The Globe – At first glance it seemed like a pipe dream, a pie-in-the-sky type of move cooked up by fantasy football general managers. Darrelle Revis to the Patriots? What, are you kidding? … There’s no way the Patriots could afford him under the salary cap, right? Well, I’ve had a few days to chew on it and crunch the numbers. And it’s pretty clear what the Patriots need to do. Go get Revis. Seriously…Revis is set to make $16 million per year — $13 million in base salary, plus a $1.5 million roster bonus due each March and a $1.5 million workout bonus for showing up each offseason. At that structure, Revis’s $16 million salary cap number would be the largest on the Patriots – higher than Tom Brady’s $14.8 million. But that contract comes with a big asterisk, as discovered by the Tampa Tribune. Per the contract, the team can convert Revis’s $13 million salary into a guaranteed bonus at any time… That would put Revis’s 2014 salary cap number at $8 million — $3 million in base salary, $2 million bonus proration, $1.5 million roster bonus and $1.5 million workout bonus — which the Patriots easily could handle. The Patriots currently sit with $12.7 million in cap space for 2014
The Herald – [T]there’s still no reason to believe the Darrelle Revis rumors have any credence, so forget that overly speculated trade.
Way to kill the buzz, Herald. Seriously, since all this Revis-to-the-Patriots talk started a week or so ago, I’ve taken a back seat to no man when it comes to shooting the idea down. It just made no sense on any level. The guy’s a terrific corner, there’s no question about it. Not at good as he’s made out to be. With the Jets he entered that BrettFavre, Derek Jeter, Ray Lewis realm where it’s perceived he can do no wrong and every time he gave up a completion it was the safety’s fault or whatever. And we’ve also seen him short arm some tackles rather than get run over. But Revis is unquestionably one of the top handful of cover guys in the league. My problem was always that you don’t eat a $16 million cap hit on any defensive back, even if it was Jesus in his prime. You pay one guy that kind of money only if he’ll make your unit one of the top five in the league all by himself. And the only guys capable of that are quarterbacks. People might think Revis is the best in the business, but Tampa’s defense was like 15th in the league and their pass D was like 17th. Oh, and they won 4 games. Not to mention he’s a holdout waiting to happen. The Jets had Revis so convinced he shits Nutella that he held out, got the deal he wanted, signed it, cashed the bonus check, then wiped his ass with the contract and said he’d hold out again. That’s why the traded a guy they were building shrines to. So it would be exactly the kind of stupid, PR-stunt moves the Patriots never make to bring him here.
Or so I thought, until I read that Globe article. That’s a game changer. Plus Jason LaConfora was on Toucher and Rich saying Revis could be pried from Tampa for a 3rd and possibly even a 4th rounder. Should they part with a Day 2 draft pick and take a paltry $8 million cap hit this year for Revis? And thereby be able to hang onto the Vince Wilfork, Tommy Kelly, Dan Connolly and still have room to add the mid-level free agents they love so much? And do it by handing him enough money up front it’ll even shut him up? You’re goddamned right they should. In a nanosecond so fast the Hadron Particle Collider couldn’t measure it. So let’s hope the Globe is right and the Herald is wrong. If they can swing this I’ll personally go to Tampa and drive him to Foxboro. @JerryThornton1
Bostonherald – Mayor Martin J. Walsh, in a major speech today, will unveil his plan for a “late night task force” that could reshape the city’s nightlife — with a mandate to look at 3:30 a.m. closings and shake up Boston’s image as a stuffy city that rolls up its sidewalks when other major cities are still hopping. “The entire speech will be about making Boston an international center of business, and making it the most attractive city it can be to foster that,” said Chief of Staff Daniel Arrigg Koh, noting the city needs to develop a more “vibrant” and “cosmopolitan” nightlife to retain talented bio and hi-tech workers, as well as attract globe-trotting travelers who may want to grab a late steak or a glass of wine.Koh said a major thrust of the mayor’s speech today at the Boston Municipal Research Bureau’s annual meeting at the Seaport Hotel will be outlining his creation of what City Hall is informally calling a “late night task force” to focus on extending the hours bars and eateries can stay open. To that end, the group will look to create a pilot program in the less residential Seaport District to test extending the closing time of bars and restaurants, possibly easing into it by allowing establishments to serve alcohol until 2:30 a.m. but stay open until 3:30. People could keep dancing in nightclubs until that hour. The staggered shutdown would help avoid the chaos that ensues now when bars close their doors at 2 a.m., sending revelers en masse out onto the streets to compete for cabs because the T shuts down at 1 a.m. The MBTA, however, will launch a pilot soon to push weekend service back to 3 a.m. on its subway and trolley lines, and 15 bus routes.
