Reader Email – Why Are Chicks Born Unfunny?
Reader Email
Subject Line -Does This Beer Wall Get These Chicks Laid?
Hey guys,
During our first week back at UMass, my roommates and I drank obscene amounts of beer and assembled the legendary Beer Wall in our kitchen. Only a house full of 5 female second-semester seniors could make alcoholism look so tasteful. People who come over our house take pictures of it on a regular basis. It’s a big deal. Now I need your advice- is it worth finishing my last semester at UMass, or should I drop out now and start making a living spreading the joy of beer walls?
-Katie S
See this is my problem with chicks. They’re just not funny. I don’t know why? They just aren’t. Oh I’m sure I’m going to get a zillion emails now from Simmons feminsits blabbing about how I’m a bigot and another set of emails from chicks trying to prove how funny they are and get in my pants. But facts are facts. Chicks just aren’t born funny. Not sure why that is, but it’s the truth. Like I love ya Katie. Appreciate that you read the Stool. I really do. But you sent us this email twice like we missed it the first time or something. I don’t even get what I’m looking at here. A beer wall? Really? This is what you sent me? Honey this sucks. It’s not funny. It’s not impressive. It’s just blah. Like why you would ever send this to us boggles my mind. I guess it just exposes the common defect in chicks everywhere. They don’t get shit. Strange. Why is that? There has to be some sort of genetic explanation. Just has to be. Does anybody know? Seriously?
they could do a mean amount of bottle squats with all those
Hey they stacked beer boxes! That’s so funny!
real quick, this beer wall is a piece of shit… learn how to drink ya buncha cunts!
Where’s Waldo’s fupa? There it is! I Win!
If they’re being funny that means they’re talking. And we can’t fucking have that.
AKA standard decorating procedure for any freshman boy’s dorm I have ever been in?
Also, this bitch seems to think that she’s being original doing a beer wall. My older brother graduated in 2006, and HE had a beer wall.
Fuck, my dad had a beer wall, and if my grandfather wasn’t fighting a bunch of Krauts in Germany, he would have had a beer wall too.
Stick to making sandwiches and families, and get the fuck out of the beer wall game!
Read this, this guy’s a genius. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701
I bet theyre big Dane Cook fans..
it’s not even a real fucking beer wall, its just cardboard sides of boxes…! not even actual empty cases! they cant even do something unfunny correctly… I actually feel bad for them. I know I for one could never go through life like that
if they were hot i might like the beer wall
Or don’t read it. It basically says men have to be funny to help attract women. Women are already appealing, and need to just shut the fuck up.
WOAH WOAH WOAH
What is that chick doing out of the kitchen?
THEY BOUGHT THE BUD LIGHT PARTY PACK! WHAT A BUNCH OF LESBOS!
too much keystone
even before i read the email i knew a bunch it was made by a bunch of skirts, ive never seen such a collection of piss poor beers in my life
I drink that much beer here in a weekend at Umass. But now the girls need to go play arts and crafts and make walls out of my empty boxes. Just a waste of time.
Start drinking some decent fucking beer, skanks.
My beer wall would of consisted of 300 empty 30 packs of Busch Light for my senior year at UMass.
All those sluts must love to have runny shits.
Garbage beers.
If chicks aren’t funny (and I’m not really disagreeing)…then why do you have jenna and stoollala?
All those beers suck except PBR and bud heavy, even that sam 6 pack looks like it is that cranberry lambic shit
“People who come over our house take pictures of [our beer wall] on a regular basis. It’s a big deal.”
That’s because they’re all retards. Remember – You go to UMass.
Also, FYI, stick with vertical stripes. They have a thinning effect.
It would have been cool if they legit made walls from beer boxes that create seperate rooms, but it looks like they just cut out 1 side of the box and stuck them to an existing wall. Thats just dumb. And yes, u should drop out of school and cut out cardboard boxes and stick them to walls u retard.
Its a big deal.
I bet the pyramid of wounded soldiers they left behind would’ve been even more impressive.
I get what Quann is saying, you gotta have a theme. I mean, what is the underlying message? The emotion here? The moral theme? Nothing, just chicks throwing shit up on a wall and imitating true are, like a halloween costume made out of thirty boxes or 33 King Cobra bottles drank in two weeks lined up so the light hits them in that soft early spring light. This is just a mess.
