Robin Thicke’s New Music Video With Emily Ratajkowski Prancing Around Naked Is Better Than Porn (Artistic Nude So Borderline NSFW)

 Click for our wake up with Miss Ratajkowski

I’m so hard right now and if being super hard is right I don’t want to be wrong.  I mean if Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t win an Oscar, Emmy and Grammy for that performance then there is something wrong with life.  And how about Robin Thicke?   Gangsta city.  Like hey Timberlake you just got pissed on.  Suit and Tie is cute and all, but this is the definition of machisimo.  Naked sluts just dancing around while you tell em you have a big dick.  He definitely fucked Ratajkowski after this video was over too.  Because once she agreed to do this video she was basically agreeing to anal in my book.  Just too much sexual tension not to fuck.

PS – How about the beating that Ratajkowski put on those other two girls?  Half the time I forgot there was even anybody else in the video except her.   So fucking hot the way she moved.  If she asked me to murder somebody I would no questions asked.

Double PS – For the life of me I can’t figure out youtube.  They’ll pull down a video of a kid getting punched in the face or passing out, but they leave porn on there.  Weirdos.  And yes I think this was better than porn.

Triple PS – That’s right I’m going triple ps!   If I could have one wish for my birthday it may be to have Pharell walk around with me for a day and just make this noise whenever I start talking to chicks.   I feel like that by itself gets you laid.

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 10:01 AM

Gronk Is Owning Sportscenter Right Now

 

Scott Van Pelt better watch himself.  Gronk is coming for that ass.    Just dropping Gronk bombs all over the place.  3 seconds in and he’s already screwed up like 9 times as only Gronk can do.  It’s like an SNL skit only way better.

“I’m Rob Gronkowski and welcome to Sportscenter.  I’m Rob Gronkowski again. Today Adam Scheffter talks about Robert Griffin’s third recovery.    I’m Rob Gronkowski” (Cue the shit eating grin)

Hey Telepromter you just got curb stomped.  Deal with it.

PS – #gronkcatchphrase is trending for real.

 

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 11:20 AM

Little Girl Having the Time Of Her Life Playing With German Shepherds

 

 

I’m not 100, I’m not 200, I’m 5,000 percent sure this is heaven.  Like this is exactly what my heaven would look like.  Just running around a huge field with tons of dogs having the time of my life.  It can’t get better than this.  It just can’t.  And yes if these were cats you know they would have done that old trick where one cat kneels right behind you and then the other cat pushes you over so you trip and fall and then everybody laughs and laughs and laughs at you.

 

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 5:20 PM

And the Pussification of America Continues: Windham NH Bans Dodgeball Because Kids Become “Human Targets”

Eagletribune- Dodgeball has been banned in Windham schools, due to concerns about violence and bullying. The School Board voted, 4-1, last week to remove dodgeball and nine other “human target” activities from the district’s curriculum. The vote was taken after a committee of physical education teachers studied the issue, then recommended eliminating the games. “We spend a lot of time making sure our kids are violence free,” Windham superintendent Dr. Henry LaBranche said. “Here we have games where we use children as targets. That seems to be counter to what we are trying to accomplish with our anti-bullying campaign.” A middle school parent complained his child was bullied during a game of dodgeball. That prompted LaBranche to form the teachers’ committee to student “human target” games. The NASPE said there are any number of reasons to drop dodgeball.

“It’s an elimination game,” said Andrew Mead, program manager at NASPE. “Games like dodgeball and tag don’t keep kids involved and physically active. They objectify slower students who don’t catch as well.” With dodgeball off the menu in Windham, LaBranche said officials are looking for alternatives.“The physical and developmental skills are still important,” he said. “We just want to incorporate them into an activity where we don’t use youngsters as targets.”

Primetime pussification of America story right here. . It’s not even that they are debating whether dodgeball is dangerous anymore or not. It’s that it hurts kids feelings. That throwing a ball at a kid is bullying them. It’s wild. I mean saying dodgeball involves “human targeting” has to be the most over the top description for dodgeball in the history of descriptions right? It makes it sound like kids are getting hunted down in the woods and murdered Hunger Games styles. And how about this quote

“Dodgeball objectifies slower students who don’t catch as well.”

