Breaking News: Goodell Does a 180 and is Now Against Wife Beating

NFL.com – NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Thursday apologized for his decision in the Ray Rice domestic abuse case in a letter to NFL owners and announced sweeping changes to the league’s Personal Conduct Policy. In the detailed letter, Goodell announced that violations of the Personal Conduct Policy regarding assault, battery, domestic violence or sexual [...]

http://images.designntrend.com/data/images/full/21174/roger-goodell.jpg?w=780

NFL.comNFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Thursday apologized for his decision in the Ray Rice domestic abuse case in a letter to NFL owners and announced sweeping changes to the league’s Personal Conduct Policy. In the detailed letter, Goodell announced that violations of the Personal Conduct Policy regarding assault, battery, domestic violence or sexual assault that involve physical force “will be subject to a suspension without pay of six games for a first offense.” A second offense will result in banishment from the NFL for at least one year… In the open of his letter, Goodell admitted he fell short in prior situations of domestic violence. “At times, however, and despite our best efforts, we fall short of our goals,” Goodell wrote. “We clearly did so in response to a recent incident of domestic violence. We allowed our standards to fall below where they should be and lost an important opportunity to emphasize our strong stance on a critical issue and the effective programs we have in place. My disciplinary decision led the public to question our sincerity, our commitment, and whether we understood the toll that domestic violence inflicts on so many families. I take responsibility both for the decision and for ensuring that our actions in the future properly reflect our values. I didn’t get it right.”

So simply put, Goodell was in favor of knocking your fiance’ unconscious before he was against it.  Well congratulations, Ray Rice!  You got the last freebie!  You’re like the last guy to buy a drink before Prohibition.  Just think: the next guy to cold cock his girlfriend will miss six games, because the Commissioner hates that stuff now and this time he really means it.  I mean, he doesn’t hate it enough to mention Ray Rice by name.  He’s still a sacred cow apparently.  But for everyone else?  The domestic violence party is over.  Granted, that next guy will still get 6/16ths the punishment Josh Gordon got for smoking a doob.  But look at it this way: Beating the snot out of the woman you love is now 50% more punishable than Patriots’ undrafted free agent Brian Tyms taking the Adderall that’s been prescribed to him since he was 9 years old.  So good for women everywhere.  The Ginger Hammer has done a complete 180 and is now in their corner, and all it took was the collective outrage of everyone except scumbag pro-wifebeating Ravens fans.  It’s a great day for America!  @JerryThornton1

By Jerry Thornton posted August 28th, 2014 at 4:51 PM

Introducing the Most Prototypical Twitter Egg In the History of Twitter Eggs

    Hey Twitter Egg P’Owned   So this twitter egg from SB Nation came out of the woodwork taking shots at the crown today. So what right? Another day another dollar. Well what made this blogworthy and so remarkable is I’m not convinced I didn’t somehow invent this guy. Like some bizarro world version [...]

twitteregg2

twitteregg

kjhkjh

twitteregggggtwitterggeedd

 

 

Hey Twitter Egg P’Owned

sapgass

 

So this twitter egg from SB Nation came out of the woodwork taking shots at the crown today. So what right? Another day another dollar. Well what made this blogworthy and so remarkable is I’m not convinced I didn’t somehow invent this guy. Like some bizarro world version of Weird Science. Yeah I know that makes no sense but I’m pretty sure there are supernatural factors at play here. I mean when I talk about Twitter Eggs this guy is EXACTLY how I picture who I’m fighting with. I’m talking to the tee. Everything from the tshirt underneath the button down to quoting the “size 6 skinny” jean jokes to saying I’m homophobic. And then the coup de gras saying he was on vacation in Allston. VACATIONING IN ALLSTON. There is just no way my brain waves somehow didn’t seep into the internet and contribute to inventing this guy. I honestly couldn’t have hatched a better Twitter Egg if I tried. Just goes to show you that sometimes magic does happen. A reason to believe in fairytales, the tooth fairy and twitter eggs.

