for my looks or prowess in bed.

 

Buy these shirts ASAP before they are gone

 

 

 

 

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

Maryland - A 35-year-old school employee has been accused of having sex with a 15-year-old student and performing oral sex on him in a Walmart parking lot. Amanda Kay Miller, 35… who is an inclusion helper at North Harford High School – would buy him cigarettes and take him home from school sometimes… his communication with Miller included personal contact, text messages, phone calls and the exchange of naked photos of each other. Miller’s job involves supporting the classroom teacher by providing help to students during instruction, prepares instructional materials for students under the direction of the teacher, and charts data on student progress. When police questioned Miller, she allegedly admitted having sex with the boy and said she performed oral sex on him in her car at a Walmart parking lot.

Frigging Maryland.  Winning the Super Bowl then throwing its hat into the Sex Scandal Teacher ring.  This is how you announce your presence with authority, too.  With a skanky little number like Amanda Kay, sexting a kid, bringing him home to bone him, then the coup de grace:  blowing him in the car outside of Walmart and bragging about it.  Inclusion teachers just don’t get any more inclusionary than that.  And I have to admit, the romantic in me likes to think that every time she taught the lad something new sexually, she marked it on his student progress chart.

The Grades:
Looks:
She’s suffering from a slight case of Plain Jane syndrome, but I bet she cleans up good.  Amanda reminds of sort of a low rent version of Helen Hunt, maybe around her “Mad About You” days.  You know you would.  Grade: B
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
This chick knows how to hit all the right notes.  Nude pics, public sex, looking the cops in the eye and admitting to it.  The fact she’s only a classroom helper and not a certified teacher with full tenure is the real crime here. Grade: A
Intangibles:
“Crabcakes, football and Walmart parking lot head.  That’s. What. Maryland. Does!” Grade: A
Overall: 
B+
[Thanks to @Nick_Allman21] Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students?  Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.

By Jerry Thornton posted February 21st, 2013 at 10:00 AM

NHL FanDuel Is Tonight

 

Tonight is Fanduel hockey night.   I believe this is the first time the Edmonton Oilers are playing during one of these.  Why do I care about the Oilers?  I’m pretty sure that is our #1 Stoolie team in the NHL.  Per usual my team kind of sucks because I don’t know who anybody is in the NHL.

Click Here to Join

1. $4000 in prizes, $800 for first
2. 178 spots, prizes down to 17th place
3. $25 to join, up to five entries allowed
4. Starts on Thursday at 7pm EST

Click Here to Join

 

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Wesleyan Holds Senior Cocktails Night In a Science Museum…. The Whole Sex, Drugs, Riding the Dinosour Exhibit Didn’t Go Over Well

Wesleyan students kicked out of museum for sex and drugs

MIDDLETOWN, Conn. (WTNH) Things got a little out of hand for a group of Wesleyan seniors at the Connecticut Science Center. They say they got kicked out after being there just a few hours. Sex and drugs are just some of the things that allegedly got Wesleyan seniors kicked out of a science museum. As college comes to a close, Wesleyan University seniors plan several events to bring the class together. “It’s a fun atmosphere. You’re with your entire class, it’s always supposed to be a good time,” said senior Kaya Ceci.The parties are called senior cocktails and usually happen at a bar but last week’s event was held at the Connecticut science center and it did not go well. These seniors were there…

“Spilling alcoholic beverages,” said senior Andrew Pfiffer. “Just way too much expensive equipment to have around some crazy college people.”
Students tell us the science center shindig lasted less than 2 hours. Students were allegedly found doing drugs and having sex in bathrooms. At least one senior allegedly climbed a dinosaur exhibit and there are reports of vomiting off of a flight of stairs.
.
Still, students say don’t blame them, blame poor planning.”It was kind of a questionable plan to bring a bunch of people to a science museum where there is definitely drinking going on,” said Charlie Smith. “Apparently they’ve done other events in the past before and stuff and the events were for other age groups and then you put a bunch of students as opposed to AARP members, you’re going to get a different reaction,” said Christopher Caines.”It was a bad idea and I am sorry to the staff of the science center,” said Pfiffer.

