If You Don’t Build A Toilet Paper Nest On the Toilet Seat When You Use A Public Bathroom Then You Are Fucking Deranged
To be honest I can’t even believe I’m blogging this. But this came up yesterday because of that story about how Sweden is trying to make bros piss sitting down from now on. Well I tweeted that my biggest issue with this proposal would be that it would cause the lines for the mens room to be just as long as the womens room because of the extra time needed to “nest” the the toilet bowl. Next thing you know KFC being the oaf that he is butted in and said something to the effect that only pussies put toilet paper down first. Umm are you serious bro? You just raw dog it on the toilet seat? Just getting rando ass germs all up in your asshole. Rouge pubes bumping into your shit. No thanks. There is being a tough guy and then there is being an idiot. Not building a force field is just plain stupid. Bottomline is this. Anybody who doesn’t teepee the toilet seat is a savage and should shit in the woods like the animal they are.
yeah i wrap that shit up everytime, dont wnat to rub my butt cheeks with some of these assholes at my job, fucking disgusting
PS elpres can i run the power hour with you?
train your body, i cant even remember the last time i shit in public
i pride myself on being able to take a shit anywhere, any time. nesting is for pussies. take a look at the seat, wipe off anything, and then sit down and shit like a man. only place i do not sit is at a patriots game, because 1.) i’m usually too drunk to know i need to shit anyway, and B.) the entire stall is usually swimming in urine, and the only thing i’m gonna touch is my own schween. and that’s if i can find it under the twenty thermal layers compounded by cold-shrinkage
100% agree. And, I need to admit that I’m tortured by this habit of imagining the tens of thousands of faces (think of a grid of mugshot photos) of every previous user of this toilet. Maybe next time you’re using a public shitter this vision will come into your mind too. Just a huge wall of mugshot photos of every fucking loser who has been there before.
(I’m sure Prez does the same thing when banging Renee?)
It haunts me. And I hear voices. Make it stop.
3 pieces are enough when necessary don’t spend more than 20 seconds building a fucking fort in there
I’ll go you one further. Never mind nesting. Have you ever seen those “retractable” fucking plastic things that just spin new saran wrap around automatically? Who the fuck would EVER use those? They’re starting to have them everywhere now. It’s worse in ATL too, well…..just because. If you don’t take 3-pointers on those things, you’re insane.
Cael Gawd is spot on. Just hold it for a little while, it’s really not that hard.
Penn & Teller did an episode of “Bullshit!” where they talked about this. Apparently, putting down toilet paper is unnecessary. That being said I agree with El Pres 100%.
nahhh, you gotta wet up some TP or paper towels with warm water, and scrub the fucking seat. viola. clean seat = amaaing shat.
Yeah i nest the shit outta the toilet seat. Have you ever seen a public toilet seat by itself? Not for me.
I carry around an extra roll of toilet paper in my back pocket at all times
*Cawk. Fuck you, iPhone.
The CDC does not have a single case ever reported or verified of any disease being passed from a public toilet. You’re all pussies.
You are 1 million % correct and anyone who doesn’t is a disgusting motherfucker!
The Pussification of America continues….
Couldn’t agree more, almost shit my pants yesterday morning, had to burst through the bathroom door, no time to nest, all I could think about was what a scumbag I was not b/c I almost soiled myself but how I failed to protect myself in there.
yaaaa what prez said. Theres 1 john at my office, w 20-30 dudes shittin every day. Im a master nester. 3 strands about 4 squares long, 2 down the sides, then the 1 folded twiced for added dick protection. a couple more squares for the dick area, just to be sure. then you tear off one more strand to lay across the top. Its like a finish line for my ass, breaking through the rope just rewarding myself for not shitting myself in a public setting.
I’m going to pretend you left the M out of random on accident so I can pretend to have respect for you.
If a toilet is so gross you need to nest the toilet then you need to clinch and find a cleaner toilet. Toilet paper isn’t doing shit for you in that scenario.
I cant stand the nest takes more time , just shit and get the hell out .. fucking nest faggots
I find that when I’m out and about after a night of pouring one or all of the four horseman down and get the need to push brown. I find a large retail store (never walmart that place is a toilet itself) close to where I am and call ahead. Tell them you just left and the bathroom was destroyed and you are going to file a complaint with corporate. By the time you get there the bathroom is immaculate.
I would rather fuck magic Johnson without a rubber than sit on a public toilet seat without covering it with a layer of toilet paper.
The Pussification of America continues…
I very rarely shit outside the home base, like 5 times a year maybe. But when I do I just go for it, toilet paper seat or not still nasty as hell.
Dude it’s your ass cheeks. Obviously Prez you want to keep that shit clean because your asshole is a cum dumpster. If it’s not a bar or restaurant who has time to nest? Just drop bombs.
