I'm wearing jeans 3 sizes too small because the light in my closet broke and I can't find shit now. #mogulproblems
It's Official. The Rangers Stink http://t.co/h68ZTvg54V
It's creepy quiet watching this game. They should play the organ the entire time or something
Introducing Mary from UNH. Umm curves city. And guess what? We just announced our annual summer Foam Blowout. July 20th Saturday Night in Atlantic City. Make a weekend of it. All smokes get in free. Tickets on sale Friday.
Do you know any smokes? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
Patriots.com – The New England Patriots announced today that Tedy Bruschi has been voted by fans as the 19th player and 21st member to enter the Patriots Hall of Fame… It has been a busy month for Bruschi, who, just two weeks ago (May 7), was named to the College Football Hall of Fame… Bruschi joins Drew Bledsoe (2011) and Troy Brown (2012) as the only players to be selected by the fans into the Patriots Hall of Fame in their first year of eligibility.
This had to be the easiest vote in the history of democracy. With all due respect to the other nominees (Leon Gray and Chuck Fairbanks), this election was like choosing a president when your choices are Lincoln, Nixon or Skroob. Next to Brown and Tom Brady, no one personified the rise of the Patriots dynasty like Tedy did. Like them he was underrated, underdrafted, then overachieved. If someone ever figured out how to weaponize heart and desire, Tedy Bruschi would be the most dangerous man on the planet.
His career stats are good enough, but they don’t do him justice. Bruschi’s story is best told in the multitude of game- and season-changing moments. Tedy was the difference in more games than an NBA ref on the take. And they’re too many to list here. But some of my favorites:
*As a rookie, he was a special teamer and sub-package outside linebacker with 11 tackles on the season. But the first hint he’d be something special came in the Super Bowl vs Green Bay he sacked the loathesome BrettFavre twice.
*By halfway through his third season (1998) he was the starting OLB. By 2002, he was being voted team captain. By 2003, he was moved to inside linebacker. During their championships run of 2001-04, he led the team in tackles.
*Over a two year span he returned four consecutive interceptions for touchdowns (the only NFL player ever to do so), forced two fumbles for touchdowns, and tipped a pass that was intercepted for a touchdown.
*One of his touchdown returns came vs Miami in a blizzard when he knee-walked into the end zone and the crowd spontaneously invented Snow Fireworks.
*He was the undisputed leader of some of the best defensive units the Pats ever had, including the ’03 team that went four consecutive home games (and damn near a fifth) without giving up a TD.
*From 2003-04 he won Defensive Player of the Week five times, including the playoff game when they beat the Colts 20-3. In that one, Tedy forced a fumble and recovered two.
*The highlight of that game defines Bruschi’s career. It’s the play when Domenic Rhodes caught a pass and while bringing him down, Tedy got his arms around the ball and ripped it away from Rhodes. Just and act of pure will.
*In the Super Bowl against the Eagles, with the Pats clinging to a 10-point lead and Philly driving, Bruschi intercepted Donovan McNabb at the Pats 24.
*It was he who gave the Gatorade shower to the two coach Belichicks.
*In 2005 he came back from his stroke in a primetime game against Buffalo. He had 10 tackles and DPOTW honors. I happened to be at that game. If you were there too and didn’t walk around looking like you’d been pepper sprayed, you need a heart transplant.
*I wish like hell I could remember who he did this to (Google search didn’t help), but there was that one play where they were playing some team that had been hyped as the Next Big Thing, so just out of genuine spite, Tedy held up a ball carrier… held him up instead of dragging him to the ground… so Rodney Harrison could come flying in and exact punishment.
*As a testament to his toughness, late in his career he went down in a pile with his knee bent under him like a fully poseable action figure. It looked like he’d never play again. But he hopped up, shook it off and didn’t miss a play.
*In the preseason of ’09, he was covering someone on a pass (again, I forget who) and he looked like he was running in a swamp. Just horribly slow. He saw the same thing we saw and immediately retired with his dignity intact (looking at you, BrettFavre). And after he left, the 2009 team had a notoriously bad leadership vacuum.
And finally, the greatest moment of all:
*When Tedy announced his retirement, Belichick called him “The perfect player. The perfect player.”
When the nominees were announced a few weeks ago I did a radio where they asked me who should get in. I said if Tedy Bruschi isn’t in the Hall of Fame, then being in the Hall of Fame means nothing. Today it means everything. @JerryThornton1
UPDATE: I found the droid I was looking for. Edgerrin James. 6:00 mark. #PatriotsPriapism. (Thanks to @jmandarini911)
EL PRES FOR EL MAYOR BUMPER STICKERS HAVE ARRIVED (takes 7-10 days to arrive)
The bumper stickers have arrived. They are 10 bucks. They cost that much because it’s like a donation to the campaign. People say it will take 1 million dollars to win this thing. We’ve raised 17K so far. We will be spending money on an campaign office, staff, and creating general chaos in this election.
(HuffPo) — The Disney Channel has pulled an episode of “Jessie” from their regular programming in response to backlash from parents. The complaints about the show were formalized in a petition, claiming that storyline was insensitive towards children with food allergies. In the episode, a young character named Stuart, who is sensitive to gluten, is made out to be annoying and high-maintenance. For example, when another character throws pancakes in his face, the in-studio audience laughs at him along with everyone else in the scene. (You can see the offending clips captured by blogger Gluten Dude in the video above.) When mom Amy Raslevich saw the episode with her two children who both have Celiac disease, she was appalled and her kids were very upset. “There were tears in my daughter’s eyes, and my son’s fist was clenched,” she told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Raslevich started a petition on Change.org on Thursday in an attempt to convince Disney to pull the episode titled “Quitting Cold Koala.” She explained how her kids are often ostracized because of their condition that limits their diets and how Disney poorly portrayed the issue.
