MONTREALMontreal police have launched an official investigation into Tuesday night’s violent hit on Habs forward Max Pacioretty. In a release issued early Thursday, Quebec’s Director of Criminal and Penal Prosecutions (DCPP) confirmed it had advised the ministry of Public Security that it was recommending an investigation. It didn’t take long for officials to respond. Montreal police issued a brief statement a few hours later confiming they had been asked by the ministry to begin looking into the hit and its aftermath. The investigation will begin immediately, said Montreal police Constable Olivier Lapointe. Police made no further comment. The DCPP and the police department had both been reluctant to comment on the incident following the National Hockey League’s decision not to suspend Chara late Wednesday. There is precedent for criminal charges being laid in connection with traumatic injuries sustained on the ice in Quebec. Last October, former Quebec Major Junior Hockey League forward Patrice Cormier pleaded guilty to a charge of assault causing bodily harm and received an unconditional discharge after delivering a vicious hit to the head of Quebec Remparts defenceman Mikael Tam. Tam suffered brain trauma and damage to his teeth.

Is it possible for a whole province to suffer brain damage from a hit on one of its players takes?

How else to explain Quebec’s Director of Criminal and Penal Prosecutions (DCPP) decision to recommend a police investigation into an interference penalty gone wrong. I don’t have my metric converter with me but I’m guessing the DCPP is the Frenchie equivalent of the Attorney General.

So essentially the Quebec government is leaning on the Montreal police to look into Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Pacioretty Tuesday night at the Bell Center to presumably bring him up on charges. Way to shake that ‘pussy’ label, Quebec.

It’s not unprecedented for police to become involved in on-ice matters. But prior incidents typically involved a level of maliciousness and/or intent worthy of criminal prosecution. In other words, something more significant than an interference penalty combined with a dose of harsh luck—the same shit luck that every other poor prick whose head hit a stanchion had. I wonder if people accusing Chara of doing this on purpose are taking into account the physics, timing, and execution such a ‘perfect’ plan would require. But a conspiracy theory makes for better reading than bad luck.

And just to prove the nuttiness isn’t limited to just self-loathing Quebec, even Air Canada has jumped into the fray: “Unless the NHL takes immediate action with serious suspension to the players in question to curtail these life-threatening injuries, Air Canada will withdraw its sponsorship of hockey.” Really, Air Canada? You’re going to take your sponsorship elsewhere? Boo-fucking-hoo. I’m sure Canada’s largest arena in its largest city/monopoly will have a hard time finding somebody else to take over its naming rights. I’m sure glad they took this stance last year when Canada’s native son Marc Savard was maimed in what was a vicious elbow. Oh that’s right, they didn’t say a fucking word because it wasn’t a Montreal Canadien that had to be scraped off the ice. Goddamn maple-leafed hypocrites.

How about this? Keep North American skies free of terrorists and the aisles clear and the people in charge of hockey will take care of hockey. Because even when they do fuck up (and they do), my bags won’t end up in, if I could read the card here, Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.

And as for the DCPP, I’ll trow you a bone for your Cold Case Squad. That old rubber in room 1746 of the Le Meridien Hotel in 1989 was mine. Boom. Conspiracy to commit prostitution case closed. You’re welcome.