By elpresidente posted August 28th, 2014 at 4:11 PM

Introducing The Weirdest Furniture Commercial You Will Ever See In Your Entire Life

Speechless.

 

 

I’m speechless right now. Speechless. When Marc Norton popped out from this lady’s vagina I damn near fell out of my chair…

 

 

What the fuck was that? Remember in Seinfeld when Jerry meets the model on the plane and shows him an ad of her like naked and asks what the ad is for? And it turns out it’s like her jeans way in the background? That’s what this ad is. Without the words at the end, you’d have NO clue what this was for. Put this on mute and it’s like OK is this for some awful baby delivering company? To find sex offenders in the area? I don’t know, but I’m DEFINITELY not guessing furniture. Crazytown commercial, and of course it’s in Cleveland.
 

h/t @PeteBlackburn

By feitelberg posted August 28th, 2014 at 3:39 PM

Football Is Finally Here #SorryForAllTheFootball

  The wait is over. From this day forward there is pretty much football every single day of the week till February. I’m like a kid at Christmas. So in anticipation of the season send us your best college football picture or moment whether it be tailgating, celebrations etc with #SorryForAllTheFooball and you’ll be entered [...]

sorryfootball

 

The wait is over. From this day forward there is pretty much football every single day of the week till February. I’m like a kid at Christmas. So in anticipation of the season send us your best college football picture or moment whether it be tailgating, celebrations etc with #SorryForAllTheFooball and you’ll be entered for a chance to win the ultimate home tailgate this year which includes a (60” TV, Food/Drink, College Football swag). Also we’ll give a free Barstool Flag to anybody who gets a Viva La Stool sign on FOX Sports 1 for tonight’s Washington vs. Rutgers game.

 

Click For Rules of Contest

By elpresidente posted August 28th, 2014 at 2:55 PM

Barstool Lost Classics: The Guy With Fastest Gun In the West

    Somebody sent me this video last night.   An absolute lost classic.  This was featured way back in the “Legacy Barstool” days.   Back before all these newfangled websites just started copying my every move.   Anyway I almost feel bad for guys like this.  He was 7 years before his time. Like [...]

 

 

Somebody sent me this video last night.   An absolute lost classic.  This was featured way back in the “Legacy Barstool” days.   Back before all these newfangled websites just started copying my every move.   Anyway I almost feel bad for guys like this.  He was 7 years before his time. Like if this video hits the internet streets today he’s an overnight sensation.  He’s be front page of Huffington Post, ESPN, Buzzfeed and every other website on the planet.   He’s that good.  And just like I wrote last time I featured this guy I’m still not convinced he’s not faster than the speed of light.  He may be selling himself short there.  Like I want to call him the biggest hardo of all time, but it ain’t bragging if you can do it. Holding all the available records in a sport and 3500 trophies speaks for itself.

By elpresidente posted August 28th, 2014 at 2:17 PM

PeeWee Football Kid Pulls Off One Of The Most Incredible Runs I’ve Ever Seen

      Holy shit was that commentator on lithium for that call? Hey dude, WAKE UP! You’re witnessing greatness. I don’t need you to be Gus Johnson but give me a little more excitement than a guy who just rolled out of bed at 2 AM to take a piss. That kid was like [...]

 

 

 

Holy shit was that commentator on lithium for that call? Hey dude, WAKE UP! You’re witnessing greatness. I don’t need you to be Gus Johnson but give me a little more excitement than a guy who just rolled out of bed at 2 AM to take a piss. That kid was like a little Dante Hall/Reggie Bush at USC/Barry Sanders. Juking and jiving all over the place. Shaking off tacklers, beating them to the outside. It was miraculous. Were we even watching the same play? It was like you were calling a 4 yard HB dive while this kid is trotting to the endzone after beating 100 defenders. Give me something, man.

 

 

PS – Commentators in peewee football? Only in Texas (I’m not positive it’s in Texas but it totes is)

By feitelberg posted August 28th, 2014 at 1:24 PM
© 2014 Barstool Sports | Disclaimer | Copyright | Privacy Policy | Media Kit