First of all who cares if it does? At some point Little Johnny has to realize he’s a band guy not a sports guy. You can’t protect kids from the truth forever. But to be honest if I sucked at sports dodgeball would be the sport I’d want to play the most. You get hit once and you go sit down. All other team sports you got to stay on the field while the other team picks on you. Oh you can’t catch? I’m gonna keep kicking the ball to you ever time bro. You keep making errors and letting down the entire team. Dodgeball actually gives dorks an easy way out of Gym Class which is probably what they want in the first place.

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Boston.com Love Letters – “My Friend’s Boyfriend Won’t Fuck Her”

 

From  Boston.com Love Letters

QUESTION

Dear Meredith

My friend Emily and I have known each other since we were 10 years old, and we have been inseparable ever since. As with any girlfriend relationship, over the last 25 years we have spent many a late night analyzing, consoling, or just discussing the various guys that have come and gone from our lives. A little over a year ago when Emily and I were out for a much needed girls night, she met Kyle. They hit it off right away and began to get serious really fast.

Because Kyle made her very happy, I was happy. However, one day shortly after their one-year anniversary, Emily came to me almost embarrassed and ashamed. She loved Kyle very much and had never felt more of a connection with anyone in her life, but after over a year of dating they have never been intimate. She confided in me that over the course of their relationship she has tried to broach the topic many times and has conveyed to him that it is an issue for her. He admitted it is not for religious beliefs that he is not intimate, however when she probes harder or tries to get him to open up, he immediately shuts down the conversation.

His reaction had made her hesitant to continue to push him to talk about it. She admitted to me that her self-confidence and self-image had plummeted because she did not feel desired by her boyfriend.I need your advice on how to handle this, I would like to help her wake up and realize that maybe Kyle isn’t her soul mate, especially when he causes her so much anguish. How can I constructively point out to her that she is wasting her time without losing my best friend forever?

– Desperate for a friend, somewhere in Rhode Island

Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer

A: The best thing you can do as a friend is to ask questions, DFAF. You can ask her how she feels. You can ask her what she plans to do about her relationship if it doesn’t improve. You can ask her about the good things. What does she like about Kyle these days? Are they still laughing and having fun? Give her space to talk about all of it.

Just remember to keep your tone supportive and to make it clear that you’re on her team no matter what. And remember to listen to all of her answers. Like, really, really listen. There’s probably a lot about her relationship that you just don’t understand. Also feel free to give compliments. It wouldn’t hurt to remind your friend that she’s cool and that she looks nice. Sometimes we forget to tell our friends how awesome they are.

Readers? I always advise friends to ask questions, but is there something else she can do? Any insight about what’s happening with the friend? Help.

– Meredith

El Pres Answer

Dear Desperate for a friend, somewhere in Rhode Island,

Okay clearly Kyle is a gayball. Couldn’t be more gay if he walked around with a dick in his ass at all times.   But that doesn’t automatically mean you should tell your friend.  First I need to know whether Emily is fat and gross? Because if she is she probably knows Kyle is gay, but that’s better than being single in her mind. Just let her live her fantasy life with her fake straight boyfriend whose dick doesn’t work right.  However if you think she could actually have a real boyfriend than you need to tell her how gay Kyle is. If she doesn’t believe you do the next best thing. Hire a PI and tail Kyle around till you catch him sucking some cock in the act. Show it to Emily. That’s what a real friend would do.

Sincerely Pres

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Lululemon Is Making Chicks Bend Over To Prove Their Yoga Pants Are Too Sheer


(THG) — On the heels of the highly-publicized recall of Lululemon yoga pants, some women say the company is asking them to bend over in front of in-store sales associates. To determine if their yoga pants are “too sheer,” obviously. Last week, the yoga-inspired athletic company had to recall 17 percent of the pants (sold for roughly $100 each) bought between March 1 and March 8. The reason? Their yoga pants’ fabric was too see-through, inspiring a wave of jokes across the Internet and whiplash among men across North America. Lululemon invited customers to return any pants they bought online or in stores for a full refund / exchange, but one blogger who tried to return her pair was shocked. On Lululemon’s Facebook page, she wrote:


I went into my local store to return my Astro pants and Invert crops, both purchased this month. I was asked to BEND OVER in order to determine sheerness. The sales associate then perused my butt in the dim lighting of the change room and deemed them “not sheer”. I felt degraded that this is how the recall is being handled. I called the GEC to confirm this is their protocol, and they verified that yes, the “educators” will verify sheerness by asking the customer to bend over.

