Breaking News: John Madden Retires
NEW YORK - John Madden, Hall of Fame coach and the most honored broadcaster in sports television history, has decided to retire from broadcasting… Madden, who has won an unprecedented 16 Emmy Awards for Outstanding Sports Analyst/Personality, is renowned by football fans nationwide for his ability to analyze the details of the game with wit, candor and an inimitable style. Madden has been an NFL broadcaster for 30 years… The National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has honored Madden with 16 Outstanding Sports Analyst/Personality Emmy Awards, the most recent from this past season.
In a related story, Frank Caliendo has been put on 24 hour suicide watch. First he lost George W. Bush, and now this. Anyway, I won’t go as far as the NBC press release does in honking on Madden’s bone, but I will give him some credit. I don’t know about “wit” or “candor,” but I have to admit Madden was having a bit of a renaissance since he went to NBC. In his last years at Fox, he’d become a caricature of himself, all “BOOM!” and “Right THERE!” and honestly wasn’t doing any more than describing what we could see for ourselves on the replay. Watch the tape of Adam Vinatier’s game-winner against the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI, and I swear to you Madden nodded off as the ball was halfway to the goalposts.
But the last few seasons, he came back. He actually saw stuff live you missed at home. He was familiar with the players. He kept up with line play and what was happening away from the ball. I don’t know what the reason for his resurgence was, though I suspected he’d been replaced with the EA Sports software while he just sat in the booth with his mic off eating chicken wings. Of course he could still be counted on for some self-parody as he’d fawn over Brettfavre and Peyton Manning like a 14 year old emo girl looking at Edward Cullen, but I’ve got to hand it to the old buffoon, he was getting he job done. But no matter what, I’ll always give him credit for being the only member of the Raiders organization who gave a goddamn about Daryl Stingley when he got paralyzed by the loathesome Jack Tatum, staying by Stingley’s bedside and eventually retiring from coaching over it. For that I’ll always wish him godspeed.

I haven’t commented much lately but had to say something…
FUCKING FINALLY. YESSSS.
That is all.
I would have liked to celebrate this about 6 years ago..
BOOM, goes the dynamite?
I’m dying for a post to show up about El Pres causing an emergency landing of the plane and him getting arrested for trying to use the Autoblow while sitting in coach
Bertfavre retires, John Madden retires
Coincidence?
Rman you fuck you just made hundreds of men visualize that. Gross.
Still cant forgive him for thinking Bill and Tom should sit on it.
wow…. i feel like blowin my mind up
Who the fuck is Edward cullen?
» We’ve Got Bush said: { Apr 16, 2009 – 11:04:36 }
No you just made hundreds of men visualize that ….I was just laughing at Portnoy stuck in prison begging people to buy tshirts so he can bail his ass out of jail… shame on you for visualizing him doing the deed…awful
I can’t keep up with all these posts…does this mean smokeshows by lunchtime?
Rman64 said: { Apr 16, 2009 – 11:04:30 }
I hope this means I get to go home early.
REALLY BIG BREAKING NEWS!!!!! ah my ah compound security ah alerts me to ah a supicous Astro van parked at the ah Bubble’nCuddle down the ah street.
Please say he’s not retiring as the Spokesperson for Ace Hardware too.
TheSeniorsenator said: { Apr 16, 2009 – 11:04:10 }
fail.
as long as he keeps making football games, i could care less.
This is the best thing to happen to football since the forward pass.
Except for the logging in process which still means I have to refresh the site after logging in to make a comment, this site is really really nicely put together right now. I can do my 12 check it outs a day very fast and can look at the beautiful wimmens really fast. It is all good to me.
I had to wait until El Pres left for vacation to put this, though. His head is big enough already.
Thats great, about time. I couldn’t listen to him for a minuet. Now hire Mike Tyson!
Always liked Madden, which is incredible considering he coached the most hated of hated teams. The greatest quote was when he said the drive by Brady at the end of Superbowl 36 was the “greatest I have seen in my life”
ESPN called him and Icon and legend. Icon I’ll agree, but legend? The only legend of him we have will be us talking about how he survived as long as he did while contributing nothing to a broadcast.
No more Turducken. Sweet.
Well played, Parfore.