The Ferguson Riots Are The Best Thing To Happen To Racists All Year

  We’re not a real life blog. I get that. We make fun of stupid shit and stupid people. We’re an escape from reality. Something to laugh at to get you through your miserable life. So covering the Ferguson riots isn’t really our bag. Although making fun of CNN’s Don Lemon last night was kind [...]

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We’re not a real life blog. I get that. We make fun of stupid shit and stupid people. We’re an escape from reality. Something to laugh at to get you through your miserable life. So covering the Ferguson riots isn’t really our bag. Although making fun of CNN’s Don Lemon last night was kind of fun. Seriously dude be more of pussy. You got Chris Cuomo and Jake Tapper eating tear gas. You got that other chick taking rocks of the head and where are you? You’re wearing a gas mask in the police station curled up in the fetal position sucking on your thumb, but I digress.

The point of this blog is do racist people know they’re racist? Like there is nothing worse than people who are clearly racist using events like last night as an excuse to be racist while pretending they aren’t. It’s the same people you see on your timelines everyday saying borderline racist stuff with racist overtones. And just like clockwork they come out in a moment like last night because they think it validates their stance. They think they can say borderline racist shit now without it coming across as overtly racist. It’s almost an excuse for them. Like look black people are rioting and looting. It’s easy to say they are are savages now. But where were these people during the 100 other riots that took place this year? Where were they when UNH, Umass, Keene State kids were throwing beer bottles and rocks at cops? Where were they during the US Open of surfing riots? Where were these people when Vancouver burned their city to the ground? Where were these people when West Virginia wins a game at anything or Kentucky basketball riots?

Bottomline is there are idiots everywhere. Doesn’t matter if you’re black or white or what. Truthfully the Ferguson riots were gonna happen whether Darren Wilson was indicted or not because everywhere you go there are morons who use big events to riot. That’s just life.  It’s just so infuriating to see closet racists use this as an excuse to validate their racist ideology and be like “I told you so” on social media.  No you didn’t.  You were racist before this happened and you’re racist now.   That’s how racists work. They see everything in racist terms regardless of the event.  Obviously it’s fair to discuss racism with this case, but I’m strictly talking about the reaction to the riots.

PS – I don’t know how anybody can be on one side or the other about this verdict. Who the fuck knows what happened? There is so much he said. Only Darren Wilson and the kid he was with know the real truth.

By elpresidente posted November 25th, 2014 at 11:56 AM

Barstool Update – Zonker, The Best Barstool Writer You’ve Never Heard Of Is Still Doing Zonker Things

  So veteran Stoolies may recall who Zonker is. He’s kind of like a a Barstool myth. An urban legend if you will.  A guy who is only talked about in hushed tones in the dark corners of the internet.  All we know for sure is that Zonker  owns the domain name barstool.com and has [...]

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So veteran Stoolies may recall who Zonker is. He’s kind of like a a Barstool myth. An urban legend if you will.  A guy who is only talked about in hushed tones in the dark corners of the internet.  All we know for sure is that Zonker  owns the domain name barstool.com and has made a habit of responding to Stoolies who send in tips to the wrong email address.   For the past 5 years or so anytime emails to tips@barstool.com Zonker gets it and responds to them.   I blogged about him back and 2011 and haven’t mentioned him since.  But apparently Zonker is still doing Zonker things.   Still one of the weirdest quirks of the Barstool empire.   The mysterious ways of Zonker.

 

Reader Email

I tried sending you guys a tip and sent it to the wrong e-mail. Check out the reply from this smudge

Begin forwarded message:
From: “Tips@barstool.com” <tips@barstool.com>
Date: November 22, 2014 at 2:15:13 AM EST
To: Shawn McDevitt <shawnmcdevitt@yahoo.com>
Subject: Your Email to Barstool

Dear Stoolie,

I have been monitoring these emails randomly for several years and I think I finally figured out who you are.

Your that guy who passes out at the party and when his friends do all sorts of humiliating and gross things to you while recording it, you proudly post the video yourself.

You think every halfway decent looking (and some not even) co-ed is a “smoke” and think she is worth posting to an Internet that is full of actual beautiful women. You like girls much younger than you because they’re only a little more mature than you.

You fixate on getting laid even though its something you hardly remember actually doing because the few times you have you were so drunk you can’t really remember it. Your either a self loathing homosexual or just haven’t figured it out yet. Its why your homophobic

You lie and brag about all the women you’ve gotten that you haven’t really gotten. Its pretty obvious to everyone but no one has the heart to tell you.
Actually its not about heart they just like watching you be a fool.

You’ll find yourself doing grunt work or all the types of people you make fun of.

You whine a lot. Your one of the dumbest sports fans in existence.

Basically your that loser who just can’t see what a loser they are. Even
though everyone else knows. You know the type, there’s a reason your friends with so many

So your trying to get to the right place but unsurprisingly your not competent enough to type the right email address. So I’m going to explain where you went wrong. I’ll type slowly so you can read slowly enough to understand:

the address you want is tips@barstoolSPORTS.com. The capitalized part (the part in bigger letters) is very important. You left it out in your first email and now you are subject to ridicule (oh hell you probably are totally desensitized* to it by now) and god only knows what will be done with YOUR EMAIL address.

So try again and please include a copy of this email. Who knows maybe you’ll win a prize in some contest that hasn’t been thought up yet.

*you can’t feel it because so much of your social interaction (stuff with people) is you being ridiculed** that it just seems like normal to you.

**made fun of, laughing at you not with you.

Cordially,
Zonker H.

 

 

Fucking Zonker man.  Ruthless.

