I’ve been getting a lot of emails (one) like “Hey Feits you’re fat and gross, you must love cookies. Please give us your Girl Scout cookie power rankings!” And I’ve ignored them (it) for a few days because I thought it was so obvious. What is there really to discuss? Thin Mints are the best. They have two downfalls: one, you have to buy them from a socially retarded girl. Two, the serving size says “4 cookies” when everyone knows it’s “one sleeve.” Just a nuisance to make you do math and find out exactly how fat you’re getting. Aside from that they’re flawless. Pop them in the freezer and you’ve got yourself a perfect snack.

The only other acceptable answers are Caramel Delites and Peanut Butter Patties. Thin Mints are the best but I wouldn’t kick those other two out of bed either.

PS – if you call them Grasshoppers, Samoas, or Tagalongs shut the fuck up. You sound like a moron.