From Boston.com

Dear Meredith,

My girlfriend of 6 months is smart, kind, and sensitive, but is also “best friends” with her ex. They were together 13 years. He came out as gay 2-and-a-half years ago, they split, and he moved to another country. But they maintain a joint bank account (it’s not her only bank account) and their joint belongings are still in storage. She has traveled to visit him 3 times since the breakup (for 3 weeks at a stint, most recently last fall) and slept with him each night (just cuddling, she says) during those visits. That was before she and I dated. When I asked why she slept with him, she said “it was a given.” She concedes that since she was 21 (she is now in her mid-30s) she has slept with him whenever they have been in the same city. This month he moves to NYC, where we live. He assumed he would stay with her upon his return (though he knows about me). He actually said, “As soon as I get to your place from the airport I’ll have to take a shower.” She told him no and promises me that when he returns she will no longer sleep/cuddle with him. Though she says they do continue to “have an intimate emotional relationship” and she wants to hang out with him when he returns, alone, have him over her place, and even share ownership of her dog with him. I think that she should stop her daily communications, shouldn’t hang out with him when he moves to NYC, and that she really shouldn’t even have him at her birthday picnic. If you have a romantic relationship with someone and cease only the sex, but maintain all the other emotional bonds, have you really broken up and moved on? And is that fair to the new boyfriend?What should I do?

– Hetero Joe A:

HJ, you summarized this problem like a pro. She’s got a best friend/ex who’s making it hard for you to feel like a real boyfriend. You want to be her go-to guy, not an extra. But you have to know that her ex isn’t going anywhere. He’s her best friend. He’s family. He’s part of the package. That’s your reality. A great therapist guy once told me, “You can’t control what other people do. You can only control how you respond to those people.” That should be your mantra here. This ex might become less important over time, but he’s always going to be in the picture. That means you will have to meet him. It’s unavoidable. And I think that you should get to know him. Perhaps seeing him interact with your girlfriend will make the whole thing seem less threatening. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. What matters is that this man is your girlfriend’s best friend. If you can’t adjust to that, you have to let her go.

– Meredith


Did Meridith “Hoss” Goldstein do it again or did Meredith Hoss Goldstein do it again? I mean nobody dishes out worse dating advice than this chick. Nobody. First of all the ex boyfriend isn’t even fully gay. He’s bisexual like a motherfucker. I mean this homo doesn’t just cuddle with this chick when they hang out. He lays pipe all over this bitch and he’s not even hiding it and neither is she. Dude probably just didn’t want to marry her ass and why would you if you can just fuck her whenever you want and spend her money and steal her dog without the marriage vows. It’s the best of both worlds. So here should be the advice…

Dear Hetero Joe,

I hate to break it to you brah, but the only gay guy around here is you. Because any dude who would put up with this shit has no balls and probably doesn’t like pussy to begin with. Newsflash. Your girlfiend fucks her ex boyfriend every time she sees him and makes no apologies about it. And I bet when she’s fucking you she’s still thinking of fucking him. You’ve been cuckholded plain and simple. If you have any self respect you’d dump this bitch and go find a chick who doesn’t fuck her ex and keep a joint bank account with him. Or maybe this is your thing. Mabye this is your way of coming out of the closet. You wrote a letter to Boston.com making yourself look like the biggest bitch on the planet until people realize hey wait a minute….Hetero Joe ain’t hetero at all. Maybe that’s it….

Pres