Barstool Sports

DICKSON CITY  – An 85-year-old Scranton man surrendered Monday to face charges he engaged in oral sex with a teenage boy while another man filmed them. Joseph “Pops” Gyuriska, turned himself in at Judge Pesota’s office at noon and was arraigned on charges of unlawful contact with minors, endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors, and obscene and other sexual materials and performances.According to the arrest affidavit filed by county Detective Michelle Mancuso and Deputy Sheriff John Acculto, Mr. Gyuriska performed oral sex on the 16-year-old victim while they were filmed by Joseph G. Burns, 28, of Throop, with whom the youth had been living. The boy told investigators Mr. Gyuriska bought him a pair of black Nike Air Jordan sneakers in exchange. Mr. Gyuriska told investigators in a March 25 interview that he had sex with the teen only when Mr. Burns allowed him to, and usually there would be an exchange of clothing, shoes or money.

Wait a minute. Are we saying that the 16 year old kid was a victim here? Pfft. Clearly whoever wrote this never owned a pair of Jordan’s before. I mean I’m as straight as they come but I totally would have let ”Pops” suck my dick for a pair of Jordan’s back in the day and anybody who says differently is either gay or lying. Bottom line is what’s one BJ compared to how much middle school pussy you can pull while rocking these things. It’s all about risk -reward. “Pops” got to suck cock. Junior got a sweet pair of kicks. It’s a win win for everybody.

PS – If guys nicknamed “Pops” are molesting kids nowadays everybody is suddenly a suspect.

Well if you answered yes you should be ashamed of yourself.  I mean come on.   Nobody can have anal sex with themselves.  It’s physiologically impossible.  Seriously how stupid do you have to be?  This is obviously the face of a dude who sexually assaulted his cousin since the age of 6 and paid her 5 bucks every time he did it.  Duh.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – A Kansas City mother and another woman are accused of providing alcohol to several girls during a birthday party that ended with two teens being taken to a hospital.  Prosecutors say 43-year-old Karen Christine Downs and 25-year-old Kelsee Guest are charged with first-degree child endangerment for allegedly providing liquor and beer to 13- and 14-year-old girls at a February party. Downs is accused of offering $10 to whoever could chug a glass of vodka the fastest, while Guest allegedly poured shots for the girls, prosecutors said.  Two girls who attended the party, ages 13 and 14, passed out and were taken to a hospital. One of the girls had a blood alcohol content of .218, nearly three times the legal limit, prosecutors said.  Officers said they found 60 to 70 empty beer bottles and several empty bottles of bourbon, vodka, and whiskey scattered throughout the basement of the residence.  According to the girls’ statements, Downs offered shots to the girls, but told the girls they could not tell their parents about it. When they ran out of alcohol, Guest asked the girls if they had money to buy another bottle of vodka, court documents show. Downs, Guest, and one of the girls bought more vodka, prosecutors said. One of the girls said she had beer and 9 or 10 shots of vodka.

Okay first things first.  I’m calling bullshit on the girl/narc who said she had 9 or 10 shots of vodka.     Honey if that were true you’d either be dead or have 3 dicks in you so cut the shit.   Now as far as the rest of this story goes if the mother is guilty of anything it’s just being bad party host.   Seriously how did she not invite any boys to this party? I mean what’s the point of getting chicks drunk if they can’t wolf down some cock? Not to mention the fact that every good parent knows that if you run out of alcohol at your kid’s birthday party you don’t ask the guests for money.  You got out and buy it yourself.    It’s not only bad party management, but it’s flat out bad parenting.  So much for leading by example huh?

Philly.com – Feeding picky eaters can be a pain. Just ask Lyndel Toppin’s fiancée, whose middle finger was almost chopped off when Toppin allegedly attacked her with a kitchen knife, according to Upper Darby police.The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. “That was the catalyst,” Toppin grabbed a knife from the other room and slashed her finger, causing a deep laceration, she told police at Delaware County Memorial Hospital, where she received 23 stitches to close the gash. Also, instead of chomping on the meatball sub that she’d made him, Toppin wrapped his teeth around his girlfriend’s left wrist and refused to let go, the criminal complaint says.”It was a barbaric attack,” Chitwood said.

