Barstool Rundown July 28

Part 2 Rundown Aftershow Ran into some technical/audio/google hangout issues toward the end so that’s why its a little choppy. Today’s Topics: Sam Ponder Is In Her Ivory Tower Looking Down At All The Blogs Who Decided To Disagree With Ray Rice KO’ing His Wife NFL Defends Ray Rice 2 Game Suspension Making It Seem [...]

Part 2

Rundown Aftershow

Ran into some technical/audio/google hangout issues toward the end so that’s why its a little choppy.

Today’s Topics:

Sam Ponder Is In Her Ivory Tower Looking Down At All The Blogs Who Decided To Disagree With Ray Rice KO’ing His Wife

NFL Defends Ray Rice 2 Game Suspension Making It Seem Like They Were 1 Step Short Of The Death Penalty

Rate Stephen A. Smith’s Apology

Lady Screams In Terror When An Iceberg Breaks About A Million Miles From Her Boat Creating A Super Tiny Wave 

Girl Tries To Back Out Of High Dive At The Last Second…Doesn’t End Well 

Volleyball Player Causing Controversy Because Her Team Says She’s “Too Hot” And Distracting 

Car Plows Through Intersection Full Of Nerds Doing The “Zombie Walk” At San Diego Comic-Con 

 

 

By handsomehank posted July 28th, 2014 at 6:29 PM

The Jets are Still the Best in the NFL at Saying They’re the Best in the NFL

  New York – Geno Smith isn’t the least bit impressed with the talent evaluators who aren’t the least bit impressed with him. Learning that a recent ESPN survey rated the New York Jets passer as the league’s worst quarterback, Smith on Saturday promised that he wouldn’t man that spot for long. “The thing about [...]

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New YorkGeno Smith isn’t the least bit impressed with the talent evaluators who aren’t the least bit impressed with him. Learning that a recent ESPN survey rated the New York Jets passer as the league’s worst quarterback, Smith on Saturday promised that he wouldn’t man that spot for long. “The thing about it is, you have to climb up,” Smith told ESPN.com’s Rich Cimini. “If I’m No. 32, by this time next year or the year after, I expect to be in the top five.”

New YorkDee Milliner has inserted himself into the ongoing debate over the NFL’s top cornerback. Looking past the likes of Richard Sherman and the iconic player whose shoes he’s trying to fill in New York — Darrelle Revis — the Jets second-year cover man claims he’s the ultimate at the position. “The best corner in the league? Me,” Milliner told Manish Mehta of the Daily News.

New YorkConsider this post the third and final installment of what we’ll call our Gang Green Braggart Trilogy… in which pass rusher Calvin Pace declares to the New York Daily News that Rex Ryan’s defense will overtake Seattle’s as the NFL’s finest. “(Compared to) the rest of the defenses in the NFL? (Expletive), man, we’re the best,” said Pace. “You ask anybody around the league, we’re not the team you want to see coming in, even in a down year.”

It’d be natural to assume I’m laughing at the Jets or I think they’re delusional dickbags in love with the smell of their own farts.  But I have to admit, I kind of admire them.  The ability to think you shit ice cream and piss rainbows when you’ve never actually accomplished anything is a gift.  And a rare one at that. Most highly competitive people are relentlessly self critical and obsess over their failures.  But being a New York Jet means you simply feel good about yourself just… because.

Let me make a comedy analogy.  When I first broke into the Boston stand up scene, there was this one kid who was, to be kind, terrible.  Just not the least bit funny.  But every time you talked to him he was just coming from a show the night before where he said he crushed.  Then one time I was doing a showcase show (ie a dozen or so new comics doing short sets) at the Kowloon in Saugus that was just awful.  Just before the host brought me up he said the crowd was dead and I was going to have to “go up there and eat your own dick just like the rest of us…” And I did.  Flop Sweat City.  Well then this terrible comic got up and he was so bad, he got a negative amount of laughs.  As in, everyone in that room that night would some day hear something funny and not laugh because he took that laugh away from them.  But he came off stage and said to me “Well at least I got the crowd going…”  And that’s when it hit me.  He was delusional.  He saw the world entirely different than reality where he was Chris Rock or somebody.  And I envied him because having a bad set would haunt my every step for days.

