Epic Masshole Thanksgiving Day Freakout Taking You Into Thanksgiving Day Weekend

    Reader Email What’s good Pres, My Idiot Uncle made a complete dickhead of himself this thanksgiving. He randomly flipped out and basically challenged my 82 year old grandfather to a fight at the kitchen table. Needless to say, hilarity ensues. My sister actually caught the whole thing on her phone.   Still my [...]

 

 

Reader Email

What’s good Pres,

My Idiot Uncle made a complete dickhead of himself this thanksgiving. He randomly flipped out and basically challenged my 82 year old grandfather to a fight at the kitchen table. Needless to say, hilarity ensues. My sister actually caught the whole thing on her phone.

 

Still my favorite Thanksgiving video of all time. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it I still literally laugh out loud when the camera pans over to show the grandfather just sitting their with his plate of turkey getting threatened to have his head smashed through a window. Too fucking funny. Just shows no matter how fucked you think your family is there is always some family out there way more fucked up than yours.

Have a great Thanksgiving everybody and Go Blue!

By elpresidente posted November 26th, 2014 at 4:00 PM

Denmark Might Ban Circumcision Today… What The Fuck Is The Argument Against Circumcision?

  All you idiots who are uncircumcised, in denial and shoot back with “the sensation is better!” that’s what you look like. So shut up.       (Source) — Denmark’s parliament will today debate whether male circumcision should be more tightly controlled, days after a found that almost three-quarters of Danes think the procedure [...]

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All you idiots who are uncircumcised, in denial and shoot back with “the sensation is better!” that’s what you look like. So shut up.

 

 

 

(Source)Denmark’s parliament will today debate whether male circumcision should be more tightly controlled, days after a found that almost three-quarters of Danes think the procedure should be restricted or banned altogether. The poll, commissioned by the Danish newspaper Metroxpress, interviewed 1,000 people and found that 74 per cent of respondents think there should be either a full or partial ban on circumcision. Only ten per cent thought that there should be no restrictions. Later today the issue will be debated by politicians, with both the left-wing Red-Green alliance (Ehedslisten) and libertarian party Liberal Alliance advocating some form of ban. Last year, the Council of Europe adopted a resolution opposing all kinds of ritual circumcision, saying they cast a “moral stain” and “foster hate and racist trends in Europe”.

 

 

 

Why on earth would anyone ever consider banning circumcisions? My parents have been pretty good to me my whole life. I’ve gotten some pretty sweet presents for Christmas, birthdays, special occasions, etc. but the hands down best gift they ever gave me is a cut dick. There is no benefit to not having a circumcision. You look like a freak, high school is hell, you’ve got to fucking clean all this nasty bacteria out of it, it scares the shit out of girls. The whole thing disgusting. If we’re trying to keep people “natural” then why doesn’t Denmark also ban the cutting of the umbilical cord. Everyone just has to walk around with this wire that looks like a tentacle on the aliens in Independence Day connecting them to their mother. Not cutting that is just as gross as not snipping your dick. Best way to debate it: does anyone who had a circumcision wish their parents left their foreskin on? No, no one. Does anyone without a circumcision wish they’d gotten one? Almost all of them. No debate to be had, circumcise your kids.

By feitelberg posted November 26th, 2014 at 3:10 PM

Some Idiot Decided To Slap Thanksgiving In The Face And Create A Vodka-Infused Turkey

    SOURCE – A 100 proof vodka-infused turkey is being served at over 100 pubs and taverns across New York City to celebrate this year’s Thanksgiving. The boozy bird, which was unveiled at O’Casey’s Restaurant and Irish Pub in Midtown yesterday, is cooked using a whopping five different vodka flavors: cherry, peach, lemon, and [...]

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SOURCE – A 100 proof vodka-infused turkey is being served at over 100 pubs and taverns across New York City to celebrate this year’s Thanksgiving. The boozy bird, which was unveiled at O’Casey’s Restaurant and Irish Pub in Midtown yesterday, is cooked using a whopping five different vodka flavors: cherry, peach, lemon, and apple. For big birds like the ones used at O’Casey’s the turkey is infused with vodka every six hours over the course of three days. According to O’Casey’s owner Paul Hurley, the amount of alcohol per serving depends almost entirely on how long the turkey is roasted, which is generally up to the chef’s discretion. O’Casey’s turkey is cooked for five hours, after which the chef removes excess sauce and mixes it with more 100 proof vodka to create a gravy. The idea for a vodka-infused turkey first began in Ireland when Mr Hurley’s mother asked why the Christmas turkey didn’t have any vodka in it.