 

Let me just say that in my heart of hearts I know this isn’t true. I know there’s no way after the media hit Lululemon took the other day they would instruct their employees to run a sheerness test on every chick that walks in. This is definitely just some chick blogger trying to get attention by making up a story. But having said that, I’m still pretending it’s real. You gotta believe in something. And, since it’s so real, it is my new number one job. Sales associate/product inspector at Lululemon in the Pru. Sign me up. I’ve done plenty of time inspecting asses in yoga pants. What did Malcolm Gladwell say, you’re an expert once you’ve spent 10,000 hours doing something? Well I am an expert in yoga pants. I’ve studied their color, their sheerness, the way they contour to a body. I can look at a pair of Astro pants and know if they’re malfunctioning in a nanosecond. Get downward dog and I’ll let you know if I can see your snatch better than anybody in the world. That’s the Feitelberg guarantee.

And if Lulu won’t have me I’m still willing to be the guy who artistically puts sand on Sofia Vergara’s naked body for a photoshoot. That’s my safety job.

By feitelberg posted March 27th, 2013 at 2:40 PM

This Was The Most Intelligent Conversation I Saw All Day Yesterday Regarding Gay Marriage. Naturally It Ended In A Knockout

 

Listen all these people putting this symbol on their facebook page to support gay rights is nice and all, but did everybody sit down with their buddies and really discuss the issues like these guys did?  Probably not.  And the Chinese kid raises a good point. Everyone against gay marriage likes to bring up the fact that God said no and that gay marriage will bring an end to our wholesome American values. Well what about murder, huh? No one talks about that. Why is it ok for two guys to get married but homie in the red hat can’t run around shooting up people blatblatblat? Doesn’t make much sense now, does it?

 

PS – when did “nigga” become a thing that any minority can say? Do black people approve of that or no?

By feitelberg posted March 27th, 2013 at 3:12 PM

Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day – Kelcie

Introducing Kelcie from UVM.  Too bad we’ll probably never see her again after Hayseed Weinberger gave us the boot for no reason.   Either way she still has free tickets for life to any Blackout event.

Do you know any smokes?  Send them to tips@barstoolsports.com

 

 

REVENGE OF SPRINGFIELD FOAM – April 4th (BUY TICKETS)

Trenton FOAM – April 5th - TICKETS ON SALE HERE 

Hartford Blackout – Webster Theater – April 6th – BUY TICKETS 

ESU – April 18th (tix on sale now)

Marist – April 20th (tix on sale Wednesday)

TAMPA FOAM -  4/13 – Tickets on sale NOW – (Tickets now on Sale)

Charlotte  Blackout – 4/26 –  Tickets on Sale HERE

Coastal Carolina FOAM – 4/27 – Tickets on Sale HERE

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 6:32 PM

#Section314Classic #FreshmanBruinsFan

 

And on the other side off the spectrum….#notafreshmanbruinsfan

 

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Florida State Trooper Gives A State Rep A Break On His Speeding Ticket So Naturally The State Rep Reports Him And Gets the Trooper Fired

I don’t want a Large Farva, I want a goddamn liter of cola.

 

DM A state trooper decided to drop a speeding charge on a local politician down from $250 to $10 because he was ‘trying to be nice’. That kind- and unethical- gesture then cost the trooper his job. Charles Swindle was fired from his job as a highway trooper in Florida after he gave state official Charles McBurney a significantly cheaper ticket because he was allegedly trying to ‘cut him a break’. The Tampa Bay Times reports that the truly unusual twist in this incident was that the politician who was so offended by the gesture that he reported the trooper to his superior. Mr McBurney, who is a state representative, complained to Colonel David Brierton of the Florida Highway Patrol and Swindle was fired a week later.

