Mike Tyson Confirms The Existence Of “Sex Legs,” Says He Fucked Every Maid In His Hotel Before The Buster Douglas Fight

      You can’t tell a bird not to fly, can’t tell a fish not to swim, and can’t tell Mike Tyson not to party and fuck if you take him to Tokyo. You can give him the Seguin treatment if you want and have security follow him from training back to his hotel [...]

 

 

 

You can’t tell a bird not to fly, can’t tell a fish not to swim, and can’t tell Mike Tyson not to party and fuck if you take him to Tokyo. You can give him the Seguin treatment if you want and have security follow him from training back to his hotel room, but he’ll still find a way to have a good time. Glad we finally got confirmation of sex legs though. Top scientists have debated its existence for centuries when all they had to do was ask Iron Mike. Do sex legs exist? I don’t know, how else would would of the most dominant heavyweight champions of all time lose to Buster Douglas? That’s why I never have sex, gotta be fresh in case a 3 on 3 halfcourt game ever randomly breaks out.

 

 

PS – What ethnicity are maids in Japan?

 

PPS – When I was a freshman in high school I was hooking up with a girl the night before a hockey game. The next day everyone asked if I closed the deal and I said no because I didn’t want sex legs. That was a lie. But I’m glad to learn that was a legit excuse even though the real reason is I was just a pussy.

By feitelberg posted March 5th, 2015 at 3:33 PM

Bieber Just Melted The Cover Of Men’s Health #PrayForSelena

      WHOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…………………………..The sound of every chick on the planet having a flood right now.    Did Bieber do it again or did Bieber do it again?      

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WHOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…………………………..The sound of every chick on the planet having a flood right now.    Did Bieber do it again or did Bieber do it again?

 

 

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By elpresidente posted March 5th, 2015 at 2:50 PM

Sneaky Smoke From Boston Magazine Uses Tinder To Get Guys To Shovel Her Car Out

 GRRRRRR   Bostonmagazine – I’ve used Tinder before, but, you know, the “normal” way. I’ve scanned through area singles who mostly consist of grad students, firefighters, and an assortment of men posing on boats with large fish. I’ve gone on dates, and they haven’t all been terrible. But for some reason���maybe it was that stomach [...]

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susannn

 GRRRRRR

 

Bostonmagazine – I’ve used Tinder before, but, you know, the “normal” way. I’ve scanned through area singles who mostly consist of grad students, firefighters, and an assortment of men posing on boats with large fish. I’ve gone on dates, and they haven’t all been terrible. But for some reason—maybe it was that stomach bug or maybe just because of the times we’re living in—on a whim, I decided to see if I could use Tinder to get someone to shovel out my car. To avoid confusion, I made my terms crystal clear:

 Luckily for me, the first person who responded was a 38-year-old man I’ll call Ted. “Brilliant!” he opened. “I can offer a shoveled driveway.” I told him it was nothing too dramatic, and he said he would stop by the next morning. I gave him my address. Or at least, an address that was somewhat near mine. Ted seemed too good to be true. I was skeptical. He proved me wrong. The next morning, he showed up with a shovel and an ice pick, and he did not kill me. He got to work shoveling out my car while I picked up a coffee and a scone for him. I don’t live very close to a café, so I was gone for about 45 minutes. When I came back, my car was mostly shoveled out. I helped, we chatted—mostly about his ex—and before I knew it, my car was free. Ted wasn’t creepy at all. I think he just got a kick out of being chivalrous and having a little company on Valentine’s Day. I’ve come to learn that the trick to using Tinder to get strangers to shovel out your car may be to find someone exactly like Ted because my next attempts did not go quite as smoothly.

First things first. I love this girls hustle. Love it. Don’t hate the playa hate the game. But let’s clear one thing up. Maybe the most naive thing I’ve ever heard anybody say in the history of life is that Ted just got a kick out of being chivalrous. YEAR RIGHT. Have you looked at yourself? You got this whole sweet, wholesome, sexy librarian thing going. This guy wanted to shovel your car out and then fuck you. That’s not a guess. That’s a fact. Maybe he wasn’t looking to get laid on the spot but at some point and time he thought he would get it in and that’s why he did it. And if he didn’t think you were down to fuck or interested and still did it anyway than I’d move now. Because that is is creep show city and how you end up in a dude’s freezer.

 

PS – How butt hurt Is this guy in the comment section?

 

Israel  • 7 hours ago

Regardless of how clear you made your intentions, you knew quite well that you were taking advantage of your moderate attractiveness to convince desperate men looking for a quid pro quo. I am sure you and your friends had a good laugh about how pathetic men are, but the real loser in this story is you. Hopefully when you hit thirty in a couple years there are still a few men out there who don’t think YOU are a “total waste of time.”

Bro relax. Men have power, brains money. Chicks have their looks to offset it all. That’s how it works. Mix in a chick with brains and that’s how you dominate life.

By elpresidente posted March 5th, 2015 at 2:10 PM

Vince Wilfork Drops The Best “Yo Mama” I’ve Ever Heard

    Reader Email   I was on the field in MIA for 1st game of the year.  There was this drunk fool screaming at the Pats players as they ran onto the field. Hear him yelling at Vince and a priceless Wilfork response     Laugh out loud funny. Nothing better than a perfectly [...]

