QUARTZ HILL, Calif. – Don’t mess with a marching band girl, especially one armed with a baton. A 17-year-old high school marching band student beat up two assailants who tried to mug her as she walked to school in this high desert community about 40 miles north of Los Angeles, sheriff’s officials said Tuesday. The girl punched one of the men in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and beat both with her large baton before she ran away on Friday morning, officials said.” The moral to this story is don’t mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve,” said Los Angeles County sheriff’s Deputy Michael Rust. He said two men approached the girl from behind, grabbed her coat and demanded money. Deputies searched near Quartz Hill High School for the muggers, looking for a man who was holding his bloodied nose and the other limping.

From the sound of things, we can add Quartz Hill, CA muggers to the list of institutions that just ain’t what they used to be.  Where are they getting their pursesnatchers from these days?  Are they the guys not tough enough to hack it on the Audio-Visual Squad?  Who’s lower on the high school social food chain than Band Geeks?  And two guys got their asses kicked by one?  There’s no way they can ever live that down and their best bet is to either spend the rest of their lives walking the Earth like Kwai Chang Caine or hang themselves from the highest cactus they can find.   Because once you’d had your lunch handed to you by a majorette, your life as you know it is over.  But for the Band Geeks, this chick must be a legend by now.  Her myth has probably grown to the point where they’re calling her the Nerd Who Lived and her baton has powers like Thor’s hammer and lighting shoots out of her glasses like Cyclops and her braces repel evil and stuff.  I’m guessing there’s a chance she might even get laid after this.