BARSTOOL HQ IS UNDER ATTACK!!!

          It’s officially Black Friday at Barstool HQ. DevNest Nate sits by the window and casually announced to everybody that we’d just been egged. I guess part of nerd life is that you’re completely unphased when you get bullied. Someone slaps you right in the mouth with egg and you don’t [...]

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It’s officially Black Friday at Barstool HQ. DevNest Nate sits by the window and casually announced to everybody that we’d just been egged. I guess part of nerd life is that you’re completely unphased when you get bullied. Someone slaps you right in the mouth with egg and you don’t even blink because you’ve been abused your whole life. Didn’t even try and track them down, just said “they were on foot, threw three eggs then ran away.” RAN AWAY?!?! THEN WHY AREN’T YOU CHASING THEM?! We’re at war, DevNEst! Jesus Christ, these are the guys I’m in a fox hole with. Guys who get spanked and say thank you sir may I have another. Bombs are raining on us and the DevNest is sitting on their thumbs “wired in” because they can’t be bothered with a little physical confrontation. Unfuckingreal.

 

 

 

PS – I’m not ruling out the DevNest actually being the attackers. Could be an inside job.

1. Nate is the only witness

2. The throws were so weak that the eggs didn’t even break on the window, they fell to the ground then broke

3. We’ve been making fun of the DevNest pretty hard since the site still sucks.

 

1 + 2 + 3 = this could be classic nerd retaliation. I’m officially ruling the DevNest as suspect #1. Zero eggings at Barstool HQ before they arrived, stats don’t lie.

By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

Washington, DC - On her first day teaching at the school, a substitute teacher allegedly performed oral sex on a student while most of the students at the high school were attending a pep rally. Symone Greene, 22, was called to substitute teach at Options Public Charter School…  A 17-year-old student told police that he [...]

Accused: This is Symone Greene, the teacher who allegedly had sex with a 17-year-old student on her first day of school

Washington, DC - On her first day teaching at the school, a substitute teacher allegedly performed oral sex on a student while most of the students at the high school were attending a pep rally. Symone Greene, 22, was called to substitute teach at Options Public Charter School…  A 17-year-old student told police that he gave his number to Greene and they exchanged texts including one in which the student asked if she was “kinky.” She allegedly responded, “I don’t tell ;) I show,” …Greene and the student exchanged more text messages and the pair allegedly met in her classroom during the pep rally. The student reportedly secretly filmed Greene performing oral sex on him, and police say they’ve seen the video. Court documents said the student requested that she perform sex acts as many times as his football jersey number. He later showed the video to some of his fellow football players, the documents said. After the alleged assault, Greene told the student to “chill” because she could get in trouble.

You might think a substitute teacher giving a kid a blowjibber within hours of walking through the doors on her very first day on the job is a great thing.  And you might even assume I agree with you.  Well you’re wrong.  Call me old fashioned.  Call me a helpless romantic.  Call me naive.  But the world I grew up in, being a Sex Scandal Teacher was an art.  It was all about seduction.  The thrill of the chase.  It wasn’t just some sub handing out the busy work and saying “While you work on his, who wants a hummer?”  I mean, where are the little subtleties that make a good SST story resonate?  The initial flirting.  The will-they-or-won’t-they sexual tension? The final payoff where the crazed horndog teacher can’t hold back any longer and finally jumps the kid’s bones?  I know we live in an ADHD world of instant gratification.  But to me a good SST is a highly nuanced drama. It’s a Nicholas Sparks movie, not a Cumpilations video.  It’s a meal you carefully and lovingly prepare together from scratch, not a microwave burrito.  So you can have your Day 1 Lewinskys.  But to me, a great Teacher Sex should take a week at least.

The Grades:
Looks:
Why in 2014 we have to settle for a grainy, long distance, out-of-focus image like she’s a sasquatch instead of a major news figure is beyond me.  But I kind of like her.  She kind of feeds into my major Michonne crush. I just wish I had a better photo to go on.  Grade: B-
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
While I don’t like to see these things rushed, I do have to hand it to Symone here.  It takes a lot of guts, desire, and insanity to go down on a 17 year old you just met in the middle of a classroom you’ve never been in. She clearly went in with a plan and executed it to perfection.  And letting him video it is just sheer determination.  It’s a pity her career is over so soon, but in those few hours, she lived a lifetime.  Grade: A
Intangibles:
 She has forever set the bar for what adds pep to a Pep Rally.  Grade: A
Overall:
A-.  Every time I think the 2014 SST All Star lineup is all set…
Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.