 

 

Reader Email

 

I was on the field in MIA for 1st game of the year.  There was this drunk fool screaming at the Pats players as they ran onto the field. Hear him yelling at Vince and a priceless Wilfork response

 

 

Laugh out loud funny. Nothing better than a perfectly timed Yo Mama joke and Big Vince knocked that one out of the park.

 

“Fat piece of shit!”

“YO MAMA, BITCH!”

 

Total KO. You will be missed Vince (even though I don’t think you’ll be gone for long and will be in a Patriots uniform next year. But for now, you’ll be missed.)

 

 

thanks to Rob for the video

By feitelberg posted March 5th, 2015 at 1:36 PM

Kim Kardashian And Jared Leto Are Bringing Bleached Hair Back And I Am IN!

          So Jared Leto and Kim Kardashian just strolled into Paris Fashion Week with bleached hair. Well they’re only like the two most trusted voices in hair. So if they’re doing it now, everyone will be doing it soon. That’s just a fact. And I, for one, could not be more [...]

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So Jared Leto and Kim Kardashian just strolled into Paris Fashion Week with bleached hair. Well they’re only like the two most trusted voices in hair. So if they’re doing it now, everyone will be doing it soon. That’s just a fact. And I, for one, could not be more excited. I used to bleach the shit out of my hair back when Em was doing it. That’s how you knew who the cool kids were in elementary school. If you didn’t have an LL Bean backpack, a pair of Paco jeans, and didn’t shower in peroxide every morning then you were an absolute dork. So if we’re going back down that road I’ll drive the damn bus. Just in time for summer so we can all get tan and bleach our hair and look liked sunkissed surfer bros.

By feitelberg posted March 5th, 2015 at 12:15 PM

Guess How Gabby Shilling Found Out Her Dad Was In A Twitter War With The Internet? It wasn’t any propeller. It wasn’t any coral reef; and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper! It was Barstool

Click for Full Interiew   I’m not sure how I missed this yesterday. I guess this is why people keep saying Barstool is the most influential media outlet in New England. Because this is how people 35 and under get their news nowadays. For real. Like Curt Schilling was literally in a war with the [...]

Click for Full Interiew

 

I’m not sure how I missed this yesterday. I guess this is why people keep saying Barstool is the most influential media outlet in New England. Because this is how people 35 and under get their news nowadays. For real. Like Curt Schilling was literally in a war with the entire internet and Gabby had no clue it was happening till somebody told her she was on Barstool. Can we use this in our media kit?

Everytime I think I’m out the Schillings pull me back in!

By elpresidente posted March 5th, 2015 at 11:40 AM

Spring Break Frat Boy Fight At PCB #whiteboywasted

    Laugh out loud funny at the end when the dude yells “EVERYBODY IN SAE WALK THIS WAY!” Anyway I’m not sure if I’m just old or gay or what, but I swear to god PCB or any prototypical Spring Break location is the last place on earth I’d ever want to be right [...]

 

 

Laugh out loud funny at the end when the dude yells “EVERYBODY IN SAE WALK THIS WAY!” Anyway I’m not sure if I’m just old or gay or what, but I swear to god PCB or any prototypical Spring Break location is the last place on earth I’d ever want to be right now. I don’t care how many hot chicks in bikinis there are. Way too many whiteboywasted dudes looking to fight. I’ve never fought in my life. I’ve never wanted to fight. When I drink I get funnier and creepier with girls. That’s it. Never want to punch people and I don’t want to hang out around anybody who does and I feel like that happens more during Spring Break than dudes actually getting laid.

PS – This guy threw more missed punches in 3 minutes than there will be in the entire Mayweather Pacquio fight and those are fighting words because they’ll be a ton of missed punches in that fight.

 

missedpunchdude

By elpresidente posted March 5th, 2015 at 11:00 AM

Vince Wilfork Tweets That Patriots Didn’t Pick Up His Option and He Is Most Likely Done in New England

    First of all I love Vince using the clipboard font thing for the most important letter of his career. Anyway this was the perfect letter. Vince is a Patriot legend. His number will be retired. He is headed to Canton. New England will always be home. But the writing was on the wall [...]

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First of all I love Vince using the clipboard font thing for the most important letter of his career. Anyway this was the perfect letter. Vince is a Patriot legend. His number will be retired. He is headed to Canton. New England will always be home. But the writing was on the wall with this one. I mean if you didn’t see this coming you must be new around here. The Patriots don’t pay for sentimental value or for past production. Vince would have been more than an 8 million dollar cap hit next year and one of the highest paid DTs in the league. I love him to death, but he’s not worth it. He thinks he is and he thinks he still has lots of football left in him and that’s why it was obvious this was going to happen. The reason the Patriots have been the class of the NFL for 15 years now is they always know when to cut the cord no matter how hard it may be. This one was easy. We love you Vince. We’ll always love you. We’ll welcome you back with open arms for Vince Wilfork Day and watch your number be retired. You’ll always be a Patriot. God speed and god bless.

PS – Rapoport is saying that the Pats would welcome him back at a reduced price so this may turn into last year all over again, but I don’t see Vince doing that. The big guy thinks he still has lots of football left in him. The only way he comes back is if nobody else wants him but the rest of the league is pretty stupid relatively speaking. (Paging Rex Ryan)

By elpresidente posted March 5th, 2015 at 10:30 AM
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