Well the Jets are him.  He is the Jets.  While the whole Patriots organization is doing all sorts of self-loathing because they’ve lost in the Super Bowl and two AFC Championship Games the last three years, Geno Smith (37th in Passer Rating) thinks he’s Drew Brees, Dee Milliner (a Top 10 pick benched for ineffectiveness) is Darrelle Revis and the Jets defense (14th most points surrendered) is the best in football.  And so once again the Jets are winning the Super Bowl in August, if only in their own feeble minds.  Make fun of that if you want.  But when your reality sucks as much as theirs does, it only makes sense to live in a fantasy world.  @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted July 28th, 2014 at 4:58 PM

Letter From Camp

If the start of the NFL season is Christmas (Spoiler: it is), then Training Camp is the Advent calendar. Every day you get to countdown by figuratively opening a little metaphorical cardboard door to get an abstract treat that gets you one day closer to the big day. Personally I’ve been hitting camp every year [...]

Kamp Komfort

Camp

If the start of the NFL season is Christmas (Spoiler: it is), then Training Camp is the Advent calendar. Every day you get to countdown by figuratively opening a little metaphorical cardboard door to get an abstract treat that gets you one day closer to the big day. Personally I’ve been hitting camp every year since the 90s when they were at Bryant College in Rhode Island and was back again Saturday. I’ll grant you watching practices isn’t any more real football than a stale piece of Advent calendar chocolate is a Christmas turkey. But in late July with the Red Sox hopelessly out of it and about to hold a fire sale? It’s the best thing we could possibly have going for us. So here are a few random notes from what I saw and what the talk has been from the other practices so far:

*For starters, the crowds have been enormous. Literally people showing up at 6:30 to get seats for a 9:15 start and the grassy knoll behind the end zone filling up like Yasgur’s farm. Just a sea of humanity, there to watch a practice (cue the “Not a game… not a game…practice. etc, etc). With the roster still at 90, meaning just under half of these guys will be getting trained on how to use a pricing gun by Labor Day. Whether the crowds have been due to rampant optimism about this particular season or because it’s the trendy thing to do or just because there’s nothing else holding our attention right now, I have no idea. But you want to look at the hordes going down there every day and still argue this is primarily a baseball or hockey town, I’m telling you you’re delusional. It’s the Pats world, and the Sox, Bruins and Celtics are just living in it.

*If you’ve never been before, this is my annual reminder that NFL Training Camp is not the grind it’s always made out to be. Sure, it’s more grueling than say, MLB Spring Training (so is your average Senior Center yoga class), but it’s hardly “The Junction Boys” either. And I’m always amazed at how much fundamentals they’re still working on, even with the veterans. Saturday was the first day of full pads, and still they spent time on minutiae like:

–The D-line hitting a blocking sled to work on getting under an offensive lineman’s pads and lift him.

–The receivers working on their get-off against a coach wearing arm pads that look like those things they use to train guard dogs.

–A Special Teams drill where they fight through blocking pads to break the wedge while staying in their lanes.

–While Gronk was in full pads, he was still being held back. Like for a while he was on the sidelines with Ivan Fears standing in back of him lobbing a ball over his head for him to catch. Because you don’t become the most feared weapon in the league unless you can do that, I guess.

–QBs running through their 1-, 3-, and 5-step drops, play action fakes, handoffs, quick releases on bubble screens and slants, and one drill where they had to throw the ball while getting whacked with a pad. All while being videotaped by the kid with the best summer job in New England.

*Speaking of the quarterbacks, so far there’s no polishing the turd that has been Jimmy Garoppolo. He’s been gawdawful. On Friday he threw two picks, one to LB Chris White on the goal line. Which would bad enough except there are Russians on the International Space Station that were closer to White and any receivers were. Then on Saturday his underthrow to Wilson Van Hooser (???) got batted down by Kyle Arrington, then he threw a pick into blanket coverage by Logan Ryan that was breathtaking in its utter Tebowishness. By the time I was leaving, Garoppolo was running a punishment lap for an infraction I didn’t see. The good news is it’s early and he can only get better from here.

