The Union Bar
Iowa City, IA
March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
The Boulder Theater
March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
March 20th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
House Of Blues
Myrtle Beach, SC
April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 11th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 12th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
New York City, NY
April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
New Haven, CT
January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
East Stroudsburg, PA
March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
There were a lot of emasculating moves in childhood. Swirlies (if they even existed? Or were they just an urban legend? I never saw one. Honestly. No, I swear to god. I’M SERIOUS!), wedgies, dead legs, ear flicks, titty twisters… the list may be endless. But a wet willie on live TV while your school president/pastor discusses the new Pope from inside a church may be the worst. Can’t react at all. Just gotta sit there and wear that soggy ear canal like a bitch.
I don’t know what it says about me as a human, but I could have watched that for another 2 hours . Just something captivating about Masshole chicks arguing about who the bigger ho is and who is fucking each other’s boyfriends, blah, blah, blah. Great theater. Just great theater…..
Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Beat The Shit Out Of Her Boyfriend Because He Wouldn’t Fuck Her?
(TimesNews) — Heather Hayes, 24, of 304 W. Bertsch St., Lansford, faces charges from an incident which took place on Feb. 26 at Turkey Hill. Charges of indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment. were filed by Officer Jeffrey Ohl. According to an affidavit of probable cause, here’s what happened: Ohl received a dispatch at 2:42 a.m. about a female assaulting a male at the convenience mart. Upon arrival, he saw a female standing by the trash container, nude from the waist down. Ohl quickly placed her in the back seat of the cruiser, and identified her as Hayes. Hayes told Ohl that she had gotten into an argument with her boyfriend, Eric Zuber, after he refused to have sex with her. Ohl spoke with Zuber, who said that the two were at his house and that Hayes became argumentative when he refused to have sex with her. He said the argument escalated, and that Hayes began to slap and punch him about the head and back. She bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them. Hayes was taken to the police station and read her Miranda rights, which she waived, and agreed to talk with Ohl. She said that for the past two days, Zuber had been playing Xbox with his friends, and not paying attention to her. Hayes said this upset her, and that Zuber wouldn’t go to bed with her and have sex. Hayes said they argued, and that she smashed things in the house, but didn’t remember assaulting Zuber.
Look, I’ll admit that maybe Heather Hayes isn’t Grade A beef. Might be a little too fatty along the edges for my taste. But this is who you chose to date. You made your bed, Eric. Now fuck in it. If the shoe was on the other foot here what would we be saying about a girlfriend who wouldn’t fuck her boyfriend? We’d be calling her a prude, stuck up, a cunt. A typical girlfriend who won’t blow you or fuck you and just wants diamonds and dinners. So I’m gonna be fair here and pop the blame on Eric. Everyone wants a girlfriend who runs around with her pants off shoving her pussy in your face and demanding you fuck it. Hit pause on your videogames and smash this Kirby looking chick already.
PS – Jews love anal. Something to think about next time before you give your “one more level! Just one more level!” schpeel.
Shouldn’t guys like this be put in an insane asylum? I’m not exactly comfortable knowing he just walks the streets freely. There aren’t a ton of things that you can see about a person and immediately know they’re lunatics. The list is basically neck tattoos, shaved heads with full beards, wife beaters without a shirt on top, and tearful pleas to leave their tree friend alone. Anyone who matches any of those descriptions should be put away with the rest of the lunatics.
PS – they almost converted me at the end when “Big Yellow Taxi” started playing. Almost. But great soundtracks don’t save terrible movies.
(YouTube) – Crazy filipino lady goes on a racist tyrade in a San Fransisco trolly. Also, she’s obviously on drugs and possibly a prostitute. Sorry about the nudity.
You know how people say “and that’s why you don’t do drugs…” Well this is exactly the reason for me. I don’t care about the health concerns or trouble with the law or ending up poor in a crack house. Those don’t bother me at all. I just never want to end up on a subway doing an uneven bar routine, rubbing my dick all over the handrails and screaming “you fucking nigger!!!!!!” in a black guys face.