 

This is kind of like that Tufts story from yesterday. I’m still kind of shocked that colleges have events like these. Maybe it’s because I went to a big school where people didn’t hold your hand and throw class dances so everybody could meet each other. If we wanted to raise class spirit we went out and won a national championship in football and then rioted in the streets. But I digress. How fucking stupid are the people running these things? Oh in hindsight having Senior Cocktails in a museum wasn’t a smart idea? Gee ya think? That would be like me having a Blackout Party in a china shop. I mean for all the pussification stories we get nowadays the fact that colleges keep sponsoring drunk fests in fancy ass places and then being suprised when they don’t go well is wild to me.   Honestly how dumb can people be not to see this coming a mile away?  Anyway I’m going to say the same thing I yesterday to Tufts. The students should throw their own damn parties and throw them in places where they allow drinking and debauchery and this wouldn’t be an issue.

PS – Wesleyan really isn’t an all girls school?  Are we 100% sure on that?

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Reader Email: URI Just Sent This Email To Their Entire Student Body Teaching Them How To Walk In Wintery Conditions Without Falling Down

 

Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:26:51 -0500
From: urinews@ETAL.URI.EDU
Subject: Safety: Winter Walking Tips
To: URINEWSLINE@LISTSERV.URI.EDU

We are forwarding the following on behalf of the Office of Risk Management

Walking in the Winter: Safety Tips

The University continues to work diligently to keep our campuses safe and clear of ice and snow. Please keep in mind, however, that winter conditions can be dangerous and require everyone’s attention to prevent slipping and falling. Remember that we are all responsible for exercising good judgment when walking in icy conditions. No matter how well snow and ice is removed from parking lots and sidewalks, it’s important to be prepared and continually aware of slippery surfaces. If you are aware of an icy condition on campus, please call 874-4060 and report it to campus Facilities Center.

Keep the following safety tips in mind:

• Wear shoes or boots that provide traction on snow and ice. Neoprene and non-slip rubber are best. Avoid shoes with smooth soles and heels.

• Use caution when entering/exiting your vehicle as the ground may be slick.

• Walk S-L-O-W-L-Y. Plan extra time so you are not rushing.

• Use designated walkways as much as possible and if you come across a snow- or ice-covered sidewalk or driveway, especially on a hill, it might be a better choice to travel along the grassy edge for traction.

• Walk against the flow of traffic if you must walk in the street and avoid shortcuts through areas where snow and ice removal is not possible.

Walk Like a Penguin: Point your feet out slightly and shuffle. Spreading your feet out slightly improves your stability. Bend slightly and walk flat-footed with your center of gravity directly over your feet as much as possible. Keep your hands out of your pockets and extend your arms out to your sides to maintain balance.

• When using steps, always use handrails.

• When you arrive at your indoor destination, remove as much snow and water from your feet as you can to prevent water from melting ice on the floors.

Thank you all for your cooperation.
________________________________________

 

Anybody who doesn’t think I’m walking like a penguin from now on in icy conditions is flat nuts.   Point my feet out and shuffle, shuffle, shuffle bitch.  Where was this type of intel when I was in school?

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 5:51 PM

Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z To Play Fenway

Inside Track – Don’t breathe a word of this. Because nobody’s supposed to know. But our backstage spies say Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake — who performed at the Grammys together and collaborated on JT’s “Suit & Tie” comeback — will play Fenway Park this August. The Red Sox went to City Hall yesterday asking for concert permits for Aug. 10 and 11 when the team is in Kansas City to play the Royals. Although the Sox didn’t specify the musical act, we’re told it’s the blockbuster combo of Timberlake, who hasn’t toured in six years, and the hip-hop giant.Anyway, the city licensing board took the Sox’ request under advisement yesterday and a decision is expected within several days. If the license is granted, it would be the first time a major urban act, Jay-Z, played the ballyard. Country singer Jason Aldean is scheduled to play Fenway in July.

So this is the big news of the day today. Jay-Z and Timberlake coming to Fenway. Listen everybody knows I sweat Timberlake, but I got to be honest. I think this is probably one of the most over-rated concerts ever. Don’t get me wrong it’s definitely gonna sell out in 1 second, but I have zero desire to  see Jay Z or Timberlake in concert.  Well maybe I want to hear Sexyback but other than that I would trade 100 Timberlake tickets for 1 Jason Aldean ticket. And anybody who would pick Timberlake/Jay Z over Aldean has no respect for live music.  Am I right or am I right?

