Reader Email – Stoolie Amber Alert!
Reader Email
Hey Prez,
Can you put out an all points bulletin for my co worker Jerry. We had a 3 hour open bar last night and this is the last time any of us saw him (see attached). Passed out cold on the Path Train going to Hoboken, NJ around 9:45pm.
Jerry
6 ft, 170lbs
Light brown balding hair
Last seen in blue slacks, blue striped shirts and brown shoes.
Is this move even legal on a train unless your homeless?
People always send me serious emails asking me to post shit. Somebody has been kidnapped. Raise awareness for a disease, blah, blah, blah. It’s always something. I usually don’t post any of it because people don’t come to Barstool to get depressed. They come here to get a laugh and get through their miserable day. But when a Stoolie goes missing after a 3 hour open bar that’s when I spring into action. So here is the first ever Stoolie Amber Alert. If you have any information on Jerry please pass it along. A good man’s life hangs in the balance.
PS – I was convinced this was Mo in the first picture. And let’s call a spade a spade. There is no chance this guy is not at least 6’8.
Quite the collegial envoironment there. Get hammered with your bro, watch him pass out cold on the train, and snap a picture of him so you have something to remember him by after he’s abducted and sold to a Ukranian kidney farmer.
fuck! I thought Mo went missing
Fuck the guy who took the picture and didn’t get the full MTA “is there something wrong with this picture” ad into the shot. Would have been epic with it…
UPDATE: Homeboy is sleeping in his bed and used today as a sick day. Question though, what the fuck is a silver alert. Been to NJ like twice and seen 14 different silver alerts.
Guarentee by 9:46 p.m. he was robbed, stripped of all clothing and his belongings and left for dead. F**k New Jersey and everyone in it, armpit of the east coast!!!!
He’s at my house boyssss. Took some advantage of him boyssss.
#GoVikings
He’s got those Larry David pants
his legs was like, linguini
Hoboken has him now, and she’ll never let him go.
Silver alert is for elderly people, usually with some kind of mental disease like alzheimers (sp?). Amber alert is for missing children.
A good man’s life COULD have been hanging in the balance. I’m all for personal responsibility, but if you don’t make sure your drunk friends get home safe, you’re a piece of shit:
http://www.pressherald.com/news/Promising-life-cut-short-Students-body-is-found.html?searchterm=Harvard+student
What’s he reaching for in that second photo?
Jerry’s a lucky guy to have such cool friends.
stole my Mo line right from under me pres, shit wasnt there in the original blog
You rant truly from boston until you’ve thrown up on the t, then you know your a real mass hole. My first time was this year, right on some bitch who was trying to draw one me
the balding hair description was a little unnecessary.
didn’t Willis Reed only score 2 points in the Willis Reed game? So hopefully Bron Bron does have a Willis Reed game.
The first picture is crazy dude looks triple jointed
Pres owes Spinna a footnote. He jacked him, jacked him for real.
Maybe if you hadn’t been such a dick and let Jerry drive we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
How the fuck did he get his left arm to do that ?
Is that Kareem?
Bro’s bustin out some p90x. Do Your Best and Forget the Rest.
This guys lucky gaystoolie didn’t find him and just start sucking his prick
gotta love the sign behind the kid “What is wrong with this picture”!
That absolutely no one picked up the “call a spade a spade” line and ran with it makes me question the integrity of todays youth.
It was nice that his friends took pictures of him and then left him on the subway to die.