Just when you thought people with “gluten allergies” couldn’t get more annoying, they start petitioning on change.org because a fucking Disney show made them out to not be the rulers of the universe. Nowadays the PC Police rule like it’s Martial Law. Anything that offends one single person of any creed or color gets blasted. But at least those things, the creeds and colors, are real. Gluten allergies aren’t even fucking real. And you need not look any further than me to know that. Three years ago my doctor told me I suffered from this debilitating disease. My heart sank, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I didn’t if I’d live until my next birthday. But look at me now. I’m a survivor! And not once have I turned down a single meal with gluten in it. Heck I haven’t even taken the time to find out what gluten is. But here I am, healthy as a horse.* So, gluten people, please shut up about being “sick” and “ostracized.” You’re ostracized like goths are ostracized: totally by your own choices and actions.
* by “healthy as a horse” I mean I haven’t been back to the doctor since the day he told me I had to change my diet. So there’s a very real chance I’m about to die any minute from gluten poisoning. But at least at my funeral no one will say they hated going out to dinner with me because I was such a whiny prick about the menu.
(THG) — File this under Lance Armstrong image-tarnishing news you didn’t see coming. Comedienne April Macie said, on Howard Stern’s radio show Monday, that the disgraced cyclist once asked her to perform a lewd sex act on him. What was said act, you ask? You’re not going to believe the details.
Macie, a frequent guest on the Howard Stern Show, claims that Lance Armstrong once asked her to lick his butt in a hotel bathroom. Seriously. She and a friend allegedly enjoyed a night out in L.A. with Lance “5-6 years ago,” and eventually returned to his hotel room … where $h!t got weird.
“I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and she was just face deep in his asshole. I was terrified,” she said. “Then he said [to her]: ‘Does your friend want in on a round too?’”
“I was like: ‘Of taint tickling? I’m gonna take a pass’ … I think it’s hilarious that he would ask without even knowing my first name … to eat his asshole. Like: ‘Do you want in on a round too? Of asshole eating? I got pretty for the evening. I didn’t know he was going to ask me to eat his asshole later on.””
Macie’s hotel bathroom horror story is just the latest in a series of public humiliations for Lance Armstrong, who is now facing a number of lawsuits.
I love how Hollywood Gossip ends the story by saying this is the latest in a series of public humiliations for Lance. Why? This is probably the least embarrassing thing that’s come out about him since he lost a testicle. Actually a really boss move on his part. Could have freaked out and pulled his pants up like his mom was walking through the door but he just nonchalantly turns and asks if she wants a hit. Practically handed her the jelly and syrup. Always so cool under pressure.
I’m actually most surprised that it didn’t work out in his favor. I heard this story before I saw a pic of April Macie. If that chick walks in a room the first question I’m asking is “Do you want a round of eating my ass?” Some girls have that look to them and April has it in spades. Not sure what it is, she just passes the eye test as an ass eater.
@kdtrey5 steps forward and gives $1mil matching gift to the ARC for disaster relief, text “REDCROSS” to 90999 for a $10 donation.
— Red Cross Oklahoma (@redcrossokc) May 21, 2013
Yahoo – It’s also well-worth mentioning that Kevin Durant did not announce this donation. Rather, the Red Cross was the first to point out Durant’s contribution (which was made through his personal charity arm, The Durant Family Foundation), with Kevin letting his donation do the talking.
Does anyone in the world dislike Kevin Durant? Is it possible? As polarizing as people at the top of their respective sports typically are, someone find me one person who genuinely dislikes Kevin Durant. I don’t think you can. And it’s not even about him donating a shitload of money. That’s great, but it’s not that at all. It’s that he didn’t tell anybody. The Red Cross announced it but KD silently wrote his check to support his new home state and then went about his business. It’s amazing. We live in a world where every 20-something year old loves to pump themselves up on the internet. Loves to take to Twitter or Facebook and mention they’re at some ritzy restaurant or the hot club just hoping someone thinks they’re important. And here we have a 24 year old who didn’t say a peep after giving 6 figures away. When you juxtapose it with someone like Lebron who would only give money away if he was promised a parade and an ESPN hour long special, it’s really refreshing.
Although I will add this because I’m sure there will be conspiracy theorists that say KD had someone leak it and because it makes me laugh.
Source – An Episcopal priest has been yanked from post after being accused of directly plagiarizing sermons he gave and even published in his own name since 2006. Rev. John McGinn, 65, led the congregation of St. John’s Episcopal in the Cape Cod town of Sandwich, Massachusetts since 1993. That is, until recently when he was put on administrative leave for allegedly stealing sermons. They came, nearly verbatim, from a book called ‘Dynamic Preaching’ that is only available via an online subscription service at Sermons.com. The 300 or so families who normally attend McGinn’s sermons in the little wood-shingled village church received a letter May 9 from the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts explaining what exactly had become of their spiritual guide. ‘This is a serious breach of the pastoral relationship between John and each of you,’ wrote Bishop M. Thomas Shaw. ‘I am sorry that this matter has caused pain and will likely cause further pain in the parish.’
This just goes to show you that anytime there’s a shortcut available, people are gonna use it. Whether it’s some college kid buying an essay online, some website ripping ideas from another/this website, or some priest pilfering his sermons from Sermons.com, people be cheating. And I’d say that the punishment for this priest is gonna be severe, what with him breaking a commandment right in god’s eyeball and all, but judging by Church scandals of the past, I’m sure he’ll be back plagiarizing in no time. When you let your employees get away with little boy rape for so long, it can’t be expected that you’re gonna bring the hammer down on some dude for copying and pasting.