Boo I say, Boo!
this is not funny or cool. you drank a ton of shitty beer in january. you are at a state school, my alma mater, this is not original. the subject line is so fucking lame too. and to answer your question - it will not get you laid. it will just make you fat. and you sent it twice? have some pride.
A wall of used tampax would be funny….this is just stupid.
i was a freshman in 2003 and had a beer wall. when i was a junior, my friends and i used to laugh at how fuckin stupid we were as freshmen for making beer walls. these bitches though they were on to something and THEY’RE FUCKIN SENIORS? for shame for shame.
p.s. Slampig- Where’s waldo’s fupa was hysterical
feitelbergsfag says:
February 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm
WOAH WOAH WOAH
What is that chick doing out of the kitchen?
shes waiting for a flood.
drinking that amount of Rolling Rock in your lifetime, let alone one month, should be illegal in the lower 48 states.
in college we had a condom door. A door full of condoms taped to it. if you were going to bang out a chick you had to pull one off the condom door and replace the condom with a sticky note that had the date and the chicks name. totally off the subject of this lame girls beer wall thats been out played since beer has been sold in cardboard boxes.
Hey Katie, how bout drinking something that doesn’t taste like piss. I guess guys and girls have different taste buds.
if prez didnt rip on these girls, every comment here would be about how these girls are awesome.
.they definitely used both sides of each box to make it look like they drank more. fags
Stick to the cooking, cleaning and sucking dick.
we did this in college except our’s was a border of 6 pack bottles around our entire suite and there wasn’t one double six pack. The key is variety.
it only took 5 second-semester seniors 4 years to drink enough to fill a small wall!
No, everyone would still rip them. These are the broads who because they drink beer and not mixed shit, they think they can challenge you to a drinking challenge
rabble rabble rabble rabble!
How funny can a person with a bleeding gash really be?
so pres are you’re saying is you will never again try to pretend that Jenna is funny? including that awful video that went viral.
Bud Light Lime? Come on, Katie S.
haters gonna hate, slaters gonna slate indeed. I love people posting “I’ve done a beer wall” but then saying these girls are lame.
the only thing lamer than this beer wall is the people commenting about the shitty beer…I like a good beer as much as the next guy but in college you better believe I was drinking 27 busch lights….I guarantee anyone that drank “good” beer in college probably didn’t have that much fun.
redhawk3 says:
February 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm
if prez didnt rip on these girls, every comment here would be about how these girls are awesome.
i bet this is one of the sensitive unfunny bitches that sent this in originally. either that or redhawks caught the ghey
Straight up lying bitch. The phrase “drank obscene amounts of beer” accompanied by a picture with not 1 natty light box means they tried to stay classy. Sorry girls, but obscene drinking and natty light are like these you 5 and the freshman 15
It would be impressive if it was a dip tin wall… that would be a big deal.
is that the rugby shirt i wore the first day of 8th grade in 1991?
“OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF BEER”
Are you guys criticizing the beer a college kid (broad or not) is drinking? weak.
i drink good beer now, for sure, but if you aren’t/weren’t drinking anything from the list below while in college, than you probably are a prick, your using daddy’s credit card, or both. Even the rich pricks at Bucknell and ivy leagues, who drive the most ridiculous cars for college kids, most of them drink piss beers. what do you expect from umass.
busch, busch light, icehouse, bud, bud lite, high life, miller lite, keystone, coors, milwaukees best, old milwaukee, ole mill lite, genny, genny lite, genny ice, natural light, PBR, iron city, IC lite
katie- i did that shit freshman year, 15 years ago….not funny (but probably gets you laid)
If I ever catch my kids drinking those beers, they’re out of the will, Sam Adams and Pabst excepted (the latter only because I like Tom Raper).
I assume that Katie’s parents just don’t love her.
keeping track of how much beer you drink is gay. basically if you don’t wake up with piss pants, you didn’t drink enough.
amen ifesucks4cubemonkeys
If the chicks are hot and I was looking to close one of them I would ooo and ahh my ass off but I wouldn’t feel good about it. We constructed a legitimate weight bearing dividing wall in the first week of freshman year for fucks sake.
“I guarantee anyone that drank “good” beer in college probably didn’t have that much fun.”
There’s good beer, there’s cheap beer, there’s bad beer, and then there’s Bud Light with Lime.