How did u not include that twitter exchange in this blog? That was the funniest part. I had tears from laughing so hard.
i have shat in public many a time, and never once nested…maybe i have a weak sphincter or something but if i’m in public and i gotta go, i go. i usually dont put my asshole directly on the toilet seat so im not too worried about that there. ive also shit on the side of the road, parking lots, lakes, and in my pants. yall are pussies
3 pieces.
for those of you saying you dont nest… you’re the reason i do
Shitting in public is not a big deal. However, I’d rather shit in my pants than in a port-a-john.
I not only nest, I spit shine the seat first.
Wipe it down, spit shine and wipe it down, make a nice nest.
also, at my job we have 2 single-stall shitters in the warehouse. 1 mens, 1 womens. If i 100% cant hold it, wipe down the ladies room seat, and give it hell.
don’t bother at school or the office, bathrooms there are probably cleaner than the one in my apartment. but if i’m in “public” public, 1 layer is enough
Ran into this at the airport the other day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfrhgh6ZlQI
Not my video, but it needs to be blogged… Automatic toilet seat cover!!.. I don’t know why every toilet doesn’t automatically come with one.
complete pussy move, if its a filthy truckstop bathroom in the dark last resort kind of thing, nesting is fine. if you drop the next down even in the nicest toilets in a city you are a germaphobe pussy. If you wet some TP and wipe down the seat and dry it, what are you afraid of happening realistically?
fuck nesting u Howie Mandel germophobe pussy…..spit on both sides of the lid, scrub it down with some TP and go to fucking work
@redhammer LMAO
Pussy but not surprising. Only a jew would think their ugly ass is too good to touch the seat. You probably wear flip flops in the locker room shower loser.
lock yourself in the ladies room. No need for any of this nonsense. smells nice too.
i like to stand on the back (where you’d normally upper deck) then drop bombs from my elevated position. i love big splashes and if i get a little on the rim, who cares, it’s the next guy’s problem
While I rarely shit anywhere but my house, I 100% agree with the need to nest. One step that seems to have been overlooked so far is a preliminary flush before the nesting begins to rid the bowl/water of any residual crap from whoever was in there just before you. Lock the stall, flush, build a nest, drop trow, shit worry free.
I’d rather just shit myself, then throw away my boxers and start from scratch
Nesting weakens the immune system. What happens when you drop one quickly into the middle of the bowl and get splashed all up in your asshole? You prolly wash your ass with peroxide. Wipe it down and be done with it. Nesting ain’t gonna save you from the gay.
if your a guy who wont shit in a public place then that makes you automatically a 100% pussy.
an assgasket is a must…
This comments section has made my point from a few days ago. It’s not the articles, but the comments that are the content here. Laughing my ass off. Who fucking said that they put one across the toilet as a finish line or a reward for shitting? Holy fuck that was a funny comment.
shitting in cowboy hats is for pussies
I nest the seat at home. I don’t know where my girlfriend has been.
im such a G i use the handicap bathroom, yes i work with handicap people, and yes its awkward when they come wobbling in dropping their crutches trying to piss at a urinal and im spread out Castanza style dropping dueces with ease. I’ll show you how to do this son!
Sitting on a toilet will not make you sick.
by the way your desk looks, I’m guessing the first lady has to build a nest at home
Nesting is for kikes. Wipe the seat off and be a savage
Faggots!! I can’t believe some of you fucking idiots think that putting a thin layer of fucking paper between your asses and a toilet seat is going to warn off diseases. Shitheads.
Go Slater-style or go home.
I feel like being a germaphobe is just the new it thing. If you think about it everywhere you touch there are germs. Pres do you put paper down before you touch an ATM? Cuz guess what, the dude who tooka shit and didn’t wipe his hands then touched the ATM screen. Literally anything you touch should be covered if you want to think about it that way, putting a piece of paper down doesn’t make me feel better, especially since some guy probably touched that paper with his shitty hands.
I’d pay to watch a guy squat over a toilet to pee. Just wait until the day that your nest gets pulled up in your pants.
By the way, I bet $10k that all you nesters at one point or another had some sort of mishap where you shit on your nest and got it on your ass. So in trying to fight this imagined germ field you actually created a situation where you needlessly shit on yourselves.
First you pull the car in the garage. Then you close the door. Next you leave the car running. Finally you take a permanent nap.
only bad part about nesting is when the toilet paper is so shitty and light that it gets stuck on your ass when you stand up
I bet you wear a condom when you JO too.
If you’re out and about and have to shit, you must nest. If you are a cube monkey or any other kind of office jockey just bring a container of Lysol disinfectant wipes and wipe the seat down.
For all the guys who nest you are why I don’t. So next time you sit on a seat and can feel the heat like someone took a blow drier to it that is my gift to you. Wiping the seat down is legit, nesting is overkill.
The door handle/knob going into the bathroom is waaaaaay more likely to make you sick than the toilet seat. Do you put on gloves before you open the door too? Pusscakes…
True Story. I was about 13 and camping (in the woods, not some KOA place) where squatting to shit with your back against a tree was the standard protocol. Finished, stood to hike up my drawers, lost my balance, stumbled backwards, and STEPPED IN MY OWN SHIT. Worst thing ever. I’m not fucking kidding.
