Daily News – Men with “short penis syndrome” often have perfectly average-sized genitalia but believe strongly that they are inadequate. “Penile size is a matter of great interest among men who are affected by ‘short penis syndrome’ or just believe themselves to have a small penis, even though the dimensions of the organ fall within the normal range,” stated University of Turin urologists Marco Oderda and Paolo Gontero in British Journal of Urology International, where their work is published this month. Researchers at the Mayo Clinic are warning men who are obsessed with the size of their penises to think twice before investing time and money into pills, pumps and procedures that are as likely to disappoint as they are to cause harm. So, what is normal? While there are variations, many sources say the average penis measures between 3 and 4 inches (7.6 to 10.2 centimeters) when flaccid and between 5 and 7 inches (12.7 to 17.8) centimeters when erect…

Those with short penis syndrome should consider putting down the FDA-unapproved creams, weights and vacuums and trying these non-surgical helpers.

  • Work on your abs. If your lower abdomen hangs over your genitalia, you might look as if you have a shorter, smaller penis than you actually do.
  • Consider a haircut. A lot of pubic hair around the base of your penis can make your penis look shorter
  • Talk to a professional. If you can’t shake the feeling that you’re inadequate then it’s time to talk to a counselor.

Move over, Copernicus, Newton, Pasteur, Einstein and Salk.  Because we’re adding the names Oderda and Gontero to the list of greatest scientists of all time.  Whatever else those other greats might have done, none of them was ever able to rid the world of the dreaded Short Penis Syndrome.  Just imagine all the good that will come from this.  We’ll never have to blow money again on all those penis-growing medicines that keep sending emails to my Barstool account that don’t work anyway.  (Or so I’m told.)  Nope.  All we have to do is a few crunches, get a haircut and see a shrink to help us accept that we’re all hung like hamsters anyway so just learn to deal.  Outstanding work, doctors.  I suppose we can shut down the voting for Nobel Prize in Medicine now; we have our winners!

PS.  For the record, my way of making it look bigger is that I’ve gradually been replacing all our bedroom furniture.  With dollhouse furniture.  Works like a charm.  @jerrythornton1