PS – Was the second part of that rant a shot across Big Cat’s bow? I WANT RICE! I WANT RICE! NOT BEANS! I WANT RICE!
I Got A Beef With People Who Take Free Samples At The Food Court And Don’t Stop To At Least Pretend Like They May Order From That Place
I was eating at the mall food court the other day and was slowly becoming infuriated with something that bothers me everytime I eat at a food court. I despise people who take the free samples of food with no intention of actually ordering from that place. It drives me nuts. Like I feel like if you accept a piece of chicken you should have the dignity to stop and at least pretend to ponder like you are going to order from that place. It’s just so rude to take it and not even break stride. Just keep walking like you stole the free sample. If I was the guy who had to hand out the free samples I’d lose my mind in 3 seconds. Just smash my tray over the head of the first teenager who ate and ran on me. Again I’m not saying you have to order from the place, but you sign a social contract in my mind that you have to pretend to be contemplating it. I told this pet peeve to the First Lady and she thought I was nuts. But am I really? Or am I so nuts that I’m the only sane one? We’re living in a society!
Breaking News! Miami Police On the Lookout For A New Drug That Madonna Invented Called Molly At Ultra This Weekend
Miamiherald – Starting Friday, Ultra Music Festival is expected to attract more than 160,000 young people from across the world to party with hundreds of international DJs and music artists. This year, it’s attracting something else: Molly. The drug, sold for $10 to $25 a capsule, is a new way to market a familiar drug. It got a memorable boost last year at Ultra, when Madonna went on stage and shouted to the audience: “How many people in this crowd have seen Molly?” “Molly is a new phenomenon. Something that is still developing,” said Maj. Jorge Martin, commander of the Miami Police Special Investigation Section, which deals with high-end illegal narcotics.“When Madonna made her … remark, we were starting to see it. A year later, our investigation has grown twofold.”
I’m not sure anybody in the history of earth has been more out of touch with reality than Major Jorge Martin. Like this guy first heard about Molly when Madonna said it last year at Ultra? Really? That’s when Miami cops first started noticing it? I don’t even know how to respond to that? I mean Madonna almost put Molly out of business because people figured it must have jumped the shark as a cool drug if Mandonna was name dropping it. Yet somehow that’s what tipped the Miami PD off? Umm yeah I think there may be some of this so called Molly this year at Ultra. Just a hunch.
Fox CT Airs Pictures of Chicks Titties When Talking About Womens Day at the State Capital….KO Barstool Not Impressed
NewHavenIndependent - FOX CT apologized Wednesday for inadvertently airing creepy video close ups of breasts as B-roll during a report on Women’s Day at the state Capitol in Hartford. The footage, featuring women wearing tank tops, immediately triggered “Are you kidding me?” reactions on social media. The Connecticut Chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW) demanded an apology.
“Fox CT News, whether they intended to or not, has just inserted their organization into a culture war and sent the message that women should not be taken seriously. It is an insult to the female employees at Fox and to women throughout Connecticut,” the state’s NOW chapter said in a prepared statement.
Christine A. Palm, the communications director for the state’s Permanent Commission on the Status of Women, also lambasted FOX CT for the footage.
“We are appalled at the level of sexism this incident shows. It is an insult not only to the Permanent Commission on the Status of Women and to all who attended Women’s Day at the Capitol, which marked the PCSW’s 40-year battle against gender discrimination, but to women everywhere who are tired of being objectified,” Palm said.
“Anyone who doubts the existence of the ‘war on women’ need look no further than Fox News. We invite the executives at Fox to ask about our Sexual Harassment Awareness and Prevention trainings, which would help them and their staff learn a little more about what goes on above a woman’s shoulders.”
FOX CT issued an apology Wednesday on its Facebook page:
“FOX CT apologizes for mistakenly airing inappropriate file footage in conjunction with this morning’s report on Women’s Day at the Connecticut State Capitol.
