JULY 29--In separate incidents, two men allegedly assaulted their girlfriends with pizza, police report. North Carolina cops yesterday arrested Cody Sebastian Parsons, 25, after responding to a domestic disturbance call at the home he shares with Sarah McKinney, his 19-year-old girlfriend. According to a Wilkesboro Police Department report, Parsons became angry after slipping on a wet floor. As he cursed at McKinney, Parsons allegedly pelted her with pizza. During questioning by cops, Parsons denied throwing the pizza. However, an officer reported finding “pizza sauce on the back of [McKinney’s] right rib cage.” Additionally, “there were pieces of pizza all over the living room floor as well as on the wall behind the front entrance door to the apartment.”Parsons was charged with assault on a female and booked into the Wilkes County jail on the misdemeanor count.
In a prior incident, a South Carolina man was collared last Wednesday for domestic violence after he allegedly assaulted his girlfriend with a slice.Jimmy Ray Poage, 47, was busted after the 40-year-old victim told sheriff’s deputies that he threw pizza at her in the couple’s Fort Mill home. The woman–who had pizza sauce on her face, arms, and clothing–also said that Poage grabbed her around the neck and slammed her into a kitchen counter.Poage, seen in the adjacent mug shot, admitted pelting his girlfriend with pizza, but claimed that she threw it at him first. But while the woman’s clothing was splattered with sauce, Poage’s garments were “clear of pizza or pizza sauce,” according to a York County Sheriff’s report.
What in the wide world of sports if fucking happening here? Who the fuck assaults somebody with a pizza slice? No joke that’s worse than defacing the flag. There are some lines you just don’t cross and throwing pizza is one of them. You don’t throw pizza. You eat pizza. It’s rule #1 of the pizza game. In fact if it were up to me I’d lock these guys up and throw away the keys. Because if you’re willing to just waste pizza like this you’re pretty much capably of anything. Fucking savages.