Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

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LouisianaA 41-year-old teacher is behind bars after she allegedly confessed to having a sexual relationship with 16-year-old boy. According to the probable cause report submitted by the East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s Office, the student’s parents contacted deputies… “They discovered inappropriate text messages on their child’s cell phone,” the deputy noted in the probable cause report. “They cross referenced the number and discovered that it belonged to a teacher at his school. They questioned their child about the messages and he admitted that he was involved in an inappropriate relationship with the accused… He admitted that he had sexual intercourse with [his teacher] at [the] school…,” Deputies recovered nude photographs of the woman, Ashley Elizabeth Dowden, as well as sexually explicit text messages.

Remember how in “A Bronx Tale” Robert DeNiro keeps telling G how “the saddest thing in life is wasted talent”?  I happen to agree that’s true.  But the second closest thing to that is wasted heart.  Someone who really wants it bad, puts their whole soul and being into it, makes every effort, but fails because they don’t have the talent.  I’m talking about that kid who’ll stick in nose in to the play to try to tackle someone twice as big as him but just doesn’t have the size to get it done.  I’m talking about the aspiring actor who knocks on every door, goes to every audition and lives off Ramens hoping to make it, but will never make it.  Those thousands who try to get on “American Idol” but will never sing for an audience bigger than Saturday at the karaoke lounge at Cathay Center.  I’m talking about the dreamers like Ashley Elizabeth Dowden.  She has all the makings of a Sex Scandal Teacher great except where it really counts.  You can’t help but admire her hustle and root for her.  But like I always say, you can’t teach looks.

The Grades:
Looks:
Andy Dick. Grade: D
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment:
Sex in the school.  Sext messages.  Nude pictures all over the place.  Rudy, I wish I could put your heart into some of these other guys’ bodies.  Grade: A
Intangibles:
Not much to go on here.  Even her name sounds more like a mass murderer than a porn star.  But Baton Rouge is literally French for “big red pole.”  That’s all I got.  Grade: C-
Overall:
C- Sorry, Ashley Elizabeth.  But don’t give up. Don’t ever, ever give up.
[thanks to @OldMetJohn] Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Preferably with pictures? Help make the world safe for Teacher Sex Scandals by Tweeting me @jerrythornton1.

By Jerry Thornton posted August 29th, 2014 at 2:15 PM

Pro Tip: Do Not Fuck With An Old Man Armed With A Pool Cue, He Will End You

 

 

 

All in all, that’s a pretty good bar scrap. Few knockout blows, little melee, and then a pool cue being used as a weapon of mass destruction. The guy was lethal with that thing. I mean this cut right here?

 

 

 

That’s some Vlad Guerrero shit. Way out of the strike zone but he fucking knocked it out of the park.

 

 

And you know what the best part is? These are all jockeys (Landlord OWNS Grand National jockey in bar fight This is the moment brawling Grand National jockey Sean Quinlan gets a pounding from a have-a-go-hero pub landlord wielding a POOL CUE) It’s a massive jockey brawl! Thank god this guy was armed because if anyone knows anything about jockeys, they’re crazy people. Did you know that?

 

By feitelberg posted August 29th, 2014 at 1:40 PM

There’s No Better Way To Cruise Into Labor Day Weekend Than Chicks Taking Mirror Selfies

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When you’re just counting down the minutes until you can leave the office, might as well indulge in some smokes taking mirror selfies.

By elpresidente posted August 29th, 2014 at 1:39 PM

Bergeron’s NHL 15 Poem And Marchand’s NHL 15 Karaoke Song Are Fiiiiiirrrrrreeeeeee

 

 

 

 

What was that? I don’t know! I have no idea! But if I close my eyes I’m not sure if it’s Bergeron or Def Jam Slam Poetry up there. Can’t tell if it’s Nose Face Killah on stage or Bob Dylan. It’s all so deep, so emotional. The words speak to me in a way I didn’t know possible. So no, I don’t know what the fuck is going on in those commercials. No one does, but they’re provocative and got me going.

 

 

Rate who’s better, 1 for Bergy and 10 for Nose Face. I’m going 5 because they’re both flawless

 

1 Stars2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (257 votes, average: 5.12 out of 10)
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h/t @PeteBlackbrun

By feitelberg posted August 29th, 2014 at 1:05 PM

Here Is A Clip Of Nick Saban Getting Pancake Blocked In High School

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You want to know how crazy Alabama people are?  Well they have somehow managed to dig up footage of every single key play in Nick Saban’s 1968 High School career for people to watch.    Every single play.  Like Alabama barely has running water and electricity.   Yet somehow they were able to dig all this footage up?  Remarkable really.   I swear if you told Bama fans they had to make the Red Sea part like Moses to watch the Tide play football they’d somehow do it.  Sure they can’t do anything else, but when it comes to Alabama football nothing is impossible.

 

 

By elpresidente posted August 29th, 2014 at 12:31 PM

Everybody Is Freaking Out About Obama’s Tan Suit That He Wore To Talk About ISIS…And Then Desmond Howard Happened

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I think we can all agree I’m the fashion expert at Barstool Sports. That’s why I’m the guy with the big fat Miltons contract. So let me be the first to say I don’t know what the big hubbub is about here. It’s not Labor Day yet. You can still get away with a tan suit. Yeah I know he was talking about terrorists and shit, but fashion waits for no man. If I was President I’d have a new suit for every single press conference. Non stop suits. I’d light the fashion world on fire with them. Now having said that I don’t think this is the best suit of all time. Kind of drab and he didn’t really own it. If you’re gonna wear a light suit you got to let your nuts hang all over the place so people don’t question you. You got to own it. You got to let people know this is your house.

 

Take Notes Obama. If you entered the press conference in your tan suit like this ISIS would probably walk themselves into jail.

 

 

 

Update – Hey Desmond stop embarrassing Michigan. I just puked my intestines out.

 

BwNtR0BCIAAY5UT

 

 

 

Show em how to do it Liberace!  I mean Hank!

 

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By elpresidente posted August 29th, 2014 at 11:11 AM

Kendall Jenner is now going by just “Kendall”

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SOURCE – Looks like the reality-TV star & model, Kendall Jenner, no longer wants to be called by her famous last name! The 18-year-old stunner, who’s part of the Kardashian-Jenner clan is trying to distance herself from the family and instead make a name for herself. Kendall has been spotted in countless runway shows, print ads, and digital ads over the past year and continues to show her stripes in the modeling world. Only time will tell if like Madonna, ‘Kendall’ sticks, but we’re happy to see the rising star continue to make waves in the fashion industry without her famous family.

 

Quick, somebody check on Lo Duca! You don’t just drop the last name Jenner! Bruce Jenner was on a freaking Wheaties box, man! Kendall Jenner may not deserve to be associated with that legacy of greatness, but you sure as hell don’t disrespect it by burying it.

As for the whole “make a name for herself” bit, just shut the fuck up. You’ve been associated with the Kardashian/Jenner clan for years now. Everybody knows who you are and everybody knows why you’re famous. You’re not Nic Cage refusing to go by his real last name (Coppola) so he could create his own legacy, you just want to be one of the rare one-namers. It won’t work because you need something a little more unique in the fashion world (i.e.: Hansel, Gisele, Iman, Mugatu), but if you wanna go for it, that’s fine. The only thing I’m saying is don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining (jk Kendall can piss wherever she wants to on me).

By ericpops posted August 29th, 2014 at 10:36 AM

This Is the Most Aggressive Parental Bumper Sticker Ever

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How about the Parihar family?  Just letting their nuts hang like you read about.

By elpresidente posted August 29th, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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