A dude on Bourbon Street once asked if he could watch me fuck his wife and I agreed.
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I’m not convinced that Jenny Dell in the nude pics. #BarstoolConfessions
I cannot for the life me understand how any of these people admit this shit on their own personal twitter accounts.
Before I started reading barstool, I thought that I beat off an abnormal and unhealthy amount. I still feel that way, but now I know I’m not alone.
Toni Russo, pretty sure that is considered rape.
I once shoved a few ice cubes up a girl’s vag. I found out later that she was a virgin, so she must have thought sex was pretty weird after that.
I stuck my finger up Toni Russo’s ass. #BarstoolConfessions
I’ve had sexually fantasies of fucking my older cousin while I jacked off to porn one time.
Pretty sure Dominic Coviello just came out.
my favorite english word is negro
I bet is the guys wife who watched her husband fuck Feits
First time i brought a chick back in college i was blacked out and had no clue what was going on. When I started to come back to reality I woke up to some gross whale on top of me. Did the only logical thing, had her go down on me and closed my eyes til it was all over. Also, I found out the next day that I left my window open and the lights on. Pretty much, all my friends saw me fuck a fat disgusting whale of a chick.
i have not been to a barstool show, but i would without question stick my finger up her ass
I stuck my finger up this chicks ass at a Blackout show, still have a piece of corn kernel under my finger nail
I usually put in a dip before I wank off
i used to collect random girls thongs that i banged until i was 21 and finally realized that my new girlfriend would have questions so i had to throw them out
yea right Ficken, only 1 of those necklaces were ever created. it’s gotta be her
I have blacked out at my place of work at least 5 times in my career.
u guzzle cum
I had sex several times with an obese black girl in college in the late 90s. We were randomly paired up for a class project for a semester.
Professor’s Logic was “you must work with your random partner, because in the business world, you sometime need to meet new people”.
She was one of the nicest people you would meet (personality wise), it started with her offering to blow me one night, I let her… but she was fat and ugly. Big floppy chocotits. My roommates suspect we were fucking, I would deny it up and down. She always smelled like lilac body lotion. We fucked randomly throughout college until she graduated, always kept secret.
Once I was beating off with the TV on in the background. One of those commercials for starving kids in Africa came on. I didn’t stop and finished right in the middle of it. #BarstoolConfessions
I’ve missed boo radley and occasionally think of/ pity poor Neil.
I first learned to masturbate when I was you get by watching my dog hump pillows
When I was younger I had a medium size poster of Carmen Electra. I used to jerk off pretending she was that size so my dick could compete with what Dennis Rodman was sticking her with
The twitter ones are hilarious caz guys are actually putting their name on it. Gotta respect that.
I wish I was the Queen my dishes kid …. Every minute
I’ve put my face 2″ from my wife’s raisin when she slept in a thong on hot summer night. numerous times.
Once when I was really constipated and hadn’t shit in over 3 days I stuck a q tip up my ass to try to loosen things up and get me going. Didn’t work but it was oddly pleasurable
I beat it like 95% of the time after i read this site
i stand 6’1, 180 and have slept with 5 girls that were bigger than me. I always chalk it up to being blacked out but in reality i remember it all. i’m just a fucking disgusting human
Last year my roommate’s girlfriend, who went to a different school, would come visit for a few days at a time. Each night they’d wait til i went to sleep and try to quietly fuck. I was never asleep, I just laid there grading his performance. Most envious/pathetic nights of my life
If I could go back in time and murder either the inventor of the hashtag or hitler, I’de kill the hashtag guy. Don’t get me wrong though, what Hitler did was terrible. I know because I can relate to the jews forced into the gas chambers. I’ve farted in a glass enclosed shower.
I’m genuinely upset that BigCat didn’t post the picture of my dog.
Last weekend I hooked up with a girl who recently got over colon cancer. I was her first since recovering and she said “I’m pretty much good to go, unless you’re into anal!” I said I absolutely love anal. She burst into tears. I calmed her down and fucked her anyway.
I smoked weed in the Gillette Stadium parking lot last night.
