Guardian – I’ll tell you what, you should ask her,” he says, shirking it. “She’ll have a better memory. I’m 51 years old, do you know how much I was punched in the face on The Expendables? No, no. No. And let’s just say it happened, so what? Who wants to know?” “Sometimes you let go of stuff … I don’t know, maybe.” He sighs, then becomes reflective. It’s rather touching. “Yes. OK. Yes, yes, yes. It happened. I was in Thailand, we had an affair. Sweet kiss, beautiful lovemaking. It would be abnormal not to have had an affair, she’s so beautiful and she was there in front of me every day with a beautiful smile, simpatico, so charming, she wasn’t acting like a big star. I knew Thailand very well, so I showed her my Thailand. She’s a great lady.”
Why are we talking about the time Jean Claude Van Dam fucked Kylie Minogue back in 1994 you ask? Because he’s Jean Claude Van Dam that’s why. Like I don’t care if we already know everybody who the Muscles from Brussels has ever fucked. I don’t care whether where talking about a chick he nailed 3 days ago or 3 decades ago. When Van Damn talks about showing Kylie Minogue “his Thailand” I want to hear about it. Sweet kiss, beautiful lovemaking, Simapatico. Van Dam so hot right now. Van dam.