Tour Dates

  • District N9NE
    Philadelphia, PA

    April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Irving Plaza
    New York City, NY

    April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Toad's Place
    New Haven, CT

    January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Lupo's
    Providence, RI

    January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Webster Theater
    Hartford, CT

    February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Palladium
    Worcester, MA

    February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Sherman Theater
    East Stroudsburg, PA

    March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Union Bar
    Iowa City, IA

    March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
  • The Boulder Theater
    Boulder, CO

    March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Fillmore
    Charlotte, NC

    April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
  • House Of Blues
    Myrtle Beach, SC

    April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM

Around Barstool

Does This Look Like the Face of A Dude Who Got Mugged And Woke Up A Genius?

NYPOST - When Jason Padgett pours cream into his morning coffee, this is what he sees: “I watch the cream stirred into the brew. The perfect spiral is an important shape to me. It’s a fractal. Suddenly, it’s not just my morning cup of joe, it’s geometry speaking to me.”Padgett’s world is bursting with mathematical [...]

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NYPOST - When Jason Padgett pours cream into his morning coffee, this is what he sees: “I watch the cream stirred into the brew. The perfect spiral is an important shape to me. It’s a fractal. Suddenly, it’s not just my morning cup of joe, it’s geometry speaking to me.”Padgett’s world is bursting with mathematical patterns. He is one of a few people in the world who can draw approximations of fractals, the repeating geometric patterns that are building blocks of everything in the known universe, by hand. Flash back 12 years: Padgett had dropped out of Tacoma (Wash.) Community College, and was a self-described “goof” with zero interest in academics, let alone math. The only time he dealt in numbers was to track the hours until his shift ended at his father’s furniture store, tally up his bar tab, or count bicep curls at the gym. Party time came to end the night of Friday, Sept. 13, 2002, at a karaoke bar near his home. There, two men attacked him from behind, punching him in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious.He was rushed to the hospital, where a CT scan revealed a bruised kidney. He was released that same night. The next morning, while running the water in the bathroom, he noticed “lines emanating out perpendicularly from the flow. At first, I was startled, and worried for myself, but it was so beautiful that I just stood in my slippers and stared.” Padgett is one of only 40 people in the world with “acquired ¬savant syndrome,” a condition in which prodigious talents in math, art or music emerge in previously normal individuals following a brain injury or disease.

First things first. I don’t believe this guys story for a second. You don’t just get mugged and then become brilliant. Shit like that doesn’t happen in real life. Yeah it happened to Costanza when he didn’t have sex on Seinfeld and it happened to Homer when they took the crayon out of his brain on the Simpsons. But it doesn’t happen with real human beings. This is some flat out Jmac shit.

Anyway none of that is really here nor there. Am I supposed to be impressed he can draw fractals by hand? Talk about the most useless skill in the world huh? Like big whoop dude. Can you write a funny blog? No. Can you draw a pirate dog? No. So take that fractal shit and get out of my face then. And what does being the building blocks of everything in the known universe even mean? You’re telling me fractals are responsible for pizza and popcorn? NO CHANCE. Nothing is that magical. Not even fractals. Nice try fractal dude.

By elpresidente posted April 22nd, 2014 at 1:53 PM

Quick Update on Dillie The Deer Who Thinks He’s A Dog

    I first blogged about Dillie back in 2010.    4 years later it looks like Dillie’s mom has cancer and she thinks that’s why Dillie was sent to them.    All I know is I got teary eyed watching this and I don’t even know why.  I’m not sure I could love Dillie [...]

 

 

I first blogged about Dillie back in 2010.    4 years later it looks like Dillie’s mom has cancer and she thinks that’s why Dillie was sent to them.    All I know is I got teary eyed watching this and I don’t even know why.  I’m not sure I could love Dillie any harder than I do.   Cutest most loyal deer dog of all time.

By elpresidente posted April 22nd, 2014 at 1:08 PM

Does It Weird You Out That The Bruins Playoff Commercial Is Narrated By The Yellow King?

Because it totally ruins the commercial for me.

 

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(Source) Ad company Arnold Worldwide has put together a couple of TV spots for the Boston Bruins, one of them narrated by Glenn Fleshler aka Errol aka The Yellow King. Time is a flat circle indeed.

 

 

Because it totally ruins the commercial for me. When I first saw this commercial I loved it (if a little Kipling doesn’t get you geared up for playoff hockey there’s something wrong with you), but now that I know Errol Childress is the voice over I don’t even see the Bruins clips anymore. My mind is overwhelmed with images of some fat freak who makes flowers on his sister and murders hookers and children. Can’t focus on playoff intensity with those thoughts running through your head. Sorry, Glenn Fleshler, but you’ve been typecast. You’re a freak now. Stay out of normal shit because you just ruin it for everyone. Sucks for you that 20 minutes of on screen time in a miniseries turned you into a murderous pedophile for life, but it did. Doesn’t even matter that I can’t even tell it’s you by your voice because you used 100 of them in True Detective, once I know then I know. Can’t unring a bell, especially when that bell conjures up vivid imagery of ritual rapes and murders.