Mumbles must be rolling around in his grave right now. I mean he fought tooth and nail against progress for the better part of 20 years. He hated nightlife and young people. His body isn’t even cold yet and Marty Walsh is already trying to undo everything he fought so hard to preserve. All I can say is thank fucking god. This is an absolute no brainer. Boston is a world class city. To compete for the best talent and best people you need to act like a world class city. That means not shutting down completely at 2am. Granted I still think this is light years away from happening, but it’s a step in the right direction for sure.
PS – If extending curfew doesn’t work and just causes more fights and chaos don’t blame me. The only time I’m up past 10pm nowadays is when the First Lady goes to sleep early so I have complete control of the TV and snacks without being hassled so I party by myself eating bad shit and watching Jack Ryan movies till 3am.
I’m not saying Triple H should have been more excited to meet Gronk, but Triple H should have been more excited to meet Gronk. Meanwhile Gronk looked like typical Gronk. Just happy as shit to be in the building and meet him. Regular Guy 101. Suprised he didn’t have a foam finger in the crowd.
PS – This gives you an idea of what a Monster Gronk is. Twice the size of Triple H.
Hearts on fire…pure desire! No seriously though this is the least inspiring beach workout video I’ve ever seen in my life. This literally reminds me Rocky III when Rocky is all full of himself not taking his workouts seriously and Clubber Lang is in a dungeon blaring Eye of the Tiger. My confidence is shook.
Sidenote - I have no idea if that’s Amendola.
PS – By far the weirdest thing Barstool has ever done is me and Big Cat trying to re-enact the Rocky beach scene in California. It didn’t get nearly the hype it deserved. Shit should have won a razzy. The best (or worst) part about it was we spent hours working on it and were dead serious trying to make it look real. Like this honest to god this was our best effort. A young Handsome Hank barking out orders on how to make it realistic. Big Cat and Hank almost coming to blows on artistic vision. Wild times.
(Why do bad things happen to beautiful people?)
Globe – A section of the TD Garden’s protective netting fell onto the crowd at the end of the Bruins game on Thursday, injuring two spectators, Bruins spokesman Matt Chmura said in a statement. The patrons were two women in their 20s who sustained minor injuries from the falling netting, police said. The Boston Fire Department received a report of the net down with injuries at about 9:40 p.m., but the call was canceled before they arrived at the TD Garden, said Steve MacDonald, a Fire Department spokesman. They were taken away by ambulance. A private ambulance company, Cataldo Ambulance Service, took the women to Massachusetts General Hospital for evaluation, officials said.
Nothing ruins a good Bruins win like having a net fall from the sky and seriously injure you and send you to the hospital strapped to a stretcher. It’s the worst. But on the bright side for them, they can probably sue for like a billion dollars. Or at least get some free tickets and foam fingers out of it, which is nice. But I hope these two ladies have a speedy recovery. Wrong place wrong time like you read about.
FL – A man who lives on Tranquil Lane in west Boca Raton threw a toaster at his wife when she refused to have sex with him, according to authorities. Palm Beach County Sheriff’s officer arrested Jong Park, 37, early Tuesday morning in west Boca Raton. Park, who was released from the Palm Beach County Jail on his own recognizance Wednesday afternoon, faces charges of domestic battery. Park’s wife told officers when she refused to have sex with him, he hit her, pulled her hair and threw a toaster at her. Officers noted a bruise on her forehead where the kitchen appliance hit her, according to the report. In a written sworn statement she said she was scared to go back into the home because he threatened to hit her again.
A toaster ain’t no fuck around shit. We’re not talking a TV remote or a cell phone or something minor being launched into a woman’s face. A toaster is heavy duty. Any time you have to unplug an item before you throw it, that means shit has really rubbed you the wrong way. Poor Jong Park was probably on a cold streak for the ages. Just getting zero access to his wife’s vagina for so long that he finally snapped and started tossing kitchen appliances into her grill. Let this be a lesson to chicks out there who think it’s no big deal to just casually deny your husband’s requests for intercourse. That rejection builds up. It eats away. And if it goes on for too long, one day you might find yourself scraping bread crumbs out of your eye sockets with a big “Black & Decker” imprint on your forehead.
Now that’s a fucking fan. Those sweet shitkicker buckets ain’t cheap. But Texas golfer Conrad Shindler didn’t hesitate when it came to chucking it on the ice to celebrate Tyler Seguin’s hat-trick. And then Tom from the NHL did a bang-up job looking out for him and snagged the hat for him. Oh, and in between the toss and retrieval, this magnificence happened…
(h/t to @StuffSomersSays for the GIF, h/t to @CShindlerGolf for the pic, and h/t to Campbell Stetter for vid)