I hope all you miserable fucks are enjoying your miserable lives tonight. Meanwhile Bieber just turned 21 and is probably running train on all of Hollywood right now. Chicks be throwing themselves at him left and right to be his birthday fuck toy. Seriously it’s a Biebs catfight! It’s a gutter war in Moscow!
PS – There is no chance I don’t wake up to him being arrested right?
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Chicago White Sox ace Chris Sale suffered a foot injury in an accident at his home and will miss at least three weeks of preparation time for the regular season. Sale suffered an avulsion fracture to the lateral side of his right foot Friday at his spring training residence in Arizona, but the pitcher declined to reveal how the injury happened. White Sox general manager Rick Hahn said Sale landed “awkwardly when he got off the back of his truck,” while unloading items.
White Sox Dave already gave you the real breakdown but this was hilarious. Reminded me that baseball always has the most preposterous injuries. Like yeah Dustin Penner threw his back out eating pancakes or something like that, but that’s a singular freak injury that’s memorable because it’s so rare. Baseball guys do this shit every day. My personal favorite is Buchholz missing pretty much an entire season because his baby fell asleep on his arm. But we got some gems from Twitter so here are the rest. It’s insane. Baseball players need to be put in a damn bubble.
And I’m electrocuted. Just shaking like a live wire.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This Month’s Winner
Meet Ryan (AKA- Butch). Great guy, no game. If you told me there is another man on this planet that needs Milton’s Pimp My Look more then Butch, then I would call you a liar. I don’t know here to begin with this cat but one short story comes to mind… He once had a girl friend that gave him a list of things he could not wear in public, and its safe to say they are not longer “friends ” after he unknowingly disobeyed the list. He just didn’t know any better.
(Source) – Andrew Caldwell became famous last year after a video of him declaring at the Church of God in Christ conference in St. Louis that “I’m not gay no more.” Since then, Caldwell and his video have become the subject of songs, spoofs and cartoons galore, but now it seems that Caldwell’s hit phrases are ringing a little hollow because he recently explained that he’s still attracted to men.
Well I’ll be. Turns out my gaydar needs a recalibration. I thought for sure Andrew Caldwell had been cured of his homosexuality. He had the booming barritone in his voice, the paisley suit with a yellow bow tie, a total lack of flamboyance. Everything about him was straight as an arrow. That man in that video could have dropped the mic then gone to chop down a tree while his homemade beef jerky dried out and he hummed some Metallica and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. Just a clearly heterosexual male doing heterosexual male things. But I guess you can never really tell anymore. Just hope Andrew can get back to that megachurch, totally not a cult, ASAP so everyone can pray that gay away because that’s a very real thing that you can do.
PS – Still one of the funniest Vines of the year. Don’t care.