DMA mysterious disorder which exhibits symptoms similar to Tourette’s syndrome has affected twelve female students at the same high school. Administrators said on Wednesday night that all of the students affected at LeRoy High School, in New York, have been diagnosed and are being treated but they would not disclose exactly what they think the cause is. The students are said to all be suffering from verbal outbursts and involuntary twitches. Tourette’s syndrome affects the body’s brain and nervous system by causing tics – repeated, uncontrollable movements or involuntary vocal sounds.

Bravo to these girls for thinking up the scam of the century. Getting caught swearing was the fucking worst. I went to Catholic school so monks would just walk by me and shake their head in shame like I just pissed in the holy water. During recess I literally used to stand in a circle with my friends and we would swear. That’s it. 15 minutes of everyone alternating between saying shit, ass, fuck, pussy, bitch and when someone finally got the balls to say motherfucker we’d all react like someone just did a 360 dunk at Rucker Park. When we got caught we’d have to pretend we just stubbed our toe or scraped our knee or something and the teacher would just let it go. But had I thought of this miraculous Tourette’s-like syndrome I would have been king. Could have told the teacher to suck my fucking cock every time she asked me to spell necessary or write a cursive capital G and gone back to feeding my Tamagotchi.