 

 

Read the rest of this entry »

By Jerry Thornton posted July 28th, 2014 at 4:30 PM

How About Taylor Rain Being Some Hotshot Realtor In LA Now?

Pretty sure she invented anal.

 

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One of the all-time greats. The Greeks get a lot of credit for inventing anal but in my heart of hearts I’m pretty sure Taylor Rain did. I’m not sure if she’s ever had vaginal sex in her entire life. Nonetheless, I always wondered where she went. Disappeared off the face of the earth before I was like 18 years old. Well, found her! She’s out in LA still just selling condos. Can you imagine going to look at a place, knocking on the door and having Taylor Rain answer dressed as a real estate agent? Hooooly shit she’s about to ask me what she can do to get me in this house and I’m going to say a blowjob and then she’s going to suck my dick, is the only rational thought that could run through your head. You would 100% think you just somehow ended up in a realtor porn. Frankly I don’t know how anyone agrees to buy a condo from her without fucking her first, real missed opportunity there.

 

 

PS – Does Taylor know what the internet is? Did she not think anyone would recognize her if she went on the news? If you’re a pornstar in the real world now, probably best to fly under the radar. Or is she trying to use her former fame to her advantage now? And if that’s the case, why not go by Taylor Rain instead of Nicole Price?

 

 

h/t Stallant

By feitelberg posted July 28th, 2014 at 4:00 PM

Peyton Manning Dancing Like A Squid To Rocky Top At Broncos Practice Is So Peyton Manning It Hurts

 Click to watch Video because it’s autoplay There can’t be anybody who likes Peyton Manning right? Just such a try hard. Such a squid. And how about Wes Welker trying to support his QB by dancing like a dork with him?  It’s like when Billy Madison pisses himself to take the heat of the kid who [...]

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 Click to watch Video because it’s autoplay

There can’t be anybody who likes Peyton Manning right? Just such a try hard. Such a squid. And how about Wes Welker trying to support his QB by dancing like a dork with him?  It’s like when Billy Madison pisses himself to take the heat of the kid who really did piss himself. Just a classic WR trying to buddy up so he gets more balls thrown his way.

PS – You don’t see Brady dancing like a dickhead do you?

 

By elpresidente posted July 28th, 2014 at 3:34 PM

Anybody Who Doesn’t Think Jon Lester Will Be On the Red Sox Next Year Is A Dummy

    Right now the hot topic with the Red Sox besides Ortiz’s bat flipping antics is whether the Sox are going to trade Jon Lester. I don’t 100% have the answer to that, but they 1,000% should. They should also trade Koji. Get as many prospects and players as you can. This season is [...]

 

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Right now the hot topic with the Red Sox besides Ortiz’s bat flipping antics is whether the Sox are going to trade Jon Lester. I don’t 100% have the answer to that, but they 1,000% should. They should also trade Koji. Get as many prospects and players as you can. This season is a lost cause. Cash out your chips and reload. Both these guys are difference makers and could be the difference between winning and losing a World Series for somebody else. There is no point to holding on to either of them for the next couple months

More importantly trading Lester would just be a rental. I just don’t see any way on earth that Lester doesn’t resign here next year. People keep talking about how bad the Sox fucked up with him. How he’s going to command a bazillion dollars on the open market next year. Umm when did the Red Sox become the sisters of the poor? The One Eyed Bandit played poker and lost, but I don’t even think Sox management is stupid enough to let Lester walk.  Not only will it hurt them on the field, but it’s a PR nightmare.  Everybody knows if we pay him the most he’ll come back here. That’s half the battle with top free agents. It’s not always just paying the most, but convincing them to come. Lester is already convinced. If we pay the most he’ll stay with the Red Sox long term. That’s just a fact. The Red Sox will shell it out. I know they will. They can’t afford not to. So that’s why you have to trade him. It’s just a rental. An absolute win win situation.

