Barstool Sports

BOSTON (CBS) – You can now buy the scent of saw dust or freshly mowed grass, thanks to Yankee Candle. The South Deerfield company is coming out with what it calls Man Candles.A press release describes them as “a line of scents inspired by and created uniquely for men” and “now all rooms in the home can have an attractive scent, even the basement, garage, man cave or an entire bachelor pad.”

There are four scents.

Here’s how Yankee Candle describes them:

Man Town

“Escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods and musk.”

First Down

“This combination of orange, patchouli, vetiver and leather is as exciting as game day.”

Riding Mower

“Hot sun. Cool breeze. And the intensely summery scent of freshly cut grass.”

2 x 4

“The warm, unmistakable scent of freshly planed wood and sawdust evokes a sense of confidence and quality

First of all Yankee Candle stole this idea from the Shark Tank.     That’s a fact.    Second of all the names Man Town and First Down are the dumbest names for candles in the history of names.   Like even if I loved the smells I wouldn’t buy them strictly based on how stupid the names are.   Man Town should be called “Oak barrel” and First Down should be called “New Car Smell” or “Leather”    I’m sure I’d like Riding Mower, but that is clearly not just a man scent and I thought freshly cut grass was already a Yankee Candle?   The only one that I think has real potential as a true man candle is 2 x 4.      I like the smell of freshly planed wood.    It does evoke confidence and I do feel like that’s a man only scent.    In fact I may buy that for my office.  (Hint…If Yankee Candle doesn’t send me a box of 2 x 4 Candles by the end of the week they are the dumbest organization in the universe.  Prezzy like free shit.)

PS – I think I’ve said this before but if I quit Barstool I’d try to get a job naming Yankee Candles.  It’s my passion.   That or naming nail polish.  Like I know this is going to sound gayballish but whenever the First Lady paints her fingernails a new color she shows me it and I always come up with a better name than the real name.   I just have the gift.

‘Tis no man. ‘Tis a remorseless eatin‘ machine. Ok here is the thing I don’t get about this whole dispute.  If the guy has an unpaid running tab why not just make him pay first? Like that waitress thought she was so cute when she dropped that bomb on his head.   “Why don’t you tell him about your unpaid running tab Bill.  What do you have to say about that…” Well than make him fucking pay!  If he can’t pay than he can’t eat.  Boom problem solved.   But if he does pay than he gets to eat as much as he wants.   Because as the Simpsons already proved if a restaurant says it’s all you can eat, then you better be prepared for the fattest of the fat.   You can’t pick and choose your battles.   Some people will come in and only eat 1 piece of fish.  Others will come in and eat till the ocean runs dry.  That’s the beauty, pageantry and drama of the all you can eat buffett.    Everytime you serve it you’re rolling the dice.

PS – Yes I kind of want to taste this deep dish pizza this guy is raving about.

See this is the type of chick I can watch sports with.  Ladies take notes from this girl.    Don’t try to be an expert.  Don’t argue.  If I cheer you cheer.  If I say it was fucking travel you say it’s a fucking travel.   If I get upset you get upset.  If I’m happy you get happy.   Seriously if kids are this cute all the time I may have to look into buying one.

Winginitinmotown – We had the chance to talk to the head of social media for the Red Wings, Jake Duhaime, about what the team is doing with social media this offseason and in the future. Here is the Q&A. Our

Are the players are aware of the blogs and their presence, and do they care?

I don’t know much about our players and their browsing interest, but I know there are a number of NHL players who read Barstool Sports on a regular basis. The site was actually created by a University of Michigan graduate and serves as a unique mix of content, mixed with sponsorship and attitude, which serves as a model (in some capacity) to what we do on DRW Social.

From what I have heard, the site receives some 60 million page views per month, but what may be more impressive is to see players like Ryan Whitney, James van Riemsdyk and Logan Couture chirping with the site’s staff via Twitter on a regular basis. You also see the importance of getting merchandise in the hands of the right people, as evidenced by Brad ‘Nose Faced Killah‘ Marchand wearing one of their tees during an NBC interview with Pierre McGuire during last year’s Stanley Cup Final.

Somewhere Scottie Bowman is smiling.  I mean when is the last time the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup?   Back when I was in college?    So how do you get back to basics?    Simple.  You model your entire franchise on Barstool Sports.  Dynasty restored.    But it’s not enough.   My job isn’t done.   Because I’m not satisfied with just saving the Red Wings.  Oh no.  Too many NHL guys from all over the league read the Stool.  Too many livelihoods at stake.   I need to save the entire sport.   Make it appeal to the more casual fan like myself.    So here is what I would do I were Gary Bettman.  Here is how I would save hockey…

.

1. Make it 3 on 3

Just too many guys on the ice.  Way too hard to get shots on goal.   If I wanted to watch 0-0 sporting events where nothing happens I’d watch soccer.

2. Make the Nets Twice As Big

I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet.  The goalies are so big nowadays and their pads are so freaking huge that it’s almost impossible to score.   Listen goals put asses in the seats.   It’s that simple.   More scoring.  Higher ratings.  More pussy.