By Jerry Thornton posted October 24th, 2014 at 10:42 AM

Peyton Manning Going Off On The Scoreboard After Last Night’s Dominant Victory Is So Peyton Manning

        You know who Peyton is? He’s that dork in your dorm who would bitch to your RA or knock on your door and tell you to turn the music down when you’re partying at midnight on a Friday. No one is ever allowed to have a little fun because it’s always [...]

Denver players dancing during 2-minute warning against San Diego

 

 

 

 

You know who Peyton is? He’s that dork in your dorm who would bitch to your RA or knock on your door and tell you to turn the music down when you’re partying at midnight on a Friday. No one is ever allowed to have a little fun because it’s always study time. I mean it’s past the 2 minute warning, in a 2 score game, and the other team has no timeouts left. If there’s ever a time where you can have a little fun and show the guys on the sideline dancing, it’s then. But not on Peyton’s watch. This is such a preposterous postgame presser move that you can hear the media laugh then stifle it after the first time he says he was mad at the guy. “I got a problem with our scoreboard operator, I gotta have a little talk with him” “Hahahha, classic Peyton, he’s so silly — oh whoa, wait, he’s serious.” But I guess that’s what happens when your brain is 99% football and 1% Papa John’s, no room for human emotions like enjoying life and having some fun.

 

 

PS – If Brady did this I’d call him a dedicated hero who only cared about winning. I’m man enough to admit my bias.

By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 10:05 AM

Peanut Guy In Kansas City Has A Rocket Launcher For An Arm

        I don’t envy ballpark vendors for a second. Every time I’m at the game I think how miserable it must be. I can’t walk up two flights of stairs while talking on the phone without passing out. But these guys crush the stairmaster for 3+ hours a night, shouting the whole [...]

 

 

 

 

I don’t envy ballpark vendors for a second. Every time I’m at the game I think how miserable it must be. I can’t walk up two flights of stairs while talking on the phone without passing out. But these guys crush the stairmaster for 3+ hours a night, shouting the whole time, and lugging around rations like an African woman coming back to town. All of this in the heat of summer, no less. Not a job I’m interested in. But every once in a while you get this dare to be great situation. You get to wow half the stadium by throwing a goddamn strike into the upper deck and bring everybody to their feet. And on those nights, when you lay your head to rest, you gotta think “I have the best job in the world.”

 

 

PS – That accurate $5 bill drop might have been more impressive. Spot on.

By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Wake Up With Hannah Martin

 

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (61 votes, average: 8.62 out of 10)
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By feitelberg posted October 24th, 2014 at 9:00 AM

In Case You’re Wondering What Getting A Concussion And Being Knocked Out On Your Feet Looks Like, Here It Is

    “WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!”   - Jahleel Addae        

 

 

“WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!”

 

- Jahleel Addae

 

 

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By feitelberg posted October 23rd, 2014 at 11:10 PM

Barstool Sports Instagram Halloween Contest – Kristie

  Everyday on the Barstool Sports Instagram we are going to be counting down the hottest girls in the hottest costumes all the way through Halloween weekend. The girl we feature from now until November 2nd at 6PM who has the most likes will win $100 $500 cash and be crowned “Barstool Sports Hottest Costume of [...]

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Everyday on the Barstool Sports Instagram we are going to be counting down the hottest girls in the hottest costumes all the way through Halloween weekend. The girl we feature from now until November 2nd at 6PM who has the most likes will win $100 $500 cash and be crowned “Barstool Sports Hottest Costume of 2014″

Follow the Barstool Instagram and DM us any nominations @Barstool_Sports

By elpresidente posted October 23rd, 2014 at 9:00 PM

Barstool Rundown October 23

Part 1 Part 2 Rundown Aftershow Podcast Check Out Football Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Barstool Pick Em on BlogTalkRadio Today’s Topics: The Royals Offered Marlins Guy A Free Suite And Perks To Move Seats. Marlins Guy Says “He Didn’t Plan Any Of This Attention” Does This Look Like the Face of A Dude [...]

Part 1

Part 2

Rundown Aftershow

Podcast

Check Out Football Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Barstool Pick Em on BlogTalkRadio

Today’s Topics:

The Royals Offered Marlins Guy A Free Suite And Perks To Move Seats. Marlins Guy Says “He Didn’t Plan Any Of This Attention”

Does This Look Like the Face of A Dude Dressed As A Clown Assaulting Chicks With Dildos At A Haunted House?

Dude Gets Told By His Girlfriend He’s No Good In Bed So He Up and Cuts His Own Dick Off

Porn Star Brooke Haven Says The Hardest Partying Athlete She Ever Met Was……Sebastian Janikowski 

Clippers Fan Throws Weakest Punch Of All Time At A Dad’s Face, Immediately Gets Pummeled

 

By handsomehank posted October 23rd, 2014 at 6:30 PM
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