– A woman has told Boston police that she was approached by three scam artists in Chinatown last month and hypnotized without her permission before giving them all her valuables, including jewelry and $160,000 in cash. The victim, who only spoke Cantonese, told police on April 16 that she was approached by three Asian women between 30 and 40 years old, and one of the suspects talked to her in Cantonese for about five minutes, asking random questions about the victim’s family members. “The victim stated to officers she believes during the conversation she was hypnotized,” police said, issuing a community alert. “The victim further stated that she did not agree to be hypnotized by the suspect.” “Officers would like to take this opportunity to alert community members to be vigilant,” the alert said. Is this real?

Am I on the Onion or something? A lady got hypnotized by gypsies and gave them $160K in cash? Who the fuck has 160K in cash? How do you even carry that much? Man I am in the wrong business. Seriously I should be selling Cantonese Ball Don’t Lie shirts or something. Sounds like they are easily confused and have a shit ton of money just lying around. Time to get my Gypsy on and start hypnotizing mofos.