I laugh at old people falling
I fucked a girl who was on crystal meth once, that wasn’t even the worst thing about her. She looked like Khloe Kardashian and Troy Polamalu’s love child. #BarstoolConfessions
@duffbeer, I’m right here bud, it’s gonna be okay
I drive home when I have to shit at work
I work as a lifeguard part-time, today I was bored working on the slide so I pissed down it. #BarstoolConfessions
I got kicked out of a girls hockey party in college and a few of their hockey bags were out in the breezeway area i pissed in two of them all over their equipment. Fuckn beasts.
Last night i fucked a girl on her period. My performance was a 2 (for both minutes lasted and inches inside of her). She was a 4. A drunk 4.
Me and my best friend got drunk at his parents house in high school. We were walking around acting like idiots and then he decided to sit on a lounge chair by the pool and jerk off to completion. I was like WTF are you doing! We’re both married and still best friends to this day. No big deal.
I went to my first blackout show just to meet pres
I find great joy in picking little balls of shit that have been caught in my hairy asshole out and then caressing them between my fingertips until they’re nice, round and smooth.
Whenever the waitress is hot I pretend like I don’t know what I want to eat.
Saw an instagram pic of the First Lady a couple weeks back and actually thought she looked fairly hot.
I’ve asked if it was in on a fatty… I knew it wasn’t just needed a reason for her to go back to blowing me
i had a dream that i was really bad at sex… i’ve never been so self-conscious in my life.
I also beat it with an expired condom on I found in my room today to see if it was still “good”… they never are
I tongue punched a girls fart box multiple times
oh and by the way for the last 3 weeks I’ve down voted every comment torn open and Imtough has posted without reading and when they argue this I won’t read it
I had an awesome confession thought up and I forgot what it was. Dammit.
I shoved an electric toothbrush up my ass and turned it on to see if I liked it…I did.
I’m saving my barstool confession until my comment will be more recent. I hate everything about myself. #barstoolconfessions
i wack off with my shorts on and jizz into them but im too damn lazy to change them so i just let them dry out on me
I fucked a girl in my roommates bed in college in college one night before he got home. 5 days later, I felt the itch and went to student health only to find out I had crabs. The same day, my roommate came home and told me he got crabs from a toilet seat because he hadn’t been laid in months. I never told him what really happened until now. @Maukstraussity #BarstoolConfessions
tornopen “i smoked weed in the gillette parking lot” try every fucking time i go to the movies at patriot place u pus juice
Went to patriots training camp practice this year with 2 thirty racks and a couple friends and learned very quickly nobody tailgates those and finally fully realized how much of a piece of shit I am and ended up pounding beers in my friends minivan until the practice started.
Something something I jerked off … Something something … I fucked an ugly girl. #barstoolconfessions
I DVR Long Island Medium and make sure to watch it alone because I cry my ass off every episode. Then I say my allergies are bothering me when my gf asks me why my eyes are watery.
I was hooking up with this chick WAY out of my league who I had wanted to hook up with for about a year. Total smoke and I’m an absolute shit-bum. She gets on top of me after blowing me forever and I literally bust in two pumps. I told her to get off and I ran to the bathroom. I came back and said “I don’t like having sex with random girls” She is all, oh my gosh you’re so sweet and proceeds to talk about herself for 20 minutes. After she was done talking about her roommate, northface jackets, and pumpkin lattes, she got on top and rode me into the night. I still have sex with her occasionally.
I watch Law & Order: SVU
If I had to choose between the smell of a chick wearing nice perfume or the smell of my sweaty balls I would be completely torn.
@tornopen is such a fucking queer. But the day KFC called him out, I was dying at all his sincere ass apologies, to people on the internet he doesn’t know.