Katie, I’m here to correct your chicklike fuck up and make you a star.
Google “Gloryhole”
Your welcome
Uncle E
Jiri and CubeMonkey – since when did college girls have to buy their own beer? Losers.
What’s with everyone on here preaching about “good beer?” Anyone who cares how their beer tastes is an idiot. If you want to drink something that tastes good drink a fucking Pepsi. Otherwise the only reason to drink beer is so that you can be sorta drunk longer than with whiskey. “Good tasting” beer is just the one that tastes least like piss and anyone who pretends otherwise is a pretentious dick who should start drinking wine. Buy what’s cheapest.
Ignatz says: Jiri and CubeMonkey – since when did college girls have to buy their own beer?
I’m guessing you used to drive cases of beer over to the houses/apartments of all the girls you knew so they could pregame before hitting the bars?
f’ing moron.
first and only error was not standing in front of the wall in bikinis playing with each others nipples. If done correctly then this whole comment thing isn’t happening. Pic submission 101.
thegasman- cool story, except condoms are for pussies.
not sure what is worse the girls or the fact you posted this up.
white dude – big fan of the raw dog.
nice work.
agree wholeheartedly, pres. i almost feel bad for them sometimes.
Dear Katie S,
You a stinking drunken whore. You are proud of how much you drank, that’s what classless porn chicks say. I feel bad for the guy that ends up with your sloppy nasty ass.
I knew this artsy chick who thought it would be a good idea for us to make a chandelier with all our empty Rolling Rock bottles. Yeah we stacked em high, prolly 8 feet in at least 2 columns, but same idea as here. Shut up honey, you don’t know anything about booze and humor.
Condoms are like rattlesnakes,
I dont fuck with either of them.
Does the beer wall get them laid? No. But give me a 6-pack and I’ll do Miss Stripes.
carlsweetchuck go suck a dick dude every single person at umass drinks busch light. best shit going. and the fact that your shittin on some college kids beers go fuck yourself cause your an old grimy prick. Beer walls are for pussies tho
Women think they’re funny, because some drunk horny dude will laugh at their idiotic jokes in order to get them to suck his dick.
It’s like to half hot fuckable girls you see on American Idol open auditions who think they sing well, when the judges tell they suck, they say “well people say I sing good”…. yeah honey the only people who say that are guys who want to blast a load inside you.
EP you should have just saved your time and had me make a post. Obviously ive been aware of this non-funny girl phenomenon for awhile
Plus, the “does this get me laid” only works for dudes. Girls don’t have to “get laid” they are the ones who determine it…guys have to “get laid” because if we could have sex at any given point in time like girls can, believe me we would. I can’t just go throw my dick all up in some chicks face at the bar and get laid…but chicks can go throw their pussies anywhere and there will always be a guy who will do it.
That girl in the background looks like a cum dumpster.
when I was a freshman I would save 1 bottle of every type of beer or hard liguor we drank and just have them on shelves and shit around the dorm…at the end of the semester we threw them all out in the bathroom garbage cans and our little 90 pound mexican cleaning lady had to drag them out…halfway down the hall the bag ripped and hundreds of bottles shot out…best job she ever had
safety school
ew who is that smashed bag of assholes in the background? katie is that you? my grandma called and wants her fupa back…and her pants…and her shoes…
omg so OBSCENE fucking girls
Girls in Wisconsin drink that in one sitting. Step your shit up ladies.
gotta be fat chicks…has to be.
wall of shwag beer that’s wicked pissa
Can’t stand girls like that. Those desperate girls who try really really hard to be “like the guys”.
such standard shit. getting rid of cardboard is a bitch
Fuck these whores.
They need to nail a bunch of empty birth-control pill cases to the wall with bloody wire coat hangers.
That’s fucking comedy ladies.
Based off that stupid bitch in the background i think its fair to say that Katie S is most likely a fat ugly trash bag cunt who i wouldn’t fuck with Portnoy’s circumsized baby dick. Wow i amaze myself sum times.
bitches be crazy and dumb. they threw a weak sauce party this weekend. I have yo missing signs biznatches. boom goes the dynamite.
easy there your cutting deap when someone asks u to cretic there work you dont pull out there gizzards and hold them in there face
Cretic their* work? Glizzards? What the fuck does that mean you wannabe artistic faggot.