 

What a fucking cocksucker Charles McBurney is. Typical politician. When normal people get pulled over they cross their fingers for a break. Why? Because it costs less money, because it won’t go against your insurance, normal reasons. Charles McBurney crosses his finger for a break so he can report the trooper and run his campaign on him being a “normal” guy who levels with his constituents. Fuck you dude. Doesn’t matter that literally everybody gets breaks once in a while when caught speeding. Charles McBurney is a senator, a state senator, so the trooper must have been acting inappropriately. Fuck you dude. You think you’re being a good guy to your voters but in reality you just totally boned them because now every trooper will be scared to give out breaks. Typical politician: act like you’re doing good meanwhile you’re just bending every Regular Joe over a barrel.

By feitelberg posted March 27th, 2013 at 5:03 PM

Oh Well….

 

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 10:58 PM

BC Threatens Kids Who Give Out Free Condoms

 

Boston.com – Boston College officials are threatening to take disciplinary measures against a group of students who are distributing condoms out of their dorm rooms, calling the act a violation of the university’s mission as a Catholic and Jesuit institution. Boston College officials sent a letter to students on March 15 demanding an end to student-run “Safe Sites,” a network of dorm rooms and other locations where free contraceptives and safe sex information are available. Students living in the “Safe Sites” were told in the letter that the distribution of condoms is in conflict with their “responsibility to protect the values and traditions of Boston College as a Jesuit, Catholic institution.”

This story makes me laugh. I mean BC is really threatening to discipline kids for giving out free condoms? What is this the twilight zone? Seriously what year is this? Listen I don’t care that BC is a Jesuit school. I don’t care what the Catholic Church says. College kids fuck. You can’t pray for it not to happen. So you got two choices. Either turn the other cheek and let kids use birth control or have a billion little superfans running around. Bottomline is that any college in 2013 that really punishes kids for giving out birth control has their head stuck so far up their asses that they shouldn’t be allowed to be a college in the first place.

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Enter To Win A Trip To Vegas To Train With Freddy Roach

 

Click to enter contest

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Disney Gives a Guy $8,000 for Getting Stuck for 30 Minutes on “It’s a Small World”

DMA disabled man was awarded $8,000 by Disneyland after the It’s A Small World ride broke, stranding him for 30 minutes while the theme song played on a loop. Lawyer David Geffen says Jose Martinez was the only passenger not rescued when the ride broke down in 2009, and staffers failed to call the fire department to free him. .. Martinez uses a wheelchair, suffers from panic attacks and high blood pressure, and needed to urinate for much of the time he was stranded on the popular ride in the Fantasyland area of the amusement park. Geffen says half the award ordered Friday is for pain and suffering, and the other half for disability law violations. .. The man’s chronic health conditions became an issue as he sat stranded in the boat with the ‘Small World’ tune playing over and over again, according to the attorney. ‘He was half in the cave of the ride and half out,’ Geffen said. ‘The music was blaring. They couldn’t get it to go off.’

$8,000?  Jose Martinez was stuck on “It’s a Small World” for a half hour and he gets $8,000?  There have been a lot of frivolous lawsuits and ridiculous settlements in our lifetimes, but this has to be the worst settlement in the history of jurisprudence.  8,000 bucks, my ass.  Anyone who’s ever been on that ride will tell you he deserved at least $8 million.  “It’s a Small World” is not an amusement park attraction, it’s a descent into madness.  That goddamned song drills a hole through your ear, embeds itself in your subconscious, festers and grows until it will drive the sanest man in the world insane.  My Irish Rose and I took No. 1 son to Disney when he was like 2 1/2, which was way too young.  Every ride was either too fast and terrifying or too dark and scary.  The one exception was “IASW.”  To a little kid, it’s calming and non-threatening.  To an adult?  It’s a dystopian hellscape, filled with creepy little animatronic racist stereotypes singing the most cloying song ever written on continuous loop.  10 minutes in there and I came out permanently scarred with PTSD.  I still have an eye tic from it after all these years.  Seriously, if Al Qaeda ever wanted me to betray my country, they’d only have to threaten to send me through that nightmare again and I’ll spill my guts in an instant.  $8,000 for 30 minutes of that hell?  Disney got off cheap.  @JerryThornton1

Click on the video if you dare. But don’t say I didn’t warn you:

By Jerry Thornton posted March 27th, 2013 at 2:11 PM

Gronk On SVP Show: “Being Bored Is The Worst”

 

Oh was there a Barstool shoutout in there too?  I didn’t notice.