The video should never have aired. FOX CT will publicly apologize on today’s newscasts, as well as through our social media platforms. We are also implementing procedures to keep this from happening in the future. FOX CT is committed to recognizing and applauding the significant contributions of women, both in Connecticut and throughout the country.”
I love how Fox is acting like this was an accident. Cmon guys. You’re talking to Davey Pageviews here. This is smut peddling 101. If you want people to pay attention when you start discussing women’s rights then you need to show titties. I mean you think anybody really gives a fuck about Women’s Day in CT? Of course not. Boobies get ratings. It’s that simple. That’s not me talking. That’s science. It doesn’t matter how many letters these dykes write. Tits and ass sell.
PS – I like how that nutty feminist said Fox just inserted themselves into a cultural war. That’s exactly right. We’re at war. It’s the normal people vs. the crazy dykes for all the marbles.
PFT – At least one person in the Tom Brady camp is not a happy camper about Brady losing his favorite wide receiver. Just minutes after the Broncos confirmed that they reached a two-year deal with former Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker, Tom E. Curran of CSNNE.com spoke to a source close to Brady who was “beyond enraged.”…
Spoke to someone close to Tom Brady. Beyond enraged at contract details that netted Broncos Wes Welker. “Disgrace” “disservice” were used.
—Tom E. Curran (@tomecurran) March 13, 2013
I don’t blame Brady one bit for being pissed. It can’t be easy to be the quarterback of an offense that just lost a guy who is a guaranteed 16 games, 115 catches and 1,200 yards. There aren’t many sure things in this life or in football, but Wes Welker is one of them. Plus you can’t blame Brady for being emotional about this. He was a great teammate and an impossible guy not to root for. But then again Brady reacted the same way about Lawyer Milloy, Willie McGinest, Richard Seymour, Mike Vrabel and a half a dozen others. We all did. It’s the normal, sentimental reaction. But running the most successful organization in all of sports isn’t about sentiment. We weep for Welker and curse the Patriots front office. We have that luxury. We have the luxury of not knowing what Belichick knows: that Welker’s departure, while tragic, probably wins games. At least by their calculations it does. This wasn’t some screw up on the Patriots part. They weren’t caught with their pants down or blindsided by some surprise offer by another team that came out of nowhere. This was calculus. They read the market, decided what they felt he was worth, and stuck to their number. For sure Belichick, Ernie Adams and Nick Cesario weren’t running around the office waving jazz hands around going “Ohmygod ohmygod whatarewegonnado whatarewegonnado????” As a matter of fact, Belichick was so panicked he spent Tuesday night on Twitter answering questions about the last book he read. You can question their judgment, but you can’t argue they didn’t know exactly what they were doing.
In any belief system, your faith gets tested and Belichickism is no exception. Take the Bible. I’ve always felt like there are two Gods in there, your Old Testament God and your New Testament God. The New one is all about love and understanding and forgiveness. The Old one is about suffering and sacrifice and punishment. The New Testament God is John Henry, giving 37 year old DHs coming off ankle surgery $28 million, a truck and a plague for home runs he hit in 2004. Belichick is Old Testament God, letting you sacrifice yourself, give him everything you’ve got, then striking your ass down whenever it suits him. Sure it’s cold, but you can’t deny it’s been effective. In Welker’s case, they let him lay it all on the line got the best years of his career out of him, then replaced him with a younger version of himself. Is Danny Amendola Wes Welker? No. But then again, Wes Welker wasn’t Wes Welker until he came here either. He went from 100 catches in 3 years in Miami to having 100 catches here every year before I started my Christmas shopping. And at the end of Amendola’s deal he’ll be the same age Welker is now. Brady and my and most people’s faith is getting tested again on this one, but right or wrong, it wasn’t personal, it was a football decision. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now: In Bill We Trust. @JerryThornton1
Shocking: Miss California Pageant Recruiter Bangs Contestant, Promises She’ll Win, She Doesn’t Win And He Dumps Her
DM – It’s a story as old as Hollywood itself, but in this instance the victim is a failed contestant in the 2012 Miss California USA beauty pageant who claims that behind the glitz and glamor is a shady organization exploiting young contestants. Miranda Bryant, now 24, moved to Los Angeles in the summer of 2010 after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend in her native Tennessee. Not long after arriving in the Golden State, she met Erik DeSando, co-founder of the Miss California USA recruitment company Chase the Crown. DeSando, who has worked in Hollywood for more than 20 years, regularly refers to himself as ‘the top pageant recruiter in the country’ and told Bryant he could change her life forever. He showered her with compliments and promised that she heading for fame and fortune and he could help her – provided she alleges that she slept with him. ‘He said he knew I was special and that I was going to be famous. He said he had all these plans for me that he would disclose in the future.’ Seduced by his patter, Bryant paid his company a non-refundable registration fee of $845. She also opened up to DeSando about her past and her reasons for leaving Tennessee.
