NESN.com – The Amazing Grace Baptist Church released a list of athletes who are going to hell, and the Patriots’ quarterback headlines the list. “Tom Brady has an unwed child, but it’s okay because he wins Super Bowls,” it says on the church’s Web site, which has either crashed or been taken down. “Tom Brady is teaching us to have sex outside of marriage, to commit fornication, don’t marry and do the right thing, don’t take responsibility for your actions, have a good time no matter who you hurt in this world, go from sex partner to sex partner, and it’s okay because of who I am. How many of you dad’s cheer on Tom in the Super Bowl while your kids are watching?”

Listen, I don’t pretend for one second to be the biblical scholar that the noted theologians at the Amazing Grace Baptist Church are.  Bad punctuation aside (“dad’s cheer”?) I’m sure they can cite all sorts of chapter and verse about how the Almighty doesn’t want you to dump your actress girlfriend then knock her up during make up sex while you’re coveting some lingerie model.  But if I’ve learned anything during all those masses at St. Mary’s it’s this: Tom Brady is NOT going to hell.  As a matter of fact, on more than one Sunday morning sitting in church and mentally counting down to kickoff, it’s occurred to me that Brady’s story is right out of the New Testament:

  • *His coming was foretold by a prophesy (Dick Rehbein’s recommendation)
  • *He was born under humble circumstances (7th round draft pick).
  • *He wandered the desert for 40 days (his rookie year, 4th on the depth chart)
  • *He came to Lazarus’ aid when he was left for dead (Drew Bledsoe)
  • *He’s performed miracles (the Snow Bowl, Super Bowl XXXVI)
  • *He’s always surrounded by his disciples (the AmEx commercial with his offensive line)
  • *He was struck down in his prime (Bernard Pollard)
  • *He has risen again (AFC Player of the Week in Week 1, tied for 1st in the AFC East)
  • *He’s one third of a holy trinity (with Kraft and Belichick).

Besides, if Tom Brady isn’t going to heaven, would you want to go?  How much fun would it be spending eternity surrounded by Tony Dungy, Kurt and Brenda Warner, and members of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church?  Thanks anyway, but I’ll take my heaven in the form of more Super Bowls.

(Thanks to sportsfanparadise)