Sun SentinalA 30-year-old man was tackled and received blows to the face, but he’s no crime victim, Fort Lauderdale police say. Keith Kirk appeared in court Thursday with blackened, swollen eyes and stitches between the brows. He is accused of stealing a bicycle about noon Wednesday outside the One Stop Food Mart at 18 NW First Ave. in Fort Lauderdale. The beatdown was delivered by the bike’s owner, Calvin McDougal of Lauderhill, according to a police report. The two men got into a fight when McDougal chased after Kirk to retrieve his $600 bicycle. “I believe there was a little bit more than just a tackle,” Broward County Judge John “Jay” Hurley said Thursday during Kirk’s hearing in first appearance court. “Now, sir, you allegedly steal someone’s bike and it looks like there was some street justice carried out.” After Kirk left the podium, Hurley wondered aloud from the bench: “Did you notice how the guy who owned the bike didn’t get arrested?”


The thing that makes this story blogworthy besides this dudes face being mangled to pieces is the image of him walking by the bench wondering aloud “Did you notice how the guy who owned the bike didn’t get arrested?” Umm yeah bro I did notice that. See here is the thing. You stole his bike. He caught you. He pulverized you. That’s as legal as it gets. Rule #1 of life. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

PS – Can there be a more embarrassing story in jail than this? So what are you in for? I tried to steal a bicycle and the owner caught me and beat me to smithereens. Automatic boy toy. Automatic.