TheSun – ONE in three men are too fat to see their own penis, new research reveals. A shocking 33 per cent of 35 to 60-year-olds are so overweight that their manhood is hidden from sight when they stand upright and look downwards. The DIY health measurement encourages men to check if they can see their penis beyond their bulbous bellies. “An obese man who cannot see his penis is five times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, three times more likely to develop cancer of the colon and more than two and a half times more likely to develop high blood pressure – a major risk factor for stroke and heart disease.”

Thank you science. First Lady has literally, but not literally been in my asshole since I suffered my heart attack. Telling me I need to get in shape and shit. Hey guess what sunshine? I just did the penis belly check and dominated it. I’m talking I looked down and my dick almost slapped me in the eye. Just gave me the prep school face as if to say did you really think you wouldn’t be able to see me? That’s how clearly I could see it. So as long as I can see my cock I don’t want to hear any shit about my diet, my health, barstool groupies, malware or any of this crap. I’m 35 and can still see my dick past by bellybutton. Dick test FTW!