@gunnarstahl ya then like 3 days later he was back to his douche bag self. I was hoping he would quit barstool or slit his wrist in the tub
@harryjohnson every tuesday
Haaa Speaking of crabs. I got crabs after banging my girlfriend who was still in college. Went to doctors got the ointment shaved my pubes etc. Asked her wtf she said she didn’t have them.. i believed her. Next weekend i visited her and that Monday realized i had crabs in my fuckn stomach and chest hair from banging and eating her out.. she did have them.. i stayed with her even though i knew she was cheating on me cause i was a desperate loser… still am.
broke up with a chick 3 years ago and she got pregnant by some asshole almost right away. Met up with her recently and made her think there was a chance we could get back together, which earned me the back-to-back the two best blowjobs ive ever gotten in my life. She sucked my dick like her life depended on it cuz she wanted to get back together so bad. I plan on never speaking to her again
fucked my ex on her period once. At the end without thinking I go that wasn’t bad, she says “wasn’t bad that’s all you have to say” burst into tears and ran out back to her place. It was pretty bad. Crazy bitch.
I stare at my female students’ boobs…all.the.time.
Baba booey – thanks for making me smile at my unsmile worthy job bra
i keep a half finished puzzle on my coffee table for when girls come over because they go nuts for that bullshit
Gunnerstahl, that was the best COTW ever. I really don’t think it will ever be topped. And yeah peep the steez, he really went right back to full press douche that monday, blaming KFC for the whole thing. Like something a chick would do.
Good for you feits, 100% chance that guy has a tranny porn fetish, 97% chance it was imtough
@781kid. your welcome. that makes me feel a bit better even though i’m crying on the inside after 12.5 years of “i’m wicked tired tonight hun”. #marriage #dontdoit
I met my wife while trying to pick up her hot friend. Wife still has no idea.
I fucked my cousin’s girlfriend while he was passed out drunk on the floor..Oh, and I was in their wedding party last month
I let feitlberg fuck my wife once ……
I read every one of these comments
i bet on the cubs to win straight up tonight, and stayed home to watch it. holy shit im a loser
@gtatugger – downvote away. I don’t care. I just enjoy getting into comment section thrash talking bitch fights way too much. Only time I can unleash every bit of keyboard rage I have. Or I go to reddit and piss off liberals.
@peep-the-steez — Yeah, I felt bad KFC got yelled at by his boss. For those of us who actually work for a living, you realize it is a big deal. Bottom line is that El Pres is a whiny bitch, KFC is a lazy loser, and I write great COTWs.
a hard 9 offered to text me a nude the other day and I turned it down because I’m a pussy and I have a girlfriend of 5 years who only fucks me every 2 weeks. I’m 26 and more lost than a high school kid.
I fart I the car and roll up the windows cause I enjoy the smell
@ma2mt — what grade?
I have a password protected powerpoint file stashed in my gmail account with images of almost every girl I have hooked up with. Between facebook and other sources, I managed to collect pictures of 47 women I have slept with over the years. I still have about 20 women missing, which I doubt i will ever find (I don’t know last names of many one night stands). The only women missing from the slideshow? My wife.
@halladay. i feel your pain. almost to a T. i’m only 23 though. take a lap
My claim to fame is that I instinctively beat off the first boner of my life to completion. My body clearly wasn’t prepared for that to happen because I shot blanks and it starting foaming like an improperly poured beer.
Halliday I like the honestly..sounds like she has you by the balls tho bro
@tornopen: That’s fucking creepy.
I really really really hate “Sweet Caroline” and every loser who still sings it at Sox games.
@cookie no she’s just busy as fuck fresh out of med school so it’s a legit excuse on her end. still doesn’t change the fact that I need to man the fuck up and stare at some phone titties
@harry-johnson — yes it is. I fully recognize how creepy it is. Once I got married, I wanted to have a record of them, since I am committed to a lifetime of monogamy now. I have this dream sometimes, that I am fucking dozens of them….. at once. I mean who wouldn’t want to bang his lifetime top 10 all at once? Minus my wife. If my wife ever discovered it, WW3 would break out in my home.
Just completed the PornCat challenge with 2 hours to spare. (aka I challenged myself to masturbate once to a video in every straight category of porn on pornhub in 3 weeks or less, there are about 55 different categories) The most difficult for me was the day i watched dp and hentai, that was my Heartbreak hill. After that I knew that if I really set my mind to it, I could jerk off to damn near anything.