 

Absolutely not. I need a vodka-infused turkey about as much as I need turkey-flavored vodka ie: not one fucking bit. I’m fine with combining things and being innovative: cinnamon and whiskey? Great, let’s make people black the fuck out. Cellphone and an iPod? Billion-dollar idea. Giant flashlight you can use as a defense weapon during a home invasion and a fuck toy for dudes? I’m sold. But you don’t start jizzing vodka all up in the Thanksgiving turkey; no matter what else you do for your stuffing or mashed potatoes or casseroles or cranberry sauce or whatever other sides you have, the turkey is the classic element that lays the base for the entire meal. The fact that this Paul Hurley and his alcoholic Irish mother can’t respect that and instead decided to inject their bird with a bunch of flavored Burnett’s is downright disrespectful and it makes me sick. It’s a slap in the face to the Pilgrims, the Indians that those pilgrims killed, and this great country that we’ve built off those events. I bet the Hurley family spends Christmas morning reading passages from the Quran and spinning dreidels too.

 

And by the way, you shouldn’t be consuming vodka on Thanksgiving anyways. Drink beer, wine, bourbon, whiskey, egg nog, whatever, but as a great man once said:

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Respect the holiday, embrace sweater season, and give in to imbibing delicious, high calorie beverages that will make you fat and actually have flavor.

By ericpops posted November 26th, 2014 at 2:40 PM

DraftKings $600,000 Wishbone Classic Is One Way To Have An Even Better Thanksgiving

    Sign Up Here       I wonder what Stoolie is gonna win this since Stoolies win everything at Draftkings?  Best way to improve on an already nearly flawless holiday that centers around alcohol, food and football? Add in money. Lots and lots of money. It’s a mere 20 bucks to enter with [...]

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Sign Up Here

 

 

 

I wonder what Stoolie is gonna win this since Stoolies win everything at Draftkings?  Best way to improve on an already nearly flawless holiday that centers around alcohol, food and football? Add in money. Lots and lots of money. It’s a mere 20 bucks to enter with a cool 100k going to first place. 600k given out in total. Get fat, get drunk, then get rich this Thanksgiving. Don’t even have to think about going Black Friday shopping because when you one a billion dollars in fantasy the day before, getting punched in the face for 50 bucks off an Xbox becomes even sillier.

 

 

Contest Details:
-$600,000 Wishbone Classic Fantasy Football Contest
-Thanksgiving special contest
-Draft 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 FLEX, and 1 DST from the Thanksgiving NFL games
-Choose your players from the Bears vs. Lions, Eagles vs. Cowboys, and Seahawks vs. 49ers games
-$20 to enter, $100,000 First Place Prize
-Top 5 places all win 5-figure prizes and top 8,150 places cash out
-Thanksgiving Day Only.
By feitelberg posted November 26th, 2014 at 2:05 PM

Bill Belichick Was Asked The Similarities Between Tom Brady And Aaron Rodgers Then Gave Us A Glimpse Into His Beautiful Football Mind

    Q. Do you see any similarities between Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers and how they’ve elevated their game? A. They both wear number 12.       GENIUS! Sometimes people get upset that Belichick doesn’t open up to the media enough but those few instances when you get a glimpse into a truly [...]

 

 

Q. Do you see any similarities between Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers and how they’ve elevated their game?

A. They both wear number 12.

 

 

 

GENIUS! Sometimes people get upset that Belichick doesn’t open up to the media enough but those few instances when you get a glimpse into a truly brilliant mind make all the other stonewall answers totally worth it. “Do I notice any similarities? Similarities?! How about they both wear 12? That’s not even a similarity, that’s EXACTLY the same.” Only someone with a football eye like Bill could point that out.

By feitelberg posted November 26th, 2014 at 1:26 PM

Breaking News: Jen Sterger Is Breaking Out the Cowgirl Outfit for FSU vs. Florida This Weekend

    I don’t want to say this is bigger than when Hulk Hogan came back to the red and gold after the NWO, but it is.   Jen Sterger was the original cowgirl.  The original super hot chick in the crowd who Brent Musberger made famous.   Without her there is no Katherine Webb. [...]

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I don’t want to say this is bigger than when Hulk Hogan came back to the red and gold after the NWO, but it is.   Jen Sterger was the original cowgirl.  The original super hot chick in the crowd who Brent Musberger made famous.   Without her there is no Katherine Webb.   Without her there is no Smokeshow Patrol.  She’s the original.  She’s the girl who Bret Favre sent his dick to.  She’s the one who made ogling girls in the crowd in vogue.  And guess what?  She’s still crazy hot.  Suddenly FSU Miami became must watch television.

PS – You know what’s sad?  When we went to FSU for our gameday show nobody knew who Sterger was.  It was stunning.  Talk about feeling old.  I mean how do you not know who Jen Sterger is?  It would be like not knowing who George Washington is.

 

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- Thanks to Busch League Sports for tip

By elpresidente posted November 26th, 2014 at 12:53 PM

Guess That Ass

   

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By elpresidente posted November 26th, 2014 at 12:22 PM
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