Please see below the email that I received a few months back from some random guy in an insurance class I was taking for work. This guy was in his late thirties and fat, wearing a flannel shirt with pocketed vest, Wal-Mart jeans, and loafers with socks. I did not speak to him once during class; I just made a stupid comment on tort reform that got me into this mess.
After I circled this email around the office, one of my co-workers came up with a response (see attached). I didn’t rely in fear that this guy might be a serial killer.
Hello Elizabeth, I was pleased to make your acquaintance-if only very briefly-in the Insurance Library’s Introduction to Property and Liability Insurance class the other day and I had intended to speak with you at the end of the class, following your interesting comments on Tort Reform. Regrettably however, as I wished to jot down a few good words for Joe S about his (entertaining) class-when he asked us if we would provide some feedback on the class-I never got the chance to say what I would have said to you at that time, as you departed the classroom whilst I was still attending to Joe’s survey.
Accordingly, I thought for a moment about how I might be able to contact you at this late date, and it occurred to me that I believed I had noted your e-mail address in the “header” of the e-mail Sarah H sent us back on the 6th of April, 2012. I do hope that this e-mail address is the correct e-mail address to which to direct my few brief comments (below); if not, you have my apologies, but it is the only means of contacting you, which I could think of off hand.
So, to what I am e-mailing you about: I was impressed by the interest (and knowledge) you exhibited vis-à-vis your comments on Tort Law Reform, late in the day on the second day of class (yesterday, Thursday the 12th). I have not had occasion to run into very many young woman-since my days in law school-whom, possessed (both) your obvious brains (and beauty), as well as your good manners and even tempered demeanor. I tend to be highly selective about those individuals with whom I choose to associate, and while my friends would no doubt never consider me an elitist, or the like, I am admittedly very selective about the type of person I choose to associate with-based upon my own life experiences and for reasons which may become more apparent should you choose to get to know me better.
Now, you do not know me from a hole in the wall Elizabeth, but if you would consent to contact me, I would consider it a privilege to make your acquaintance once again over a spot of lunch, or the like, perhaps on Sunday this weekend, should you be favorably disposed to my comments and should your schedule permit your acceptance of my luncheon invitation. Candidly Elizabeth, I do not make a habit of randomly contacting women I happen to meet in every day life, but you seemed to be an unusually intelligent and generally decent person, whom I would consider myself very fortunate to be able to consider a friend in the future. Admittedly, I do not know if we even share any common interests or the like, or if you would even consider making my acquaintance once more, but I would be a fool not to at least share the foregoing thoughts with you and let the proverbial chips fall where they may.
I would be most pleased to tell you more about myself, if you would like, but I will not burden you with reading the story of my life at this time. Should you decide that you would be amenable to making another friendship, I would be pleased to chat with you at your convenience Elizabeth. You may contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or you may leave me a voice mail on my cell phone at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. My duties with the Coast Guard will have me otherwise occupied on Saturday, but I would be pleased to take time away from my yacht design work on Sunday to make your acquaintance over lunch, or the like, should you decide you are willing and able to make the time to do so.
First of all let’s slow down about how creepy this guy is simply because he is in his 30’s and fat. Some bro’s know how to own that look okay. 30 is the new 22. Balding is the new surfer hair. Fat is the new skinny. Big nose is the new button nose, but I digress. More importantly how scared would you be if you were Elizabeth? Because to be honest I’m a little scared just posting this email nevermind being the one who received it. I mean one second you’re talking tort reform and the next second you’re chopped up in some bro’s freezer. That’s just how it goes. Yacht design my ass. More like dingy to throw bodies overboard design. Anyway time to vote.
Vote 1 for anybody who uses vis a vis in an email when asking somebody out is certifiably insane and 10 for let a bro creep in peace