@tornopen: It’s pretty ridiculous how bitter all the married Stoolies come off as. I know a hell of a lot of the comment section is tongue in cheek, but still.
In college I was leaving the cafeteria after taco night. Halfway home I had to shit my fuckin brains out. I wasn’t going to make it home so I walked to my buddy’s apartment to unleash hell on his toilet. Knocked on the door but no answer. I panicked as I clenched my asscheeks as tight as possible. Still no answer. I waddled back to my dorm crying on the inside. I make it to the communal bathroom stall and pull my pants down and I shit allll over the floor next to the toilet. Scooped up as much as possible with my boxers. Immediately hopped in the shower to clean up. I saw my RA the next day and he says “can you believe some sicko shit in the shower. The poor cleaning lady had to clean it up” I just shook my head and told him this world is full of disgusting people. I guess I didn’t do such a good job hiding the evidence.
the comment section has actually weighed into my decision making on if I feel like getting married at all.
@halladay: Same here bro. Pretty sad when you think about it.
I think I give some good laughs on here just about every day. I get a steady flow of up votes and top comments a few times a week. But i feel a heavy amount of jealousy of people like imtough and tornopen because of all the attention they get. Still not sure if they are mostly hated or liked
I stand up when I wipe my ass #BarstoolConfessions
@Harry Johnson — Married life doesn’t kill regular sex. Being married with kids do. Prime example. It is 11pm. kids are in bed. the 14 month old slept for 4 hours then throws a fit in his crib, wife rocked him back to sleep. Wife is in bed now sleeping. at around 5AM, like clockwork our 4 year old is going to come stomping into our room, climb into bed with us.
Around 7AM, all 3 kids will be up screaming and at full energy levels.
So here I am at 11PM on a Friday night, trying to pick a bitch fight with some of you guys in the comment section on barstool.
@bababooey7 — don’t be jealous of me. I actually like your shit, most of which starts with your screenname, Howard Stern is a fucking genius.
I once took a few pulls off a blunt inside New York Penn Station. Stupid enough. It was offered to me by a homeless man.
My gf reads the stool. So I can’t leave any confessions. #barstoolconfessions
@tornopen, you’re the worst… pop a squat on my face, you queer!
@gdmarche — tell her to mind her own business or dump her. this is our safe happy place.
@gunnarstahl — “pop a squat on my face” — huh? Sounds like you want me to shit on your face. sick fuck. No. I will however, smack the every living shit out of you if I ever saw you in person. Pussy.
When I return rental cars, I always make a happy face on the dashboard using nothing but my boogers. Fuckin nasty but they come out great.
I smell my fingers after I wipe my ass just to make sure. And cuz Iove the smell of SHIT
In college I repeatedly pissed in the stairwell next to my room, drunk or sober. I would shake my head and tell the CA how disgusting it was every morning, but laugh on the inside at the cleaning ladies every time I walked by them.
@tornopen you’ve got a lot of rage huh. it doesn’t take a lot for you to want to smack the living shit out of someone or pop a cap in someone’s ass for coming near your property… you wanna talk about it?
Normally, I don’t comment twice on the same article, but I think I know who SepticButt is.
I hope not.
@wingnut89 – rage is the force that drives success.
@septic butt: The mere suspicion that someone may have figured out who you are must be terrifying.
I am a pillar of the community in my real life. Nah, not really. Don’t think anyone would be too schocked. Besides, no way he knows just from that. Keep up the good work Harry. You a are one of the better ones around here.
I have a copious amount of nude photos from different friends girlfriends that I’ve stolen from their girlfriends phone
I can’t wank it unless feet are involved.
I’m the only white person in Popeyes right now #BarstoolConfessions
@betterlatethanpregnant — move your wallet to your front pocket.
I’ve had sex no more than 12 times in the past 2.5 years.
Married with children.
I don’t hate tornopen at all, and I find it pathetic how worked up some of you comment section tools get at him. Especially more_rape_jokes, that guy sounds like the biggest fucking loser hardo of all time.
this blog idea is probably the only good thing feicalturd has ever had in his whole life #barstoolconfessions
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