Vote 1 for Timberlake and 10 for Aldean

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (1,192 votes, average: 5.52 out of 10)
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By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 2:11 PM

Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Chandler

Introducing Chandler from U Hartford. With a name like Chandler you better be blazing hot and Chandler is. I think that’s the rule with all Chandlers.
Hey guess what tomorrow night is? Round II at DCU….Be there or be square.   Then it’s NYC on Saturday.

Do you know any smokes? Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 7:05 PM

VH1 Has Done The Impossible: They Made A Boston Show Worse Than Southie Rules. Introducing Wicked Single

 

 

The people who run TV stations have to be the biggest idiots on the planet right?   They have to be.   Like how can anybody with a brain watch that preview and think this is going to work?   I mean to say this show has no chance would be one of the great understatements of our generation.   This is Southie Rules all over again.  A show so atrociously bad that it basically goes straight from episode 1 to out of business.  My question is do the people who made this show realize how bad this is yet?  Or do they still think they have a winner here?  I just don’t get how anybody who has the power to get a show on TV can be this bad at their jobs?

PS – Any show that uses “wicked” as a punchline is doomed to fail.

 

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 1:40 PM

Hey Paulina…Nice Tits

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 4:24 PM

Breaking News: Chester’s Puffcorn Has Reinvented the Gross/Awesome Cheesy Snack Game

 

Vs.

 

With full disclosure I’m a Jax guy. Always been a Jax guy. I’ve loved them since I was a kid. Nothing tastes better and worse all at once than Jax. Just pure air doused with some sort of alien like fluorescent orange cheese. The composition of Jax so fragile that they literally go stale within 20 minutes of opening the bag and being released into the wild.  And maybe most remarkable of all, you get all this flavor, color and pageantry for the price of 99 cents. Truly one of God’s finest creations. That’s why for the past 2 decades Jax has reigned supreme at the top of my gross cheesy snack pyramid.  That was until today. That’s when the First Lady brought home a bag of Chester’s Puffcorn and I must say they have redefined the game. I’m not sure how long these have been on the market, but they are flat better than Jax. Yup I said it. Better than Jax. Lighter, fluffier, tastes better and only make you feel half as sick. If you respect the gross cheesy game you owe it yourself to give these things a whirl.  And trust me I didn’t take writing this blog lightly.  I almost didn’t even blog it because of my loyalty to Jax.  But as I’ve said many times before.  With great blog power comes great blog responsibility.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 3:11 PM

Touching Story Of A Man Reunited With His Dog After 10 Years

 

Nashua Telegraph – Jamie Carpentier had never gone to the Humane Society for Greater Nashua’s website. But late one recent night, the Nashua resident felt the urge to log on and peruse the animals up for adoption. He came across a 13-year-old basset hound named Ginger, without a photo attached, and read the write up on her. It was the right name. It was the right age.“It can’t be her,” he said. “It’s been so long.” Carpentier lost touch with a basset hound named Ginger about a decade ago when he got a divorce. Unbeknownst to him, his ex-wife gave up Ginger to the shelter in 2003, and the dog was adopted by an older couple. Fast forward a decade and Ginger’s owner could no longer care for her, releasing her to the Humane Society in October. It’s a tough situation when an older dog is sent back to the Nashua shelter because it’s harder to adopt them, said Noelle Schuyler, event and outreach coordinator for the shelter. “When I saw the picture, because I had the other (puppy) pictures, I said, ‘That’s her. That’s her. This is going to kill me,’” he said. “I had just lost a dog on Dec. 24, a white boxer. He was ill. I said, ‘No more dogs, I’m done.’ ” That’s when Carpentier sat down with his family and talked with them about finding Ginger. He decided he wanted to see her and went down to the shelter on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Schuyler said there was a crowd waiting for Carpentier and the big reunion with Ginger. She was laying on a blanket, a bit groggy from her nap. “She heard my voice. I walked up to her and she kind of gave me a couple of licks or kisses. And I was like, ‘She knows who I am, she remembers my voice,’ ” Carpentier said. “She went over to him and Kerry and I were both watching. She had never gave us kisses,” Schuyler said. “When she started licking his face, that was that moment you could tell she knew.”

Yeah I’m fucking crying right now. Big fucking deal. You’ve never cried over a fucking dog story before you dick? This was touching as fuck. That part about how Ginger gave him kisses because she knew who he was after all these years. Waterworks city.

