Canadian Reality Show Proves Figure Skaters Are More Badass Than Hockey Players

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about this show on Canadian TV called “Battle of the Blades” and how no less a certified Canadian hockey god than Don Cherry was lined up to be one of the celebrity judges. The show is basically “American Idol,” “Dancing with the Stars” the Super Bowl rolled into one for Canadians, because it combines the things they love most: skating, hockey goons and using the word “aboot.” It would sure be Must See TV in my house, but naturally CBC is not available on my Verizon cable. I’ve got BBC America, CTI Zhong Tian and eight Telemundos, but I can’t get the greatest show in TV history from a country that’s a five hour drive from Boston. Great.

But everyone who can see watch it, should. Because even this short clip points out what I’ve been saying for years: Figure skaters are way tougher than hockey players. Sure, Claude Lemieux has quite a pair of balls on him when it comes to suckering Kris Draper from behind. But give him a toe pick and he’s clearly overmatched. I mean, look at this weak cheese. Not a side-by-side axel, no throw triple toe loop, not as much as a sit-spin to be seen. Sure he gets Shae Lynn Bourne up in the air, but I’ve seen Victor Kraatz do that with one hand skating backwards on one foot. If Claude the Fraud tried that, they’d be Zamboning up Shae Lynn’s gray matter.

You need more proof figure skaters are bigger badasses than hockey goons? Just look at the fear in Tie Domi’s eyes when Kurt Browning starts messing with him here. There’s probably still a yellow stain on the ice.