How do people not understand that exposing your self to germs is what makes us healthier and more resistant to germs? Go read the book Guns, Germs and Steel and you’ll never build a stupid nest ever again.
While we are on the public arena, everyone jerks off in public showers right? I mean, if you aren’t marking your territory then you are behind in the pheromone game by, like, a couple thousand years. It’s science.
wipe and sit, don’t waste time getting wet toilet paper in your asshole. You can’t contract any diseases from a toilet seat.
Fucking Heathens, see that homeless crckhead you passed on the way into the shitter ?
He doesn’t build a nest either
Your Fucking from bolivian if you don’t grab a handfull of paper towels and soke them in hot water and wipe down the toilet seat and the dick holder then dry it off with a half a roll of tp…. I shit in public daily and this is the only way to go…. so fresh so clean clean
No shit. You have GOT to use a nest when you’re dropping the Cosby kids off at a public pool. In fact, I even put down a couple pieces as a landing pad to prevent any unnecessary and uncomfortable splash-ups. It’s an art more than a science, really.
Nothing worse than the assholes that nest and then just leave it there for the next guy. Just wipe the seat off and stop being a pussy.
Building nests is completely OCD. When you’re done shitting after building your nest, do you wash your hands 15 times, then go home to make sure you turned the oven off again?
Your goddamn right Im a fucking savage
Only thing worse than sitting directly on an unwashed public toilet seat is when you drop a heavy, dense log and the splashback hit you right in the asshole.
Holy shit this is a funny blog. Currently sitting on the throne at work, unnested (pussies), trying to stifle laughter. Just fucking wipe down the seat and be done. Or shit in your Mom’s toilet all your life.
Rouge pubes? As in a ginger’s pubes? … or are they communist?
wow…all your grandfathers are embarrassed for you right now…fucking pussies! lysol? disinfectant wipes? NESTING!?!?!!? if the practice wasn’t gay enough using a word that’s reserved for fucking mother birds and hipster moms is just absurd…never nested once in my life, haven’t even had a cold for 12 years…immune system is a monster…I nest once I’ll probably be dead within the week
Absolutely not. No nesting necessary. Make sure there are no foreign objects, and no liquid. Give it a quick wipe, and go to town. I don’t have time for that shit.
Absolutely not. There is no need to nest. Just give it a quick wipe and go to town. I don’t have time for that shit.
a bunch of howie mandel and marc summers pussy boys on here, or probably just a bunch of females.. spare me with the “not touching other peoples’ germs” horse shit.. that other peoples’ germs bullshit didn’t stop you from funneling beers in the parking lot did it? People are breathing germs all over you as you walk to and into the bathroom, germs are all over both doors you have to open to get into the stall, and even as you are building you extremely homophobic “nest”, you are coming in contact with germs!! It is something you can’t escape so don’t act like you are sanitizing a toilet seat by putting a few strips of paper used to wipe your ass on it.. pussification of America indeed
^Anyone who uses the term “homophobic” forfeits their right to complain about the pussification of anything.
Three pieces are all that’s needed unless you have the corner overlap, in which case five pieces, tops. Takes seven or eight seconds. If you refuse to take a public dump, you’re a straight puss though.
ya ya i meant homosexual
otwisted, splashback is the worse fate in the world of toilet related mishaps. Nothing worse.
are you fucking kidding me? sack up for once in your life dude. its not like youre gonna pinch a loaf in the bathroom stall at wendys and all of a sudden contract ebola. for real i would only be concerned if i scratched my bare ass after taking a shit and didnt wash my hands. in which case you deserve to get whatever kinda nasty shit is on there in the first place. if it really matters that much to you wipe it down first like every other female on the planet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMmMvh1hSN4
Yeah rouge pubes suck. Especially Conan O’Brien’s and Brian Scalabrine’s
fuk nesting….Hovering is the way to go. Plus if your aim is a little off then you leave some remnants for the next focker. If that focker is a nester then he has cancelled out your previous hover.
I’d rather shit in the woods than sit down on a public toilet… 38 years and counting…
goosen: i read that book. great educational read
since we’re telling tales in here. has anyone ever had the port-o-potty blue shit splash back? i have. shudder. now i must build a safety net at the bottom of those.
after that incident, theres nothing a regular toilet seat can do to my bare ass to make me nest
Who doesn’t shit at public places?? I goes half of you guys don’t work or go out for that matter. Always give a flush, wipe the seat and then build a nice nest.
I not only nest like a motherfucker, I rip off a bunch and put it in the toilet bowl so when I shit, the shit doesn’t splash water back up into my asshole, it just hits the tp in the bowl. I use a shit ton of tp, but who gives a fuck, i’m not paying for it.
I think it all matters where you are and what the bowl looks like. That Mexican joint off 95 with all the spray paint on the walls you damn right im nesting. Macy’s bathroom straight porcelain for this guy.
Forcing men to piss sitting down?WTF???? Forget the nest this is so jacked up it can only come from some fucked up hippy euro trash nation like France or in this case Sweden.
If this doesn’t drive emigration nothing will.
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