PS – In other Gronk on ESPN news Charissa Thompson just said she wanted to fuck Gronk.   It’s Gronk’s world we’re just living in it.

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 3:54 PM

I Think We Have No Choice But To Be Impressed By This 87 Year Old Guy Who Drove The Wrong Way On The Mass Pike For 11 Miles

CT – An 87-year-old Connecticut man who drove the wrong way on the Massachusetts Turnpike for almost 11 miles before police stopped him was not cited but may lose his license. Thaddeus Satkowski, 87, of Staffordville, Conn., got on at Exit 10 of the Mass. Pike in Auburn late on Sunday night and drove east in the westbound lanes, in the shoulder next to the high-speed lane. Massachusetts State Police say they got several calls about a wrong-way driver and eventually stooped him in Grafton. A trooper drove east parallel to the wrong-way driver until he was able to get his attention, reports The Telegram & Gazette. Police say Satkowski was not cited, but state police have contacted the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles to have his license revoked. A spokesman for the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles said Satkowski had a valid Connecticut driver’s license and no prior violations or citations on his driving record.

 

Normally I’d make fun of this old guy for being old and sucking at driving. I’d be like “Why is he still behind the wheel? He’s a danger to us all! How can you fuck up this badly? Won’t somebody please think of the children!” But I’m not gonna do that because for whatever reason I’m flat out impressed by this. I see it as an accomplishment. It’s a very hard thing to drive 11 miles into oncoming traffic on a major highway and not die. And this geezer pulled it off like it was a piece of crumb cake. Probably got pissed at the cops for making him late to wherever he was going too. Like I’m on a road officer, what’s the difference? Can I go? Matlock is about to start.

PS – Cue the funniest “driving in the wrong direction” scene in movie history.

By JMac posted March 27th, 2013 at 3:38 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Kid Arrested For Putting Adderall In Easter Eggs At A Church Easter Egg Hunt?

Huff – Members of a church in Daphne, Ala., were panicked on Sunday when they learned that a plastic egg hidden for an Easter egg hunt allegedly contained a volunteer’s medication. The Press-Register reported that though Christ the King Catholic Church notified parents and asked that they return the eggs, a 6-year-old child had already ingested an Adderall pill. Jarret Anthony Helm, a 21-year-old volunteer, was subsequently arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, according to Daphne police. It’s not clear whether police believe the incident was intentional or accidental. The suspect had allegedly told church officials that he’d noticed his mistake but retrieved the egg before the hunt began, the Associated Press reported. It was one of 1,500 eggs hidden. Adderall is a stimulant medication that “may help increase attention and decrease impulsiveness and hyperactivity in patients with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).” according to the Food and Drug Administration. It hasn’t been studied in children less than 6 years old, and side effects include headaches, fast heartbeats, dizziness, and seizures. Police told Press-Register that the child’s parents said the 6-year-old did not suffer any “adverse effects.”

 

What are these people, new? It’s Adderall, folks. I think it’s literally prescribed to every child in America right now. If you don’t have ADD and aren’t popping pills as a youngin then you ain’t shit. Welcome to 2013. All the kids are hopped up. What were they worried that this six year old was gonna find the rest of the eggs too fast after he ate the pill? Clean his room too quickly? Dominate the picture find in Highlights Magazine and make the other kids feel bad? I’m not even joking when I say having to find Adderall hidden in an egg is actually more difficult than procuring it from a licensed doctor. Like if this dude got arrested for this “crime” then they should arrest thousands of doctors across the country. The doctors just give it to you. In an Easter egg hunt you actually have to work for it.

