I don’t even know what just happened. Was that Nina Agdal wearing pajamas with her ass hanging out going around her back in a layup line? Am I even awake right now?
April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
New York City, NY
April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
New Haven, CT
January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
East Stroudsburg, PA
March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
The Union Bar
Iowa City, IA
March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
The Boulder Theater
March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
House Of Blues
Myrtle Beach, SC
April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM
Featuring the story of what really happened between El Pres, Big Cat and Johnny Football at the Final Four.
Yikes! Well Gracie Tracey just confirmed everything I said about disco hipster shorts. Oh and Gracie I’m not that old and Disco shorts are the name American Apparel gave them. Try to keep up one time. PS – I’m having nasty thoughts.
Introducing Brittany and Ashley. Name something hotter than twins? You can’t. Every male’s ultimate fantasy.
Do you know any smokes? Send them to email@example.com
Listen I don’t know what the fuck these shorts are called. Are they hippy shorts? Are they 80’s shorts? Are they EDM shorts? I honestly don’t know. The only thing I know for sure is I feel it in my plums everytime a chick wears a pair of these. Like I haven’t been this excited about an article of chick clothing since the days of the Herve Ledger dress. I can’t get enough of them. Rape culture city. I’m in love with these shorts and all the sluts who wear em. Now I know what you’re thinking. Hey Pres don’t stop there. Tell us all your thoughts on chick clothing. Fine. Without further ado here are my chick clothes power rankings right now.
10. Shirt that shows side boob
I’m not sure what the official name of this shirt is. I feel like it first made the scene a couple years ago. It was like somebody from Florida seeing snow for the first time. Complete amazement. Kind of gotten stale though. Maybe if I was a boob guy I’d like it more? I mean it’s hot but kind of loses it’s luster when tons of chicks have it.
9. Mini Skirt
Never been a huge fan of the mini skirt. I feel like it never gives enough ass definition. Like If you’re gonna dress like a ho finds something that is skankier/sexier than this.
8. Yoga Pants
Listen I’m not a homo. I love yoga pants as much as the next guy. I love looking at chicks asses. But yoga pants is the new sweatpants. Just means a chick isn’t trying. They still made this list, but I’m not as in love with yoga pants as the rest of the world
7. Hooker Boots
I feel like this is the female equivalent of grabbing me by my cock and forcibly shoving my dick into your vagina. Just so overtly sexual. Hi I’m Maria Stephanos and I’m a sex kitten.
A chick in a great pair of jeans is as American as apple pie. Jeans may be out for dudes, but they’ll never be out for girls.
I have a theory on why guys love sundresses so much. It brings back the innocence of it all. It’s like Field of Dreams. You can put the dirtiest whore in a pretty sundress with the sun hitting just right and a sunflower in her hair and you’d swear she’s a virgin that needs to be deflowered. It’s all psychological bro. Freud. Ever heard of him?
Just screams America and loves to fuck. Like I love everything on this list but I will never specifically say I like anything more than a chick in Daisy Dukes. Won’t do it. Too much respect for the game. Might as well burn the flag.
#3 Herve Ledger/Tight Dress
I’m still one of those old fashioned guys who think nothing is sexier than a girl in a hot dress. Like when I watch porn I want to see the chick dressed nice to begin with before she gets defiled. Some may say it’s the romantic in me.
SIDENOTE – I’m including all tight short dresses in this category. I’m seeing more and more of these tight form fitting dick wrecking dresses. Love em. All time favorite.
#2 White Pants/White shorts/White Anything
White puts asses in the seats period. Not sure if it’s again with the innocence and deflowering thing. Don’t care. Don’t think just throw.
#1. Hippy Shorts But Not
Maybe these are #1 because it’s what prompted this blog. Maybe it’s number 1 because they are still kind of new. Whatever the case may be these things just do it for me right now. If any chicks look hot as fuck in them feel free to send me pictures so I can be weird.
Cars are the most needy things in the world. They’re like a girlfriend that’s constantly nagging for attention. Fill me with gas, Check Engine, make sure I have 4 tires, rotate those tires, change my oil, put on snow tires before the first storm, I need windshield wiper fluid. Nag, nag, nag. Anyone who knows anything about mechanics knows that all those things are just money stealing schemes thought up by Big Car trying to get out of debt. Your car never runs out of gas, it can run on E for weeks. The engine light is a switch they flip over in Detroit when their repair buddies need a few extra bucks, there’s never anything wrong with it. Tires? You don’t even need 4 tires. Three works just fine. It’s all a scam, I’m telling you. Drive your car and never check anything abt it and I promise it’ll get you from point A to point B forever. Ask this guy, he’ll tell you.
Happy Birthday to Coach Belichick! We got some Patriots players together to sing him happy bday: http://t.co/ADoztU5pQK
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) April 16, 2014
Ahh, April 16th. A date which will live in Patriots lore for as long as football is being played. For it was on this day in 1952 that the virgin Jeannette Belichick gave birth to her son Bill in a manger somewhere in Nashville, Tennessee. And 48 years later, another miracle was performed as the child Tom Brady was plucked out of the waters of the NFL Draft by the late, great Dick Rehbein. And at last, the scriptures were fulfilled, just as Mr. Kraft had prophesized. A dynasty was born. Legends were made. And the rest, as they say, is history. You know, I love the arguments you hear on talk radio every so often about whether Belichick needs Brady more or Brady needs him more or who’s more important to the franchise blah, blah, blah. Like we need to even have the debate. I mean, who cares? Why do we have to separate them? Why not just accept we’re into Year 14 of combining the best coach and the best QB and the best owner in the best league ever created and leave it at that? Trying to pick one over the other is like trying to decide who’s the best part of the Holy Trinity. Instead of wasting our energy on that nonsense, we should just take every opportunity to appreciate how good we have it and count our blessings. And April 16th is just such a day. Now the question is how the hell is Bradichick Day not an official holiday around here? In the kingdom of Jerrytopia it will be, I promise you. @JerryThornton1
Bostonburgerblog – The battle lines have been drawn, please vote for your favorite burger in Boston, er Lynn, or Cambridge. Whatever, just vote for your favorite burger to determine the best in the area. Voting starts at noon on Monday and will conclude on Wednesday at 5pm. And away we go… It’s the fifth seed from the Ketchup Bracket, The Blue OX in Lynn against the seventh seed from the Cheese Bracket, Park from Cambridge.
Okay so my buddy is the chef and owner of the Blue Ox. I’m sure most North Shore people know it. It’s a great restaurant in beautiful Lynn Ma. They are in some best burger in Boston competition right now. It’s the finals. They’re competing vs. a place called Park. Well what’s the point of Barstool if I can’t use it to rig online competitions for guys I’ve been buddies with since Kindergarden? The answer is there is no point. I almost feel bad for Park. There is no way to see this coming or defend against it. So go vote for Blue Ox and prove to the world the power of the Stoolies yet again. Contest ends today at 5pm. I tried to tweet this out, but Park is pesky. They’ve actually increased their lead. Now I’m taking it to the show. If we can’t win this thing I may have to retire.
PS – Don’t even front on my sweatsuit for picture day. Fire flames out the ass. And yes the 2 girls front and center were the truth. Danit Amar and Reese Spinney. Two legit to quit.