My friend Emily and I have known each other since we were 10 years old, and we have been inseparable ever since. As with any girlfriend relationship, over the last 25 years we have spent many a late night analyzing, consoling, or just discussing the various guys that have come and gone from our lives. A little over a year ago when Emily and I were out for a much needed girls night, she met Kyle. They hit it off right away and began to get serious really fast.
Because Kyle made her very happy, I was happy. However, one day shortly after their one-year anniversary, Emily came to me almost embarrassed and ashamed. She loved Kyle very much and had never felt more of a connection with anyone in her life, but after over a year of dating they have never been intimate. She confided in me that over the course of their relationship she has tried to broach the topic many times and has conveyed to him that it is an issue for her. He admitted it is not for religious beliefs that he is not intimate, however when she probes harder or tries to get him to open up, he immediately shuts down the conversation.
His reaction had made her hesitant to continue to push him to talk about it. She admitted to me that her self-confidence and self-image had plummeted because she did not feel desired by her boyfriend.I need your advice on how to handle this, I would like to help her wake up and realize that maybe Kyle isn’t her soul mate, especially when he causes her so much anguish. How can I constructively point out to her that she is wasting her time without losing my best friend forever?
– Desperate for a friend, somewhere in Rhode Island
Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
A: The best thing you can do as a friend is to ask questions, DFAF. You can ask her how she feels. You can ask her what she plans to do about her relationship if it doesn’t improve. You can ask her about the good things. What does she like about Kyle these days? Are they still laughing and having fun? Give her space to talk about all of it.
Just remember to keep your tone supportive and to make it clear that you’re on her team no matter what. And remember to listen to all of her answers. Like, really, really listen. There’s probably a lot about her relationship that you just don’t understand. Also feel free to give compliments. It wouldn’t hurt to remind your friend that she’s cool and that she looks nice. Sometimes we forget to tell our friends how awesome they are.
Readers? I always advise friends to ask questions, but is there something else she can do? Any insight about what’s happening with the friend? Help.
El Pres Answer
Dear Desperate for a friend, somewhere in Rhode Island,
Okay clearly Kyle is a gayball. Couldn’t be more gay if he walked around with a dick in his ass at all times. But that doesn’t automatically mean you should tell your friend. First I need to know whether Emily is fat and gross? Because if she is she probably knows Kyle is gay, but that’s better than being single in her mind. Just let her live her fantasy life with her fake straight boyfriend whose dick doesn’t work right. However if you think she could actually have a real boyfriend than you need to tell her how gay Kyle is. If she doesn’t believe you do the next best thing. Hire a PI and tail Kyle around till you catch him sucking some cock in the act. Show it to Emily. That’s what a real friend would do.