Dear Meredith

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have young children. My issue is with our intimate relationship. It has always been less than satisfying for me, which I always attributed to a lack of experience by my husband. I thought that it would improve over time, but it really hasn’t. He always says he wants to do whatever it takes, but in the end I still find that he just doesn’t know what to do to “take me to the next level.” I also find that it takes a lot of effort for him to [truly enjoy the experience], and many times he does not, which is frustrating for me (and makes me think it’s my fault).

Lately I’ve started to wonder about my husband and his orientation. I discovered that he frequently visits websites that deal with transgender subject material (including pornography), and individuals changing from one gender to another. He sometimes visits other websites featuring women too, but not as much. I’m trying to understand what his interest in transgender material could mean. Does visiting these transgendered websites indicate that he is gay? Is this is something I need to be worried about and address with him or is transgender a subject that some people find interesting to view but does not represent who they are? What exactly is transgendered? I’m not sure how to approach this with him or if I even need to. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

– What’s His Deal?, Houston

Hoss Goldstein’s Answer

A: I wish I could give you a quick, dictionary-style reason that people seek out transgender material online. Perhaps your husband has a transgender co-worker and wants to figure out what that means. Perhaps he is a straight man who likes variety in his internet life. Perhaps he is, in fact, confused about his own identity. I have no idea what’s happening with your husband. This could mean nothing or everything. What I can tell you is that you have every right to have questions. It is your business, and you certainly have the right to feel a range of emotions about what you found. But — and this is a very big but — I don’t want you to confront your husband about this until you’ve seen a mental health professional and discussed the specifics of your marriage.

So again this week, I must throw out the therapy card. Find a professional who’s comfortable discussing gender identity and sexuality. Readers? Is her husband’s internet life her business? Is she making a big deal out of nothing? What about their relationship history? Discuss.


A lot of people have been sending me this one today. To be honest I didn’t really find it that that funny. I think people just think it’s criminal the advice that Hoss gave to this poor woman and wanted me to rectify the situation. Fine. Here goes…

Dear What’s His Deal?,

You ask “What exactly is transgendered?” Frankly I have no fucking clue. But here is what I do know. It’s probably contagious and your husband definitely has it. So stop writing letters. Don’t have a conversation about it. Don’t go to a therapist. Don’t talk to your freaky husband. Pack up your shit and get the fuck out of dodge. Don’t look back. Don’t think twice. You run and don’t stop till you hit the Canadian border. Take the kids or don’t take the kids. It doesn’t matter. Find a guy who watches hetero porn and can fuck you right. Best advice I can give you. And if you’re fat lose weight because that’s probably what turned him transexual in the first place.