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MAY 4–A 12-year-old Indiana boy was arrested last night after he allegedly stole $20 from a neighbor, took his mother’s Ford Taurus, and went on a pizza run to Little Caesars with two younger children in the vehicle, police report. According to investigators, the boy said that he took his mother’s car keys and first drove to an Indianapolis park to show his young passengers “where he plays baseball.” While there, a witness spotted the boy driving and called 911. From there, the boy drove about three miles to Little Caesars, where he bought a pizza “using a $20 bill which he had stolen from a neighbor.” The underage motorist told police that he had gone to Little Caesars because “the other children were hungry.” The South Emerson Avenue pizza joint does not deliver, an employee told a caller today.

Little Caesars doesn’t deliver? How in the fuck is that possible? What do they think they are Santarpio’s or something? I just don’t get it. Honestly of all the preposterous things I’ve ever heard this may be the most preposterous. Like Little Caesars has to deliver. They just have to. I mean if you have access to car why would you ever choose to go there? It just makes no sense on any level. It would be like Dominos not delivering. You’re market is staying open later than everybody else and delivering to drunk people. That’s it. Sure you’ll get the occasional naive 12 year old who steals his parent’s vehicle but you can’t survive on that can you? Weird.