Truecrimereport – Paul Kausalik is a 61-year-old postal worker from Durango, Colorado. He was stopped by the cops the other night for failing to use his turn signal. But what began as a simple shake down for traffic fines turned into something much more. It seems Kausalik, who claimed to have nothing to drink that night, registered an impressive 1.4 blood-alcohol content, which is three times the legal limit in Colorado, where it’s only .05. When Kausalik was taken to the police station, he asked to use the bathroom. Then he pretended to fall asleep there in a not particularly cagey attempt to avoid taking a breathalyzer. His performance was ruled unconvincing by the officers in attendance. At this point, our hero was rather pissed at the cops for busting his ass. So when he emerged from the bathroom, a cop noticed he had something in his mouth. That’s when Kausalik’s ingenious revenge plot kicked in. He somehow got the bright idea to fill his mouth with shit. Then he spit it all over the officer’s face. Ok I understand that this guy was pissed.


Listen I would be pissed too if I were Paul Kausalik.    Like it’s one thing to get pulled over for a DUI if you’re swerving all over the road, but to get pulled over for a broken headlight? That just doesn’t seem fair. So I’d probably throw shit in the cops faces as well. But notice I said the word throw. That’s the operative word here. You don’t eat it like a fucking savage. You just scoop the shit out of the bowl with your hand and whip it at the Pigs. Come on Lebowski. Act like a professional for once.


Thanks to Adrienne for sending the story.