Dear Portland,

What the fuck is going on? How is our foam show not sold out Wednesday night? I thought Portland was a Stoolie stronghold. I really did. Like I didn’t even give it a 2nd thought when we were deciding where to go. Portland had to be on the list. The critics were like who wants to go to Portland, blah, blah, blah. Not me. I was telling people this would be the best event we did. The Dirty, Dirty never disappoints. But here we are only a few days out and it’s not sold out. I got egg on my face. I mean every other show in New England is gone. Philly last night was pure insanity. ESU tonight is going to blow up the city. DCU Center has 6,000 fucking people going. UVM is pretty much sold out 2 months in advance. NYC sold out in 3 minutes. And here is Portland sitting there with a thumb up their asses. I’m speechless. I thought tickets would be gone within 10 minutes of being on sale. It just shows you that once you think you got this game figured out you don’t. The only thing I can come up with is that I know a knock off version of what we do went to Portland last year and everybody universally said it sucked. But it’s not possible people are confusing us with anybody else right? Everybody knows you haven’t been to a foam party till you’ve been to ours. We never disappoint and we’re not going to start now. But having said that if Portland doesn’t want the best party to probably every hit that city I know plenty of other places that do. It’s time to shit or get off the pot Portland. You tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Do you want to fuck and party or not?

Sincerely

The Guy Trying To Let You Live