By elpresidente posted November 25th, 2014 at 11:14 AM

Religious Wackos Fighting To Save The Name Christmas Vs. PC Wackos Who Want To Phase It Out

  Bostonherald – With their campaign to save Christmas snowballing, traditionalists are expected to pack Marshfield High School’s auditorium tonight in hopes of persuading the School Committee to reverse its decision to rename the late December vacation as the “holiday break.”“There are signs all over town: ‘There’s Still a Christmas,’ ‘Bring Back Christmas.’ There’s some [...]

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Bostonherald – With their campaign to save Christmas snowballing, traditionalists are expected to pack Marshfield High School’s auditorium tonight in hopes of persuading the School Committee to reverse its decision to rename the late December vacation as the “holiday break.”“There are signs all over town: ‘There’s Still a Christmas,’ ‘Bring Back Christmas.’ There’s some little kids in town picking up on this and wondering if Santa is going to come to their house,” said attorney Dennis Scollins, the Marshfield School Committee’s longest-serving member and one of two who stood up for St. Nick when the board voted 3-2 on Sept. 9 to replace “Christmas” with “holiday” for the Dec. 24 to 
Jan. 2 vacation.Elaine Taylor, whose children are now grown, has been the driving force behind the resurrection of Christmas vacation. Her backers will be hitting the streets today holding signs and playing Christmas carols, as well as lighting up the phone lines, reminding supporters to turn out tonight.“I’m getting an overwhelmingly supportive response everywhere I go,” Taylor said. “I’m an American. I love my country. I want to keep the values that my country and the town were founded on.”

 

Listen everybody knows I’m a jewball. Having said that I could care less what you call Christmas Break. Call it Christmas, call it holiday, call it Festivus, who fucking cares. But I will say this. The only people who are crazier than the PC police who want to change the name are the crazy people who fight to bring it back. Like this Elaine Taylor chick? NUTZO. Who fucking cares if it’s Holiday Break? How does that effect you personally? And spare me the little kids who don’t think Santa is coming now. That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. Everybody should just shut up and mind their own business. Call it whatever you want to call it in your household and leave it at that.

By elpresidente posted November 25th, 2014 at 10:40 AM

This Kid Got The Biggest Twitter Facial In History Last Night

            WHOOPS! Of course, Brandon has now deleted his twitter and gone dark. But the damage is already done. People on social media baffle me when events like this happen (and the comment section too, you guys were a special brand of scumbags last night). Just shut the fuck up. [...]

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WHOOPS! Of course, Brandon has now deleted his twitter and gone dark. But the damage is already done. People on social media baffle me when events like this happen (and the comment section too, you guys were a special brand of scumbags last night). Just shut the fuck up. How hard is that? Just shut up. Don’t say anything. Write “Don’t fucking tweet anything you idiot” on your thumbs. When it comes to the death of an unarmed black teenager in St. Louis, no one cares what a 20 year old white dude on the east coast has to say. It doesn’t matter what side you’re on, if your first instinct is to tweet your opinion using emojis then your opinion probably doesn’t matter. Best case scenario is everyone tells you to shut the fuck up, worst case is they find your rap sheet and you log off social media for the rest of your life.

 

 

But, hey, for future unarmed black kids please follow Brandon Barlan’s 1. If you don’t want to get shot don’t go into a store and steal shit. 2. If you happen to go into a store and steal shit, be white.

By feitelberg posted November 25th, 2014 at 10:05 AM

If You Don’t Laugh At This CNN Reporter Getting Drilled In The Head With A Rock In Ferguson Then You Take Life Too Seriously

      Look man, that’s funny. Not going to condone the violence that took place in Ferguson last night and I’m not going to condone throwing stones at innocent reporters, but c’mon. Now that it’s already happened? That was fucking funny. Ever hang out with your buddies and just pick up a rock and [...]

 

 

 

Look man, that’s funny. Not going to condone the violence that took place in Ferguson last night and I’m not going to condone throwing stones at innocent reporters, but c’mon. Now that it’s already happened? That was fucking funny. Ever hang out with your buddies and just pick up a rock and say “Bet I can hit that stop sign at the end of the block”? Everyone looks at you and says, “No fucking way dude. No way,”  then you let it fly and by the grace of God you hear that metallic clang and start running around with your hands in the air like you nailed a buzzer beater in March Madness? That’s what happened here. Couple guys just getting their protest on and one saw a rock, his buddy said “Man ain’t no way you can hit that CNN lady” and next thing you know it’s dinging right off her head. I don’t care what you say, that *ping!* “Ow! I just got hit by a rock!” was fucking funny.

 

 

PS – Honestly, where’s the person who threw it? Rocket arm. Not even visible in the shot. That’s some grassy knoll shit.

 

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By feitelberg posted November 25th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Do NOT Fuck This Dude’s Amsterdam Vodka He Just Stole

By elpresidente posted November 24th, 2014 at 11:44 PM

Chris Cuomo Is Eating Cans Of Tear Gas For Dinner Tonight And Isn’t Blinking

  BEAST. MODE. That was one of the most impressive displays of field journalism I’ve ever seen. Tear gas cannisters flying around looking like a fireworks store just caught fire, loud explosions, huge crowds fleeing, Don Lemon trying to hide and curl up in his bed… but Cuomo just standing there, taking it on the [...]



 

BEAST. MODE. That was one of the most impressive displays of field journalism I’ve ever seen. Tear gas cannisters flying around looking like a fireworks store just caught fire, loud explosions, huge crowds fleeing, Don Lemon trying to hide and curl up in his bed… but Cuomo just standing there, taking it on the chin and smiling back. Give me that fucking mic, Lemon! I’ll report the news! I don’t care about no tear gas!

 

 

PS – Don Lemon is the only person in history to wear a gas mask with a Canada Goose jacket, right?

 

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By feitelberg posted November 24th, 2014 at 10:43 PM
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