Anyway how about this ex wife? Talk about a vindictive bitch huh? She takes the dog in the divorce just to spite this guy and then puts Ginger in a shelter? What the fuck kind of move is that? Sounds like something a cat lady do. In fact I’d bet my life right now a cat talked her into this. Just reeks of cat.

PS – I don’t care how old you are you don’t put a dog back in the shelter either. That’s bush league.

Double PS – Ginger is AWESOME.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Does This Look Like the Former Waynesville 2006 Citizen of the Year Who Was Just Arrested For Spanking A 29 Year Old Man For Being Late With Rent?

 

WHIOTV - A local business leader, Waynesville’s Citizen of the Year in 2006, is facing an assault charge accusing him of spanking a 29-year-old male tenant in a dispute over more than $2,000 in overdue rent. Ron Kronenberger, 53 is accused of striking the alleged victim four times on the bare buttocks with a belt. Pictures taken showed “little marks,” according to a police report.“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one,” Kronenberger said before the alleged assault, according to the report. In response to questions from Police Chief Gary Copeland, the alleged victim said “he was scared and just wanted to get it over with,” according to the report.

This has to be the power move of the year right? I mean spanking a grown man with a belt because they are late on rent? That’s how you know you’re in the “I Don’t Fuck Around” club. Love it. And what about the “victim”? He just let it happen? That’s what it sounds like right? Like this article says he spanked him on the “bare buttocks”.  So this guy took his pants off so he could get spanked? Talk about getting cuckholded huh?. Honestly I’d rather somebody sleep with the First Lady than spank me with a belt. So much more degrading.

PS – Don’t think I didn’t notice the silver on silver on silver look here.  Automatic wildcard.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 12:06 PM

This Kid Sucks At Riding A Chair Lift

Santafenewmexican – A 17-year-old Albuquerque teen who fell about 45 feet from a ski-lift chair onto steep, snowy terrain at Ski Santa Fe a few weeks ago is reportedly OK.“Basically, the kid is home and he is fine,” said Cody Sheppard, the ski patrol director at Ski Santa Fe. “It was kind of a dramatic deal. I guess he was attempting to throw a snowball to the chair in front of him, where some friends were, and when he threw the snowball, the momentum just carried him out of the chair. He did hang on for awhile, but then he had to drop.” “They kept him for observation for a couple of days, and then he was released,” Sheppard said. “I’d probably shatter. There is something about being young and flexible, I guess, and just lucky the way you land.” Sheppard said making sure you know how to use the lift, sitting well back on the seat and lowering the comfort bar (if there is one), and perhaps hooking a free hand arm over the backrest are the best ways to stay on the lift. If that is not possible, he said, look for a place where the lift dips lowest to the ground to drop. In this case, Sheppard said, the teen may have had his back to the terrain and was unable to see a good place to drop.

Honestly the ski patrol director can spare me the lecture on how to sit in a chairlift seat. Hey bro it’s not rocket science. You just fucking sit there. This kid was throwing snowballs and goofing around and fell out. It’s pretty straight forward. If you don’t’ want to fall out just sit there. If you want to risk falling out wrestle and shit.  Although I guess that advice about how if you do end up hanging on for dear life try to wait till the lift is lower to the ground is pretty ground breaking.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 1:09 PM

The Dude Screaming KEVIN!!! At KG Last Night Cracked Me Up

 

Usually hate people who basically ruin a broadcast. Like the guy who waves from behind home plate all game or dances behind a pre-game show. Dude who screams from behind the commentator’s desk is on the same level. But for some reason I was laughing at this guy last night. Think it’s because I was picturing him as Mrs. McCallister.

 

 

PS – Could the Lakers have picked a worse memorial song for Jerry Buss’ memorial? “Time of your life,” seriously? That was my 5th grade “graduation song.”

PPS – Do you think the Laker douche is gonna be front row at Buss’ funeral or is he gonna be a pallbearer?

By feitelberg posted February 21st, 2013 at 11:32 AM

This Motherfucker Right Here May Be My Favorite Dude in the History of Barstool Sports

 

 

That was AWESOME.   Maybe my favorite dude ever in the history of Barstool Sports.   Like I legit spit out my coffee and I wasn’t even drinking any when he just waltzed onto the scene uninvited yet undaunted.    And in Lincoln Nebraska too.  Who would have thunk it?  Stoolies doing work per usual.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Rate This Craigslist Ad Of Two Brothers Looking For Wedding Dates

 

From Craigslist

My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin’s wedding in majestic Saratoga, New York on March 23rd, 2013.