By JMac posted March 27th, 2013 at 6:01 PM

ASU Frat Bro In Trouble For Throwing A Vodka Bottle Into A Bonfire That Exploded And Caught Two Chicks On Fire

DM – A college student has been arrested after he was accused of throwing a bottle of vodka into a bonfire, which then exploded and caught two of the partygoers on fire. Andrew Kent, a 21-year-old Arizona State University junior, allegedly threw a bottle of vodka into a bonfire at a party where multiple members of the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity were in attendance. The burning liquid splashed onto a 17-year-old girl from California and an 18-year-old ASU student, badly burning their legs and shoulders. The Arizona Republic reports that the 17-year-old girl was visiting the campus for a college recruitment event and was invited to the off-campus house party on Saturday night. According to witnesses, the party attracted hundreds of students, and people were standing shoulder-to-shoulder. Authorities said that while the girls managed to extinguish the flames, they believe that the girls were sent home from the party so those hosting it would not get in trouble. The 17-year-old suffered burns on her thighs, and was treated at a nearby hospital for severe burns.

 

This kid’s game sucks huh? Hey dude everyone wants to be the life of the party but making vodka fireballs and engulfing chicks in flames is gonna get you laid 0% of the time. Girls hate getting their legs burned off I’ve heard. Something about the pain and loss of skin just doesn’t get them wet. Real big turn off. Not just for the ones who had to stop, drop and roll. But for pretty much all the girls there too. You singe one chick and that news spreads quickly. You know how females like to gossip. Plus what are you doing wasting a perfectly good bottle of vodka? That’s amateur hour stuff. Throw the chasers in there if you need to watch a bottle burn. Don’t sacrifice the alcohol.

Man, this kid seriously needs a refresher on how to do college. Wasting booze and lighting broads on fire = F- frat work.

By JMac posted March 27th, 2013 at 10:34 AM

Dude Who Thinks He’s A Chick Is Pissed That All Girls School Smith College Won’t Let Him In

Source – A transgender female who applied to Smith College, an all-women’s college in Northampton, Massachusetts, has been blocked from applying for admission to the school.  Calliope Wong, 17, was born a male but has been living as a female. Though she identified as female on her application to the private college, her financial aid paperwork and social security information still list her as male, and thus the school returned her application. The Connecticut high school senior has accused the college of discriminating against her. The college, started in 1871, has long been known as being a progressive and accepting place but now people are accusing the school of being closed minded in the name of protecting the all-female status of the school. Wong has said that while she identifies as a woman, her father identified the teen as male on the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) form so it would correspond with the social security information.

 

Ton of transgender hoopla in the news these days. Lotta debate over who can get in where, can trannies fight chicks, where they can piss, etc. Not sure why there is so much controversy over such a simple thing. If you still don’t understand the rules, here’s a quick test I put together.

Do you want to do something that only humans with vaginas are allowed to do? [Y] [N]

Do you have a dick and balls between your legs? [Y] [N]

If you answered yes to both questions, then you can’t fucking do it. Not too complicated right? I get that you may think you’re a woman, but nature thought otherwise when it hung a penis on you. I mean I’d like to be able to dunk but god gave me these Irish/Jewish/unBlack legs. So I don’t go around entering dunk contests. Same concept with trannies. Bottom line is people who are men shouldn’t go around complaining they can’t do chick shit. Proof of a pussy or GTFO.

By JMac posted March 27th, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Toothpaste Man At Ultra Is Nothing Short Of Electric

 

That settles it.   I’m dressing as Toothpaste Man Thursday at Springfield.   Just rolling like thunder while dance brushing my teeth.   Electric city.  I got a fever and the only prescription is more toothpaste man.

Ah who am I kidding?  If I did this I’d have 8 heart attacks in 3 minutes.

By elpresidente posted March 27th, 2013 at 1:39 PM

Amanda Bynes Is So Fucking Good At Hiding

 

What the fuck!? Where’d Amanda go? No seriously where’d she disappear to? I swear she was just right there walking around Times Square and now I can’t find her. AMANDA! AMANDA! WHERE ARE YOU? OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!

By JMac posted March 27th, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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