DM — These days, Barbie can climb the career ladder to its summit and become a pilot, an engineer, a dentist or even a racing car driver. But in 1965, Slumber Party Barbie came not with a PAYE slip but with a set of pink bathroom scales, permanently set to a rather scrawny 110lbs (50kg), and a diet book instructing her on how to lose weight, with just one instruction: ‘DON’T EAT!’

Everybody always talks about all this crazy shit they’d do if they had a time machine.  Go back and play with the dinosaurs, go back assassinate Hitler or stop the JFK assassination or invent Google.  Know what I’d do?  Go back to the 60s, 70s, or 80s and just live.  That’s it.  Just be alive in a world without all the PC nutbags and whiny bitchy idiots complaining about anything that’s remotely offensive.  Like this Barbie is fucking awesome.  What a toy.  Keep chicks from getting fat: set that scale at 110 and not an ounce over, a how to lose wight book with one simple sentence: don’t eat you fat pig. Most useful educational toy ever.  Keeping chicks hot and preventing heart disease and diabetes? How terrible! 1965 Barbie was essentially 2012 Michelle Obama without the inside linebacker’s arms.

Put this toy on shelves today and moms across America would be screaming about how it encourages healthy eating disorders and lowers girls’ self-worth. And to that I say, “good.” If you want a toy that makes you feel good about yourself go get a fat cabbage patch doll or an easy bake oven. You may not like Barbie’s methods but look at her figure today, you can’t argue with the results.