(Murfreesboro) — Police responded Monday night to a Haynes Manor apartment in reference to a possible burglary after a man found an adult toy on top of the bathroom counter that reportedly does not belong to his wife. “Upon arrival, I made contact with the complainant (who) advised that when he returned home from work, he discovered a vibrator on the bathroom sink,” reported Officer Chris Norville, who responded just after 10 p.m. to the apartment, located in the 400 block of West Northfield Boulevard. “(The man) advised he called his wife and confirmed it was not hers,” Norville wrote in a Murfreesboro Police Department incident report. When the man’s wife insisted she did not own the item, he became concerned that someone had broken into the residence, at which point he decided to contact the police. “He stated nothing appeared to have been stolen or disturbed,” Norville reported. “(The man) said the door was locked when he returned, (and) the only sign that someone had been in the apartment was the vibrator left behind in the bathroom.”

Absolutely love this guy’s train of thought. Deny, deny, deny. Find a big fat motorized dick on the bathroom sink? 100% a burglary. No way it could be your wife’s. You’ve been giving her multiple orgasms every night with your huge dick. She couldn’t possibly be unsatisfied. Nope. Only reasonable explanation is that someone broke into your home through the window, stole nothing, disturbed nothing, and just fucked themselves a little bit while siting on your toilet. Makes way more sense than your wife blasting herself with Megatron’s dick.

PS – I google image searched “wife vibrator” and stumbled on this pic. Yeah I’d say that’s divorce worthy. Ruthless.