PS – I’d also pay Koji whatever he wanted. I love when baseball purists and columnists talk about market value blah, blah, blah. I could give a shit less if we overpay for guys. This isn’t the NFL. There is no salary cap. Dr. Creepy is a gadzilliaire. I’m not going to lose sleep if he overpays for somebody. We’re aren’t the fucking Twins. We’re a big market ball club. If somebody is awesome you pay.

By elpresidente posted July 28th, 2014 at 3:06 PM

Not Everyday You See A Guy Wearing A Bukkake 69 Tshirt Holding Hands Walking Down the Street

    So the guy who sent this in hypothesized that this dude was tourist who got taken for a ride.   Not a bad guess I suppose, BUT what Asian dude doesn’t know what bukkake means?  Didn’t Asian people invent bukkake parties?  I’m pretty sure they did.   So that just means this is [...]

elal

 

 

So the guy who sent this in hypothesized that this dude was tourist who got taken for a ride.   Not a bad guess I suppose, BUT what Asian dude doesn’t know what bukkake means?  Didn’t Asian people invent bukkake parties?  I’m pretty sure they did.   So that just means this is the biggest freak couple on earth.  Like to just casually hold hands walking down the street wearing a Bukkake 69 shirt is so preposterous you can’t help but respect it.   Total power move by this guy.

 

 

 

By elpresidente posted July 28th, 2014 at 2:32 PM

NFL Defends Ray Rice 2 Game Suspension Making It Seem Like They Were 1 Step Short Of The Death Penalty

  ESPN – NFL senior vice president of labor policy Adolpho Birch strongly disagreed Monday that the league’s two-game suspension of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice for domestic violence arrest was too light. “Listen, I think if you are any player and you think that based on this decision that it’s OK to go [...]

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Dont-Piss-on-My-Leg

 

ESPN – NFL senior vice president of labor policy Adolpho Birch strongly disagreed Monday that the league’s two-game suspension of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice for domestic violence arrest was too light.

“Listen, I think if you are any player and you think that based on this decision that it’s OK to go out and commit that kind of conduct, I think that is something that I would suggest to you that no player is going to go out and do that,” Birch said Monday. “So in terms of sending a message about what the league stands for, we’ve done that. We can talk about the degree of discipline, we can talk about whether or not third parties need to be involved. I would suggest to you that a third party has been involved in this matter and that was the court that reviewed it, the prosecutor that reviewed it. “But if it is a question about what the principle of the league is and what standards we stand by, that cannot be questioned. I think it is absolutely clear to all involved that the NFL does not condone domestic violence in any way and will not tolerate it in our league. I don’t know how you can reach a conclusion other than that although I certainly respect the opinion.” “The discipline that was taken by the NFL is the only discipline that occurred, with respect to Mr. Rice, in this case,” Birch said. “I think that, were he not an NFL player, I don’t know that he would be able to receive any punishment from any other source. “On balance, we reviewed all the materials, listened to the persons we listened to, took the input of the Players Association. When we looked on balance at all of that, we believe that discipline we issued is appropriate. It is multiple games and hundreds of thousands of dollars. I think that’s fair to say that doesn’t reflect that you condone the behavior. I think we can put that to rest.

 

It must be awesome to work for the NFL. They are so powerful, so arrogant, so untouchable that they can just spit in everybody’s face and not even apologize for it. They can tell everybody it’s 84 and sunny outside when you’re in the middle of a typhoon. I mean I love that line in the beginning of this rant. That if any players think based on this decision it’s ok to beat women he doesn’t think that’s the case. What does that even mean? Seriously what does that mean? Is the league patting itself on the back because their decision isn’t actually encouraging domestic violence? That’s what it sounds like. Bottomline is trying to justify this makes it a million times worse. Like I already know the NFL has my balls in a vice grip. That’ doesn’t mean they have to twist them and dance on my head just for fun. I mean tell me you don’t like my firm, tell me you don’t like my idea,tell me you don’t like my fuckin neck tie, but don’t tell me the NFL sent a message that it is against Domestic Abuse. No it didn’t. Stop treating me like an infant.  The NFL basically said you can beat women and we don’t give a fuck.

By elpresidente posted July 28th, 2014 at 2:00 PM
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