(Skrillex, shown here drinking “ecstasy”, in particular the potent “X3″ version)


Christwire – Skrillex, a Gothic icon and Lesbian fashionista whose name is Latin for “Homosexual Satan Wasp”, is the biggest act in Dubstep today — a music genre founded on consuming massive amounts of drugs and having raucous pre-marital sex with numerous partners — and his winnings at the 2012 Grammys prove that his satanic presence will be felt for years to come. As long as Skrillex wins Grammys and is accepted by mainstream media, he will claim souls for Satan and molest our children through his perverse philosophy of futuristic devil machine music. Skrillex, a known emosexual, was born Sonny Moore. He rose to fame with the satanic Rock ‘n roll band “From First To Last” (a band name that celebrates falling from God’s grace) and soon parlayed that success into something much more blasphemous; something that incorporates elements of Warhol-era rampant homosexuality and perversion, electronic “music” and lesbian-influenced haircuts. It is rumored that 1 in 3 women are raped at a Skrillex concert and forced to abort their children soon after. Over 100% of homosexual gays listen to, or have listened to Skrillex in their life — mostly while participating in door-to-door recruitment for sex orgies or attempting to molest children in one of the patented “Rape Vans” used by the gay homo community. In addition, Skrillex has launched a grotesque fashion trend, where upon weak-minded woman destroy their hallowed vessels of child birthing by SHAVING the side of their head — the same thing responsible for the downfall of Samson is being ENCOURAGED by this gnome-ish pervert. Skrillex will stop at nothing to get every teen in America hooked on dubstep and “ecstasy” (a potent street drug responsible for terrorism). (Skrillex, shown here drinking “ecstasy”, in particular the potent “X3″ version)

Ok lets cut the shit. What’s the deal with Christwire? Is this website owned by the Onion? It has to be right? Because without fail once a month or so we get an article like this. Something so outrageously over the top yet so well written and funny that it has to be fake. Like who writes this shit? “

“Over 100% of homosexual gays listen to or have listened to Skrillex in their life — mostly while participating in door-to-door recruitment for sex orgies or attempting to molest children in one of the patented “Rape Vans” used by the gay homo community”

That’s fucking liquid gold.  Seriously I need to hire the entire staff at Christwire and I needed to hire them yesterday. I don’t even care if they aren’t trying to be funny. They can write exactly the same shit they write now and it will kill. Just kill.  I actually can’t believe I haven’t thought of this before. Its like the only site that literally makes me laugh out loud everytime I read it. Get me the Christwire people!  Get me this author Mark E Figs!

PS – It wouldn’t shock me if everything they said about Skillrex is true. Bro is a weird looking dude.