In retrospect she believes that was a bad move, but admits she must take full responsibility for allowing him to get so close to her. DeSando promised to mentor her career and hook her up with his friends in the movie and music businesses. Then came the bombshell. ‘He said if you help me out, I’ll help you out,’ said Bryant. Over the next eight months, she alleges that says she slept with him at least once a month and in return he took her to restaurants and helped pay for her groceries. Bryant also alleges that DeSando gave her several special gifts – a pair of shorts and a t-shirt featuring the official Miss California USA logo – that he claimed Donald Trump had sent him to personally give to the ‘most special’ girls. But their ‘special arrangement’ ended abruptly after the Miss California USA pageant in January 2012, which Bryant didn’t win. Their relationship was suddenly over and DeSando never followed through on all the promises he had made over the previous eight months. After her Hollywood experience, Bryant moved back to Tennessee, where she is taking college classes in criminal justice and hopes to become a FBI agent. She is also debating trying out for Miss Tennessee USA. DeSando, who remains in Hollywood, denies having a sexual relationship with Bryant.
So this story just came out. Some chick wanted to be Miss California, a pageant recruiter said he could make it happen and banged her a bunch of times, he was obviously lying and she didn’t win and he never talked to her again. Here’s my question: do girls understand life? With evidence like this it’s impossible to think they do. Oh a guy in Hollywood said he’d help you reach your career goals if you sucked his dick? But he didn’t follow through on his promises!?!? GASP! Seriously women, stop doing this. Stop being dumb and letting yourself get taken advantage of and then acting like the victim. I mean some of you keep doing it because it’s great material, but in general stop doing it. Pretty simple. Don’t believe guys who say they’ll help you in exchange for sex. They’re always lying. Always. Well except me. I can actually hook you up with some great opportunities in the internet modeling world.
Bottom line is if you keep falling for it, we’ll keep doing it. Dicks don’t suck themselves. Also the whole selfies at the gym thing should have tipped this girl off. Never trust a guy who takes selfies at the gym. Guaranteed sociopath.
And the answer is Gina from Weymouth. Way, way, way back! Way up into the rafters there! An unbelievable smoke from Roy Hobbs! Incredible power! Needless to say Gina was a great way to end the smoke week.
And remember all smokes get free tickets to any upcoming Blackout/Foam. Springfield is a couple weeks away. Then NJ which is almost sold out. Hartford, Tampa, New Orleans, Coastal Carolina all in April. Huge month of chaos.
