ColoradoA longtime Greeley Spanish teacher is behind bars today after an anonymous online tip to Greeley police on Friday revealed she sexually assaulted a student two years ago. Rhonda Eisenberg, 44… admitted to having a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old student while he lived with her in 2010. Police said she admitted to having a child from the relationship. “Several months before he graduated, she gave birth to a Hispanic baby and coworkers and family suspected she had a relationship with the victim, who was a minor in her care,” said Lt. Carl Alm… “She admitted to sexual intercourse with the victim multiple times before he moved out in September 2010,” Alm said. “The victim is the father of her baby.” Eisenberg had guardianship over the boy, whose parents lived in Mexico at the time

As cliched and trite as this might sound, every once in a while someone comes along who just plays the game right.  Someone who gets it.  Who has respect for the game, appreciates the ones that came before them, and who’s willing to throw everything into it and leave it all on the field, every time out.  And Rhonda Eisenberg is just such a person.  I’m willing to bet you anything that when she was a young teacher her hero was Mary Kay Letourneau, who also got knocked up by her Hispanic student, went to jail for it, was ordered to stay away from him and the very day she got out made a beeline to the kid and hopped right into bed with him.  I bet Rhonda knows all of Mary Kay’s numbers by heart and has her Fathead on the wall of her apartment.  Granted, she doesn’t have the looks that a legend like MKL did, but I’ll tell you what Rudy, I wish I could put your heart into some of these other teacher’s bodies.

The Grades:
Looks:
Granted she’s not a knockout.  Don’t expect her to be dating Mr. Kraft anytime soon.  But in the 44 Year Old Americans Getting Knocked Up by Teenage Mexicans subset of the population, she’s a 1%er.  If I was say, coaching her kid, I’d definitely let him carry the ball a few times a game just to make her happy.  And that “Yep I sure do love sex with my students” look in those baby blues of hers doesn’t hurt her grade one damned bit.  Grade: B-
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: There are no holes in her game whatsoever.  17 year old Mexican kid gets a free education, free housing and gets to bone a 44 year old Jewish Ginger on the regular?  No wonder we have so many illegals.  I’m sure she taught him the phrase “No necesitamos preservativos” (“We don’t need condoms”). And like MKL, she’s going to have one of the great How I Met Your Father stories of all time to tell her kid.  Grade: A
Intangibles: Wait.  Why is a kid from Mexico taking Spanish?  I hope he passed at least.  Grade: A
Overall: B+.  See you on the All Star roster in December, Ms Eisenberg.
Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students?  Preferably with pictures? Help your fellow man by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.