We’ve been told by the bride that bringing dates is “mandatory” so we “won’t harass all of my friends all night” and “stay under control”. Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable ‘does this mean he wants to take it to the next level!?’ questions, we’d rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out. Still reading? In anticipation of your questions we’ve developed an FAQ section below.

Dave, Mike… What’s in it for me?
• An excuse to get dressed up
• Open bar & food all night
• Eccentric/downright dangerous bro-2-bro dance moves (may need to sign a waiver)
• Adventure
• Mystery
• Suspense
• True Love
• Royalties once our night’s story is developed into a romantic comedy*
*if this happens (we estimate the chances at 85%) we refuse the right to let Ashton Kutcher play either of our characters, however, we will consider him for a supporting role.

SO – What are you fellas like, anyway?

Oh us? We’re both in our 20s, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house trained, relaxed, passionate, smell great, have cool hair, clean up nice, boast great tie collections, will promise to shave, love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times, controversial, provocative, short-sighted (with a big picture mentality), raw, emotional, sensitive but still bad boys.

What should us ladies be like?

You should respond in pairs as you’ll want to know at least 1 person at this wedding. Sisters (twins?!) are preferable, but we’ll take friends, or even enemies. You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. You should be relaxed and easy going as we’ll probably make up flattering lies about you on the spot. You should own a dress, or be able to acquire one because we don’t have any. If (when) you respond you should send some pictures of yourself so we know you’ve met the above requirements. Feel free to include a resume; this is a classy wedding and we’re looking for well-rounded women. Interesting/unique pairings are encouraged; don’t be afraid to make yourself stand out!

This feels kinda creepy, are you guys Craigslist killers?

No. Well, if you want to be techni.. nevermind. No, we aren’t. We just genuinely want to do something different and we don’t see any other way to approach it. What would verify our normalness? Facebook? Instagram? We can have a pre-date screening (interview) prior to the wedding and play 20 questions over a coupla cocktails if you’d like?

We’re IN! What now?

First off — smart thinking. Email us, send along some pictures, information, high school athletic stats, questions, etc. We’ll take it from there.

Location: Saratoga, NY

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 3614323635

Posted: 2013-02-19, 11:52AM EST

email to a friend

 

I want to hate these guys because I think I have a primal instinct to hate any dude who does anything that helps get him laid more than me.    But this was pretty good.  They toed the line between creepshow and eligible bachelors perfectly.   Like if I was a crazy chick I’d write to these dudes and get stuffed.    Makes me so mad.  Haters gonna hate….these bros gonna slate.

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (845 votes, average: 9.70 out of 10)
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By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 2:40 PM

This Video Of A Guy Giving His Phone To Random Chicks And Demanding They Put His Phone Number in it is Borderline Amazing

(I want to stuff this chick pretty bad)

So it’s this easy to fuck chicks huh?  Apparently I’ve doing it wrong for pretty much forever.   I mean for all those years when I couldn’t get laid this is all I had to do.  Just stick my phone in a girls face and demand that she put her cell phone number in it.  At first I figured he’d only ask gross chicks because they’ll basically let themselves get assaulted to get dick, but these chicks were decent looking.  Wild.  I do have an ugly friend though who is curious whether this works for dudes with big noses and shit too?   I mean that guy was a decent looking dude right?   Those guys can get away with murder.  It’s like the old Tom Brady SNL skit all over again.

 

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 3:50 PM

This Masshole Snow Plow Driver Is Exactly How I Picture A Masshole Snow Plow Driver

 

I’m convinced the two lowest forms of civilization on the planet are snow plow drivers and tow truck drivers.   And I think lots of times they are the same people right?   They just throw a plow on their tow truck when it snows and off they go.   I mean this video is exactly what I’d expect to hear out of a snow plow driver.  Exactly.  They live to ruin other people’s lives.  That’s all they care about.  Just looking for an excuse to snow your car in so you can’t find it or break your back shoveling it out.   They hate their lives.  They hate their jobs.  And their only reason for waking up in the morning it to make your life as miserable as theirs.

By elpresidente posted February 21st, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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