Current score - UNC 28-7 mid 2nd quarter
Nothing worse than when you get all super intense and nobody follows your lead. If I was this guy I’d just insert myself at middle linebacker with no pads and start drilling people.
Introducing Stephanie from Quinnipiac. Its girls like this that is the reason that Quinnipiac is one of Barstools favorite stomping grounds. Toads for life.
All aboard the smoke train. Send nominations to email@example.com to be featured next week.
So umm Gracie is it true about you having a perfect 12 spoke asshole? Asking for a friend.
This is a total package song. Catchy beat, fun lyrics, a girl who sounds like the lead singer of Simple Plan. It’s all working. Firing on all cylinders. Jam of the fall. And you know what the best part is? The smoke singer. Yes, smoke. I’m obsessed with these kinds of girls. The punk/grunge chick. I love the hair, the tattoos, the “I’m gonna take the banana, pretend it’s your cock, then break it in half and discard it” attitude. It’s awesome. These chicks scare the fuck out of me and would never give me the time of day, they’re the kind of gals who will beat the shit out of you in the sack and it is so my wheelhouse I can’t stand it.
Oh, and these two? Either they had no idea what this banana was supposed to symbolize or they knew EXACTLY what this banana was supposed to symbolize and this was 80 years of oppression coming out. No in between.
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Do people know how 50/50 tournaments work? Because I had no idea until three seconds ago. As long as you finish in the top 50% of players, you double your money. That’s outrageous. You know how easy it is to finish in the 50th percentile? That’s failing. You got a failing grade and you still doubled your money. So find a friend who’s worse at fantasy sports than you, convince him to sign up with you and boom, you basically just doubled your money. Literally doesn’t get easier than that. Literally.
$10 dollar sign up
$100k in prize pool money
Top 50% doubles their cash.
Do it or you’re dumb.
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Total Number of Votes: 8045
Maybe the toughest Marry Fuck Kill of all time. Let’s start with the easiest part first. I’m marrying Belichick. Because here is a proven scientific fact. As long as Bill Belichick is the coach of the Patriots worst case scenario is we are 11-5 and make it to the AFC title game. Our future is secure as long as he wants to still coach. It could be another 20 years of dominance. He’s the greatest coach who has ever lived period. Sure other teams have had long runs, but none of them in the salary cap era and in an era where parity is king. Where the league has made the rules so everybody should be equal. The fact he has managed to keep the Pats on top for the past 15 years is arguably the most impressive feat in the history of sports. Obviously having Brady helps but this guy could win with tomato cans. He’s that brilliant
Next up is the fuck. This is where it gets tough. If you need to win 1 huge game right now who do you want in the starting lineup. Gronk or Brady? As crazy as it sounds I’m going with Gronk. I think he’s the most important player in the NFL. Our offense is non existent without him and virtually unstoppable with him. I think we could win with Garrapalo. I don’t think we can win without Gronk.
That obviously means I’m killing Brady. I never thought I’d say that, buy to quote a wise philosopher it is what it is. Brady is still great. He’s still a HOF QB. One of the greatest to ever lace them up. It’s really just that I think Gronk right now is at the top of his game and is playing the TE position better than anybody in the history of football. We may not be able to win without Brady but I know we can’t win without Gronk. I’d take my chances with Garapalo and Gronk over Brady and no Gronk.
Marry – Belichick
Fuck – Gronk
Kill – Brady