Barstool Sports

‘Tis no man. ‘Tis a remorseless eatin‘ machine. Ok here is the thing I don’t get about this whole dispute.  If the guy has an unpaid running tab why not just make him pay first? Like that waitress thought she was so cute when she dropped that bomb on his head.   “Why don’t you tell him about your unpaid running tab Bill.  What do you have to say about that…” Well than make him fucking pay!  If he can’t pay than he can’t eat.  Boom problem solved.   But if he does pay than he gets to eat as much as he wants.   Because as the Simpsons already proved if a restaurant says it’s all you can eat, then you better be prepared for the fattest of the fat.   You can’t pick and choose your battles.   Some people will come in and only eat 1 piece of fish.  Others will come in and eat till the ocean runs dry.  That’s the beauty, pageantry and drama of the all you can eat buffett.    Everytime you serve it you’re rolling the dice.

PS – Yes I kind of want to taste this deep dish pizza this guy is raving about.

See this is the type of chick I can watch sports with.  Ladies take notes from this girl.    Don’t try to be an expert.  Don’t argue.  If I cheer you cheer.  If I say it was fucking travel you say it’s a fucking travel.   If I get upset you get upset.  If I’m happy you get happy.   Seriously if kids are this cute all the time I may have to look into buying one.

Winginitinmotown – We had the chance to talk to the head of social media for the Red Wings, Jake Duhaime, about what the team is doing with social media this offseason and in the future. Here is the Q&A. Our

Are the players are aware of the blogs and their presence, and do they care?

I don’t know much about our players and their browsing interest, but I know there are a number of NHL players who read Barstool Sports on a regular basis. The site was actually created by a University of Michigan graduate and serves as a unique mix of content, mixed with sponsorship and attitude, which serves as a model (in some capacity) to what we do on DRW Social.

From what I have heard, the site receives some 60 million page views per month, but what may be more impressive is to see players like Ryan Whitney, James van Riemsdyk and Logan Couture chirping with the site’s staff via Twitter on a regular basis. You also see the importance of getting merchandise in the hands of the right people, as evidenced by Brad ‘Nose Faced Killah‘ Marchand wearing one of their tees during an NBC interview with Pierre McGuire during last year’s Stanley Cup Final.

Somewhere Scottie Bowman is smiling.  I mean when is the last time the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup?   Back when I was in college?    So how do you get back to basics?    Simple.  You model your entire franchise on Barstool Sports.  Dynasty restored.    But it’s not enough.   My job isn’t done.   Because I’m not satisfied with just saving the Red Wings.  Oh no.  Too many NHL guys from all over the league read the Stool.  Too many livelihoods at stake.   I need to save the entire sport.   Make it appeal to the more casual fan like myself.    So here is what I would do I were Gary Bettman.  Here is how I would save hockey…

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1. Make it 3 on 3

Just too many guys on the ice.  Way too hard to get shots on goal.   If I wanted to watch 0-0 sporting events where nothing happens I’d watch soccer.

2. Make the Nets Twice As Big

I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet.  The goalies are so big nowadays and their pads are so freaking huge that it’s almost impossible to score.   Listen goals put asses in the seats.   It’s that simple.   More scoring.  Higher ratings.  More pussy.

3. Bring Back Cooperalls

No idea what happened to these things.  Cooperalls were the tits.

4. No Offsides

Again not to keep comparing hockey to soccer, but these two sports have the most ridiculous offisides rules.   If a guy wants to cherry pick let his ass cherry pick.   Just send back a defenseman back there to cover him.   Simple.

5. Get rid of every warm weather franchise.

La vs. Phoenix?    Really?   Hey newsflash nobody gives a fuck about those teams.  Hockey belongs in cold weather cities and cold weather cities only.   Give Canada more teams.  Get the Nordiques back.   Get rid of any franchise where you can wear shorts to 90% of the games.   That shit ain’t right.

Boom done.   There you have it.  I just saved the Red Wings social media program and the entire NHL.    All you pucksluts and puckheads can thank me later.  The Stool is the official blog of the NHL for a reason.

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FORT WORTH, Texas — Paramedics at Fort Worth’s ambulance service Medstar are raising questions about a boxy vehicle driving on city streets with the word “ambulance” on the front and red and blue lights on top — but isn’t a real ambulance. “Just like anybody when they see it for the first time, it looks like a legitimate ambulance,” said Medstar spokesman Matt Zavadsky. A closer look reveals the sign on the door actually says “Slambulance” — not ambulance. On the back, it says “DFW Cougar and Kitten Rescue.” Inside, through dark windows, you can see leather furniture and a metal pole — not like you’d find in any real ambulance.

I love how this ambulance spokesman is telling us that in a real ambulance you won’t find a stripper pole in the middle of it. Gee thanks bro. I wasn’t 100% sure the Slambulance wasn’t a real ambulance till you pointed that out. Cleared that right up though. Seriously this guy needs to chill out. Like if anything he should be happy the Slambulance is roving the streets of Texas. That way if anybody ever calls to complain about anything he did he can just be like “no that wasn’t us…you must be talking about the Slambulance. No problem anybody can make that mistake” Plus it’s not like the Slambulance is putting people in danger. Worst case scenario is somebody who happens to need an ambulance sees it and thinks they got ignored. Big fucking whoop.   Haters gonna hate…the Slambulance gonna Slate.

Saw “Battleship” last night. First of all, it’s better than “The Avengers.” Second of all, Brooklyn is so hot in it that it’s offensive. Third of all, you’re lucky I made a gallery of her instead of Tim Riggins. It was 50/50.

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(237 votes, average: 9.19 out of 10)

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Vs.

What can I say? Some 3 time MVP’s want the ball.  Some don’t.   It’s that simple….

I have a question. What does being an MVP mean to you? To me MVP’s are guys who want the ball with the game on the line. Guys who want the last shot. Guys who rise to the moment. Guys who are at their best when their teams need it the most. Guys like Jordan, Bird, Magic etc. All guys with as many MVPS as they got titles. And then there is the almighty Lebron James. A guy who has been told since the 6th grade that he is better than everybody else without ever having to prove it. A guy who has been handed everything on a silver platter. A guy who time and time again not only fails to rise to the occasion, but is too scared to even enter the arena. A coward in the truest sense of the word. I mean could you ever picture a true MVP doing what Bron Bron did down the stretch tonight? Just in case you missed it these were the last four Miami possessions in order

4th to last possession – He got his shot blocked to the rafters.

3rd to last possession – He missed 2 free throws that would have given his team the lead.

2nd to last possession – Played hot potato with Shane Battier until finally he was like “Hey Dwayne you take this…I want no part of this shit yo” .

Final Possession – Sat in the corner praying the ball wouldn’t get passed to him. I believe Marv Albert said they used him as a decoy at the end. The old 3 time MVP decoy play.

In other words it was vintage Lebron James. Just Bron Bron doing the damn thing the way only he can. The only question left is whether it is too late for Lebron to trade himself to OKC or something now that the Bostrich is hurt.