With friends like the kids who sent in this email, who needs enemies?
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
Help us out but more importantly help out our friend. His name is Sean and while he’s not a virgin he might as well be. The kid is the nicest person any of us have ever met and he would give you the shirt off his back but even if he did we wouldn’t take it because of how grimy his shit is. On top of being nice the kid has got some of the best one liners in the league. He spits game and doesn’t even know it and he could wheel and deal with the best of them but he’s got no confidence. The kid plays junior hockey and is going to college to play. While his flow is fresh and the ginger beard gets some nice compliments, its not exactly always well kept. Right now this kids wardrobe consists of hockey T-shirts, or just his junior hockey jacket, and ragged shorts. And not to mention the kid carries a gallon of water where ever he goes. For the love of sweet baby Jesus get this kid a new look so he can stand a chance in college otherwise he’s going to be buying Vaseline rather than rubbers.
Concerned and Faithful Stoolies