I met a very cute, charming, southern boy on my birthday in Boston. Turns out, he’s in the Coast Guard and stationed here. A few days later we finally went out. It was unreal. After we went out to eat, he invited me back to his apartment to see the view of Boston. We went to his roof then started to walk inside and I literally fell down the stairs. We both laughed hysterically. Went back to his room, kissed a lot, and then I went home.
He texted me “Did you make it home alright?” This guy was too good to be true. He continued to tell me “I had such a good time with you.” I thought this guy might actually work out.
We continued talking for the next few days. Then one afternoon I was doing a little Facebook stalking and I noticed that there was one girl who was constantly writing on his wall. I clicked on her profile. It was private, but I could see her pictures. So I started to go through them and there were some major red flags. Posts about her boyfriend being in the Coast Guard, a boyfriend that appeared to be him. So naturally I text him. The exchange goes as follows:
Me: I have a really important question
The Officer: Go ahead!
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
The Officer: Lol no I figured that would come. Are we talking about [name]?
The Officer: No, she is probably one of my best friends !
The Officer: A lot of people ask that. But she and I are just close. What made you ask?
Me: I was on Facebook and I clicked on her. She had under one picture something about how her boyfriend is in the Coast Guard …
The Officer: I don’t think she meant literal boyfriend
The Officer: Let me make it up to you. I want to bring you out tonight.
So being the stupid girl that I am, I met up with him that night and slept with him. Big regret. He dropped me off at the T that morning and that was the last time I ever saw him. He texted me a total of 3 times after that.
So here is the question that only you and your faithful readers can answer: Do I tell the girl? After more research it looks like they have been together for over a year. I feel dirty. I need some guidance. Help me!
– Lost in the City, Boston
Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
A: I want you to send her a message, LITC. An email would be best, but if you can’t come up with her address I suppose you can send her a private note on Facebook. Keep it short and sweet. Let her know what happened and then sign off.
I don’t always recommend that people tattle on cheaters (I always worry about the emotional and physical safety of the tattler), but in your case, disclosure is important. First, you slept with him. She should know that her boyfriend is putting her body at risk by having sex with other people. Second, her boyfriend is telling people that she’s just his friend. She should know that according to him, he isn’t her “literal boyfriend.”
If it turns out that he was telling the truth and that she’s just his buddy, you’ve lost nothing — because he’s already gone. But if you’re right, you’re doing her a big favor. Wouldn’t you want to know?
One last request: Before you send the message, tell your friends. You’ll need their support, and they can probably help you figure out the safest way to send this note. Disclosure is important, but I don’t want you to put yourself at risk.
I’m sorry this happened, but don’t be too hard on yourself. You got caught up in a mess, but you’re not the villain here.
Readers? Would you tell the girlfriend (assuming that’s what she is)? Should the letter writer just stay out of it? Is it possible the guy was telling the truth? Help.
Is Hoss Goldstein just an idiot or naive or both? Because this is arguably the worst advice she’s ever given and those are fighting words considering she gives bad advice every time she opens her mouth.
El Pres Answer
Dear Lost In the City,
You ain’t talking to Hoss Goldstein anymore. Play time is over. So you can cut the shit with this righteous routine honey. You knew this guy had a girlfriend back home. You read the facebook wall. You knew the score. You weren’t a victim. You wanted dick at all costs and you got dick at all costs. You’re not sorry it happened. You made it happen. And if this guy didn’t cut your ass off you’d still be gladly fucking him behind his girlfriend’s back with no problem. So shut your little fucking mouth. You’re every bit as guilty as this guy. It takes two to tango. You’re not writing an email to protect his girlfriend. You’re just jealous you can’t that dick anymore. Grow up. Snitches get stiches. What goes around comes around slut.