FORT LAUDERDALEAn attempt to quell a noisy group outside his residential complex caused a homeowners association president to suffer a brutal, head-stomping robbery. The night of the attack, snowbirds had arrived from Canada and needed a key to enter a unit. So just before 1:30 a.m., Burns left his home, rode his bicycle to the other side of the complex and gave them the key. Along the way, he heard many people shouting and cursing. “As president, I went out to see what was going on,” he said. “I have to intervene to see what’s going on, and to see if I can diffuse it.” Holding his bicycle at his side, Burns neared two men and a woman involved in the disturbance. “I said, ‘Hey, you guys. We can’t have this kind of disturbance going on,” he said. “You guys should cut this mess out or I’m going to call police.” In hindsight, “that was a mistake,” Burns said. “I should have just called the cops.” After he fell to the ground, the assailant rifled through Burns’ pockets and stole his iPhone. Burns regained consciousness and tried to get up, but the robber punched him twice more in the face, stomped on his head, walked away and returned to again stomp on Burns’ head.

And this is exactly why I never help anybody. It’s not worth it. People are savages. You just don’t know who you’re messing with. Like I respect this condo president. He tried to do the right thing. He’s got balls. And what did he get for his trouble? He got cheapshotted, curb stomped and his iphone stolen. Moral of the story? Never help anybody.