An Open Letter To The City of Portland Maine
Dear Portland,
What the fuck is going on? How is our foam show not sold out Wednesday night? I thought Portland was a Stoolie stronghold. I really did. Like I didn’t even give it a 2nd thought when we were deciding where to go. Portland had to be on the list. The critics were like who wants to go to Portland, blah, blah, blah. Not me. I was telling people this would be the best event we did. The Dirty, Dirty never disappoints. But here we are only a few days out and it’s not sold out. I got egg on my face. I mean every other show in New England is gone. Philly last night was pure insanity. ESU tonight is going to blow up the city. DCU Center has 6,000 fucking people going. UVM is pretty much sold out 2 months in advance. NYC sold out in 3 minutes. And here is Portland sitting there with a thumb up their asses. I’m speechless. I thought tickets would be gone within 10 minutes of being on sale. It just shows you that once you think you got this game figured out you don’t. The only thing I can come up with is that I know a knock off version of what we do went to Portland last year and everybody universally said it sucked. But it’s not possible people are confusing us with anybody else right? Everybody knows you haven’t been to a foam party till you’ve been to ours. We never disappoint and we’re not going to start now. But having said that if Portland doesn’t want the best party to probably every hit that city I know plenty of other places that do. It’s time to shit or get off the pot Portland. You tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Do you want to fuck and party or not?
Sincerely
The Guy Trying To Let You Live
If you go to Maine it can only be Bangor/Orono. Portland isn’t college heavy enough, and it’s 2+ hours from UMaine. Location, location, location.
I really wish you had a real heart attack
How about its on a fucking Wednesday? One possible reason
Leave them alone. It’s logging and maple-syrup-collecting season.
No way Wicked, Lewiston is the real hook up
It’s like 30 degrees in Maine at night now. Maybe chicks don’t want to go to a party wearing mesh tank tops and daisy dukes. Either that or they know they’re getting raped.
hey pres is that Barstool Health Insurance policy not covering the 5 EKG’s youve had over the past week? Fire Neil and save some cash that way if you need to pay for your new ticker.
Did you advertise in French? I didn’t think so.
Maine sucks lifes dick. Plain and simple.
sir-smoke-alot:
find me a mainer who vacations in mass-a-chuz-zits..
Pathetic
by BoSoxRF7 on September 15, 2012 at 12:22 pm
How about its on a fucking Wednesday? One possible reason
Lupos was on a Wednesday. It’s college, every night is a party night. Now go change your tampon.
Seriously though, this is where you went wrong:
1.) Its on a wendsday, even college twits gotta work and study.
2.) You didnt have it closer to a major college campus like Orono or Bangor.
3.) Lewiston is not the party town it was in the 90′s. Now its an empty run down pathetic excuse for a city, like Lawrence, and Portland is similar.
4.) The weather isnt in your favor up there, you should have had your Maine events in the summer.
5.) At least 2/3′rds of Maine is either unemployed, retired, in college, or on SSDI. When you look up broke in the dictionary, it says “See: Maine”.
You cant rely on past performance. Didnt you study business in college? Planning, research, and location.
Yes, every night may be a party night in college. It’s just that Portland ain’t exactly a college town.
I’m surprised Southern Maine Community College isn’t out representing.
I, Bumholio, will attend this Portland shit show, if, and only if, you, elpresidente, David, guarantee me getting my dick sucked, and maybe, even get to insert that same dick in some smoke’s cock socket. Make it happen David, and you have a customer.
P.S. I get a lot of pussy anyway… I’m just trying to help Pres out.
Pres will make sure your dick is sucked. Neil will do it.
Pres ur such a dickwad. You’ll have a foam party in fucking Maine but can’t have one in Boston to make up for the dud that was the BC blackout last year.
Somehow you managed to bring something shittier than Maine to Maine, take a bow. I live in Maine and most of this Maine bashing is spot on. Just food for though, Orono was voted the 19th highest party college IN THE COUNTRY. Maybe if you planned shit properly then you’d be able to line your pockets with more than internet bills
I wonder what percentage of the foam is comprised of sweat and spit at the end of the show.
The Expo has probably twice the capacity of Lupos, and it’s in a smaller city. I’d be surprised if anyone outside a major city could sell out a venue as large as the Expo. Should have had it at the State Theater.
The Guy trying to let you live? How about the guy whose asshole puckers at the thought of paying for one seat that doesn’t go sold?? How about the guy who has his first nickel and you Maine fuckers are fucking with his dream of owning in mv??
buy neil a gun, tell him to put it to his head, and then pull the trigger.
6000 at the DCU….because there are TEN COLLEGES in Wormtown boys, each loaded with horny wholesome boozestarved ravenous honeys….so feel free to hang back in shithole Beantown with the hoodrats and the Saugus herpes honeys and the stuck up Cambridge cunts. Let the big boys have our feast of plenty….you ride the Orange line with your hand in each other’s pockets.
What’s Maine?
yeah i wouldve gone if it wasnt on a fucking wednesday, you squid. thursday, friday, saturday are all good
There is a Phish concert that night. Know your market!!!!
So how was it?
maybe there just isnt “6,000 fucking people dying in Worcester” in Portland