By feitelberg posted April 22nd, 2014 at 11:45 AM

Adam Schefter’s Marathon Story Is The Most Amazing Hardo Marathon Story I’ve Ever Heard In My Life

  AMAZING. I literally sat here with my mouth agape listening to Schefty tell this story.   Not because I was impressed, but because I’ve never heard anybody so  full of themselves in my life.  This is EVERYTHING I’ve been saying about marathon people for the past decade.  Like you know that part about him rolling [...]

 

AMAZING. I literally sat here with my mouth agape listening to Schefty tell this story.   Not because I was impressed, but because I’ve never heard anybody so  full of themselves in my life.  This is EVERYTHING I’ve been saying about marathon people for the past decade.  Like you know that part about him rolling around on the airplane?  I’m sure that is no exaggeration.  I guarantee he was really writhing around on the floor wearing his marathon jacket and his medal screaming “look at me” to the rest of the plane.. He definitely had an ambulance waiting for him on the tarmac.   Adam Schefter is “That Marathon Guy” times a billion. Not enough to just run the race for yourself. He’s got to let the world know about how hard it was, how awesome he is and how his experience was the hardest of anybody who has ever run it before. Fucking Schefty’s marathon story FTW!

 

PS – I wonder if Pat Bowlen had to go on welfare after donating 1,000 bucks to cancer research?

By elpresidente posted April 22nd, 2014 at 11:05 AM

Gisele Being All Sexy Singing Heart of Glass

    You know what?  The headline of this blog actually should have read “Gisele trying to be sexy singing Heart of Glass”   That’s right.  I said it.  I can’t keep quiet anymore.  I can’t stifle my feelings.   I don’t think Gisele is that hot in terms of supermodel hotness.  If I get [...]

 

 

You know what?  The headline of this blog actually should have read “Gisele trying to be sexy singing Heart of Glass”   That’s right.  I said it.  I can’t keep quiet anymore.  I can’t stifle my feelings.   I don’t think Gisele is that hot in terms of supermodel hotness.  If I get struck by a bolt of lightning so be it, but I  just can’t remain silent anymore.  Tom Brady is hotter than she is.   Tom Brady deserves better.   Like I’m sure she’s a very nice ladyl.  I’m sure she’s a great mom.  But when you’re Tom Brady and you could literally have any woman you want you need to do better.  Like he could be balls deep in Nina Agdal or Bar Refaeli or any Victoria Secret model he wants right now.  How does he live with himself?  How does he tell his dick it’s okay? I mean being in love and married can’t be that fucking good can it?

 

FML!  I TAKE IT BACK TOM!!!!! I”M SORRYYYYY!

By elpresidente posted April 22nd, 2014 at 10:35 AM

Chart Showing What Athlete Your State Is Obsessed With Is Pretty Interesting

Some make sense, some are weird.

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As you can see, this is a chart of what athlete your state gooogles the most. Or, what athelte they’re most obsessed with. Few of these make perfect sense while others are head scratchers. Let’s take a look…

 

The Obvious

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Most of New England is obsessed with Tom Brady. Duh. Yesterday someone sent us a pic of Brady at the marathon in a bacon collar shirt and I immediately stretched out mine too look more like him. Yeah, guess we’re a bit obsessed.

 

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The Weird

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Tiger for Vermont? Are they wondering what a black person looks like? Had no idea Vermont was the hotbed of golf fanatics in America. Weird.

 

 

The Sad State of New York Sports

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There are like 1000 sports teams inside your borders and you guys are most concerned with the guy playing basketball in Florida? Sad.

 

The “If He’s Not One Of Our Own We’re Really Not All That Concerned With Pro Sports”

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Hey Hawaii and West Virginia, I’ll save you the Google: Geno Smith and Manti Teo are sucking. That’s what they’ll be doing for the foreseeable future. Get back to surfing or fucking your cousin and quit wasting your time on the computer.

 

 

The “States I Had To Google”

Screen Shot 2014-04-22 at 8.39.37 AM

 

Jk, but only like half jk.

By feitelberg posted April 22nd, 2014 at 10:05 AM

Hardo Cop In Hot Water For Tripping High School Students As They Rush the Field After State Title Soccer Game

    Statesman - The Georgetown Police Department has placed Officer George Bermudez on paid administrative leave after video surfaced this weekend showing him tripping and pushing students who were rushing onto a field after a soccer game. Bermudez’s actions were not appropriate measures for a crowd control situation, said agency spokesman Roland Waits. He [...]

 

 

Statesman - The Georgetown Police Department has placed Officer George Bermudez on paid administrative leave after video surfaced this weekend showing him tripping and pushing students who were rushing onto a field after a soccer game. Bermudez’s actions were not appropriate measures for a crowd control situation, said agency spokesman Roland Waits. He said the matter has been referred to the internal affairs unit of the Georgetown Police Department.

 

This is just a guy who hates his life. No other way to explain it. Just randomly tripping high school kids as they rush the field. Same type cop who will bust up a high school party, slam somebody against a cop car and read them their Miranda rights. Nothing better to do with his life so he becomes the stereotypical mean townie cop that every town in American has.

PS – It does look like a ton of fun though doesn’t it?  Just tripping motherfuckers like you read about and watching them eat it.]

 

By elpresidente posted April 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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