Top 10 Biggest Regrets Of My Life: Not Being Able To Shred The Gnar On These Slurpee Waves In Nantucket
FUCK ME. I can’t believe I missed this slurpee Surf in Nantucket. Imagine getting pitted in that tunnel? Look at it! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, man! Ugh. I’m so fucking sad. For a guy who lives to get radical this is a day killer.
Hey Ocean you want no part of this son!
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At first glance, great idea. Your phone always dies and you scramble for a way to charge it, right? That couldn’t possibly be bad. Wrong. Because where does your phone almost exclusively die? At the bar. When you’re out. If it dies at home or at a friend’s apartment, you simply grab a charge. When you’re out, that’s when you’re really up shit’s creek. So what are you going to do, sneak into the bathroom and beat-off? Stand at the bar and vigorously shake your fist at the bartender? Hit the dance floor and exclusively bust out an “I’m pretending to masturbate” move? No, because all those things mean you’re a psychopath. So having this watch is like having a super power that you’re not allowed to use. “Shit my phone’s at 5% so I’m not going to be able to drunk text or tweet tonight. Well I guess I could go tug my dick in that bathroom stall where the fat guy just puked…” It almost makes it worse, having that ability in the palm of your hand but nowhere to use it.
I hate myself for still blogging this controversy this morning, but I had to do it. It just never ceases to amaze me how stupid Middle America is. And make no mistake about it. If you think this dress is Blue Black than you are a middle America bible thumping hick. The dress is white gold. That’s a statement of fact no different than it will get dark tonight. There is no room for debate. No other side. How can I be so sure? Listen kids this is what I do. I interent all day long. I stand on the wall and I guard the bowels of the internet. I wait for Llamas, dresses, cakefarts, the fappening, Deflategate, brady’s kid’s dick and whatever else the internet may turn up so I can be the judge and jury on it. I’ve been doing it for over a decade now. It’s my job. I’m a professional. I decide who gets into Internet heaven. ME. So when I say the dress is white gold trust me it’s white gold.
But that’s not even the point of this blog. What is up with the blue black crowd who are posting pictures of blue black dresses (like above) and being like “I TOLD YOU SO!” What the fuck is that all about? Yeah the dress on the right is blue black. The dress on the left is Michele Phifer white gold. They are 2 different pictures. 2 different dresses. You are proving my point. I just don’t get how so many people can be this stupid. Hey newsflash if you take a white dress and put it behind a cup of cranberry juice it will look red. It’s all shadows and shading but it’s a white gold dress and Jesus can’t bail you out of this one.
People Who Think the Dress is White Gold
People Who Think the Dress Is Black/Blue
Are These Socks The Most Sure Fire Way To Make Slush Panties On Spring Break? Probably.
We’re almost sold out of all our St. Paddy’s day stuff so we need to place a new order. That’s why you got to order it now to make sure you get it in time. And we got our summer stuff back for Spring Break. If you’re too cheap to buy this just remember your money is my money.