3. Bring Back Cooperalls

No idea what happened to these things.  Cooperalls were the tits.

4. No Offsides

Again not to keep comparing hockey to soccer, but these two sports have the most ridiculous offisides rules.   If a guy wants to cherry pick let his ass cherry pick.   Just send back a defenseman back there to cover him.   Simple.

5. Get rid of every warm weather franchise.

La vs. Phoenix?    Really?   Hey newsflash nobody gives a fuck about those teams.  Hockey belongs in cold weather cities and cold weather cities only.   Give Canada more teams.  Get the Nordiques back.   Get rid of any franchise where you can wear shorts to 90% of the games.   That shit ain’t right.

Boom done.   There you have it.  I just saved the Red Wings social media program and the entire NHL.    All you pucksluts and puckheads can thank me later.  The Stool is the official blog of the NHL for a reason.

Saw “Battleship” last night. First of all, it’s better than “The Avengers.” Second of all, Brooklyn is so hot in it that it’s offensive. Third of all, you’re lucky I made a gallery of her instead of Tim Riggins. It was 50/50.

Send tips to @jfeitelberg or feitelberg@barstoolsports.com

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I’m not going to lie.   At first I thought this was really Snooki.  That would have been the best video ever.  Either way Rockfest looks like fun safe family event.    Somebody remind me why I can’t do Blackout concerts anymore?

Boston.com – For the moment, Welker will receive a one-year, fully guaranteed $9.515 million for the 2012 season, though he and the team could still negotiate a different, longer-term deal. Signing the deal represents quite a change for Welker, who last month on NFL Network said he was “in no rush” to sign his tender, and two weeks ago said on ESPNBoston radio that he was leaning toward not taking part in the team’s June mini-camp. Now, he can take part in OTAs, which begin next Monday, as well as the mini-camp. But Welker showed that he had softened from his harder stance during a WEEI interview yesterday, saying he had “$9.5 million reasons” not to miss any regular-season games. By signing now, not will he not miss a regular-season game, Welker won’t even miss any shorts-and-t-shirts throwing camps. By league rule, the two sides have until July 15 to work out a contract; after that, Welker must play the coming season under the franchise tag contract.

Frigging Welker.  Just when you think he’s going to zig, he zags.  When you think he’s going zag, he goes all Crazy Ivan on your ass.  Here he had every chance to skip all those workouts.  All that sweating under the July sun.  He could’ve kept that Franchise Tender in his back pocket, driven to Foxboro an hour before the first game, signed the thing, suited up and still catch 9 passes for 120 yards.  And collected every penny of $9.5 mil.  But not him.  He’s going to be there at every practice like the consummate pro he is.  And in the process, he’s put an entire branch of the Boston sports media out of operation: The Panic Lobby.  Back when they slapped the Franchise Tag on him, I broke down the way the toner-stained wretches in the press handle these Patriots contracts.  And we were about due for the next phase:

Phase 6: Do the Spin. When said player skips minicamps and doesn’t report to training camp on time, make it out like he’s sticking it to the man. Mention how arrogant Belichick is to think he can win without players like this guy. Use the old stand-by “It’s not the Xs and Os, it’s the Johns and Joes.” Basically act like you’re on the guy’s agent’s payroll and print whatever he tells you to.

But Welker’s taken that club right out their bag.  Because there’s work to do, mistakes to atone for and Super Bowls to be won.  So much for the long, ugly summer of contract squabbling.  Wes Welker’s got $9.5 million reasons.  And a holdout ain’t one.  Coach stays!

PS.  I’m glad he said he loves the game and loves his teammates and I’ll just assume he would’ve added “& Jerry too” if he could have. The 140 limit thing can be a bitch. @JerryThornton1

(ABC) – Irreconcilable differences may explain why a separated Long Island couple are pitted against each other in a state assembly race. Democrat Michelle Schimel, who currently represents the 16th Assembly district and is running for her fourth term, will face her estranged husband Mark Schimel — once her suitor, but now her opponent — in the upcoming race this fall. Married for 32 years, the Schimels have two children, but separated a year ago. They have yet to formally divorce.

Hell yes Mark Schimel! Do your thing, my man. Everybody wants to win the break-up. No matter how many times people say “we’re still going to be friends” or “I really hope the best for them,” you know every goddamn person on this planet wants to win their break-up. Most of us are left with cheap little things like getting back in shape, using some Crest White Strips, and banging a hotter girl. Left to sit home and update Facebook statuses on Saturday night with shit like “partying it up!!!!” when we’re actually sitting at home, alone. But not Mark Schimel! Dude can hit his wife right where it hurts, in her assembly seat. He’s gonna put on the smear campaign to end all smear campaigns. Fuck stuff like “you flip-flopped on this issue” or “you smoked weed once in college.” Mark has to drop the heavy hammer. We’re talking shit like “you’re a premature ejaculator and you cry after you orgasm and have deep-seated mommy issues.” You guys thought Swift Boat was bad? Wait until you hear the shit that comes out of a spurned ex-lover’s mouth who knows all about you Google search history.