With most stories like this there is usually something going on behind the scenes.   Maybe the fiancee cheated or there are some ongoing issues that we don’t know about.   But I don’t think that’s the case here.   You just can’t screw up a meatball sub and expect to get away with it.    Especially when you’re not even married yet.   I mean if this bitch is already getting lazy with her cheese placement imagine what she’ll be like in 5 years?    I don’t even want to think about it.   So this guy had no choice but to nip this in the bud.   I mean what’s the point of bitches even existing if they can’t cook, clean and fuck right?   Barbaric indeed!

Gaston Gazzette – Aggressive prostitution apparently led to a first-degree burglary charge Thursday against a 26-year-old Lincolnton woman. Nicole Mary Scarpone of 122 Star Light Drive reportedly forced her way into an apartment on Pembroke Road, near Cox Road and I-85, and asked the three men inside to give her $10 in exchange for sex.”Defendant stated that she was dropped off over there and had been there before and performed sexual acts, but stated that she was not invited over there tonight and indicated that she just showed up to make some quick money,” Officer B.H. Carr wrote in his warrant affidavit. “Ms. Scarpone asked all the male subjects in the apartment if they had $10 for sex.”When Scarpone knocked on the door she reportedly forced her way in and told the men that they owed her $100.

This is kind of bullshit huh?   Seriously since when is being an aggressive salesperson/hooker a crime?  I mean if everybody just sat around and waited for their phone to ring or for a car to pull up them on a street corner nobody would ever make a sale.   In this economy you got to get out there and pound the pavement.  If this lady was selling knives she’d be a hero right now.  But noooo because she’s a prostitute she is somehow labeled as aggressive in a bad way.  Listen prostitutes have to eat too you know.   So if you want to arrest this chick for being disgusting looking then be my guest.   You want to arrest her for charging 10 bucks a fuck when she is barely worth a nickel that’s cool too.   But don’t arrest her for aggressively selling her pussy.   It just goes against everything that this great country of ours stands for.   So say whatever you want about this ugly bitch, but I respect the hell out of her.  She was just following the prostitute code of ABLFD – Always Be Looking For Dick

Daily Mail – A woman bit off her boyfriend’s tongue after asking him for a kiss on his birthday, a court heard. Tracy Davies sank her teeth in after telling Mark Coghill that she loved him, a jury heard. Mr Coghill, 45, who met Davies through a local newspaper’s lonely hearts advert, then watched in horror as she took the severed organ from her mouth and dropped it on the floor, prosecutors said. Afterwards, when police arrived, Davies, 40, is said to have handed it to officers in a small plastic bag before saying: ‘We had a domestic and I bit his tongue off, here it is.’… when police arrested her, [she told] officers: ‘You’re joking!’

… And when asked by police what happened, Mr. Goghill said “Unh umm mumma uhuhnnna…” Sorry. In a violent crime such as this, I’m always reluctant to blame the victim. But in this case, how can you not? This was a triumph of optimism over common sense if ever I’ve seen one. Just look at Tracy Davies in this picture and tell me she doesn’t look like she’s going to bite a tongue off at the first opportunity. Slipping a tongue between this woman’s teeth is no different than one of those videos you see on Animal Planet where some reckless buffoon hops the safety fence at the zoo and gets mauled by a polar bear. It’s hard to whip up a ton of sympathy for someone who takes foolish risks like French kissing the lonely hearts British version of Estelle Costanza. Frankly I think he got off easy by only losing a tongue. He should be grateful she didn’t over him a birthday BJ. So while I feel a bit bad for the guy, the bottom line is if you stick your head in a gator’s mouth, don’t come crying to me if you get bitten.