Panama City Beach FOAM – MARCH 18
Panama City Beach FOAM – March 25th
REVENGE OF SPRINGFIELD FOAM – April 4th (BUY TICKETS)
Hartford Blackout – Webster Theater – April 6th – BUY TICKETS
New Orleans Blackout – April 12th - (tix on sale now)
Charlotte Blackout – 4/26 – Tickets on Sale HERE
Coastal Carolina FOAM – 4/27 – Tickets on Sale HERE
Source- A shocking video has emerged showing a 40-year-old mother allegedly encouraging her young daughter to fight a bunch of bullies outside their New York home. Police say Amie Loughrey of Oswego is seen pumping her daughter up for the fight while approaching the pack of teens in the street outside their home on Sunday evening. The video posted on someone’s Facebook page on Monday ends after Ms Loughrey’s alleged daughter pulls another teen by her hair to the ground, punching and at one point kicking and appearing to spit in her face to cheers. ‘Yes, get her Dallas. Get her f***ing a**’ a woman screams off camera. ‘I’m not fighting you so step away from me. I’m not fighting you,’ the teen who’s later seen pulled to the ground responds to the other’s approach before being smacked and grabbed by the hair. On Tuesday Loughrey took to her Facebook page to defend herself, writing that the fight captured was in self defense after a series of bullying to her daughter by the neighborhood teens. ‘I just got out of jail for endangering the welfare of a child and harassment in the 2nd for letting my 15 year old daughter defend her self against 12 to 15 teenage girls her age and big josh…. Who came to MY house NOT ONCE BUT 3 TIMES!’ she writes. Relating those allegations to the video a woman can be repeatedly heard yelling about the home’s windows being banged on.
Not exactly a fair fight size wise, but if the skinny chick was bullying the fat chick then hey, ya had it coming bitch. If you’re gonna be a bully there’s bound to be some backlash from time to time. And don’t get me wrong, I love making fun of fat chicks as much as the next guy. But I do it from behind a computer where they can’t sit on me. If you’re out there in the real world talking shit to morbidly obese teenagers then you better know how to toss fisticuffs or at least outrun the whale. There’s no greater wrath than that of a pissed of heffer. They have an unbeatable finishing move. The Sit. They just sit on you and it’s game over every time.
PS – When the mom bent over… I THINK I FOUND WHERE THEY HID JIMMY HOFFA!
Source – What would it look like if your entire Facebook friend list suddenly popped to life? Probably like the world’s weirdest cocktail party. “Oh hey girl I slept with in college, this is my seventh-grade science teacher.” But where many of us see awkward encounters, Ty Morin sees a chance to shed our digital skin and actually, maybe, hopefully have some meaningful reconnections. That’s why the Connecticut photographer is setting out to visit every one of he Facebook friends — and “friends” — in person. All 788 of them. “The goal of this project is to reconnect with people. No more hiding behind the screen of social media,” he writes on a Kickstarter page, where he’s already exceeded his goal of raising $5,000 to fund his journey. “Stop looking down at your phone and pretending you’re texting your BFF when you walk by an old friend from high school. Lets get out there and remind people what it’s like to have a face to face conversation with someone.” Morin is going to do more than just chat with his assorted college friends, colleagues’ spouses and third cousins nobody in the family ever hears from unless they post a caps lock political rant on Facebook that always ends with, “THINK ABOUT IT!!”; he’s going to photograph each person doing something they love with a classic 8×10 folding camera.
I’ll tell you what I’d never want to do in a million years: exactly what this guy is doing. Sounds like a real bad time. Meet all my Facebook friends in person? No thanks. I think I’ll do anything but that. Do you know what kind of creeps weaseled their way into my online friendship circle? So many freaks. So many strangers. Honest to god I think 80% of the people on my Facebook could die and I wouldn’t know or care. Shooting, fire, drowning, whatever. They could be wiped out and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
Facebook is just a vast wasteland of meaningless people who post too many pictures of what they’re eating. So obviously a stupid hipster doofus would want to make an art project out of meeting each and every one of them. That’s what hipsters do. They take meaningless and irrelevant things that nobody is doing or care about and do them for attention. Guys look at me! I’m cool and edgy because I’m stepping outside the box! Let’s totally break down the online social barrier with the power of photography! Shut it nerd. We’ll see if you still think it’s a good idea when you get Catfish-raped 100 friends in.